Act One, Scene One : Ron doesn't like bacon. Really. Hermione : *frets* Ron : *dozes* Hermione : Wake up, you prat! Ron : No, mummy, I don't like bacon. Harry : What? Hermione : I have to give my speech! Oh no! Harry : I thought the Head Boy was supposed to make the speech. Seren : He's not important. Sit down and shut up! Harry : *sits* Rianna : *sniggers* Hermione : *begins long and thoughful speech* Cedric : *pokes Ron* Wake up! Ron : What? Oh! Go Hermione! Five billion NEWTS and all that. Scene Two : Tennis and Killers and fbf's hot dates, oh my! *Trio Enter* Hermione : Wow, who's that? Robert Pattison : *walks by with fireboltflyer on his arm* fireboltflyer : Honey, some of us have it, and some of us don't. Ron : *scowls* Hermione : *kisses Ron on the cheek* Ron : *blushes* Burning Pumpkins : Hoorah! Harry : So, for the sake of the audience, what are we doing, now that we've graduated? Hermione : Well, I've had offers from the The Department of Magical Law Enforcement, St. Mungo's, The Main Office, and the Department of Mysteries. Harry : I still have to kill what's-his-face. Ron : *mumblewumble* Hermione : What's that, honey? Ron : My name is NOT honey! *Ginny, Neville, Dean, and Luna enter* Harry : What are you guys going to do? Ginny : I still have a year left. Neville : I'm going to work at St. Mungo's. Luna : I'm going to research the indeterminate nexus betwixt Heliopaths and the truism that left socks seem to go missing every time they go in the dryer. After I finish this year, of course. Harry : *pulls out dictionary and begins to search* Dean : I don't need a job. Ginny : Why not? Dean : Dude, I'm a prince, and I'm going to marry a princess. Ron : Um, sure dude. Chaffeur : Sir, your limo is here. Orla is awaiting your arrival in your palatial manor. HMS Royal Roots : Yay! Ginny : Hey! What about me? Seren : I'll find you someone later. Be quiet. fireboltflyer : Hey, be nicer to Ginny! Cedric : Yeah! Seren : Who's writing this?! Hermione : Anyways. So, Ron, where are you going to work? Ron : Mimblewimble. Hermione : *confused* Wimbeldon? I didn't know you liked Tennis! Ginny, Ron, Neville : Tennis? Is that some new candy? Ron : *sighs* I haven't gotten any job offers. Hermione : *is silent* Harry : *is silent* Ginny : *is laughing hysterically* Act Two, Scene One : Questions and Pressure
Ginny : Do I get to be the maid of honour? Hermione : Who's getting married? Ginny : You! Hermione : Was someone planning on informing me about this?
Ginny : You mean you didn't know?
Hermione : No. And this is the sort of thing you want to know ahead of time, you know?
Ginny : I think I can see why...
Ginny : Don't you want to get married? Hermione : Do you? Ginny : I don't have a bf! Seren : Not yet, anyways. Hermione : *shrugs* I never thought about it before. Ginny : *dreamily* We can have a seven tier cake, and a gorgeous white dress, with heels, and the bridemaids will be so beautiful. Hermione : And the cake will read "Congrats to Ginny and ____" Ginny : Huh?
Scene Two : Bopping Lions to Horses.
G : What's up, Ron? R : *dazed* The sky. The bees. The clouds. G : Retard. R : What? G : Nothing! So, I hear you want to pop the question to Hermione. R : Huh? G : You heard me! R : I heard something like, you want to bop a horse to a lion. G : You need to clean out your ears. When are you and Hermione getting hitched? R : WHAT?! G : I know you want to. R : Says who? Accio Firebolt Members : Says us, retard.
Scene Three : Someone will pay!
Molly : So, Hermione... do you want it big or small? Hr : Um...what? Arthur : You know, lots of stuff, or rather plain? Hr : Huh? Ginny : Do you want it fancy or bare? Hr : I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED!! ARGH! *runs out screaming* Molly : What? I just wanted to know if she wanted a lot of stuff on her pancakes...
Hr : *runs to the attic, where Harry is*
Hr : *paces around floor * H : Hermione, are you okay? Hr : *whirls around and faces Harry* Am I OKAY? I have half of the female population badgering me about my apparently approximating nuptial rite that I can't get a decent night's repose! Molly Weasley is picking out the colours for my matrimony, Ginny is picking up my flowers, and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON! H : *flips through dictionary like mad* Okay, approximating... how do you spell that?
Hr : A-p-p-r-o-x- BLOODY HELL, HARRY! PAY ATTENTION WHILE I OVERDRAMATISE MY LIFE!
H : Do you spell that with a s or a z?
Hr : ARGH!
