Promise to Remember
“Aren’t you worried we’re going to get caught?” he asked as he gazed up at the dazzling stars in the night sky.
“Haven’t you ever been out late at night?” she responded smartly.
“Yeah, but- I mean- you’re a prefe- “
“Oh, get off it.”
Lily hit James in the stomach playfully as she continued to peer up at the stars. He chuckled and interlocked both hands at the back of his head. She placed both hands on top of her stomach and fidgeted with her fingers obliviously.
The two were currently present in the tallest tower at Hogwarts; the Astronomy Tower. James had become quite accustomed to the place and felt a special affiliation towards the location.
After Lily had kissed James, he took her by the hand and led her upstairs to the Astronomy Tower. Once there, the two closed the door and headed outside on top of the balcony. Lily immediately lay down on the stone floor of the balcony to stare up at the sky. James naturally did the same right next to her. Minutes of casual (yet witty and often embarrassing) conversation turned into hours easily, and there was no doubt the two were out past curfew.
“I think that one is Orion,” James stated matter-of-factly as he pointed to a cluster of stars sparkling down at them.
“I highly doubt it,” replied Lily bluntly.
“Why?”
“If you were somebody else, I’d believe you. Since it is you though, I’d have to say you’re making this up.”
James turned over onto his side with a grin to face Lily while leaning against his elbow. Lily diverted her attention from the stars to peer at him through her oval-shaped eyes. He gazed at her with unblinking eyes, and she raised an amused eyebrow for a reply.
“I have already named at least ten constellations, and you still don’t believe any of them I tell you?” asked James with his grin still in place.
“Nope, and I doubt I ever will.”
James chuckled, and a wide smile spread across Lily’s face.
Eventually though, James’s chuckling slowly faded away, and so did Lily’s smile as the two were plunged into an awkward kind of silence. Lily’s attention turned back towards the stars, which left James contemplating his thoughts while still leaning against his elbow (that was beginning to hurt from the hard, stone floor of the balcony).
He glanced uneasily at Lily’s piercing oval eyes, and he felt his heart beat a bit faster.
You’ve been wondering all night, mate! Just bloody ask her! Where is the courage that placed you in Gryffindor, Prongs?
His heart slammed against his chest again. His palms got ever so slightly sweaty. He wanted to abruptly fling his other hand to the back of his hair to ruffle it out of nervousness, but used some discipline and stopped himself.
“Listen, Ev- Lily, can I ask you something?” questioned James rather timidly, and (for some odd reason) he thought momentarily about the time he first met Audrey in the very same Astronomy Tower.
“Anything,” answered Lily casually as she continued to gaze up into the night sky and blew a few stray strands of hair from her face.
“Why, after all that time that I asked you? Why now?”
Lily turned her head to James instantly, and for a moment, for the first time, she was speechless as she stared into his framed hazel eyes that peered at her expectantly. Her heart beat rapidly increased, and she felt her head pound oddly. She hesitated as her mind overflowed with different explanations and unconvincing reasons. The truth was best, but she didn't want to admit it.
“I would normally say something like ‘you matured up’ or ‘I didn’t really get to know you until recently’, but that would be a lie. To be honest with you, I don’t know why I waited all this time; why I waited till now,” said Lily, and she directed her eyes away from his gaze uneasily.
Her eyes wandered restlessly away from the jet-black haired teen, so as not to face him. James didn‘t know it, but she felt too ashamed to look at him at that moment.
“I guess Brendan was right about me not knowing what I want. I had always thought you were immature and arrogant, and I thought that whoever dated me needed to be respectable, kind, and well, perfect in my standards. I thought Brendan was that person, but James Potter, did you ever confuse me right before I made that choice.”
James’s eyes shined with curiosity, and Lily turned away from his face and glanced up at the crescent moon shining down at her. She tucked a few of her red hairs behind her ear.
“When you took that detention for me, and when we played the piano, it was really an eye opening experience for me. I kind of had you on the brain for a little while. I think I made myself believe that Brendan was still the one for me though, and so when he asked me out, I said ‘yes’ instantly.”
She bit her bottom lip, and James returned to lying on his back as he continued to listen to her intently. He caught site of a cluster of stars, but was too concentrated and absorbed on Lily's words to guess what constellation it was.
