Shame and Regret
A week later, Harry and Ginny were due in detention together with Professor Snape. They had decided that, for Ginny’s safety, they should try to pretend that the break up had been real, and had not let on any clues to make people believe otherwise. They had told Ron and Hermione, of course, but Harry was still finding it increasingly difficult when he couldn’t talk to Ginny at all until they were completely alone, and even then they had to be careful.
So at seven that evening, Harry made his way down to the dungeons without Ginny, finding her outside Snape’s classroom when he got there. They did not speak to each other, but waited in silence, although Harry kept glancing at her because he found that for some reason he couldn’t help it.
The door of the dungeon opened, and Professor Snape beckoned them inside.
“You will scrub out every cauldron “ by hand “ using the wire brushes at the back. If I hear one peep out of you, it will be fifty points from Gryffindor before you can say ‘Quidditch’,” said Snape coldly. “Get to work. And don’t let me hear you talking.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t be talking to him,” said Ginny, looking at Harry through narrowed eyes.
“Likewise,” replied Harry.
Snape swept into his office, closing the door behind him.
“Nice acting, Gin,” whispered Harry.
“Likewise,” she whispered back.
He smiled at her, and they got to work scrubbing the cauldrons. It was slow work, and the fumes from the remainders of potions made Harry’s head spin. On the third cauldron he went to clean, he started to feel very drowsy; it must have held a sleeping potion. As he repeatedly dragged the brush back and forth, he could feel his eyelids growing heavier and heavier, until his whole body slumped forwards suddenly, and he passed out cold…
“I’m so sorry, my Lord, but the plan failed,” said a tall, blond man, kneeling at his feet.
Rage seared inside him like an animal.
“No!” he screamed. “How could you let this happen?”
“My son, he did his best, but something terrible got in the way, my Lord,” stuttered the first man.
“What? What is so terrible that it can defeat one of my plans?”
The blond man hesitated and shuddered compulsively.
“L “ love, my Lord,” he mumbled, as though it were a thing which should never be mentioned.
“HOW DARE YOU!”
His body was pulsing with anger.
“Nagini! Get rid of this useless servant!”
“No, please no,” begged the man at his feet, but a diamond-patterned snake was already slithering towards him out of the darkness, rearing its head, getting ready to strike…
“Harry! Harry, wake up! Please, Harry, you’re scaring me!”
He felt a cold hand touch his face and he wrenched his eyes open to see Ginny, holding him tightly in his arms and looking at him as though she was terrified of what he might do next.
“Malfoy…” he whispered weakly.
“Malfoy?” said Ginny. “Harry, what’s going on? What happened?”
“He’s angry. He set his snake on Malfoy,” Harry told her.
“Who? Voldemort?”
At this point, Snape’s voice cut in.
“What on earth do you think you’re doing? Why are you not working?”
“We need to see Professor Dumbledore, sir,” said Ginny shakily.
“Whatever for?”
“It’s about Voldemort, sir,” she answered bravely.
Snape seemed to consider this for a moment.
“Alright, you can go,” he said sternly, “but you will continue this detention another night.”
Ginny did not reply, but stood up and helped Harry to his feet. Once they were outside the door, she looked up at Harry anxiously.
“So, what did you see exactly?” she asked.
Harry told her what he had seen, and he could tell that, for once, someone was taking him completely seriously. They arrived at Dumbledore’s office, knocked on the door, and entered. Professor Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, using the tip of his wand to extract silvery thoughts from his head, and then watching them swirl gracefully in his Pensieve.
“Even an old man’s brain can become too overloaded sometimes,” he said distantly, without looking at them. “What can I do for you two?”
“Harry had a vision of Voldemort, sir” said Ginny when Harry didn’t answer.
“I see, and what happened exactly?”
“Lucius Malfoy,” said Harry, finding his voice. “He said that his son had failed, and Voldemort got really angry and set Nagini “ that’s his snake “ on him. He told him to get rid of him.”
Dumbledore surveyed Harry for a moment.
“Um, sir?” said Ginny timidly. “I think Harry may have spoken in Parseltongue when he was having the vision. He kind of “ hissed.”
