I smile a little, as the cold water swishes around my feet. They are turning as pale as the flower I was named after. Lily. Many people have told me it's a pretty name, but I don't deserve it. A pretty name should go with a pretty person. I know I am not ugly, but I am nothing special. I am about the only person in Hogwarts that has red hair, and I hate it. I will never change the colour though, as that will be admitting I don't like my fiery locks.

As I said, my skin is pale. Too pale. I am petite, and quite slim. Others do not envy my little figure, as I get mistaken for a fourth year most of the time, even though I am in sixth. I try not to let it bother me.

The only things I like about my appearance are my eyes. They are bright green, and sparkle when I laugh. I haven't been laughing that much though, recently.

It is Christmas day, the time for happiness. All I feel is sadness, and twinge of anger. Why am I like this? My best friend was taken from me. No body will see me mourn, as I should be 'over' it by now. You'd think I would be, after three years. But no, I am still grieving.

I have not been grieving constantly for the last three years. It is days like Birthdays and Christmas that makes me upset. And angry.

It has been getting worse since I got older. I need her so much, to tell me what to do. What I should be doing now, and what I should become.

I am not a failure. I am a prefect; I accomplish high marks in all my exams, and try to be kind to everyone. I have lots of friends. But no special ones. Lots have tried to be my best friend. I never let them. Jasmine will be my best friend forever, even though she's gone.

We became friends mostly because of our names. Flower names. But then we found we connected, sometimes we even knew what each other was thinking. I'll love her forever, and nothing will change that.

I should take my feet from the water. They are starting to turn blue. I do take them out, and gently wipe them with my cloak, then put my socks and shoes back on. I sit back down on the snow, and caress my hands against it. It is my hands turn to go blue now.

Sighing, I stand up and dig my hands into the pockets in my skirt. I trudge through the snow back to the castle, leaving an imprint of my feet behind me.

"Evans!" I hear a voice call, and someone putting their arm around my waist. I shrug them off quickly, and fasten my pace.

"Leave me alone, Potter!" I shout over my shoulder. I said I try to be kind to everyone, but some people are just impossible.

"I will if you go out with me!" he calls, and I hear the sound of laughter. Risking a look behind me, I see Potter is not alone. He is standing with three other boys, making up the infamous Marauders. They are the most popular people in school, and the ones I detest the most, including the Slytherins. Yes, the Slytherins are evil and cunning, but when did Snape ever turn my hair blue?

The Marauders are childish pranksters, immature and arrogant. This year they have been a little less big headed, but I know it's an act. They will never grow up.

"Just STOP BOTHERING ME!" I scream, and it is a shock to feel tears in my eyes. I turn quickly, and hurry into the castle, hoping they haven't seen. They're so cocky; they probably think they're the cause for my distress. Like a Marauder could ever make me cry!

I find it slightly comforting, when I see Liana Albertan in the distance. She is a friend, probably the closest I have. But not at all close really.

"Hi Lily. I was just coming to find you. Do you want to play exploding snap?" I nod and smile. She links arms with me, and chats happily about what her parents got her for Christmas. I act like I'm listening, and laugh at appropriate times, but really I am not letting any of it sink in. My mind is wandering; it is back on the lake. I love the lake; it is the only place where I feel calm.

"Ooh, we can have the good chairs!" Liana giggles, and pulls me to sit in the two arm chairs by the fire. She pulls the little table, so it is in the direct centre of us. I watch as she begins to tell me a tale about her boyfriend, Mark Bell.

"Hold on, I'll get the cards. I left them in my bag last night!" Liana is nice, because I am not required to talk much with her. But sometimes her optimistic look on everything is slightly annoying. I doubt anyone else feels this way, most people would rather be with someone happy than sad. I generally put a downer on things, though I try not to. I sometimes vaguely wonder why I have so many friends, when I hardly ever add anything to a conversation. The time I am most animated is in class, especially Charms.

Yes, I am kind, and do try to see the beauty in everyone, but I am a little wrapped up in myself. No body dares say it, but I sometimes guess that people are thinking I'm self centred. They do not say it out loud, as they will have to suffer the wrath of Potter.

