Not Going to Happen, Chica
by Eilime
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"I've been made Head Girl!" Hermione shrieked happily. She had just met up with Harry and Ron on platform nine and three quarters the first of September, waiting for the whistle to blow and their seventh year at Hogwarts to begin.
"Wow, congratulations," Harry smiled. "Never saw it coming."
"So, who's the Head Boy?" Ron asked.
"Draco Malfoy," Hermione shrugged. "I'm not supposed to know but I guessed it since so many fanfics start out this way."
"Right," Ron nodded. "So, I guess you'll be--"
"--having my own common room, dormitory and adjoining bathroom with Malfoy, yes," Hermione finished for him.
"Okay," Ron sighed, clearly very bored. "And I guess you're going to--"
"--have to sit with Malfoy in the Heads' compartment, yes," Hermione finished for him.
"Right," Ron nodded. "So, I guess I'm--"
"--very sweet and all, but since I am surprisingly going to develop feelings for the person who has done nothing but torment the three of us for the past seven years, romantic feelings between us are just lost on me, yes," Hermione finished for him.
"Okay," Ron sighed, still sounding very bored. "Well, you'd best be off. We'll see you later, then."
Hermione walked down the corridor of the Hogwarts Express, her Head Girl badge glinting spuriously against the black of her robes. When she came to the compartment door that said "Head Students" she prepared herself for the shock. Opening the door slowly and stepping inside, she saw the familiar face of a boy her age with white-blond hair in Slytherin robes.
"Oh my God!" Hermione gasped, causing Draco Malfoy to look up at her. "I did not expect you to be Head Boy! Seriously, not at all. This is such a shock for me!"
Draco shrugged and asked, "So what are we going to do now?"
"Well," Hermione sighed as she sat down opposite him, "we're just going to sit pointlessly in this compartment with nothing to say to each other."
"That's stupid." Draco shook his head. "Why wouldn't we just go back to our own friends, then?"
"I don't know," Hermione replied. "When there's such a thing as a Heads' compartment I guess it doesn't matter if we have nothing to say to each other."
"All right, then," Draco shrugged and sat back.
Hermione found Hogwarts, A History in her bag and began to read. She couldn't help but look over the edge of the book towards the handsome boy sitting opposite her. Suddenly, she found herself strangely attracted to him. Well, yes, he's been nothing but mean to me my whole life, Hermione thought. And mean to Harry and Ron and the whole of Ron's family. All the Gryffindors and the concepts of being a Gryffindor. He wasn't nice to Dumbledore either, or Lupin, or the Hufflepuffs, or the strangely deranged Ravenclaws, every Muggleborn that ever crossed his path... But I don't know why... I've just so unexpectedly fallen for him, and am putting all those things behind me.
Draco sat looking out the window of the Heads' compartment. Hills and trees were hurrying past the window. He sighed and looked over at Hermione who sat with Hogwarts, A History on her lap. He didn't know why, but somehow, quite unexpectedly and highly unrealistically, he thought Hermione had developed quite nicely in the looks department. Over the summer, she had grown curvier and her bushy hair was now silky brown, cascading down her back in perfect curls. She was smoking hot! *eyes popping* Ooh, Chihuahua! Sure, he had done everything in his power to humiliate and irritate the girl since the age of eleven, but he now felt that that had been very pointless indeed. How he had wasted the last couple of years being mean to hear when he was obviously doomed to end up with her though going much against his father's and, indeed, his own wishes. Not to mention that the girl herself must think it unlikely that they were doomed to develop feelings for each other this particular year.
Draco didn't know why but he was, as a matter of fact, attracted to her.
As he sat in one of the "horseless" carriages, Draco had a very difficult time trying to stop thinking about Hermione. It was so odd that he had suddenly begun to find her attractive when he had hated her for years. Zabini, who was somehow his best mate, with whom he spoke about everything, from how much sugar he wanted in his coffee to the interesting developments in the definition of Blast Ended Skrewts backsides, was talking to him about something highly unimportant to Draco. He had brown eyes on his mind, Goddammit! *sigh*
And then they entered the Great Hall, the feast began, everyone was happy, blah blah blah, Dumbledore gave lousy speech about Voldemort's return and whatever nonsense seemed proper to the old man, but the interesting part of the evening was when Draco went to check out his "common room, dormitory and adjoining bathroom he had to share with Hermione."