Harry could not bear to look at her once she’d told him this. It was embarrassing, and she sounded somewhat fearful of him because of it.
“It doesn’t really surprise me that Harry spoke some of what he witnessed out loud,” said Professor Dumbledore. “I’m sure you will both have realised that this was probably about what happened last week concerning your relationship.”
“Yes, sir,” said Harry, wondering how Dumbledore knew about that, and glancing at Ginny.
She smiled at him uncertainly, then looked away.
“Does this mean that it was Draco who did it?” asked Ginny.
“It certainly does seem that way, Miss Weasley,” replied Dumbledore. “Now, if you’ll excuse me for a moment. I need to alert the Order of what has happened immediately.”
Harry and Ginny nodded, and the Headmaster swept from the room, leaving them alone together. Harry did not make eye contact with Ginny at all in those few minutes, and before long, Dumbledore was back with them.
“I have had a rather excellent idea,” he told them. “I am not sure whether it will work, but it is definitely worth a try.”
He gestured for them to sit down in the two purple armchairs which he conjured next to his desk, then continued.
“It is the art of relaxation of the mind and body, taking it to a level where no unwanted thoughts or feelings can directly harm it, and the person involved can feel totally free,” Dumbledore told them.
“But, sir, why will this help us?” asked Harry, completely lost at why Dumbledore thought this was such an ‘excellent idea’.
“Maybe not so much Miss Weasley here “ although I’m sure you will find that here are benefits if you do take part “ but I am sure that you will both agree that you, Harry, are going to have some extremely difficult things to deal with over the next year or so. This magic could help you to keep calm even when you feel like the whole world is against you, and I am determined to make sure that you do not lose sight of the things which are most important to you “ “ his eyes twitched towards Ginny as he said this “ “as you face what might happen in the near future.”
Harry considered this for a moment. He was torn between feeling anger at the old man sitting in front of him for even suggesting that he might need to do some sort of sissy meditation, and relief that this might be a way to keep his mind off things.
“What would I have to do?” asked Harry, trying to delay the time when he would have to decide.
“Well, actually, you wouldn’t have to do very much at all,” said Dumbledore. “I was hoping that Ginny might help us there.”
He looked up at her hopefully. Ginny looked rather surprised at the sudden mention of her name.
“If Harry wants me to help then I’ll do whatever it takes,” she said, her eyes fixed on the headmaster.
“Would you mind if I spoke with Harry alone for a moment?” asked Dumbledore.
“Whatever you tell me I want Ginny to hear too,” interrupted Harry.
“Very well,” said the Professor, looking sincere. “I want you to know that you probably should not practise this form of magic if there is any chance that this “" he waved his finger between Harry and Ginny “ “ will not last. I do not think that it would be wise.”
Harry didn’t even have to consider the answer to this question, and Ginny was shaking her head.
“That won’t be happening,” he said firmly.
“You’re absolutely sure?” asked Dumbledore.
“I love her,” said Harry decisively, and he saw Ginny smile gently out of the corner of his eye.
Dumbledore’s eyes sparkled with what looked like a cross between triumph and worry, and he turned to Ginny.
“It’s true, sir,” she said softly. “I love him too.”
“In that case, I can see no reason why you shouldn’t at least try this. If anything, your feelings will make it more successful,” said Dumbledore. “What I want you to do is every evening, go to the Room of Requirement. You should spend half an hour there “ more if you wish “ practising this magic. Ginny, I will be teaching you how to execute it.”
Ginny nodded.
“Actually,” Dumbledore continued, “it might be more effective if Harry doesn’t know what to expect. Do you mind?”
“Not at all, I’ll wait outside,” said Harry.
He left the office, his head buzzing with thoughts, and waited for Ginny by the stone gargoyle at the bottom of the staircase. She emerged quite a while later, took his hand, and they proceeded to walk back to their Common Room.
“Don’t you think that we should still be careful?” Harry asked her, taking his hand out of hers.
“No, there’s no point now that Voldemort knows we’re back together,” she answered bluntly, taking his hand again.
“But don’t you think we should still play it a bit cooler or something?” he asked.
“Oh right, yeah, that’d be great if I never saw you,” she said sarcastically.
