They were worlds apart.
He watched her as she cried with her back to him. The moonlight from the window outlined her figure-standing tall and upright, but with shoulders heaving every so often. He saw the way the moonlight made the loose strands of her red hair seem like they were glowing; the way teardrops shone as they made their way down her cheeks.
He could not do anything to help her now.
“Tell me why again,” she whispered so softly that he had to take a step closer to hear. “Just tell me again, please.”
“You already know why. Once my father finds out, you’ll be in danger,” he said. “Your family will be in danger.”
“Danger,” she repeated. “I’ve been in danger since I was born, didn’t you know? My family has faced danger time and again in an effort to fight for what is good in this world. Don’t you dare tell me that feeling like this-loving you- will put my life at risk.”
“You don’t, remember? You don’t love me. You could never love me. I thought we’d agreed on that.”
She turned her head slightly to look at him.
“When did we agree on that? I don’t seem to remember making that decision,” she challenged.
He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his blond head as he did so. Why did she have to be so damn stubborn?
She turned back to the window, sighing. He knew what the set of her shoulders, the incline of her head meant; it meant that she wasn’t going to give in to what he wanted her to do. It meant that she was going to fight him until he gave in to what she wanted.
Somewhere inside of him, in the part of himself where he could not seem to lie, he knew that what he was asking of her was far from what he wanted. He wanted her with him; he needed her with him. But what his father would do to her when he found out…that was another thing altogether.
He couldn’t ask any more from her. To keep silent, to not warn her away just because of how much he wanted her with him was utter selfishness.
Damn her. Damn her and the recklessness of her youth. Damn her looks, her charm and her so-called love for him. Damn her and her romantic notions of risking everything for love.
“You’re scared,” her voice broke through his musings.
“What?”
“You’re scared,” she repeated. “You’re scared of your father and what he might do to you. You’re scared of him, and that fear is more powerful than what I allegedly mean to you. That’s why, isn’t it? That’s the real reason why.”
He clenched his fists. She was playing with him; he knew it, but he was falling into her trap. He knew she was goading him into admitting what he’d never admitted; knew that she was trying to get him to change his mind.
By God, she was winning yet again.
He approached her, stopping only when he was directly behind her, their robes not quite touching. He positioned his head such that his mouth was right beside her ear.
“I’m not scared of what he might do to me,” he hissed. “I’m scared of what he might do to you. Don’t you understand? I’m scared for you. You’ve never been at his mercy, you don’t know what he can do-and I don’t want you to ever find out.”
She didn’t reply. She didn’t move. In fact, she gave no sign that she’d heard what he said.
“There, you heard me say it,” he continued. “I’m scared. And yes, that fear of what he might do to you is so powerful that I would rather lose you like this. I’d rather bring it upon myself to stay away from you rather than go crazy wondering if he knows and what he’s planning every time you’re not with me. “
Another tear rolled down her cheek.
“You’re not going to lose me,” she whispered back.
“Yes, I am. One way or another, I’m going to lose you. We’re worlds apart.”
“No.”
He touched his lips to her cheek once…then again…
“He’s going to find out. He’s going to separate us,” he whispered in between kisses.
“He doesn’t know how obstinate I can be,” she replied.
“You don’t know how cruel he can be.”
“You’re still trying to dissuade me, aren’t you? You don’t know how obstinate I can be, then.”
“I can’t protect you.”
She turned at his statement, searching for his eyes as she did so; he could tell, though his gaze was focused on the scenery outside the window. Then, she touched his cheek to make him look at her.
“I can protect myself,” she said softly.
“Then protect yourself now. Stay away from me. This is the only way I can think of-“
“No, all right? The answer is no.”
He looked at her, noticing how her eyes seemed to shine a bit more than usual in the moonlight. If anything, her decision seemed to be final.
He sighed. He planted a kiss on her forehead.
“I could still argue with you about this, you know,” he spoke against her skin. “But I won’t. We’d be arguing all night.”
She leaned into him and he felt her arms circle his waist. He reciprocated the motion.
They would argue about this some other time. For now, she had won him over; for now, he would give in to her; for now, she was safe.
For now, he would be selfish for just a while longer.