“QUIET!” Yelled Voldemort. Everybody in the room stopped speaking and looked up at him. “Alright … now then.” Voldemort was very nervous. He had never started any clubs as a kid. But now that he had, he was pretty excited. “OK, well … thank you all for coming.” There was a murmur of "you're welcomes."
“Well, now that you’re all here: Any questions?” he said. It got very quiet. Then one small boy raised his hand. “Yes, you?”
“Where can I find the bathroom?” the boy asked.
“Down the hall, first door on the right. You can’t miss it,” Voldemort said, as the boy left. “Okay, moving on. I see that you have no questions. So we all know why we are here … right?” he said uncertainly as questioning looks followed his words. Voldemort rolled his eyes. “OK. Nobody knows why he is here. We are going to take over the world!” *cricket cricket*
“Excuse me. Will we get weekends off?” one woman asked.
Voldemort glared. “No.”
Another hand shot up.
“This isn’t the Captain Crunch Convention, is it?” said somebody in the back row, comprehension dawning.
“NO!” Voldemort said. The person left. “Are we unclear here? I want to rid the world of Muggle-borns! This is not the Captain Crunch Convention!” There were many mumblings of "it's not?!" and some people left.
“Now, then. I want to see if you’ve got what it takes. But first, I think we need a name for ourselves. Don’t you?” There were some nods. “Suggestions?”
“How about the ‘Muggle-born Haters?’” said a chubby girl.
“I was thinking something that wouldn’t give away our plans … ”
“Can we be the ‘Power Puff Wizards'?!”
“I think we should go for something a little more threatening.”
“OHHHH! I’ve got it! I’ve got the perfect one! ‘Death Chewers!’” Voldemort stopped.
“That’s not bad. Not bad at all. I like the ‘Death’ thing. It really works. But … 'Chewers?'”
“Munchers?” Voldemort shook his head.
“Lickers?” Voldemort frowned.
“Digesters?” Voldemort considered …
“Eaters!” somebody cried at last. Voldemort smiled. “You’ve got it! Death Eaters! That’s brilliant!” Who said that? Come up here. You are immediately a member!” A fat, short boy came up. He was balding, and reminded Voldemort of a rat. “What’s your name?”
“Peter Pettigrew,” said the boy, rather nervously. Voldemort winced. He wished he hadn’t already made this one a member.
“Alright, sit down.”
“Thanks Vold!” the boy said excitedly. Voldemort froze. VOLD?!
“DON’T CALL ME VOLD!”
“Okay, man. No need to get your panties in an uproar!”
Voldemort blushed. “How did you know I was wearing … panties?” Voldemort whispered, mortified. Peter shrugged. “Anyway, we need to get moving. Who wants to be a Death Eater?”
A few people raised their hands. Voldemort picked one at random. “You, come up here.” Voldemort’s eyes widened. It was the scariest looking man he had ever seen.
“Yo! Ow! Yeah! Baby!” said the man. Voldemort was shaking. This man was scaring him.
“And your name is?”
“Michael Jackson!” the man said in a high-pitched voice. He started doing some weird hip dance moves. Well, he certainly could dance!
“Alright, you’re in. Go sit next to Peter,” Voldemort said. Michael danced all the way to his seat.
“OK, next?” more hands were raised. After a while, a fair amount of people were picked. “Okay, that’s enough. If you weren’t picked, I’m sorry. Better luck next time!” Voldemort turned to his small crowd: Snape, Malfoy, Jackson, and Pettigrew. “Alrighty. It’s time to test your courage with a game of … Truth or Dare!!!!”
His announcement was followed by a loud chorus of "YAY!"
“Right, then. Snape, you can ask first.” Snape giggled excitedly.
“Ooooooooooooooooookay!!! Ummmm … how abooooooooout … Peter! Truth or dare?” Snape said, grinning and biting his lip in excitement. Peter thought for a minute, then five minutes, then ten minutes. Peter seemed to have forgotten how to think. He started drooling.
“He’s broken!” Jackson said.
“Somebody hit him,” Malfoy suggested. Jackson hit him in the back of the head, and Pettigrew jerked awake.
“Sorry guys. Oh, right. Truth.” Snape grinned, and rubbed his hands together.
“Alrighty, then. Have you ever worn girl’s underwear?” Snape asked. Voldemort shifted uncomfortably.
“No, I haven’t. OK, my turn! Voldemort! Truth or Dare?”
“Truth … ” grumbled Voldemort.
“Have you ever kissed a girl?” Snape giggled loudly. Malfoy grinned. Peter bit his lip. “Come on Vold, tell us!”
“No.”
“Sorry, didn’t catch that. What?”
“NO!” Voldemort yelled, blushing.
“Well, that explains a lot … ” muttered Malfoy.
“Enough of this idiotic game, and Peter, if you call me ‘Vold’ again, I am going to put you in the ‘Bad Chair.’” There was a low gasp.
“You wouldn’t dare!” gasped Peter.
“I would!” Everybody fell silent. But Snape kept giggling. “Alright! You have given me no choice, SNAPE! To the chair!” Snape stopped giggling at once.
“But … But … ”
“No ‘buts,’ mister. Off you go.” Snape’s eyes filled with tears. And he started sobbing as he ran and flung himself dramatically on the chair. Everybody looked terrified of him after that.
“I’m sorry, but I had to do that. Now will you listen?!?!” Everybody was too afraid to speak. This man obviously meant business.
A/N:This is my first Humor fic. I would LOVE IT if you would tell me if I should write something else. Or you could tell me to pack my bags and go write for a soap opera. Whatever, just please R&R!!! =]