He walked in and saw that everything was decorated in the Gryffindor and Slytherin colours. Privately thinking that Godric and Salazar really shouldn't get into interior designing together, Draco moved to his bedroom that was, amazingly enough, decorated with green and silver. In his rage of everything being so monotonous, he was about to colour everything pink when he suddenly heard movement inside the common room.
He went back and saw who had entered; Hermione was looking in awe at the gorgeous common room.
"Hey, babe," Draco smirked.
"Giggle, giggle," Hermione smiled. Then apparently thinking she should stay in character a little longer into the story, she added, "What do you want, Malfoy?"
"Fiery, aren't we?" Draco smirked. "But I like 'em hot..."
"'Em' being women in general?" Hermione huffed.
"No. 'They' has been mysteriously reduced to Mudblood girls with bushy, brown hair and devotion for books," Draco replied, thinking how strange it actually was.
Hermione, who apparently hadn't noticed he had been talking about her because of her OOCness at the present time, simply asked, "Mudbloods? But why, Malfoy? Your father would surely punish you till there's three Wednesdays in a week if he found out."
"Yes..." Draco whispered, looking down. "Father is cruel. A cruel, cruel man. Oh, wail! How I have been mistreated all my life!"
"Oh, Malfoy," Hermione sighed, walking closer to him. "Though it's very strange that you are suddenly opening up to me like this, I really am sorry for you."
"Thank you, Hermione," Draco whispered, removing a tear with his sleeve.
"Come here." Hermione smiled kindly, and embraced him.
"Hermione...?" Draco said, as he moved away from her again. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Isn't it a bit early?" Hermione asked.
"No, this happens all the time," Draco replied confidently.
"Well, all right, then," Hermione smiled, and they kissed passionately. Hermione felt herself going weak in the knees, so much in fact that Draco had to hold her up by a hand on her waist. His kisses were apparently muscle debilitating. Who knew?
When they broke apart, Draco looked deep into her brown eyes and asked, "Why don't we go for a walk?"
They walked hand in hand out of the Portrait hole and headed down a deserted corridor.
Their midnight stroll had been heaven, and Hermione felt as if she was floating on pink, puffy clouds. Draco suddenly stopped in a corridor on their way back to their common room and asked, "What do you think Potter and Weasley will say about this when they find out?"
"I don't know..." Hermione sighed, thoughtfully. "Ron will be devastated. Who wouldn't when I've been giving him signals for the past six years and now suddenly I'm in love with the enemy for reasons I don't even know myself?"
Draco nodded silently. "What about Potter?" he asked after a long pause.
"Well," Hermione answered, "Harry's been kind of OOC lately, so I think he'll be all right."
"Strange, he'll take it so lightly," Draco replied.
"This whole story's strange," Hermione shrugged. "Nothing can surprise me anymore."
"Not even this?" Draco asked, smirking. He knelt down in the middle of the corridor, taking out a small black box from inside his robes. Opening the box, he revealed a diamond ring. "Hermione Granger, will you marry me?" he asked.
"Oh, yes, Draco, yes!" Hermione shrieked with happiness. "Oh, it's perfect!" she exclaimed as he slipped the diamond ring on her finger. "It's just how I imagined it would be. Oh, Draco. I don't care that we're much too young to marry and have completely different backgrounds and nothing in common whatsoever - the important part is that I love you. You're so sweet - so compassionate - so wonderful - so nauseating! Jeez, what a crappy line! This is just a load of *loud beeping sound*! Where's the author, I'm going to rip out her filthy little innards."
Hermione hurriedly tried to stay in character and not threaten the author for lack of creativity; she grinned sheepishly and corrected herself innocently, "What I meant was that I'm just going to nance along this corridor with my fiancé talking about birds and lilies and harp music ...and continuously trying not to gag."
Now I've done it again! Hermione thought irritably. It's just so hard to say these soppy things...
"Sorry," she smiled innocently to the readers before taking Draco in her hand and skipping down the corridor.
The next morning, Draco received a letter from a large eagle owl. He knew who it would be from. His father usually knew he was dating a Muggleborn by this time in the stories. He unfurled the letter and his father's handwriting loomed dangerously from the yellowing parchment.
