Ch3
Lily emerged from the bathroom soon after, dressed in her dressing gown with a robe tied securely around her, using the towel to dry off her hair. Her faced burned in a blush. She felt like an idiot. She hadn’t wanted him to see her like that, at her most fragile moment. She thought that the shower would mask her tears, but apparently not.
Lily hesitated before walking in the living room, took a deep breath. He only wants to help, Lily. It’s none of his business, but it was going to come out anyway. It’s better sooner than later.
James was sitting on the floor before the roaring fire, twirling a piece of paper through his fingers. She couldn’t see his face clearly; his position before the fire cast his face into shadow. Lily noticed two steaming mugs of some liquid sitting on the table, and vaguely wondered how James had procured the drink.
She settled back in one of the chairs, tucking her feet under her, and took a mug.
“Butterbeer?” she asked, blowing on the drink to cool it.
“No, hot chocolate with vanilla in it. My mum makes it when someone is upset,” James said, poking at one of the burning logs in the hearth with a metal poker.
Wow, consideration I never expected from him.
“Oh... how’d you get it?” she asked, trying to delay the inevitable. She took a sip of the drink, and it warmed her body more than the scorching shower had. “It’s really good.”
James smiled at her. “Marauder’s secret. By the way, Dumbledore wants us to “ “
“I heard you,” she said, taking a calming breath. “So you want to know why I was upset.”
He nodded once again.
“It’s no big deal, honestly. I’m just stressed out because of homework, and I feel... terrible about what I said to you. And I’ve been feeling so lonely lately...” she trailed off, taking a sip from her drink.
James seemed almost sorry for her, and sighed. “Don’t lie to me Lily. I won’t think you’re weak.”
”That wasn’t a lie!” she said, looking up at him and giving him a fierce look. He seemed taken aback.
“Fine, but it wasn’t the full truth, either. Tonight was not the only time I’ve come back to your crying. You were crying on the train too, after the Snape incident, and I’m pretty sure we didn’t have any stressful homework over the break...” He walked over to her chair, and sat on the coffee table just before her. He looked at her straight in the eyes, penetrating her mask of steel, straight to her soul.
“Look, you don’t have to tell me anything. But it’s eating away at you from the inside, I can tell. I’m just offering an alternative from a depression.”
Lily sighed. I didn’t want him to ever find out. Oh, well, he’s the only one that cares.
“I’ve... I’ve, been having....” she stuttered, glancing down. “It sounds so stupid!” She played with her empty mug. James gently took it from her hands and set it on the table. She was forced to look into his eyes.
“It’s not.”
“Oh, how do you know!”
He threw up his hands. “I’m just trying to help!”
Great, they were arguing again.
“Oh, fine!” she snapped. “I’ve been having dreams alright! Nightmares, actually. About He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He... he’s going to kill me.” There, it’s out.
James looked concerned. “And how do you know?”
“Remember that sense I told you about? That terrible feeling I had? Well, I’ve been having these dreams for months. They intensified after that meeting on the train though. They’re always different, but I die every time. I’m... terrified of meeting him,” Lily looked away. “I don’t want to die.”
“You should tell Dumbledore about this.”
“And what would I say?” she stood, beginning to pace. James watched her from his seat on the coffee table. “ ‘Oh, sorry to bother you Professor, but I’ve been having dreams about some bloke claiming to be a Dark Lord. Oh yea, and by the way, I just have this sense he’s going to kill me.’ He’ll laugh at me, or think me weak!”
“You don’t know that. He’s got connections.”
“Oh really, and what connections are those?”
“Just... connections.”
“And how would you know about them?”
“I... never mind.”
Lily cornered him, marching up to him and pointing her finger in his face. “I told you my darkest secret that I’ve never told anyone else. Now then, just to be fair, I’m sure you can tell me how you know about these alleged connections.”
