Such a Fool
“You lying son of a bitch,” spat Sirius as he glared down at James.
James wiped the blood from his nose roughly with the back of his hand and stood up even though he wobbled slightly as he did so.
As the song the band was playing began to end, a few people started to notice the scene of outburst occurring between Sirius and James. Many on-lookers began to murmur curiously to one another until the news spread to the majority throughout the room.
“What the hell is your problem, Black?!” yelled James as a few people came closer toward them to overhear what was happening.
“What the hell is my problem? I don’t think you have the right to ask that question!” retorted Sirius furiously as he stepped towards James.
James rolled his eyes annoyingly. “I really don’t need this right now, Sirius.”
“I don’t care what you do or don’t need right now, James! You’ve brought this upon yourself!”
James had not recalled the last time that he and Sirius had referred to each other with their actual first names.
“Oh, OK, now I have done something wrong, wait a minute! What exactly have I done wrong, Mr. Black?!” he asked with a sarcastic tone to his voice.
Sirius’s face turned a fuming scarlet colour as he replied, “You know very damn well what you have done!”
“No, actually I don’t! Why don’t you enlighten me?”
“You kissed my girl!”
The band had completely stopped playing because of this argument, and the words Sirius had just said echoed throughout the stone Great Hall walls. Many girls gasped and searched frantically for the girl Sirius was talking about in hopes that it was them. Everybody, including members of the teaching staff, were listening and looking at the two exchanging words. There was now an even bigger crowd around James and Sirius, and their whole conversation could basically have been broadcasted.
“And you also bloody lied to me about it! To me; your best friend!” continued Sirius not seeming to care or notice everybody else.
“What are you talking about?! I didn- “ James tried to explain not seeming to understand exactly how deep in actuality Sirius was talking about.
He assumed that Sirius had meant Audrey was a girl he was planning to flirt with for the fun of it. It infuriated James that Sirius would become so upset just because he had kissed a girl (which he was very close to) that Sirius wanted to “play around” with. James knew Sirius had no commitment when it came to women.
“What about all those times I asked you where you had been? What about the time you went out to the Forbidden Forest?” pressed Sirius with anger flaring in his eyes.
“I told you what I was doi- “
“No! You didn’t tell me! You lied to me! You lied to me about everything because you were secretly spending time with the one girl I love!”
“You…” James couldn’t finish his sentence. Suddenly, he had become speechless as he glanced at Audrey. “How did you- “
“How did I find out?! I saw it on the bloody map! I saw two bloody dots always meet in the same time alone the same time you would go ‘missing’. I didn’t want to believe it was you and her, so I ignored it, because I trusted you!”
“Sirius, I- “
“I’m sorry you can’t get bloody, frickin’ Lily Evans to go out with you James, but that shouldn’t mean you need a substitute to occupy your time! Just because you can’t have the one you love doesn’t mean you have to steal mine!”
“Sirius, you don’t unders- “
“James Potter, I have known you forever, and I know you can get conceited and arrogant, but not like this. I would have never guessed you would have sunk to this level, but I know now that you are just a sick, betraying, heartless bastard of a friend!”
With that, Sirius turned and dashed out of the room with speed that most people only dream about. His black bangs covered his cold grey eyes filled with hatred.
James’s whole body went numb as the crowd of people in the room started to whisper to each other questioningly and curiously. James peered around at all the staring, reproachful faces. He felt humiliated and lost as he stepped backward, almost tripping along the way. Then, almost unexpectedly, James caught site of a familiar face; the face of Lily Evans. Her green eyes surveyed him sadly as her expression turned into disappointment, which shattered his confidence that he had had for his whole life.
No! It’s not what you think! It’s not! Let me explain! Please! You don’t understand! shouted James in his head, and he pleaded more than anything for the words to say it, but he couldn’t. There was no reason or explanation for it. He was just speechless.
Suddenly, a small hand clutched his and pulled him through the crowd and out the Great Hall doors with extreme speed. James glanced down at who was pulling him only to see none other than Audrey doing so. She pulled him strongly for a girl her size, and James seemed to have absolutely no control over his body as he walked dazedly through the winding hallways and up flights of staircases. He didn’t take in any of the dimly lit marble walls that were decorated lavishly with Christmas decorations, nor did he see the mounds of holly lining the halls. James just wanted tonight to be a dream, a bad nightmare; something he could wake himself up from.
After an extremely long flight of stairs which seemed too familiar to James, Audrey threw open a door and led him inside. Once there, she slammed the door behind her and locked it. Clutching his hand tightly once again, she directed him to step through a glass door bitten with frost onto a snow covered balcony, and she shut and locked that door behind her as well.
