For the next week I keep to myself. There aren't many people in the castle, they are all home for Winter break. Unfortunately, the four people I detest the most, keep following me. I know they only do it because Potter tells them to; they have no real interest in me.

Lupin is nice to me in Prefect meetings, and I shared a patrol with him once. He tends to ignore me though, when he's with the Marauders. It does not upset me; I do not want the attention of Marauders.

I get the impression that Pettigrew doesn't like me. I have never done anything wrong to him...I guess he doesn't trust me with the Marauders secret. I do not care, one day he will find out that I never betrayed them.

Black doesn't like me at all. In fact, I think he hates me. He did not like me in first year, because I came higher than him in a test. He did not like me in second year, because I said the Marauder's pranks are silly. He did not like me in third, because I ignored him when every other girl fell at his feet. He did not like me in fourth, because I was not popular enough for him. He did not like me in fifth, because I was often mean to his best friend, James. He does not like me now, because of all those reasons. The biggest reason is definitely the popularity difference. He knows that I have no real friends, and that some how makes me less than him. Some times I think I hate Sirius Black.

Potter is the biggest problem. He asks me out, whilst checking out the girl next to me. He admitted that when he asked me out in fourth year, it was for a joke. He tells me it is all deadly serious now, and do I believe him? No. Why does the most popular boy in school, want to date Lily Evans, the girl who is always miserable? The girl no body really likes. The girl who watched her Best Friend die.

I walk into the common room, and smile softly as I see it is empty. I run up to my dormitory, to get the book I just collected from the library. It is my first book from the restricted section, so I am a little nervous about it.

I skip down the stairs, but stop dead. The common room is not empty anymore, it contains the Marauders. I think about going to the library, but I do not. I am not going to give them the satisfaction of them thinking they can cause me to leave the common room.

"Evans!" Potter shouts happily, as I sit down in an armchair by the fire. I smile a tiny, fake smile at him, and open my book. I can feel all four boys' eyes on me, and I start to get embarrassed.

"Evans - why are you reading? In the holidays?" Black asks, looking disgusted at me. His eyes look coldly at me, and I glare back at him.

"Because," I say. I know this is not a real answer, it is not even a real sentence, but I'm not having another Marauder knowing my business.

"What's happened to your hair?" Sirius asks, with a smirk on his face. I immediately lift my hands to my head, but feel nothing different.

"Oh, sorry - it looks just how it normally does!" I know Black is just trying to put me down, make me cry, but it is working. He probably didn't mean anything personal about my hair, he just chose any random topic to criticise me about. He can not know that I hate my hair, that it disgusts me. But still, I see red.

"JUST BECAUSE IT ISN'T LIKE YOUR STUPID BLOND BIMBO GIRLFRIENDS!" I scream, standing up from my chair. The entire Marauders look amazed at me, but Black recovers first.

"Touched a nerve?" he asks in a patronising voice. I do not know what comes over me, but I lean over and slap Black. I slapped him a bit harder than I intended, his bottom lip is slashed open. It does not look at all deep, but I feel sick at what I had just done. Black lifts one of his hands to his face, brings it back, and stares at the blood.

"I'm sorry..." I whisper, and I do mean it. Part of me is telling me to walk out, pleased at my victory. I have finally given Black the slap he has been asking for since first year. But another part of me feels ashamed, at how I have lost my temper. Black stands up, and starts walking over to me.

"You're going to pay for that, you ugly little -" he says, through gritted teeth. I see him raise his wand, and I shut my eyes in fear, waiting for what ever spell to hit me. But it doesn't come, so I open my eyes.

Potter has grabbed Black, and pushed him back onto the couch. My hand is stinging painfully, but I refuse to look at it.

"Lily, go...just go..." I do not need telling twice, as I pick my book up and hurry out of the common room. As I get out into the corridor I see that my hand is covered in blood. I can not tell if it is Sirius' blood or mine.

I walk out onto the grounds, and towards the Forbidden Forest. The guilt that was boiling up in my stomach was making tears escape from my eyes. I am also feeling fear, and keep thinking about what Black would have done if Potter hadn't stopped him.

The farther I walk into the forest, the more dense and dark it gets. I am not afraid though; I am one of the cleverest witch's in Hogwarts. This thought is assuring, but I still jump when ever I hear a twig snap.

After walking aimlessly through the forest for at least two hours, I stumble across a pool. There is an opening in the trees, and I expect to see the sun shining, but I do not. Instead I see a sparkling full moon, illuminating up the forest. I sit down by the pool, and let my hands slide into it. It is ice-cold, yet strangely soothing. It calms my stinging hand, and sets my mind at rest. Before I know it, I drift off to sleep.

"LILY!" some one is yelling my name, and shaking me. I open my eyes, and see a familiar face looking down at me, panic written in all his features.

"Potter?" I ask, rubbing my shoulders. Potter had been digging his nails into my arms quite hard; there are scratches.

"C'mon, get up!" he yells, grabbing my hands and hauling me up. A painful jolt goes through my arm, and I look down at my palm. It is red and a gash is running down it. Potter seems frightened. I wonder why?

"Potter, what's wrong?" I ask, clutching onto his elbow. Potter is staring through the trees, and his colour seems to drain. I follow his stare, to see something moving quickly through the branches.

