And I’d give up forever to touch you
Hermione walked into Tonks’ house. It wasn’t clean, but it wasn’t messy either. It was… lived in. She remembered when she and Harry first walked into Godric’s Hollow, and how they spent 2 days making it livable for them and the twins. They’d given each other back massages after working.
’Cause I know that you feel me somehow
She missed holding his hand. That was the hardest part. She wanted to be able to hold *some* part of him… and she couldn’t.
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
Tonks walked in behind her, smiling as she remembered her feelings of utopia as she had loved Remus. She remembered talking to Hermione after she had fallen for Harry, hearing Hermione say how she entered paradise every time he smiled at her.
And I don’t want to go home right now
Parvati had sent an owl to Hermione, telling her to take her time coming back as Headmistress, that she, Lavender, Seamus, and Dean had everything under control. Hermione didn’t want to go back, knowing that every minute she was there would remind her of Harry, Ron, Neville, Luna, and Ginny. Every corner would remind her of all the teachers and friends she’d ever had, and how she’d lost almost every one of them.
And all I can taste is this moment
Tonks gently kept Hermione moving, up the stairs and into a big room with an en suite bathroom. Hermione felt like she was in a hotel. Tonks put her bags on the bad, gestured to the towels, and conjured up a box of Kleenex. She left the room, quietly shutting the door on her way out. Hermione grabbed the Kleenex, flung herself on the bed, and cried. She cried over Harry, her friends, and herself; she was so disappointed at herself for carrying on like this.
And all I can breathe is your life
She finally stopped crying and began to unpack her bag. The smell of Harry hit her like a tidal wave. His aroma of… she couldn’t even describe it. It was just… him. Every time she’d hugged, kissed, or stood next to him, that smell would make her weak at the knees.
And sooner or later it’s over
She knew she’d have to move on with her life, but it was too hard. She felt it was an insult to his memory if she attempted to be happy. She might have been able to try if James and Lily were still alive, but no; Voldemort had to kill them too, right in front of her. Those nightmares would never stop, and her thoughts would never forget, so how could she move on?
I just don’t want to miss you tonight
Term started tomorrow. She knew she needed to go back. It would help her deal and get over the memories if she went. She decided to pack her trunk. Luckily, she had stored it here during the battle, because this had been their meeting spot. She hoped the nightmares didn’t come tonight. Sleep would help her cope better with her new life.
And I don’t want the world to see me
The first thing she packed was Harry’s invisibility cloak. She needed a way to go through the castle without being seen if she needed to. She remembered the countless times she, Harry, and Ron had hidden under it to go millions of places.
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
Through their 7 years at Hogwarts and their 2 years of working/training, the cloak had remained a secret between the trio. Harry had wanted it to go to James when he got old enough, but Hermione thought that it would lead him away from his studies.
When everything’s made to be broken
As she looked through her textbooks, she read the doodles she, Ron, and Harry had done on them through the years, much to Madam Pince’s dismay. For her, everything was about books; Harry, Quidditch; Ron, chess. Her heart was aching looking at all of them.
I just want you to know who I am
When she got to her notebooks, a note fell out. It was from Harry. He had written it just before he had asked her out in their 7th year; just after her birthday. She sat down on the bed and began to read it:
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Hermione,
I know I should be studying, but I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about something… something important that I think you should know about
She remembered reading that line the first time, a feeling rising in her heart about what was to come. She smiled as she read on.
Or the moment of truth in your lies
I know we’ve been friends for awhile, and that this could hurt that friendship, but you need to know. I love you; not only as a friend, but as someone I want to be with. I’ve been lying to myself everyday, believing that I just cared for you like a sister. I realize now that I love you from the depths of my soul and the bottom of my heart.
Yours forever,
Harry.
She remembered feeling shocked, yet happy at this part. She had liked him for awhile, but had stayed away for Ginny’s sake. Now, it was almost like she had permission to like him publicly.