He laid his hand on hers, forcing it gently out of his face. “Really, it’s not important. It just came up in a conversation I was having with him. Just calm down. You’re a great girl, but I really wish you’d get your temper under control. It’s as fiery as your hair.”
Lily stared at him, mouth open in shock. She snatched her hand out of his grasp. He’s lecturing me about my temper? How could he force my secret from me and not have the decency to respond in turn? Surprising both herself and James, she burst back into angry tears. “Y-you pretend t-to care! I told you ev-everything! M-my deepest f-fear! But you don’t c-care, you really d-don’t. I’m going to b-bed.”
She turned, and stormed from the room, James staring dejectedly after her. “It’s not like that, Lily! I do care!” he called. But she ignored him.
The next morning, James awoke wondering why he felt so terrible. Ah, right. Lily and I had a fight last night, because I wouldn’t tell her that I heard Voldemort’s voice in my head. Well, of course not! She’d think I’m insane... As this thought sprang unbidden into his mind, he became angry. Why is everything always my fault? He got up, dressing quickly and heading to breakfast.
As usual, his fellow Marauders where there before he was, and as usual they had saved him a seat. James saw Lily eating just down the table from them, but she ignored him. He turned away from her, pained. He had only been trying to help, but he had just blundered things, and to top it all off, he was now even more worried about her, and she hated him again.
James plopped down next to Sirius, across from Remus and Peter. He glanced at Remus before piling kippers onto his plate. His friend was paler than usual, and seemed withdrawn. “You look about just as bad as I feel.”
Remus cast him a glance. “No wonder, old friend. Have your astronomy skills always been that dismal?”
“How do you mean?”
“The full moon’s tonight, not tomorrow you dolt. I realized what you had said as soon as you left the table.”
James felt worse. “I’m sorry, old chum. Don’t worry, the plan should still be on,” he turned to Sirius. “You’re quiet this morning.”
He nodded and stretched. “Tired. I was up all night with...” he caught James’ eye and smiled. “Never mind.”
James shook his head, a smile forming on his lips. “Rascal.”
“Oh yeah Prongs, how about you and Evans?”
James sighed. “We got into a fight last night.”
“Ah, lover’s quarrel?” asked Sirius, with feigned delight.
“Shut it, Padfoot. I’m not in the mood.”
“Cheer up, mate. I’m just joking.”
"I'm sure she'll fogive you," said Peter comfortingly. Then suddenly, after a glance from hom watch, Peter jumped up.
“What’s gotten into you, Wormtail?” asked Sirius as he nipped a kipper off of James’ plate.
“McGonnagal’s N.E.W.T. Transfiguration class starts in ten minutes, that’s what! She’ll fillet us if we’re late again.”
“Right,” said James, hopping up. “I guess we’re off then.”
The four of them arrived at her room huffing exactly 9 minutes later. She gave them an appraising look as they piled into their seats.
She raised an eyebrow at them. “Close call,” she said as the bell rang.
Sirius waved away her comment as he leaned back in his chair with his feet on the table, and said with arrogance: “Never. The Marauders are never late, Professor.”
“I seem to recall telling you last class that I would fillet you if you came in late again, which would suggest that you were, indeed, late.”
“Only according to some.”
The class laughed, and James nudged his friend. “Don’t try to match wits with her today, Padfoot. She looks like she’s already in a mood,” he whispered. He glanced secretly at Lily, who sat diagonally back a row from him. She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead.
“Girls,” he muttered.
“Right class. I assume you have your essays to turn in. Mr. Pettigrew it’s far too late to add to your essay now. And don’t give me that look Ms. Cummings.... Accio!” A fleet of parchment went sailing to the front of the class and piled itself neatly on her desk. Peter looked after his unfinished essay miserably, muttering about why he should be expected to write two rolls of parchment on something he didn’t understand.
She set the class to work Transfiguring badgers into furry blankets. The class went relatively well, up until the end of class, when one of James’ badgers escaped. James was crawling on the ground, trying to get it to come back to him, when he knocked over someone’s bag.
