It's strange, Tonks thought distantly, how I can begin and end the worst year of my life recalling the memory of someone I love.
She was getting dressed for Dumbledore's funeral in Charlie's old bedroom, which had been temporarily given to her. She and Remus were staying with Fleur and assorted Weasleys at the Burrow until the funeral. Though no one commented, Remus was placed in Percy's room, which was directly next to hers.
Her black dress robes were still too large on her thinner frame, but at least they were black. Underneath it she wore her newest Weasley sweater, flying furiously in the face of the hot sun. Dumbledore would have liked it.
Tonks glanced at her ring and sighed. It was still a cheerful pink and yellow, which seemed incongruous to a funeral. She wished it would change.
Even as she thought this, the left side of the ring curdled. A new color permeated that side of the ring: dark blue, laced with black.
Mourning and depression, Tonks thought dully. Well, that does fit, at least.
Sounds of breakfast reached her ears. She pursed her lips. She should join them, she knew. Tonks disliked the thought of eating breakfast in quiet reverence, wearing black and dwelling on memories.
Someone knocked on her door. "Tonks?"
Tonks allowed herself a smile. "Coming, Remus." She flicked a piece of bubblegum-pink hair into place and opened the door.
Remus took one look at her face and cupped her cheek with one hand. "I know. I'm not hungry either."
She sighed, absently covering his hand with her own. "I hate funerals," she confessed miserably. "Hate them with an ungodly passion. No one likes funerals, but…God, they're just so depressing, and usually I can't cope with that."
He flipped his hand so that it was holding hers. "I'll be here for you," he said simply. "As long as I'm holding your hand, you're not alone. I'll hold it for as long as you need me to."
Tonks grinned ruefully. "I always need you to," she said awkwardly. She and Remus, as extremely shy and unromantic people, were feeling their way through this relationship very cautiously.
It appeared to be the right thing to say. Remus's face broke out into a delighted smile. It happened more and more frequently lately. "Come on, they'll be wondering."
"Yeah, well, Fred and George will be speculating about my virtue, at least," Tonks muttered darkly. The previous night, the twins come up to her and Remus and asked her when their wedding was going to be.
"Um," Tonks had answered softly, while Remus flushed a brilliant shade of Gryffindor scarlet.
Fred had pretended to be shocked. "Remus! Come now, man, you've got to make an honest Metamorphmagus out of her!"
George had winked. "Right, we know why you two want to be in bedrooms next to each other."
At which point Tonks had threatened to jinx them into subordination.
Remus sighed. "I'm sure they mean well."
Tonks snorted. "Don't fool yourself, Remus. Of course they don't."
Sure enough, when they entered the kitchen hand in hand, Fred glanced up and beamed. "Well, well, well. Look who's decided to join our humble gathering."
George winked just as he had the night before. "Long night?"
"George!" Mrs. Weasley said sharply. "I think that's quite enough." She smiled sadly at Tonks and Remus. "Breakfast, you two?"
Dumbledore used to really like breakfast, Tonks recalled suddenly. Eggs and bacon.
She smiled weakly. "No, thanks, Molly." Suddenly, she wasn't hungry.
Remus frowned at her slightly, worried, but said, "I'll have a bit, Molly. Many thanks."
Tonks tripped over her own feet pulling out her chair. Fleur clucked disapprovingly. "'Onestly, at least make effort to be graceful!"
"Quiet, sweetie, she's doing the best she can," Bill said amiably. He smiled at Tonks through twisted lips. "Tonks was born to be a klutz. At least you have a steadying hand now." He raised his glass of orange juice to Remus with difficulty. "Cheers."
Fred and George snorted into their bacon.
As time ticked on, however, everyone's moods became steadily more somber until Mrs. Weasley finally broke down and started sobbing. "And I was more worried about Bill's face!" she wailed while Mr. Weasley tried to console her.
Tonks and Remus exchanged helpless looks. She knew that he wanted this to end just as much as she did.
Bill, with the help of Fleur, stood. "Guess we'd better go," he said soberly.
Mrs. Weasley sniffled and wiped her eyes on a black-edged handkerchief. "Yes, we'd better."