Draco,
Meet me at the edge of the Forbidden Forest tonight at 9 PM.
Lucius.
Draco sighed and made the letter vanish with a flick of his wand. He knew he had to meet his father there, though he knew perfectly well that nothing good could come out of it.
"What do you mean you've got to meet your father at the edge of the Forbidden Forest tonight at 9 o'clock?!" Hermione shrieked.
"What you just said." Draco shrugged. He held Hermione with a firm grip on her upper arms and said, "I will return. Don't worry about me."
"How can I not worry?" Hermione cried. "Oh, Draco, don't go! Sob, sob!"
"I have to, darling," Draco cooed.
"I want to tell Harry and Ron before you go then," Hermione said, making up her mind. "So they can support me while you're away."
"Okay," Draco nodded. "Let's go find them."
And so it was that Hermione and Draco went looking around the castle for Hermione's two best friends. And at last they found them out on the grounds by the large tree under which the trio sometimes sat when the weather was good.
"Harry, Ron," Hermione said firmly, her mind made up. "I've got something important to tell you."
Harry and Ron looked up expectantly at Hermione. She fumbled nervously with the edge of her skirt but then said calmly, "I've been going out with Draco for quite some time now."
"NOOO!" Ron shouted. "You can't mean that! Hermione, he's been nothing but mean to us! How can you do this?!"
"I don't know," Hermione said truthfully. "That was just how the story was going to go."
"That's not good enough!" Ron growled, stomping his foot childishly on the ground. "Hermione, think. Draco Malfoy is a *loud beeping sound* who should be *loud beeping sound* and I should really shove a *loud beeping sound* into his *loud beeping sound*!"
"Ron, violence is not the answer," huffed Hermione.
"Fine!" Ron hissed and walked up towards the castle.
Hermione watched him go, trying to hold in the tears. She then turned to Harry. "What about you?" Hermione asked tentatively. "What do you say to this?"
"I don't know why, but I really don't mind," Harry shrugged. "It's as if I've forgotten about everything Malfoy has ever done to me and my loved ones, and I have somehow forgiven him and look forward to being his best man at your wedding. Or else I'm just completely losing my mind..."
"Either way, more sex for me," Draco said happily.
"Draco!" Hermione shrieked. "Not in front of the kids!"
Draco growled a bit but didn't speak again.
"Well, Harry," Hermione smiled. "I'm glad you've taken the news so lightly."
"What are stupid friends for?" Harry smiled.
"Shagging," Draco mumbled.
"Draco!" Hermione shrieked.
Draco was walking slowly towards the ominously black forest. It was not yet nine but he could still see the dark outline of a tall man. He knew his father from this distance. When he was standing in front of his father, Lucius muttered, "Draco."
"Lucius," Draco replied with just as much loath in his voice.
"I've just heard some interesting news," Lucius sneered. "You've been dating...a Mudblood?!" Lucius raised his eyebrows conspiciously.
"So what if I have?" Draco remarked.
Lucius raised his wand and Draco unconsciously took a step back. "Father? What are you going to do?! You're not going to use the Cruciatus curse, are you?! Please, not the Cruciatus curse, I've been on the receiving end of it since I was just a wee lad! Oh, damn this unbearable childhood! Wail, sob, sob! How it has cursed my "adult" life!"
"Darling, you're back!" Hermione shrieked as Draco entered the Head Boy dormitory.
"Yes," Draco smiled. "Safe and sound."
"Oh, Draco," Hermione exclaimed welcoming his embrace. When she withdrew from his arms, she asked, "But how did you escape him with no scratches at all?"
"Just told him the Cruciatus curse was so last season," Draco shrugged, laughing slightly at his father's stupidity.
"You always know what to say," Hermione smiled, looking admiringly into her fiancé's eyes.
"Yes, I do have to best lines," Draco nodded.
Draco put an arm around Hermione and led her over to the bed where they lay down. Snuggling into his embrace, feeling drowsiness coming upon her, Hermione whispered, "Draco?"
"Mh-mmh?"
"I'm pregnant."
THE END
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Reference:
"I'm gonna rip out your filthy little innards!"
- Grishnákh while hunting Merry and Pippin in Fangorn Forest, The Lord of the Rings - the Two Towers