A bag belonging to someone who had very fiery hair and a penetrating stare.
“Ah, sorry about that Lily,” said James, trying to sort all the papers and stuff them back into her bag. He caught a glance of something that read ... Well Marietta, things were going well until Potter had to go mess things up again. I honestly don’t know what to do about him...
“I didn’t mess anything up!” said James, staring up at Lily from the ground with an incredulous look on his face. “You’re the one with the terrible temper!”
“Excuse me Potter!” said Lily, snatching the bag from James’ grasp. “I’m not the one barging into other people’s business!”
“Mr. Potter! Ms. Evans! Please restrain from shouting in my class! Get back to your seat Potter,” McGonnagal called from the front.
He ignored her, stung that Lily had returned back to using his surname. He stood defiantly, fists clenched, ignoring Sirius’ imploring looks. “I didn’t force you to tell me anything! I was only trying to help!”
“Well you didn’t do a great job of it, did you?” she responded, face turning red.
“Detention Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans!” roared McGonnagal over the bell. “Come here, you two.”
James sighed, thinking about how much more he had just screwed things up. He ignored McGonnagal as she chewed them out, but he paused to listen to one part.
“... and you two are Head Boy and Girl! Bickering in class! What sort of example does hat set for your peers?”
James hung his head in shame. So much for becoming the best Head Boy. Lily didn’t look furious anymore, but rather tired. Still, the sense he got from looking at her beautifully vibrant eyes was... dynamic.
“Your detention shall be served tonight at 8, in Greenhouse 3. Professor Dorris has been asking for some assistance,” McGonnagal said. James was sure his face emanated horror. Though McGonnagal didn’t know the danger (for she thought Remus would be alone in the Shrieking Shack) James knew Moony would be running around the grounds, and now they, two humans, would be stuck out there with him. Of course, neither McGonnagal nor Lily knew that was why he was worried. “No, don’t look at me that way Mr. Potter, you deserve it. Now, off to your next class.”
James hurried from the room, grabbing his bag as he left, both angered at the predicament and worried about how much more Lily must hate him now. He stopped and waited for Lily to leave the class, figuring he might as well apologize to her now so some of the misery would go away.
Now I won’t be able to keep Remus company... Mental to-do list: 1) Tell them I won’t be able to come with them tonight. 2) Avoid being killed for it. 3) Explain that they should be able to make it in and out of the castle just fine by using the Map if they’re careful enough. 4) Bring invisibility cloak to detention, just incase the gang comes near the Greenhouses. 5) Keep Lily from discovering the true meanings behind the names Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs!
Lily rounded the corner quickly, and collided into James. Though he didn’t mind the closeness, he placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and held her away at an arms length. He stared at her in her eyes, hoping to get through the anger she was undoubtedly feeling towards him.
“Lily, we’re both being difficult. And I know that we’re stubborn enough that if one of us doesn’t apologize soon, we’re going to be fighting forever, and there’s no way in the world that I would ever want that.” he cracked a smile. “So I just wanted to swallow my pride and say “ “
“No, James,” she said quietly, and though James was relieved that she wasn’t shouting, and that she used his first name, the smile slid right off his face. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say. Just...let me go.”
Once again, she pulled out of his grasp and walked away from him, James more confused than ever. Damn!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another tad bit of a slow one. Don't worry, Ch 4 is anything but that. I'm sorry Lily seems weak (she's really not, as will be illustrated in later chapters) but don't worry, her disposition will definitly improve in the next chapter.
Here's a spoiler from Ch 4, titled Freedom (one of my favoite chapters):
It was a fully-fledged, adolescent werewolf, a specimen much shaggier and larger than a normal wolf, with evil red eyes, inch long fangs, and a keen sense of both hearing and smell. And at the moment his ears were pricked, and his nose twitching, scenting out the air.
Lily saw him too, and shank back against the trunk, eyes wide and horrified.