"RUN! NOW, JUST RUN!" Potter bellows, and pushes me in the opposite direction of the thing. I do as he says, but still manage to catch a glimpse of him in animagus form. I gasp at the beautiful stag before, his skin like the moons reflection on water. I forget all about the thing coming towards me, and just stop, and stare at the stag.

I come back to earth, as I see the thing. It is a werewolf, and it has blood dripping down its long, sharp teeth. It growls, and pounces at the stag. I scream out as I see ruby red blood sloshing down the stag's legs. Potter staggers, and falls on the ground. I do not think the werewolf has seen me yet, but if I go to help Potter it will. I look around, hoping to see one of the Marauders coming to my rescue. I cannot, but it isn't a surprise. The two Marauders who might actually give a damn about me are with me now. Nervously, I edge towards Potter.

The werewolf growls at me, as I bend down to mop some of the blood up. I get a chill when Potter closes his eyes, but I feel his heart still beating.

Suddenly, the wolf jumps, and lands on me. It is ripping my robes, ripping my skin with its claws. I do not care about that, as long as it doesn't bite me. I see it bare its teeth, and I know what it is about to do. Summering all the strength I posses, I kick out, hard.

I can hear a whimpering sound. I sit up, and see the werewolf collapse on the floor, in a faint.

I feel proud of myself. But my proudness quickly disappears as I hear voice coming towards me. Black and Pettigrew hurry forward, and do not see me straight away. Pettigrew starts tending to Potter, while Black comes over to Lupin. He glances up, and catches me.

"Evans! What are you doing out here?" he asks, looking astonished. I manage a shrug, and crawl towards him and Lupin. I freeze when I see that Lupin is not moving at all. "Is he...alive?" I ask, my voice shaking. Black ignores me, and starts cleaning Lupin's wounds.

"Rip some of your robes up for bandages. They're ripped enough as it is." he says, and surveys me with a smirk. I frown, and glance down to see my robes have been slashed down the middle. I am not embarrassed though. I have been brave and quick thinking tonight, almost like... A Marauder.

"You're really stupid, you know that?" Black says angrily, as he starts wrapping bandages around the werewolf's tummy. I frown and Black, and he takes that as me asking why.

"You could have got yourself killed. But, instead of doing us all a favour, you almost kill Moony and almost get Prongs killed!"

I look at Black numbly. I wonder if he intentionally knows how bad this will hurt me. He knows that it will hurt, it would hurt anyone. But I wonder if he knows that I have a guilty nature, and wish I could have died instead of Jasmine.

Murders number three. A little voice says in my head. I do not even tell it to stop; I just let it ring out around my head.

"I didn't...I didn't mean to..." I whisper, looking down at my trembling hands. I hear Black making a disbelieving sound, and jump when I hear Potter start to wake up.

"Lily...?" he moans, rolling onto his side. He is in human form again, and I manage to give him a small smile.

"She's fine. No thanks to herself though." Black spits, glaring at me. Potter looks angrily at Black, and slowly stands up.

"C'mon. We have to get Moony to the Hospital Wing." Pettigrew and Black haul Lupin up, and start walking out of the forest with out a backwards glance to me. Potter sighs, and walks slowly along with me.

"Thank you..." I say softly, as I start playing with my hair. I have never felt so ashamed in all my life.

"That's alright...er, what were you doing in the forest?" Should I answer honestly? Or should I lie? Potter just saved my life, he deserves the truth.

"I was thinking...about what I had just done to Black, but mostly about...about Jasmine."

It is the first time I've mentioned Jasmine for three years. Her name sounds so beautiful on my lips; I can not help the tears starting to well up in my eyes.

"Oh Lily..." Potter timidly puts an arm around my shoulders, and wipes away my tears. We have reached the Hospital wing now, but Potter stops outside it.

"You're not that badly hurt...why don't you go back to your dorm?" I get the impression that Potter wants me gone, but it isn't a new feeling. Quite a lot of people on Hogwarts want me gone.

"Ok." I drag my feet up the many corridors, glad that there is no one in site. I manage to crawl into the common room, then up to my bed. It is cold, right next to the open window. Shivering a little, I settle down to sleep.

I am awoken by the same nightmare I have every night.

I am glad that it is still the winter holidays, so I can relax in the common room. I wake up early, and feel the need to sketch, I don't know why. Grabbing my note book, I run down to the common room, and thankfully it is empty.

I curl up in the arm chair by the fire, and open my notebook. I haven't used it in ages, since...third year. I open up a random page, and a photograph falls out.

The picture was taken in early third year, down by the lake. Jasmine and I are paddling in the water, laughing at something. Jasmine's beautiful black hair dances in the wind; her dark eyes are alive and sparkle. She is much more beautiful than I ever could be.

"Who's that? She's hot," some one says behind me, making me jump. I turn around and face Black, and he walks over to sit opposite me. A lump grows in my throat, and so does my anger. He has already forgotten about her.

"Jasmine," I hiss through gritted teeth. Black looks confused, than smiles in recognition.

"Wasn't she the French exchange student?" I glare at Black, and it takes all my self control not to leap up and slap him again.

"No, Jasmine is my best friend. She was killed on Christmas day, right in front of me. And don't say you must not have known her, because you did. She was in ALL YOUR CLASSES!" I scream at Black, and feel tears slipping down my red cheeks. Then something amazing happens. Black actually looks guilty.

"Oh...Jasmine Lung. I...forgot..." he whispers, as I stand up. I march to the portrait hole, and open it. But before I go through, I hiss at Black,

"Lucky you."