I do not know why he thinks I'm so special. I guess it is because I am the only girl who hasn't fallen for him. Or any of the other Marauders for that matter. Or maybe it is because I know, and have kept, their secret. They are animagi, apart from Lupin. Lupin is a werewolf.

This does not change my feelings for them. Actually, it makes my respect for them grow a little. They probably think that I will blackmail them if they aren't nice to me...But I wouldn't. I do not care in the slightest that Lupin turns into a horrible, ugly creature once a month. It is not him, not really. And as for the others being animagi... personally, I think it's amazing they managed it.

The Marauders would never believe that I am actually praising them. It is a known fact that I detest them. Actually, Lupin is alright. He has been a prefect with me, for the last two years. I do not care either way about Pettigrew. All I know about him is that he is a Marauder, and failed Potions this year.

Potter and Black are a different matter all together. They are the most attractive males in school, I admit, but I personally have never been attracted to them. If I glance at Black for a second, he looks like a very handsome man, with dark, soulful eyes. But if I look a little longer, my attraction immediately goes. He will either smile charmingly at me, which makes me want to throw up, or smirk at me. The latter is always the worst; it's like he knows for a second that I was tempted by him.

But Potter is always wearing a smirk or a grin, so I have never been attracted to him. When I see his face, my blood starts to boil, and my heart beats faster. He has not gone a day when he hasn't asked me out.

If I am honest to myself, I do not truly hate them. They just annoy me intensely. I do remember once, three years ago, when Potter found me crying. He was actually generally concerned about me, which for the first time in my life made me feel special. But the next day my feelings were back to normal, as I knew what a player he was, even when he was fourteen.

I wish he'd never found me crying, as that was when he started his obsession over me.

Sighing again, I look about the common room. Liana is taking her time upstairs, but that is nothing unusual. She is so messy; I'm surprised she can find anything.

The portrait hole opens, and four grinning boys walk in. They are covered in snow, but do not seem to mind. Potter notices me immediately, and comes over at once. I'm on my own, an even bigger plus for him.

"Evans, I just saw Flitwick, he wants you to come to his office at six." I check my watch, and see I have a whole two hours to kill. I am a little surprised at Potter; he didn't make one rude remark in the whole of his sentence. Odd.

"You look a bit lonely...want to come sit with us? You shouldn't be lonely at Christmas!" I give Potter a death stare, and march out of the portrait hole. I remember Liana, but carry on walking. Nothing is going to make me go back to the Marauders.

I know Potter's proposal didn't sound intentional, but it was. He has been planning to get me into his bed for years; everything he does to me is intentional.

I find myself standing outside the library, and sigh yet again. Safe, quiet, predictable Lily could always be found in the library. I sometimes wish I was a little more like the Marauders...Not stupid and arrogant, but more brave and daring. Still, I walk into the library, and head towards the back of it.

I haven't been in this section in years...With all the exams coming up; I've been revising text books. But who wants to revise on Christmas day?

I run my fingers along the spines of the books, and finally pick one that looks interesting. It is called: My Guardian Angel. The book looks old, and has a battered cover. I smile, as I know that old and worn books are the best sort. They must have been read lots.

I find myself a table near a window in the corner, where no one can see me. I settle down with the book, and begin to read.

I am quite a quick reader, so I've already read a quarter by the time the clock strikes for six. The print in my book is very small, so I have a slight head ache. I do not mind though, because the story is amazing. It reminds me a little of muggle books, as it is a crime story, a thriller. It has an evil witch in it, who is taking over the world. It is quite refreshing to have an evil witch, instead of Lord Voldemort. Nearly every modern book or newspaper I read mentions him.

Anyway, this evil witch wants to kill this young witch, Mary, who is so powerful that she might bring down the evil witch. Mary doesn't know this, and thinks it's just a load of coincidences. I have just read up to there, but I can tell already that the story is going to be brilliant.

I race down the corridors, already five minutes late. I waste a minute outside Flitwick's office by smoothing down my hair. I am a little worried about this meeting, as I have always done very well in Charms, so he couldn't want to tell me I'm failing.

"Good evening, Professor. Sorry I'm late, I was reading and lost track of time!" I say, shutting the door. Flitwick smiles at me, and I know he isn't angry.

