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Disclaimer: And so the scribes of the city heard the words from on high and cast them into the very stones of the earth: Unto JKR, all. Unto myself, nothing.
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It hadn’t taken her long to find him. Of course, it was not for nothing that she had been recognized as one of the brightest witches of her generation. She still did not know what to make of that. She knew that she was smart, but surely there were many smart witches around her age across the globe. Besides, she had so very much to learn. She still made so many mistakes, tonight’s search, for example. At first, she had tried to deduce logically where he must be hiding. When that had inevitably failed, she’d instead tried something new. She cleared her mind and just tried to think of him, to think like him, and, just like that, she’d known.
“Hermione,” Harry muttered as she sat down beside him at the edge of the reflecting pool.
“Harry,” she replied quietly. Across the hedgerows, they could hear the distant sounds of the wedding, still in full swing. Glasses tinkled, music played, happy chatter and laughter filled the air. Here by the water’s edge, though, all sounds were muted.
“Well?” Harry asked impatiently. Like a cat, sharp retorts rested behind lips, ready to spring forth: nothing is wrong, leave me alone, it’s nothing, I’m fine, I want to be by myself, there’s nothing you can do, there’s nothing anyone can do, I don’t want to talk about it, there’s nothing to say, it doesn’t matter, I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me, where’s Ron, it’s none of your business.
Hermione met his gaze impassively. She could sense the words lurking. “No, Harry,” she eventually said, “not tonight. No questions. No unsought advice. No lectures.” She smiled and gently laid her hand down upon his in the grass and turned her attention back to the water.
Confused, Harry also cast his gaze out across the pool. A light breeze ruffled the stars as they twinkled there. This was unusual, but somehow it was nice. Though he did not like to admit it to himself, he really did hate to be alone. Together, they sat in silence for some time. Finally, he turned once again to face her.
“Why?” he asked simply.
“I’m not sure,” she answered slowly. “I guess part of growing up is learning how to be a better friend.” She smiled warmly and patted his hand.
“You’ve always been one of my very best friends, Hermione,” Harry insisted.
“I know that,” she replied, “but sometimes I think I’ve not done a very good job of it. It’s tough, you know. I always have so many ideas about what everyone should do, about how to make things better. It only took me a little over six years to figure out that sometimes you don’t want answers, you just want company.” She laughed lightly, but Harry could hear the twinge of sorrow there.
“Of course, sometimes I’m better off with answers, even if I don’t want to hear them,” he said gently. “You always keep us honest, Ron and I. You don’t let us lie to you, to each other, to ourselves.” Harry spun slightly on the grass so he was facing his friend more directly. “I mean it, Hermione, you are a wonderful friend and I know that it hasn’t been an easy thing. I know I can be kind of hard to be friends with.”
“Sometimes,” Hermione admitted. “But I wouldn’t trade you for anyone, Harry.” Giving his hand a light squeeze, she let them both fall back into a comfortable silence. Again, they simply sat together, gazing out across the water.
“You’re right, you know,” Harry eventually said, adding, “as always.” He grinned at her sheepishly. “I guess I could be a bit more forthcoming. It’s not very fair of me to expect my friends to read my mind just because my enemies can.”
Hermione bit back a hundred replies and instead waited patiently, meeting his look with as much encouragement as she could put into her eyes.
“I guess you’re wondering why I’m out here instead of back there.” Harry gestured over his shoulder toward the other part of the gardens where the wedding was still rolling along.
“I had some theories on that,” she answered with a chuckle.
“Theories, you?” Harry laughed and Hermione responded in kind. After they settled down, he continued. “I’m not sure really.”
“Does it start with a ‘G’ and end with a ‘y’?”
Harry sighed heavily. “Probably,” he admitted. “You probably think I’m being an idiot about this. I mean, it’s not like she isn’t in danger anyway, just for being who she is.”
Hermione thought for a moment. “I don’t think I’m really qualified to offer much advice on relationships, Harry, seeing as how none of mine have ever seemed to work out.” She wistfully looked back towards the party.
“You know he really likes you, right?” Harry asked. “He already loves you as a friend, and is probably not that far from the rest already. Why don’t you just talk to him about it?”
Hermione arched an eyebrow pointedly. “Obvious, is it? If it is so obvious to everyone, why do they think I haven’t done just what you suggest?”
Harry stared her, unsure how to respond.
Hermione rolled her eyes and lay back on the grass, sighing wistfully. “You just don’t get it, do you? I love you both. I have for the longest time.” Raising her head to meet his panicked gaze, she quickly added, “As friends, Harry. Love you both as friends. That was confusing enough, then I had to go ahead and hit puberty.” Though it was hard to tell in the dark, she could feel the heat of his blush and it made her smile.
“That’s right, Harry. What was a poor girl like me to do? I’d never had many friends anyway, and now all of a sudden I was best friends with two very kind, intelligent, honorable, and good-looking boys, neither of whom saw me as anything other than one of the lads. You’re both wonderful, but you’re both so very different. Sometimes, my crush would jump from one to the other as many as ten times a day.” Hermione paused, suddenly aware that Harry was laughing and shaking his head.