Act Three, Scene One : Chocolate Security Blankets
H : Dude, just ask her. R : *eats chocolate frogs* H : Those things are like your security blanket, aren't they? R : *shrugs* H : How hard can it be? R : You have no idea. H : Why? R : Well, she could always say no. H : *scoffs* Like she's going to do that. Micheal Phelps : *walks by with fireboltflyer* G : How does she do it? H : 'Scuse me, man to man deep-hearted confessional here. G : Right. Sorry. R : S'alright. G : *leaves* H : so, I heard Draco is coming tonight. Cedric : Ooo! Plot device! R : Why? H : Still has a thing for Hermione, I reckon. R : WHAT?! *runs out* L : *peers out from under bed* Well done. H : *pecks Luna on the cheek* No sweat. L : At least you didn't lick me like before. H : What? That wasn't me! Cedric : *whistles and looks at ceiling* Oh my, look at the time. Must dash, catch you later.
Scene Two - The Reckoning, part 1 : Wherein Hermione curses and threatens Draco bodily. Hr : *putters around the garden aimlessly* D : Ah, how's my favourite mudblood doing?
Hr : *putters around the garden aimlessly* D : Ah, how's my favourite mudblood doing?Hr/D fans : Aww, how sweet?
xx_Butterfly_xx : *beats D/Hr fans over the head with a ferret* Hr : *ignores him* D : So, I hear you're getting hitched to the Weasel. Hr : Draco, my particular state of upcoming connubial delectation is none of your affair. H : Here, you'll need this. *hands Draco a dictionary* D : Look, I'm offering you a way out. I can give you riches, manors, fancy clothing. Hr : And a wide array of STD's, if the rumours are true. D : Well, I never! Hr : Piss off, ferret boy. D : You wound me to the quick! Hr : *loses temper* And I'm going to kick you in the family jewels if you don't BLOODY WELL BUGGER OFF! D : Meep! R : That's my girl! The Reckoning, Part Two - When Garden Gnomes Attack D : Come on, Hermione. Hr : Wow Draco, I didn't know you could pronounce such long, poly-syllabalic words! D : We can flee this shack! Make love on the beaches of France! Dine in Italy! Hr : I'm not marrying a man who goes through more hair-care products that Marilyn Monroe. D : What? Hr : Just go away. I don't want to marry you. D : You want to marry the Weasel? Hr : Well, I love him, Ferret. I'm sure even you can understand such a simple idea like that. D : You stupid litle mudblood! Hr : That's it! GARDEN GNOMES, ATTACK! Garden Gnomes : Who do you think you are? Hr : I'll give you the leftovers from tonight. Garden Gnomes : You're on. *chase Draco around and bites him on his legs*D : Argh? How could such a thing happen to my aristocratic, lovely self?
Hr : They're attracted to your fruitiness.
D : It's my mum's shampoo, I ran out of my own, I swear! Scene Three - Concussed trolls have nothing on them.R : Harry, I need help. H : That's nothing new. What's up? Dark Lord on your heels? Escaped Convict after you? Got another pet that's actually a murderer? R : I want to ask Hermione to um... umm... H : To what? Dude, you two have been together for ages, asking her out to dinner shouldn't be an issue right now. Sylvia : Are all men this dense? Seren and fireboltflyer : You have no idea. Cedric : Hey! R : No, it's not that... I... *mimblewinble* H : I thought you didn't like tennis. R : No, not that! H : What then? Come on man, we've been through everything together. I'm sure I can help. R : I want to ask Hermione to marry me. H : Oh. R : Yeah. H : I think I'm a little out of my league here... well, let's go get her a ring, and we'll work out the schematics later.
R : Can I borrow your dictionary?
Act Four, Scene One - Bling-Blinging
R : How about this one? *points at ring in window*
*Ron, Ginny, and Harry enter ring store* G : Nah, the stone is wrong. H : Huh? Stone? G : *patiently* You have to get her a decent sized diamond, Ron. R : *gulps and checks pockets* G : How about this one? fireboltflyer : Oo, fabulous! H : Merlin's Toes, Ginny, that thing could kill a basilisk! G : It is a bit too big... hmmm R : How about this one? G : Ron, that's a toe ring. R : Oh. So, no go? G : *rolls eyes* Heaven, give me strength. Look, let's try another store. R : How about Quality Quidditch Supplies? G : Yes, Ron, because I'm sure the engagement rings are stocked right between the snitches and shin guards. R : Really? H & G : NO! R : ....