The grave procession filed into the yard of the Burrow. Bill, weakened by the attack, would have to Side-Along Apparate with Fleur. They did so, followed shortly by the Weasley parents and twins.
Tonks looked up at Remus; his face was drawn tight with acute melancholy. She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Don't let go," she whispered, squeezing his hand.
"I won't," he whispered, squeezing back.
They stepped, turned, and Apparated together.
When Tonks came to her senses, they were standing in front of the Hogwarts gates, which were open and draped with black ribbons for the occasion.
This isn't right, Tonks thought fiercely. Dumbledore liked color – happiness – love. He would've wanted my ring totally pink. Decorating the gates with mourning colors sends the message, "Stay away! Funeral ahead!" Who wants to go to that? We should all be wearing bright colors, smiling, and snogging.
The thought caused an inadvertent smile to play on her lips, though tears sparkled in her eyes. Quietly, Tonks willed her hair to be a little bit brighter.
They were early, she realized as they trudged across the green. A few people had collected around the chairs set out, but the students hadn't come. Those who were there mingled uneasily, dressed in black on this uncomfortably warm day and trying to forget why they'd come.
Tonks couldn't tear her eyes away from the marble slab in front of all the chairs. That was surely where…
She wondered how it would happen. It was a flat table. How would he be entombed?
A sparkling tear dripped down her face. Tonks brushed it away, vowing that this would be the last tear she'd cry for Albus Dumbledore.
She had the terrible feeling that she wouldn't be able to keep this promise.
Remus looked down at her quickly. "Are you all right, dear? Your hand is shaking."
Warmed by this term of affection, Tonks smiled. "I'm fine. Just getting antsy."
"As am I." His gaze swept over those assembled; an expression of disgust crossed his face. "Some of the people here don't deserve to be. They didn't care about him like we did."
Tonks followed his stare and met with the sight of Dolores Umbridge. Unconsciously, her hand tightened around his. "Filthy — " she started mutinously.
"Not here," Remus interrupted softly. "Not at a funeral."
Tonks subsided.
She was doomed to be baited, however. Moody limped up to them, an unreadable expression on his face. "Well, finally came to your senses, eh?" he said to Remus, who blushed.
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Mad-Eye. Now really isn't the time."
"I'm just saying." He regarded them. "Dumbledore'd be proud, you know," he added gruffly, then moved off.
Tonks and Remus stared at each other, vaguely perplexed. "Well, at least we have approval, at any rate," Tonks commented at last.
"You thought we wouldn't?" Remus smiled wryly. "The entire Order was trying to get me to change my answer to you for the entire year."
Tonks smiled back. "You're a stubborn man, Remus Lupin."
To her surprise, he kissed her forehead. In public, too, Tonks thought smugly. "Let's find seats," he suggested.
They wended their way through guests, pausing occasionally to say hello to friends. In the end, they decided to sit about halfway back on the aisle.
Time seemed to drag on and on. Tonks remained in her seat, her hand firmly clasped in Remus's, twiddling her ring with her left index finger. Suddenly, even though only half was pink and yellow, it was still too bright. She turned it so that the Celtic knot faced in, hiding her perpetual happiness and love from a world that was suddenly dark.
Beside her, Remus drew in a sharp breath. "The students are coming," he murmured.
Tonks swiveled and watched them march from the castle. As they neared, she could see their sad, lost expressions. Tears were already streaking down many young faces, including those of boys who tried to comfort the girls.
She turned away, her chin trembling uncontrollably, on the verge of breaking her pledge.
Remus squeezed her hand. "Don't cry, Tonks," he whispered. "I'm still holding your hand."
Ginny Weasley wasn't quite sure of what to expect at the funeral. She'd never really been to one that hit home so hard. True, a couple distant relations had died, but she hadn't known them. She hadn't cared about their deaths, she was ashamed to admit. And there sure as hell weren't this many people at Second-Cousin Muriel's funeral.
But one thing she certainly wasn't expecting to see at all was…romance?
Ginny nudged Hermione, who was walking close to Ron. "Hermione!" she whispered loudly. "Look!"
She pointed discreetly at the amazing sight of a pink-haired Tonks holding hands with Remus Lupin. A relationship – or lack of one – between them had been pointed out in the hospital wing that fateful night, but Ginny, sensing Lupin's reluctance, had not thought it would ever exist.