“And there was that Christmas party, and I never really figured out what happened between you, Sirius, and that fourth year girl, but after Christmas, I saw that you and Sirius were alright. So, I shrugged you off my mind for a bit. Then, that Quidditch game came around, and I was disgusted with what you did. After, we had that argument, and then you told me that you didn’t care anymore. You said it was over. I really thought that I would be relieved, but I wasn’t. On the contrary, I was even angrier at you for giving up on me. I have no idea why, it’s actually really arrogant of me.”
She knew exactly the reason why she was angry. She was angry because she wanted him to try harder. She wanted to see to what possible lengths he would go to deserve her. Lily never realized this though. She was too proud to.
Lily sighed while James remained speechless.
“What I tried to do was forget about you. I really did. That’s why Brendan and I lasted as long as we did. I tried to accept the truth that you didn’t ‘want’ me anymore. In the end, I couldn’t. That night, before you found me drinking, Brendan told me it was over. He said the reason was because I clearly didn’t share the same feelings for him the way he did for me. I tried telling him he was everything I ever wanted, and he told me I was lying. He told me I didn’t know what I wanted, because I wasn’t accepting what I truly needed. He was really nice about it, and after, he hugged me and wished me luck with the lucky guy I was going to end up with. I was really in denial. Everything has always gone my way in life. I was so confused that I panicked for the first time in my life.”
Lily shot a quick glance at James (which he never caught), and saw that he was contemplating each and every word she was saying. She got up abruptly and walked over to the edge of the balcony. She struggled to find her nerves, and it felt odd for her to find it difficult to word her phrases. She always knew what to say.
“Then, I ran into you; drunk. I don’t exactly remember what I blurted out to you, but all I remember was fainting. The next thing I know, I’m in your dorm, and there is only one thing I know for sure: you saved me, again. I left your dormitory honestly not knowing what to think. Exams came after that, and I buried all my thoughts away in studying. It's funny how distracted you can make yourself when you put your mind to it. I was so busy, I never really had a free moment to think about everything between you and I until tonight.”
Lily turned around and forced herself to look deep into James’s hazel eyes that she had always admired since the moment she had met him.
He deserves the truth, Lily. He won’t always be waiting for you.
“Suddenly, without a reason or logical explanation, I had all this emotion that was built up for the past two weeks rush into me. Everything clicked. The reason why I’m always mad at you, why I always try to see the worst in you is because I want to see a fault in you. I want to see a fault, so that I can give myself an excuse not to be with you. I didn’t want to be with you, because your bullying and pranking immaturity stood for everything I am against, and that was the only fault I ever saw in you. But this year, that fault within you practically vanished, and I no longer had an excuse. The only thing holding me back was my own pride and stubbornness. I always liked you James Potter, it just took me until now to see it.”
James gazed into her eyes before standing up and walking over to the edge of the balcony where she was. He faced her with observant eyes. Lily’s green eyes searched his frantically. He placed a gentle hand on hers, and she noted that his hands were warm.
Suddenly, James smiled and chuckled to himself lightly before saying, “Oh, Evans, I knew you liked me.”
She laughed and playfully slapped him in the arm. “You’re the one that said you gave up on me!”
“Did you really believe that?” asked James with an amused eyebrow raised as he cocked his head to the side slightly.
“Not for a second,” whispered Lily into his ear as she leaned over to him.
“I didn’t think so,” James whispered back, and he tucked a few strands of red hair behind her ear that had come undone.
“Just one thing,” said James rather suddenly, and Lily raised her eyebrows in inquiry. “Were you the one to slow my fall in the Quidditch final?”
Her rose-coloured lips curved into a mysterious smile before replying, “Did Gryffindor win?”
“Yes. Yes, I daresay we did.”
James grinned and gave Lily an odd, dreamy-like look, which she returned.
After what felt like centuries (which were actually only a few seconds), the two broke eye contact with blushing faces, and they laughed rather sheepishly together. James glanced away and instead looked up at the moon. Lily on the other hand, glanced down below to the grounds. The two remained silent for a few minutes, each holding a bright smile, when abruptly Lily stated, “What’s that?”