James shivered uneasily as he glanced around his environment. The balcony of the Astronomy Tower which he was presently standing on was covered in thick, soft snow, and more little, white flakes came from the black sky of the night. The large moon glowed softly, and the moonlight shot down upon him and Audrey as if it were a spotlight.
Audrey exhaled softly, and her breath created a cloud that swirled in front of her and disappeared into the darkness.
There was an odd silence between the two, and they both seemed to be listening to nothing in particular but the silence that the winter atmosphere had created.
Audrey shifted uncomfortably as winter’s chill bit at her gradually. James peered down at his feet and the print his shoe was making, as he stuck his hands into the pockets of his pants to warm them.
“James,” began Audrey with a sigh, “we need to talk.”
He glanced up at her with an expression that neither she nor anyone else had ever seen before. It was not one of anger, rage, or frustration, but of a broken heart. It was if his visage had been shattered and that self-confidence which once defined him could no longer be found. His hazel eyes had gone cold and carried nothing but sadness within them. His face was bloody, bruised, and battered. It was if the James Potter everybody knew had never existed.
“James,” repeated Audrey in a desperate attempt to find her words.
James just gazed at her with the same unexplainable, hurt expression.
“I know that you wouldn’t have known that Sirius had feelings for me. Personally, I never knew that…”
Audrey’s words trailed on, but James didn’t hear them all. Something suddenly had dawned on him.
“Do you ever think you like her just because of her appearance?” The reason she asked me that question, and when she said she would never get the attention of somebody. That whole time, she was wondering about Sirius, she was asking me about him. She asked me those questions to reassure that her love for Sirius was real and not some dumb crush based on a shallow heart. She wanted to know how I knew that I really did like Lily not based on appearance, so she could see if she had the same feelings toward Sirius. And Sirius. He kept asking me where I went, because he inferred I was with Audrey because of the Marauder’s Map. He knew all along that I was lying, but he tried to trust me. He really did. No wonder he was so excited about the Christmas party. It gave him an excuse to ask Audrey to spend time with him. And that explains why his face was full of relief when he knew I was asking Lily, not Audrey to the Christmas party. The reason he was late tonight was because he was looking for Audrey. He had probably found her and admitted his feelings. The two must have talked. They must have spent two bloody hours talking. When they finally decided to come, Audrey had come inside the Great Hall first, and Sirius must have been still at the door paying his galleons. That’s when I saw and kissed her out of jealously; out of pity for myself. Why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I see that Audrey and Sirius both liked each other?
“Sirius likes you, Audrey,” said James so suddenly that Audrey stopped mid-sentence what she was saying.
“What?”
“The reason Sirius punched me was because he loves you,” stated James as a sad smile crept across his face. “I knew his expression was so familiar. That expression of jealousy was plastered all over his face when he looked at me. It was the same face that I had when I saw Lily kiss Brendan.”
The slight smile he had now faded at the mention of the thought of Lily.
“Why was I such a fool?” asked James as he felt tears sting at his eyes and his non-shattered side of his glasses start to fog a bit. “I’ve ruined everything: my friendship with my best friend, the feelings you two have toward each other, and my friendship with you. And what was it all for? It was all because of my pity jealousy for somebody who will never love me the way that I love her.”
James exhaled heavily as he could no longer hold back his anguish; his grief. He felt tears stream down his cheeks slowly. He felt the hot, salty sensation reach his lips as he inhaled shakily.
“Audrey,” he choked, “I am so sorry.”
He shook his head, and Audrey grasped his hand and held it tightly. James peered down at her small, warm hand clutching his.
“Don’t be sorry,” whispered Audrey, “for you have nothing to be sorry for.”
James tried to steady an exhale but failed.
“I know the reason you kissed me was because you were emotional when you saw Lily, and I know you didn’t mean it. There is nothing to be sorry about, James. I can talk to Sirius, explain everything as best I can, and so can you. No damage has been done. If anything, I feel sorry for you.”
James glanced up at Audrey with a tear-stained, disbelieving face and asked, “Why?”
“For you to love somebody so much that you would kiss another just to fill that void is to feel sorry for.”
Immediately, without thinking about it, without planning it, the two of them hugged each other for comfort, support, and understanding. The two held each other on top of the snow covered balcony for what seemed like an eternity. For the both of them though, it felt so familiar, because they had comforted each other before on one winter night some time ago.
A/N: Hey everybody! I just want to say thanks for all the absolutely amazing reviews and input! All you readers are awesome! Thanks a bunch! HAPPY HOLIDAYS YA’LL!