-- Author Note : Yes, they find a ring for Hermione, but I'm too lazy to write the scene out. Deal. -- Scene Two : Thicker Than Pudding - Ron enlists Luna's aid R : Luna! Just the girl I've been looking for. L : I thought you'd be looking for Hermione. R : Later. So, what're you up to? L : Oh you know. Pondering our existence, thinking deeply about life, wondering about the universe. R : Really? L : No. R : Huh? L : Just waiting for your mum to finish making supper. She's making potatoes. R : Luna, I need your help. L : When do you not? R : I want to ask Hermione to marry me. L : I could have told you that. R : Can you? L : I don't know, Ronald... the way the planets are aligning, it may portend failure. R : PLEASE?? L : Make me an offer... R : I have a butterbeer caps collection. L : You're on. Scene Three : Rehearsing the popping of the question - Ron, Luna, Harry R : Okay. Hermione, I've loved you for as long as I can remember. L : So you loved me since 5 seconds ago? R : Yeah.. I mean no! H : *laughs* R : Okay... Hermione, I've always thought you were something special. L : Good start. R : I mean, you were a nightmare when I first met you - fireboltflyer : *runs by and smacks Ron upside the head* H/Hr shippers : But it should be Harry saying all this! Cedric : *brandishes flame thrower* Back, spawn of darkness, else I shall smite thee with my mighty weapon of DOOM! H/Hr shippers : What's with this dude? R : Hermione, you're a wonderful girl. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me study. HMS BP : Awww! R : And even when you drive me mad - L : Ron, do you want her to say yes? R : That's the general idea. L : Then be nice! R : Why? Sylvia : *groans* Meanwhile, in Ginny and Hermione's room : G : I know something you don't know. Hr : My incredibly talented and highly functional brain refuses to accept this irrationality. H : *from the window* Huh? G : But I do... Hr : I know loads of stuff that you don't know. G : Like what? Hr : Like what I'm going to do to you if you don't tell me RIGHT NOW.G : Oh, er, I hear mum calling me! Must go!
-- WARNING! WARNING! Fluff ahead. For fireboltflyer. --Ten Hours Later :
H : For the love of Peaches and Cream, Ron, just bloody ask her!
Seren : Seriously, I'm tired and I want to get to bed soon!
R : I'm scared, Harry.
H : Why?
R : Because....
H : Because of what?
R : That I'll never be good enough for her.
H : What do you mean? You two were made for one another!
Jesus : And I can vouch for that!
R : But... she's so perfect, Harry. She's smart, and fun, and beautiful... I'm not good enough for her.
L : *sits down next to Ron* Even if you weren't good enough for her, Ron, I don't think Hermione would care. She loves you. I know she does.
R : *nods and looks at ring* I'm going to do it.
H : Good.
Seren : Can I get some sleep now?
H : No.
Seren : Damn.
Act Five, Scene One
Hr : *grumps*
G : What's with you?
Hr : SOME people couldn't be quiet last night.
Seren : Dammit, I was writing the bloody story. Get over it.
R : *comes in and sits next to Hermione* Good morning, love.
Hr : *grumps* 'morning.
H : So, Ron, ready for today?
R : *blankly* What?
L : You know... the big event... the whole shebang...
R : Am I missing something?
G : Well, you've been preparing for ages...
R : Oh. Oh! Yeah, I am! *grins*
H : Good.
R : I've been wanting to go back to Quality Quidditch Supplies for ages!
Rianna : *groans*
Scene Two : Yes, we're finally here.
R : Hermione, can I talk to you?
Hr : What were you just doing?
R : I mean privately.
Hr : *shrugs* Whatever. *follows Ron into the garden*
R : There's something we need to discuss.
Hr : If it's about what colour flowers we're going to have at my wedding, I think your sister has already taken it over.
R : *laughs nervously*
Hr : *peers at Ron* Are you okay?
R : No. But I might be.
Hr : So what did you want to talk about?
R : *fishes a note out of his pocket* Well, you know I've never been good with words... or much else... anyways, here goes.
Two cartons of eggs
Some whole milk
Mandrake juice
Beetle eyes
Hr : That's what you brought me out to read?
R : Cripes! I took mum's shopping list! :: sighs ::
--WARNING! EVER MORE FLUFF ALERT!--
Hr : *sits down on bench*
R : *kneels on the ground before her, wraps his arms around her knees and hugs them* Hermione, I've known you since I was eleven. First I thought you were insufferable. Then I thought you were okay. And then I thought you were pretty cool. And then I realised you were beautiful. And then I fell in love with you.
Hr : *stares at Ron* I didn't know you could say that many words at one time!
R : It's been taking me ages to think of a way to tell you this... I had a poem written out, but apparently, right now Fred's looking for lilies and moondew.
Hr : *laughs*
R : *takes a deep breath* You know, I never liked your last name.
Hr : Why not?
R : Because I think Weasley would suit you better.
Seren : *retches from all the fluff* Ugh...
Hr : What?
R : Hermione, will you marry me?
Hr : *bursts into tears*
R : *alarmed* Oh no! Did I squeeze your knees too tight?
Hr : Of course not, you idiot!
R : *indignantly* Oh, I'm here pouring out my heart and soul to you with a decent sized rock, and all you can do is call me -
Hr : *kisses Ron*
Ron : Mimblewimble.
HMS BP : Yay!
Seren : Finally! I need a barf bag.
Ginny : And now... the wedding!
Seren : *points to fireboltflyer* Her job, not mine. The rest of the Author's Note : The third installment of the R/Hr was not written by me, but by GwendolynJames, so, er, she'll have it up soon. I think. Anyways, the acronyms are as follows : HMMS WATT?! - Her Majesty's Mother Ship What Are They Thinking?! - a ship I started mainly for the really weird, random pairings out there. Stuff like the HMS Bumbling Books (Neville/Padma) HMS BP : Her Majesty's Ship Burning Pumpkins : Accio Firebolt's R/Hr ship, which I got sucked into joining.