"Doesn't matter Miss Evans! Do sit down; I have something rather important to tell you." I sit in the chair that's in front of his desk. I nervously play with my hair, as I wait for him to begin.

"As you know, you are extremely gifted at Charms. And well, in the staffroom, we were discussing you. And we have come to the agreement that you shouldn't have to do Charms class for the rest of the year."

I looked amazed at Flitwick, wondering if I was hearing what I thought he'd just said. I'd never know anyone to be so good at a subject that they were aloud to give it up.

"Give up...Charms?" I ask weakly. Flitwick smiles kindly at me.

"Yes. Instead, we would like you to read as many books on Charms, Transfiguration and Defence against the Dark Arts as you can...I will give you a note, for the restricted section of the library," I frowned a little. I know it will be interesting to read about the different subjects, but why do the teachers want me to have so much knowledge of them? Especially knowing about spells that are in the restricted section...

"Thank you...but, why?" I asked. Flitwick sighed heavily.

"Miss Evans...you know about...you-know-who, well he's getting stronger. And...Well, I don't want to alarm you, but he'll be coming after you. To kill you." I felt my mouth hang open, as I stare at Flitwick, who won't meet my eyes.

"Why?" I demand.

"Miss Evans, you are the smartest witch of your age. Along with the fact that you're a muggle born, you'll be top of the list for He who must not be named."

"Oh, so you plan to make me smarter? So He'll hate me even more?" I know this sounds rude, but I am getting upset. It is Christmas, and I am getting told that someone wants me dead. What a thoughtful present.

"No...We want you to be able to fight Him, Miss Evans." Flitwick finally meets my eyes, and there is such sadness in them. He feels sorry for me, but I am not scared. I will face Voldemort, and I plan to learn as much as I can.

"Thank you...Er, is there anyone else? I mean, does He want to kill anyone else in this school?" I ask this, but I'm a little scared of the answer. If Flitwick says no, I'll be truly on my own. But if he says yes, some other poor person becomes a victim.

"Yes...Mr Potter. Now, here's your note. Please use it carefully." I take this as my cue to leave, and stand up from my chair. I walk slowly towards the door, letting Potters' name sink in. I wonder if he knows...I guess not yet, he would surely be more scared.

I find myself at the lake again, and the corners of my mouth twitch into a smile. As I've said before, I love the lake. But suddenly I feel tears slyly creeping into my eyes.

I feel so scared, and I wish more than ever Jasmine was still with me. I sit down on the cold snow, drawing patterns in it. I want to swim in the lake, to calm me down, but I know that's just plain stupid. I hear foot steps crunching in the snow behind me, but do not turn round.

"Hey Evans," a voice says behind me. I know who it is before I look at him.

"Hi Potter," normally I would have told him to go to hell, but now it was different. We are in the same boat, we are both targets. I think he knows, as he doesn't have his cocky grin in place. I hated it so much, but now it's gone, he looks so much more vulnerable.

"I just had a talk with McGonagall," Potter says abruptly, as he sits down. I bite my lip and look at him, knowing what is coming next.

"She told me...That I don't have to do Transfiguration anymore." I smile, as I know what he's saying. He must have asked McGonagall if anyone else is in danger, and she told him. It feels strange, that Potter, my worst enemy, is the person who is a victim like me.

"Flitwick told me I get to miss Charms." We both smile at each, understanding the code. Neither of us wants to say it out loud. That someone is trying to kill us.

"Want to...er, study together?" If what he meant exactly what he said, I would have said no straight away. But in our code, he was asking if I wanted to go to the restricted section of the library, to look up dangerous books.

"Sure." We both simultaneously turned our heads to look at the lake. Snow was falling on to it, disappearing as it touched the surface.

"Funny, isn't it? Both nemeses, being targets..." Potter didn't use code anymore, and I shivered. Through my chattering teeth, I tried to make it into a joke.

"Yeah...we should start choosing people to take over for us." Potter laughed, like I knew he would. It was easy to make Potter laugh, and oddly it makes me feel a little braver. I remembered with a smile that only hours ago, I was wishing I could be bold and brave. Well now's my chance, but I don't want it. Shame I don't get a choice.