Hermione's teary eyes widened. "Oh!" she breathed. "Oh, how absolutely lovely! They'll make such a nice couple."
Ginny quirked her mouth. "Never had the notion that you were so romantic, Hermione."
The older girl's eyes flickered to Ron, who was staring at his feet. Ginny chuckled.
But this was neither the place nor the time for chuckling, Ginny reflected sadly as they neared the chairs. More was the pity. Dumbledore liked people to laugh.
She followed Ron and Hermione into a row near the lake, comforted by Harry's warm presence behind her. They exchanged slight smiles briefly.
There were so many people here who did not deserve to be, who were defiling the ceremony by their very presence.…Ginny clenched her fists, but before she could say anything to Harry, the voices started.
It came from the lake, an unearthly tune that resonated through the air and hushed those who still dared to speak. Wrapping around them, consuming them completely in its lament…
Harry was turning his head this way and that, trying to discern the source. Ginny, still captivated by the music and the merpeople, nudged him and whispered, "In there."
Somehow the music, in a universal language of mourning, did what a speaking voice could not: it told her that Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, leader of the Order of the Phoenix, genius of his time, had ceased to exist.
Diamond tears fell from her eyes, staining her cheeks before the funeral had even really started.
Ginny noticed Hagrid walking up the aisle, weeping silently, carrying something wrapped in purple velvet. Her stomach jolted unpleasantly.
Harry still stared at the lake, oblivious, his face blank. Ginny tapped him again, and he too saw Hagrid. Harry's face twisted horribly.
She couldn't watch him. She couldn't look at his face and see the pain there, not without howling with complete misery. Nor could she observe what was going on at the marble table. She needed something else to focus on…
A flash of bright pink caught her eye. Ginny followed it and latched onto it desperately.
Tonks and Lupin. Tonks and Lupin.
She concentrated on them, the back of their heads, their joined hands, their love in the face of this world. It was what should be. What Dumbledore would have wanted.
The tears kept falling. Ginny stared harder.
It was amazing, she supposed, what one woman's perseverance could do. From the hospital wing scene, she could tell that Tonks had been on Lupin's case at least all year, and he had refused her all year. And now here they were, holding hands, gathering strength from each other.
If Tonks can do it, then so can I, Ginny thought determinedly. When Harry says we have to go our separate ways. Because I know he will. I'll wait. I'll argue with him. And it will all turn out all right.
She smiled through her tears as Tonks laid her head on Lupin's shoulder, and he lifted his free hand to her face. They would last. They would love. They would live.
A volley of arrows rained across the sky, and Ginny came to her senses, somewhat confused. She glimpsed the centaurs of the Forbidden Forest turning tail and running away. The merpeople disappeared as well.
As Harry turned to her, sadness rampant in his green eyes, Ginny forgot Tonks and Lupin and readied herself to face what she knew was to come.
"You didn't cry," Remus said when the funeral ended.
"I didn't," Tonks agreed, her jaw aching — she'd been clenching it the whole time.
"You nearly crushed my hand into powder, though," Remus added.
"You know you liked it," Tonks said absently. She stood, stretched, and led him up to the marble tablet.
"Tonks — " Remus started nervously.
"Hush," she ordered gently. She walked behind the tomb to where the centaurs' arrows had fallen.
They stood motionless, gazing down at the fallen tribute. Eventually, Tonks leaned down and picked one up. The arrow shaft was surprisingly smooth, the wood a rich, dark color. The head was chiseled to a fine point.
"It's hard to believe…" she said in a low voice. "I mean…he's not coming back. And I somehow just can't comprehend that."
Remus kissed the top of her head, hugging her tightly. "We'll make it," he murmured. "As the months wear on, we will start to realize…and we will remember all he's done for us…"
Tonks leaned against his chest, drawing strength from him. After a pause, she said, "Well, I suppose we'd better go." She smiled up him. "Remus, I'm glad that you were with me today."
He smiled back warmly. "And I'm glad I came to my senses in time to realize what was missing from my life."
Hand in hand, they left the memorial, heading for the open gates.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
And it makes me wonder...