“We’ll still see each other, just less often, that’s all,” said Harry, getting a bit annoyed.
“So you’re fed up of spending time with me?” she said accusingly.
“Whatever, Ginny,” said Harry, his voice rising. He wrenched his hand out of hers this time. “You’re twisting my words now. I never said that I didn’t want to spend time with you!”
“That’s what it sounded like to me,” she mumbled back.
“Of course that’s not what I want,” Harry protested. “I just think that if there’s any chance that this fake break-up might help to protect you, then we should do all we can to encourage the rumours!”
Ginny stopped walking as they reached the Fat Lady’s corridor.
“For Merlin’s sake, Harry!” she yelled. “Haven’t I told you a thousand times before? I don’t care if it’s me who gets in Voldemort’s way of you! I love you and I want to stand by you through this, not watch as you struggle alone!”
“Oh stop being so selfish!” Harry yelled back. “Fine, stand in the way of Voldemort, but what am I meant to do when you’re gone? Not only would I have to live my whole life without you, but I’d have to live with the guilt of knowing that it was because of me that you had died!”
Ginny watched unflinchingly as he swore loudly.
“I can’t stand this any more! I can’t stand knowing that one day I’ll have to fight him again; I can’t stand living every day with the people I love, knowing that it might just be the last; I can’t stand loving you because I know that every moment I do, you’re the one he’ll target; I CAN’T STAND BEING BLOODY HARRY POTTER!”
Harry turned on his heel and marched off down the corridor, in the opposite direction from the Common Room, leaving Ginny standing there “ too shocked to do anything to stop him. He didn’t know where he was going, he just had to get out of this monotonous place. Maybe he would go and live in Hogsmeade: take residence in the cave that Sirius had stayed in, live his life as a rogue wanderer, going wherever his thoughts took him.
Before he could think any further, he was at the oak entrance doors, pushing them open with a slam and striding out into the rain that was driving down upon the Hogwarts grounds. The moon was shadowed by cloud, so it was almost totally dark as he made his way towards the winged boars at the gates. Soon enough, his whole body was drenched through, and the initial rage was wearing off, leaving only misery and self-pity.
Too exhausted to carry on, he subsided hopelessly onto the muddy grass, the weather still tirelessly beating at him from all angles, but he did not care enough to move. After a while of trying to recall the reason he was mad at Ginny, he remembered how he had acted. Why couldn’t he keep his temper under control for once? She’d never take him back now “ if Harry was right in thinking that an argument like this meant a break up. How the hell was he supposed to know?
“Women,” he said to himself. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”
Deciding that he should probably get inside, considering the weather, he got up and turned towards the castle doors. There, standing at the bottom of the entrance steps, was a young girl with long hair, her clothes dripping wet and clinging to her due to the fact that they were utterly saturated with water.
“Ginny…” Harry whispered.
He started to run, stopping just before he reached her.
“Ginny I “ “ started Harry, but she interrupted him.
“Look, I know you’re going through a lot at the moment, and I know it must be hard for you, but you can’t expect me just to stand by and watch as you battle through your troubles alone. I want to be here for you, and if all you can say is that I’m being selfish by doing that, then you are not the person I thought you were.”
She started to walk away from the castle, away from Harry and the heart inside him which had just been ripped in two, but she turned back.
“Oh, and don’t try to follow me. I don’t really want to talk to you right now,” she said, before disappearing into the night.
Harry stood there, lost for words, his body frozen with shame and regret at the things that he had said to her earlier that evening. He stared into the darkness after her, but all he could see was a looming black space, brightened only by the dull sheets of rain slicing down through the troubled sky. He had no idea how long he stayed there, all he knew was that by the time he got inside, his whole body was numb with cold, and he was the only person in the castle who was still awake…
Coming up in this story:
“Get help,” he repeated, more firmly this time. “Now.”
“Why?” asked Ginny. “Harry, what’s wrong?”
She looked concerned, as if she could sense his fear. Harry grabbed her by the arm and pulled her over to the window, forcing her to look out.
“What the “ ?“ she whispered.
A/N: please R/R if you have time! I always reply to them. Keep reading to find out if Harry and Ginny can work through their first major argument...