I sat there, silently crying. I knew he probably wouldn’t show up but I had to be there anyway, just in case. The man I loved knew what I felt about him and he still turned me down countless times.
Why won’t he realise I don’t think about what he is. He’s still the kind, sensitive man who spent his life watching my cousin.
They used to be best friends at Hogwarts. That was before I knew him of course. It was him, Sirius, James and Pettigrew. That twisted little rodent who, rather ironically, actually turned into an evil little rat. He was the one who told he-who-must-not-be-named where Lily and James were hiding. I wish I’d known them, from what Molly tells me they were the best people she had ever met. They were kind, caring, sensitive, perceptive and incredibly talented with their magic. They would want their friends to be happy. I want their friend to be happy. But they’re both gone, and now Sirius is too. Poor Remus! He’s lost so much and I don’t think he would be able to take loosing something else. That’s why he’s refusing me, or at least that is the main reason, the one he’s not saying.
He insists it’s because he’s too old for me, too damaged, too dangerous. But I don’t care. I just don’t care, that’s why I’m sitting here, alone in this classroom; waiting for him to follow me out of the hospital wing. He’s in there with the Weasleys and Harry and Hermione, they’re all worried about Bill and his scratches. But he’ll be fine. Remus said so and I trust him. Molly’s just worried that she’ll lose more family.
She didn’t take losing her brothers too well. Gideon and Fabien Prewett were always very close, until they were murdered by Antonin Dolohov. That was the first war, this is the second. Molly is scared but then, so are we all.
Although there’s one thing Dumbledore has always made obvious, nothing really matters as long as there is love. Love is Harry’s weapon, the thing which will defeat you-know-who, and Harry is just sixteen. If Harry is filled with all this love, why can’t my Remus love me?
I was looking around in the hospital wing earlier, before I left to talk to Minerva, I could actually see the affection in the room. Fleur and Bill were lying on the bed; she was helping Madame Pomfrey tend to his wounds. Molly and Arthur were standing at the bedside, tight in each others arms, praying for their son. Harry was in shock after losing Dumbledore; he loved him like the wise old grandfather everyone meets when they are young. And then there was Ron and Hermione, both too shy to admit how they feel, but both understanding what the other one thinks. They were sitting on the next bed along, Hermione softly crying with Ron’s arm around her shoulders. Even poor Neville Longbottom found love today. He was sitting there with Luna Lovegood, oblivious to the world as they sat and talked. That is true love, everything up there. True love which will last forever, love which can fight against anything.
And then, here’s me; poor, sad, lonely, old me. I’m sat on my own crying about my problems. I should be up there, talking to Lupin. This is the time that I need him most, but he’s too afraid to hurt me. Can’t he understand that he’s hurting me now?
He’s been through so much, fighting and trials, has he ever been close to anyone before? If he’s afraid now, has he ever been loved? He’s loved by his friends but not like this. I love him as a soul mate. I love him like no one else could. Its affecting my magic, I didn’t even know that was possible until it happened. I can’t change my look so my hair is stuck mousy brown. My patronus has taken the shape of his transformation: the werewolf he is once every month. I could help him survive this torture, just like his friends did back when they were at school. They learnt to be Animagi to keep him company. But now two are dead and one is a traitor. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, forever lost into our memory. Only one marauder survives as he was, my Lupin, my love, my soul mate forever; the man who won’t hurt me, even though he already is.
I’ve been here ten minutes now; I know he’s not coming. But something is making me stay. Maybe after the war, I will talk to him properly. I will make him listen to my reasons. My cheeks are soaking, I must’ve been crying harder than I thought.
“Tonks?” a voice says, from outside my classroom. “Are you in there Tonks?”
“Yes,” I croak. It’s him and I’m still crying. He’s turned up like I hoped. But why is he here? Has he changed his mind? Will he accept that I love him, the wolf and the man?
“Tonks, I’m so sorry.” His face is so serious; he hasn’t smiled since before Sirius died. “I’ve hurt you and I’m sorry. Can’t you understand that I don’t want to do this? You deserve better, you deserve more.”
“I don’t want anything else Remus,” I mutter, he’s holding my hands now and we’re closer than we’ve ever been before. My heart is pounding but my eyes are still crying, “I want you and I don’t care what the problems are. I only want you!”
I’m looking into his eyes by now; those big brown eyes which can look so far into my soul. I feel he knows me more than anyone else. He knows how I work and I love him more for it.
“I know, but I can’t risk it. I don’t want to hurt you any worse than I have to.”
“Risk it, you won’t hurt me. You had all your friends who risked everything for you. Let me be one of them. Let me in! I love you Remus Lupin. I do now and I always will. I can make the potion you need to stay human inside your wolf’s body. I know you’re afraid but I’m not. I’ll love you forever and you can’t stop me.”
And then, something amazing happened. Those eyes which were watching my soul finally saw what I was saying. He is my future and he better live with it. He smiled for the first time in months and months and then, ever so slowly, he closed the gap between us. He kissed me and the future was there, being lived now and forever, with us two together, hand in hand. And that’s the story about how Mummy and Daddy first got together. Now will you go to sleep my little angels? Jamie, sit down and stop throwing things at your sister! No, Elizabeth, change your hair colour back to what it was or neither of you will get and chocolate frogs for a month.
Good, thank you. Now goodnight, sleep tight, and don’t let the pygmy puffs bite!
A/N: Ok, I know it's short but I felt that this was one ship which really needed looking at. I hope I did it justice. Please review. tell me if you would like to see more about Tonks and Lupin. Thanks xx