When everything feels like the movies
She had rushed over to him and threw her arms around him. As he slowly responded and returned the hug, she whispered in his ear, “I love you, too”. He pulled back, with a questioning look on his face, then smiled and kissed her.
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive
She smiled as she put the note back into her book, and placed in the trunk. She slowly went around the room, collecting things to take with her, but turning them over and reliving the memories they held before she placed them in. As she went to put in a stack of parchment, she cut her finger. It bled, slowly and painfully, and she just watched. She watched as the drop of blood grew, then fell, dripping down until it landed on her shoe, the shoe covered in everyone else’s blood.
And I don’t want the world to see me
She looked down and watched as the shoe’s fabric absorbed the blood, alongside the other splatters. She took off the shoes and placed them in her trunk too, after wrapping them in the invisibility cloak.
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
As she went to close her trunk, Tonks knocked on the door. Hermione walked over and opened it, smiling as Tonks gave her a big hug. She went and sat on the bed, looked at the trunk and sighed. “I knew you would go,” she said, with a sad smile on her face. “I need to,” Hermione said. “I need to be where we were happy together. Where everyone was happy together.” “I know,” Tonks said, “I just hoped you would stay for awhile.”
When everything’s made to be broken
Hermione wanted to stay, she really did. But she’d never be able to move on with her life until she went back and plunged herself into the past. She needed to go to Hogwarts. That’s where everything started.
I just want you to know who I am
Tonks left the room, mentioning that she’d make Hermione food for the train ride there and that she’d be up reading if she needed to talk. Hermione ran after her, gave a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then went back to packing.
And I don’t want the world to see me
After the last thing was put in, Hermione changed into her pajamas and lay on the guest bed. She looked up at the roof, smiled, and muttered a spell that made the ceiling like Hogwarts’. She watched as the stars became brighter, the moon became whiter, and the sky became darker. She felt so small looking at all of it.
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
She smiled, remembering when she, Harry, and Ron spent a night outside one night in their sixth year, sleeping under the stars. Neither of the boys realized how amazed she’d felt just lying there with the universe all over her.
When everything’s made to be broken
Hermione’s heart was aching. She didn’t have Harry to hold or kiss or talk to. Her other 2 best friends were so close to death, she practically didn’t have them either. She decided to go visit Tonks.
I just want you to know who I am
As she approached Tonks’ room, she heard sobbing. Heart-wrenching, full body aching sobs. Then Tonks’ voice: “Lupin, I need you! Why did you leave me? I miss you so much!”
And I don’t want the world to see me
Hermione knocked lightly on the door, then walked in. Tonks looked at Hermione, then collapsed on the floor, crying hysterically. Hermione rushed over, scooped her up, and placed her on the bed. She held her as she cried.
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
Hermione felt that Tonks was the only one who understood what she was going through. Now she realized that she was the same to Tonks. They were the only ones who knew what it was like to lose a close one like this.
When everything’s made to be broken
Tonks clung on to Hermione like a toddler. Hermione stroked Tonks’ hair and kept telling her that everything was going to be ok. Slowly, Tonks began to drift off to sleep, finally curling up in a ball, and looking somewhat at ease.
I just want you to know who I am
Hermione gave Tonks one last hug, then went to bed. She lay there, looking up, thinking of everything that had happened in the past few days. She felt like another person tonight.
I just want you to know who I am
She thought of her first year at Hogwarts. She was herself, and she got friends. She broke down one time that year, and that was when she got friends.
I just want you to know who I am
Her second and third years, she slowly began to change, but it was by her fourth year that she really calmed down and didn’t worry so much about school. Well, she worried, but not as crazily.
I just want you to know who I am
When people had made fun of her friends, or told lies about them, she didn’t get aggravated; she just tried to help them along. In their fifth and sixth year however, she had had enough, and wanted to show that she wasn’t afraid to publicly stick up for them.
I just want you to know who I am
Still thinking about leaving on the train tomorrow, Hermione rolled over, and fell asleep.