(A/N: Hi! It's me again!! *dodges tomatoes being thrown at her from angry readers* Gah! I'M SORRY!! I have like a phobia of updating quickly!!! You guys completely deserve a quick writer who updates all the time because you are all such lovely, wonderful, loyal, amazing, humorous *insert many other flattering things here* readers!! Um, sorry in advance if there is any obnoxious fluff in this chapter. I tried to keep it under control, but it may have escaped. I dunno. Read to find out!! LOVE YOU!)
Disclaimer: I claim NOTHING! NOTHING EXCEPT SLOW UPDATES!!! (Which I am INCREDIBLY sorry for, and I'll TRY to be faster!!! I really really will!!!)
Chapter 22: Sirius the Savior
Sirius was impossible to miss as Lily stepped inside, mostly because she almost ran straight into him. He knelt on the floor and a rather large gold trophy rested on his lap as he polished it with a rag. A small frown creased his forehead as he concentrated on his task. Next, as Filch lead her through the room, Lily spotted James. She felt a little pull at her heart and a jump in her stomach. She couldn’t decided if this was nerves or something else. Not wanting to consider the latter, Lily brushed the feeling off as nerves. She was just anxious about the inevitable confrontation with James, she told herself, nothing more.
“Right here, Miss Evans,” Filch directed her to a space directly between James and Sirius with a malicious grin. Lily kept her face impassive. All the things she needed for her task already lay on the floor. Lily knelt in the same fashion as Sirius, picked up a rag and began the grueling and mundane work. Filch continued to stand in the room to watch them work. Once in a while he would bark out things like “I still see grime there, Black!” or “You missed a spot Potter!” and his favourite, “Put some muscle into it, Evans!”
After an hour or so Lily was fighting to control her temper. She desired nothing more at that time than to whip out her wand and cry, “Silencio!” To stop Filch’s constant flow of criticism and degrading remarks. She managed to stop herself by imagining Filch’s face on whatever trophy she was polishing and scrub at it relentlessly. This helped to a certain degree, but after about fifteen minutes she felt as though her arm was about to fall off.
She also had a bothersome prickling feeling at the back of her neck as though someone were watching her besides Filch. Once she thought she caught James’s gaze on her, but when she sneaked a peak his familiar hazel eyes were locked on the trophy he was working on. She noticed that he had a little smirk playing on his lips, and she wondered what he found so amusing.
Around the second hour a loud meow from the door way interrupted the silence. Mrs Norris sauntered in and wound herself around Filch’s legs, purring. Then she headed back out the doorway her tail twitching.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, narrowing his eyes to glare at his three captive students. “If I even hear someone so much as breathe too loudly you’ll all be back here every night of the week for the next two months!” He pointed his finger at each of them in turn and then followed his beloved cat out the door into the black corridor beyond.
James and Sirius waited until the sound of the caretaker’s footsteps disappeared before throwing down their rags in disgust. “Thought he’d never leave,” Sirius said with a groan as he shook out his polishing arm.
“Me either,” James agreed before switching his gaze onto Lily. “So, how hard was it for you to avoid me all week?” He asked in mock good nature.
Lily felt her cheeks go red immediately. She moved her head so that her hair fell to cover her face and her blush too. “What are you on about, Potter?” she said with what she hoped sounded like contempt.
“Fine, act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s not important. I know you missed me,” he said and she could tell by his tone that he was smirking. Immediately, Lily’s temper sparked. He thought he was so charming, so irresistible. He really thought that she couldn’t get him off of her mind! She’d show him. He’d be sorry he even opened his fat mouth. She looked at him fiercely, her green eyes practically sparking in her fury.
But just as she opened her mouth to lay into him, he caught her eyes with his. They were dull, almost lifeless and it made her hesitate. There wasn’t the usual mischievous glint she was so used to seeing, nor the arrogance that she claimed she hated so much. “You think too much of yourself,” she muttered half-heartedly and then quickly looked back to the trophy in her lap.
“Impossible,” James snapped back.
Lily realized how much she missed him. How they used to argue. How he used to pursue her relentlessly even though she was openly cruel and insulting towards him. She’d never endured this much time without James while she was at Hogwarts. He had always been there, to pick on her, to ask her out, even occasionally to cheer her up when she felt down (though those times were few and she’d promised him an early death should he mention it to anyone). But most of all she missed the opportunities they’d never had. She wanted to be with him again, because as corny as it was, it felt so right.
“What Prongsie here is trying to say Lilikins is that he’s sorry for what he said,” Sirius said and both Lily and James’s heads snapped sideways to look at him. “Sorry for what he said, yes, but not for what he did. And that’s because you don’t know everything.”
“Sirius, shut up,” James muttered, glaring at his friend.
Sirius just shook his head as though it was all a little too sad for him to take. “You two are both so wound up in your own pride to even admit to yourselves that you both made a mistake. Stop being so bloody stubborn for a moment and you’ll realize that you’re both miserable!” he said raising his voice as his frustration became eminent in his tone. At that moment they all heard the rushing footsteps as Filch hurried back to his victims. “Here. This is what he wants to tell you but is too thick to actually do it,” Sirius continued in a lower tone, very much aware that Filch would be only too happy to have Sirius committed to detention for the rest of the year. He pulled out a fair sized piece of parchment from his robe pocket and tossed it at Lily. It skidded on the floor in front of her and she reached to pick it up.