James immediately turned his full attention towards her, and he saw that she was squinting below with a deep frown. He stared down below to see figures and different beams of light being shot around the grounds.
“Something doesn’t feel right. I’d better check this out,” said Lily, and she was about to leave, when James grasped her by the elbow.
“Can I come?”
The two rushed down many flights of stairs and through as many short cuts and secret passageways as possible to finally make it down to the Entrance Hall. Once there, Lily hurriedly whipped open the double doors and dashed outside to search frantically for where the beams of light she had seen had come from. James peered around until finally he saw a red spark go up into the air.
“C’mon! Over there!” said James as he pointed in the direction of the Whomping Willow and began to ran with Lily.
The two past the Whomping Willow and turned the corner of the edge of the school and were met with confusion and bewilderment.
Initially, the both of them had suspected that some foolish students decided to have a duel of some sort on the grounds late at night. That, however, was not the case.
Lily and James were stunned to see four black cloaked figures dueling with what looked like three students. The dark figures’ faces were covered with their cloaks and only their pale mouths were visible. To James’s horror and utter astonishment he saw that the students dueling with these mysterious figures were not just any ordinary students, but his friends; the Marauders.
Without thinking clearly about it, James raced over to them to help.
“James! Don’t!” shouted Lily behind him, but it was too late, the cloaked figures had already caught site of James charging at them with his wand out.
“Expelliarmus!” yelled James furiously, and one of the cloaked figures’ wand went flying across the night sky.
The Marauders instantly glanced back to see who had come, and saw to their somewhat relief, James.
“Glad you could join us,” stated Sirius sarcastically with his wand raised.
“You always search for trouble, don’t you?” questioned James severely as he observed the figures raising their wands again in a darkly manner.
“Nope, trouble came to us this time,” answered Sirius. “We were minding our own business on the grounds late at night when these freak shows attacked us.”
“Who are they?”
“Death Eaters.”
“How do you- “
“Trust me, I know.”
Suddenly, a tall Death Eater raised his wand and shot a beam of light in the direction of Remus and Peter. Both of them hit the ground to narrowly avoid the spell.
“Stupefy!” yelled Remus in retaliation, and the Death Eater fell backwards.
Another Death Eater immediately shot a spell at the two once again. Peter jumped out of the way narrowly, but Remus was hit and thrown backwards a few meters.
“Remus!” hollered James before a beam of light came and hit him in the face filling his jaw with a crushing pain.
Sirius yelled a spell at the Death Eater who had just hit James and sprung out of the way of the Death Eater’s jinx.
James opened his eyes quickly to see a Death Eater approaching him. The figure towered over him with a wand pointed at his face, when suddenly there was a flash of light and the Death Eater went stiff and fell to the ground automatically. James scrambled to his feet and looked to see that Lily Evans had shot the spell. She had her wand out and pointed it dangerously at the fallen Death Eater. James nodded and ran over to help Peter who was trying to duel with a short but thin Death Eater.
“Stupefy!” shouted James, and the short Death Eater fell over.
Peter rushed over to James.
“Peter, look after Remus, I need to help Sirius and Lily,” told James hurriedly.
Peter nodded, shaking all over, and ran over toward Remus lying on the ground.
As James raced over toward where Sirius was dueling, he saw Lily handily duel with another cloaked Death Eater. When James had gotten close to Sirius, he saw him barely avoiding a stunning spell from a tall Death Eater.
“SIRIUS, LOOK OUT!” screamed James noticing the Death Eater directing another spell at Sirius, but it was too late.
A beam of light hit Sirius hard in the chest, and Sirius fell forward awkwardly.
James dashed over to Sirius, but for some odd reason, Sirius rose to his feet immediately. James stopped dead in his tracks to see Sirius turn to him with glazed over eyes that shown eerily in the moonlight.
Sirius had been hit with a curse that was controlling him.
James moved out of the way as Sirius shot a wave of blue light at him. James avoided another spell from Sirius, but then found himself reeling in pain. He couldn’t help but fall to the ground crippling in agony.
Someone had hit him with a spell from behind.
His world was going into darkness, there was screaming, and he felt like he was choking. He felt himself coughing involuntarily and dropping his wand helplessly to the ground. His head was exploding, and he tried with all his strength to stand up and fight, but couldn’t. He thought he was going to die from the pain. It was too intolerable.