"We should get in, it's getting cold." Potter stood up, and put his hand out to me. I didn't really want to take it, but it would be rude to ignore it.

We walked up to Gryffindor tower silently, both contemplating the news we had just been told. Some one once told me that Hogwarts is the safest place there is, as Dumbledore is the only wizard Voldemort ever feared. But if the teachers were getting worried...Hogwarts couldn't be so safe after all.

As we step into the common room together, a couple of people stare at us. I do not know whether it is because they are amazed that James Potter, Lily's sworn enemy, is walking with her, or because they are just staring at James. I see a few girls in our year staring, and I know straight away it is the latter. Girls immediately come over to us, and try to engage Potter in conversation. Potter smiles his cheeky grin, and I quickly leave his side. I am in no mood to watch stupid girls drooling.

It is only quarter to seven, but I make my way up to my dorm. A group of my friends are sitting by the fire, but I do not go over. The reason is because they are sitting next to the dreaded Marauders, bar Potter, who is flirting with Samantha Lees. I give Potter a disgusted look, wondering how he can laugh and joke with the news we have just received.

"Look, Evans is jealous!" I hear a boy cry, and glare in his direction. Black smiles back at me, and starts walking over. I hurry to the staircase, but I am not quick enough.

"Black, move." I demand, crossing my arms over my chest. Black stays perfectly still, his smile angering me even more.

"Aw, Evans! Don't be so moody! It's Christmas, why are you angry? Come to think of it, you're always angry, but especially at Christmas!"

Maybe Black thinks he's being caring, but it is like he is sticking a knife into my chest. He has already forgotten what happened to me on Christmas day, three years ago. I stare coldly at Black, and move closer to him. His smirk grows even wider; he truly thinks I am going to kiss him. Just as he closes his eyes, I push him hard, and run up the stairs. I pretend not to hear his cursing, as I slam the door shut in my dorm.

It is now eight in the evening, but I get into my night clothes, and into bed. I know for a fact that I am the only person in the entire school who is already going to bed. I roll over, and feel a little ashamed of myself. I wish that when I was younger I tried harder to make more friends. I am sick of being lonely, being ignored. I am sick of life, sick of being Lily Evans.

I wish Jasmine was still alive. I should have helped her. It is my fault I am alive, and she is dead.

I roll over again, and shut my eyes. The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner it will be morning. The sooner my nightmare will be over.

It is Christmas day; Jasmine is staying at my house. Her parents have gone to Japan, to visit some relatives. Jasmine and I are settling down to sleep, when the window creaks open.

"Lily...should I shut the window? It's cold!" I nod sleepily, glad Jasmine's shutting it. I do not want to get out of my warm bed. I am just drifting off to sleep, when a shrill scream reaches my ears.

"JASMINE!" I scream, as I see a hand clutching her arm. The hand is white, and the skin is dry like parchment. Another hand crawls through my window, and then a head appears. The person's eyes are blank, just staring at Jasmine.

"Run, Lily!" Jasmine shrieks, whilst the hands close around Jasmines throat. Jasmine screams again, but I am unable to hear her, as her voice is raspy and dry. I grab a heavy book from my desk, and start hitting the creature clutching Jasmine, but it is too late. Jasmine's eyes close, and the creature drops to the floor. I kick it with my toe, to make sure it is truly dead. It does not stir.

I bend down, and touch Jasmine's beautiful face. Her silky black hair is in the shape of a fan around her head; she looks so peaceful. She could be sleeping, but I shake her shoulders, and she doesn't wake.

"Miss Evans, stand back!" a voice demands behind me. I turn around to see a group of youngish men, and one woman, bursting through my door. I get roughly pushed onto my bed, as they start poking and prodding the creature.

"Inferi. Well, you're lucky to be alive, Miss Evans!" the woman says, trying to smile reassuringly at me. I ignore her, and stare at Jasmine's face. I wish she would wake up, but I know she never will.

Suddenly guilt consumes me. If I had closed the window, Jasmine would still be alive. Tears slip down my face, as they vanish Jasmine's body. Some one tells me that they have put her in the ministry of magic, to run some tests. I nod, but I am not taking it in at all.

My Best Friend is dead.