“You… you had a crush on me…” he muttered, catching his breath. Seeing the hurt crease the corners of her eyes, Harry quickly calmed himself and clarified. “Hermione, do you really think that I never ever thought of you that way, too? You kissed me, you know, on the train platform.” He touched his cheek. Now, it was her turn to blush. He continued quietly, relishing the memory, “I know you meant it only as a friendly gesture, but…well, I’ve always considered that my first real kiss.” Harry lay down on his side, cocking one elbow and resting his head just a bit higher than Hermione’s as she lay on the grass.
Gazing up into his eyes, Hermione felt her breath catch in her chest. True, her crush on him had long since died. She had known for a while now who she truly loved. Still, with the sounds of soft music drifting overhead along with a hundred fireflies, with the soft breeze blowing across her suddenly hot skin, she found herself drawn into another place. She could see that he was right there with her. He closed his eyes and leaned down slowly. Hermione felt time stop as his lips chastely touched hers for a mere moment. In that brief second, she knew. They both knew. Perhaps somewhere, in some other universe or some world of dream and fantasy, Harry and Hermione ended up together, and in that mythical place, they were both very happy together. The real world, though, was a different story.
“Now we’re even,” Harry whispered. He rolled onto his back and lay beside her, holding her hand gently and watching the real stars in the sky, rather than the reflection in the water.
“Do you think that every boy and girl who are friends have to go through this?” Hermione asked some minutes later. “Maybe it’s a hormonal thing or something.”
Harry laughed. “Could be. I don’t know, Hermione. You’re the only good female friend I’ve ever had.”
“What about Ginny?”
“She’s different.”
“How so? Other than the obvious,” Hermione quickly added.
“I never even considered her a friend until the DA. She was just Ron’s sister,” Harry explained. “Then, she started talking to me and I found I really enjoyed it. She’s funny. She’s smart. Not as smart as you, of course, but different smart. Then we were teammates and had that in common, too. When I saw her with Dean that one day, I suddenly knew that I felt a lot more than friendship, though. After we started dating, well, it just felt right, but it all went by so quickly.”
Hermione rolled onto her side towards him, a bit confused. “So, does that mean she’s not a friend then?”
“It’s like the word doesn’t even apply anymore.” Harry kept his gaze firmly planted in the heavens as he struggled to put into words something he’d only barely begun to understand. “When I think about her, I feel like I’m standing on a precipice, like if I just let it happen, just take that one tiny step, that I will never be the same again. She’s dangerous, Hermione. She scares me.”
“What are you scared of, Harry?”
Harry turned suddenly to face her. “What are you scared of, Hermione?”
With a big gulp of air, Hermione braced herself, letting him change the subject. She knew it was almost as important for him to hear this as it was for her to finally say it out loud. “I’m scared of what will happen if he dies, Harry. I know we’ll be with you at the end. I know it’s foolish to think that there will be no casualties. I’m scared that if I let it all out and we build something, that it’s going to go away and I won’t be able to go on. Merlin, Harry, I love him so much. He has the truest, bravest heart of anyone. I’m afraid that if I mix it up with my own, and then one of us dies, that the other will have to as well. I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to hurt him if it’s me that… “
Harry nodded, gently brushing a tear from her cheek. “I’m afraid that I’m leading her down a false trail. I could love her. That’s one thing I realized finally, after Dumbledore died, when I really made myself think about things. Sure, I’d liked her, a lot. But, I could really truly love her, the forever kind of love. She’s that perfect for me. And I’m scared that I’m selfish enough to do it, and to let her love me back. I’m scared because I think she could love me and I have no idea why she would. I’m scared that somehow I’d be lying to her.”
She simply stared at him, her mind whirling. She knew, of course, that he’d never really experienced any love as a child, at least from the age of one till he came to Hogwarts. Still, she’d never let herself understand how deeply that had marked him. “I love you. Do you think I’m stupid or easily fooled?”
“Of course not,” Harry huffed, rolling again onto his back. “That’s completely different.”
Hermione grabbed his chin and pulled him to face her. “It is not different at all, Harry. True, she will love you in a way far different than the way I do. She may already. But that is mostly a matter of degree. She will love you for the same reasons that I do, that Ron does, that Hagrid does, that so many people already do: because of who you are. Not your destiny, but who you are inside. Because you’re a caring, honest, selfless young man and because you love all of us so much that you’re willing to risk everything to save us. It won’t matter, though, Harry.” She released him and lay back down. “Nothing will matter if you don’t learn to love yourself first.”
More minutes passed as Harry thought about what she had said. Finally, he said, “I think it’s worth the chance, Hermione. You both already love each other, so I don’t think the pain will be that much worse if you just admit it and enjoy it between now and then. I think instead, you’ll just end up regretting that you didn’t take the chance when you had it. All I can do is promise that we’ll do everything we can to make sure everyone comes home safe, ok?”
“Are you going to take your own advice, Harry? You said it yourself that she’s no safer away from you. We’re going to need all the help, and all the love, we can get before it’s all over and I think, one way or another, she’ll end up finding a way to be there at the end anyway, just like the rest of our friends will. We’re going to need everyone, Harry.”
Harry did not respond. Instead, he stood up and dusted some loose grass off of his dress robes. Extending a hand, he helped Hermione to her feet. They stood by the side of the pool, hand in hand, for a few moments, simply gazing into each other’s eyes, finding there the answers each sought. Harry nodded in acquiescence and Hermione whispered, “Done,” sealing their promise. Without another word, they made their way back to the wedding.