Just let them live. Take me instead. Take me…
Then, suddenly, it stopped. He exhaled heavily and heard whispering.
“You fools!” hissed a cold voice. “I told you to stay at the Hog’s Head!”
“My- My Lord,” stammered what sounded like a Death Eater, but the new member of the party (who seemed to be the leader) silenced him.
“I said I would go to the castle and told you four to remain at the Hog’s Head! Did I not?!”
“We are sorry, my Lord,” came the Death Eater’s voice again.
“You disappoint me all,” stated the new member, and everything was plunged into silence.
James opened his eyes slightly to see that Sirius had collapsed right next to him. His mind raced frantically.
What happened to everybody? Is everyone OK? Are they dead? Could they all be…gone?
“The Headmaster was most ungracious,” started up the cold voice once again. “He says that the job will not be given to me. That choice will be one of the biggest mistakes the old fool will ever make.”
The voice was foreboding and dark, and for some unexplainable reason, James felt as if this stranger could see right through him. He felt a cold shiver run down his spine as his breathing became shallow. This stranger was no ordinary person. James sensed the cold voiced man glancing around at everybody lying on the ground.
“Now we have witnesses,” hissed the voice again.
“But they are only students, my Lord.”
“’Only students’? A witness is a witness, Dolohov. They must not remember this. If rumor were to spread, it would be most unwelcome.”
James diverted his attention slightly to look at the icy voiced stranger. He saw a waxy faced middle aged man that had blood shot eyes and possessed an aura of death. The man was wearing a cloak that was as black as the night. James saw to his horror, the man raise his dreadfully thin, long wand.
He was going to forget everything; everything that happened tonight, maybe more. He was going to forget his time with Lily. She would forget. Everyone would.
The leader flicked his wrist fluently and a large wave of bright light came over everybody lying on the ground. James shut his eyes tight and listened to his heavy breathing.
Quite oddly enough, James didn’t feel anything happen to him. He felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach, but it passed quickly. He still remembered where he was, who he was, and everything else that had happened to him up to that moment.
Then, he heard footsteps coming toward him. His heart beat raced, and he felt fear radiating out from his body.
As the stone faced leader stood over him, James felt a sickening sensation come over him, and for some reason, he knew that this man had done the unthinkable. Something about him spelled something disgustingly dark, and James thought momentarily that the man would kill him at any moment.
There was a slight pause that felt like hours, and then the footsteps swiftly trudged away and vanished into the darkness of the night. The air, however, was still strung with tension.
James had no idea how long he lay there, but once he was absolutely sure that the five figures were gone, he heaved himself off the ground and made his way over to a pale Sirius. He kneeled down beside his best friend to see him unconscious and not responding.
“Sirius,” whispered James, but he had no response.
James shook Sirius slightly.
“C’mon, Sirius. Wake up, damnit! Wake up!”
To James’s horror, his friend did not move.
James got up shakily and glanced around until he saw Lily lying on her back. He rushed over to her and collapsed beside her. To his surprise, Lily had her eyes open, but she was shaking all over.
“Lily,” gasped James, and he glanced down at her ghostly white face.
“J- James,” responded Lily shakily. “I know what he cast. It was a memory charm. We’re going to forget everything. He was the caster. I don’t know the extent of the memory loss. If I forget tonight, I’m not sure if I’ll have that realization again. I don’t know if I will have that rush of emotion to make me understand…”
James remained speechless as he stared at her face with disbelief.
“I just want you to know, James Potter, that I love you. And if you remember what has unfolded tonight, promise me you’ll make me remember.”
“Lily, I- “
“Promise me, James Potter. Promise me…”
Lily searched his hazel eyes until finally her strength left her, and she closed her eyes. Her hand she had on James’s cheek fell to the ground beside her. James gazed down at her with utter disbelief. Without warning, his shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as he closed his eyes and hung his head down in an unimagined sadness.
“Lily,” he whispered over and over again, praying helplessly that somehow his words would bring her back. “Lily.”
Hi everyone! Sorry for not responding to all your wonderful reviews! I'm just extremely busy at the moment to go through them all, but I'd just like to say: THANK YOU ALL!