Filch burst into the room just as Lily tucked the parchment into her pocket. Sirius was already back to polishing his trophy a look of complete innocence on his face. Lily hurried to do the same. She couldn’t help glancing at James. His face was ashen as he worked. His eyes darted to the side and for a brief moment they met Lily’s. Quickly, she looked away. The parchment seemed to burn in her pocket. She wondered if what Sirius said was true. She also wondered if James felt as chastened as she did at that moment.
~*~
When Filch finally, although somewhat reluctantly, declared them free to go Lily’s arms felt like lead and ached. By the way both James and Sirius were rubbing their arms she guessed they felt the same. She was too tired to attempt to slip away from them and make her way to the Gryffindor common room on her own. Also, Annabelle’s warning was fresh in her mind. Instead she walked along beside the two marauders in complete silence.
It occurred to Lily that maybe James really didn’t want her to read whatever it was Sirius had given her. She recalled the look on his face. It also occurred to her that she didn’t really want to read an apology or an explanation. She wanted to hear it from him. Whether as an excuse for her to talk to him or because it seemed a little awkward for her to read something he wrote and then have to approach him on it didn’t know. Lily fingered the parchment, hesitant of what action to take. But James decided for her.
“Can I have that letter back?” he asked as they approached the Fat Lady’s portrait. “Mind your own business, Sirius,” he added, responding to the glare Sirius was throwing his way. Sirius just threw his arms up in the air like ‘what am I to do with such a thick best friend?’ and disappeared through the portrait hole after growling the password.
Wordlessly Lily made to hand it back to him, but at the last second, just as she was about to transfer it into his outstretched hand, she pulled back shaking her head. “No,” she said quietly.
His jaw dropped. He hadn’t been expecting her to refuse. For a moment he appeared to be at a total loss of what to do. “I never asked for Sirius to give you that,” he managed.
Lily nodded in understanding. “Alright, that’s fine.” She took a deep breath and pushed away the voice of her pride, screaming at her to walk away and escape to her dormitory where Raven would surely be waiting to comfort her. “I want another chance, James. I wouldn’t listen to you before, but I’m willing to listen now. I think that your explanation is in this letter... I’d rather hear it from you, but if you don’t want to tell me... I mean... I think I deserve to know.”
James opened his mouth but Lily held her hand up and he closed it again. “You have to let me continue or I’ll never be able to say this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was scared, and tried to hide that with anger. I’m sorry I blamed you for everything and didn’t wait for you to explain yourself. But you’re going to have to understand that I’m not used to feeling helpless. I hate feeling helpless and that’s exactly how you made me feel when you stunned me. And I have to know. I have to know why you thought I couldn’t help; why you thought I would be in the way.” Tears fought to escape from Lily’s eyes and slide down her cheeks. She blinked furiously, determined not to lose control in front of James. She couldn’t hide that she was shaking though. Her entire body shook and she felt inexplicably cold even though it was quite warm in the castle. She’d said what she needed to and it was now all up to him. Once again, she couldn’t control the feeling of helplessness.
He reached out to her, rubbed her arm in a comforting way that made her skin tingle. She still clutched the letter and he pried it from her fingers. “This Lily,” he said, waving it a respectful distance from her face, “Is exactly what you don’t need to hear. Sirius never read it. He didn’t know what was in it, but assumed it was foolish love-struck rambling that was bound to get us back together. Or at least on speaking terms.” At that moment he deposited the letter in his pocket, looking around warily, he pulled her into an alcove so that they were better hidden. The Fat Lady would not be able to hear what they said.
“I wanted to explain to you before I stunned you... but you might recall that we were a little short of time,” he smiled a little sadly at that and Lily unconsciously responded with a tiny smile of her own. “Sirius, Peter and I are animagi. We have been since 5th year and had been trying to be since 2nd year when we confronted Remus about his furry little problem.”
“Animagi aren’t affected by werewolf bites...” Lily heard herself say aloud her thoughts. What a brilliant idea. “But it’s so dangerous. You could’ve got it wrong and...”
“Which is the reason we took three years to develop a spell we felt completely confidant about,” James explained, and it seemed like he couldn’t restrain himself in adding, “It wasn’t that hard to do anyway.”
Several questions filled Lily’s thoughts. But she knew the answers to most of them. One of her first thoughts were ‘are you registered?’ and she knew the answer would be ‘no’. Of course they wouldn’t have registered. She settled for the one question she couldn’t find the answer to on her own, “What do you turn into?”
“A stag. Sirius becomes a dog and Peter a rat.”
“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs,” Lily breathed. Finally a curiosity of two years had been answered. She’d always wondered about the nicknames. She looked to James who was nodding.
“Am I forgiven?” he asked. She appreciated that he pretended as though he still thought she wouldn’t forgive him, but she could tell by the smile threatening to take over his lips that he knew she would.
She could’ve answered with words, but Lily was tired of talking. She was upset with wasting an entire week avoiding James when she could have been with him. When she could have been happy instead of pretending to be. So instead of replying ‘yes’ she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. And finally, she felt like the world was right.
But I Do Love You by iheartyou
Chapter Notes: Summary: Lily, James and Sirius are all in detention as per their punishment for sneaking off of castle grounds to save Raven from being bitten by a werewolf... etc.
Lily and James aren't speaking to each other and both suffering for it. Sirius is tired of the nonsense. He's on a mission to bring them to their senses.