Lily sat on her bed struggling to finish a letter she had promised to send her parents.
Dear Mum and Dad,
My start of term has been great! Thank you so much for the money you gave me for becoming Head Girl! I have sent away for a pair of beautiful new dress robes to wear to the seventh year Christmas Ball. I can’t wait to show them to you both at break.
How are you? I hope you are both well. And how is Petunia? Is the wedding still scheduled for Christmas vacation? And, Mum, don’t worry about her not making me a bridesmaid. Yellow doesn't suit me, anyway.
Take care of yourselves, for the world isn’t as safe a place as it was when I first started at Hogwarts. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me.
I love you.
Lily
She sighed as she signed her name at the end of the note. Lily did not want to worry her parents, so she had tried to be discreet with her warning. But in truth Lily was petrified for her family, friends, even for her own life. Lily would never forgive herself if her parents were harmed because of her.
That was Lily- she always blamed herself for things she could never have prevented.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“OH MY GOD! JAMES’ DAD WAS KILLED OVER THE SUMMER!”
“What are you talking about?” Andromeda asked nervously. It was not normal for Lily to yell. In fact, it was so out of character, Andy and Cassie were worried for Lily’s sanity.
“James! Potter- his dad! DEAD! DEATH EATERS!” Lily stuttered.
Andromeda and Cassie’s eyes were wide. If Lily couldn’t even put together a perfect, grammatically correct sentence, they knew they should definitely be worried.
Lily even looked crazed. Her hair was sticking out in random directions from lying down, and her emerald eyes were wide and shiny. She took a deep, frustrated breath and said, semi-calmly, “Don’t you get it? James Potter’s father was killed by the Death Eaters this summer.” She sat down abruptly on the floor and cupped her white face in her hands.
“Lily,” Cassie asked cautiously, “Are you feeling alright?”
“Of course. Don’t you… believe me?” she asked incredulously.
“Sure we believe you, Lils,” Andromeda said quickly, not wanting to cause an explosion. Lily was like a field. She was beautiful and happy on the outside but there was always the possibility you might step on a hidden landmine.
Lily went limp where she sat, hugging herself, on the ground. Cassie went over and sat next to her to comfort Lily.
“Lily, don’t worry, I’m sure James is OK. Don’t worry about him,” she said in a soft voice.
“No, Cass. His dad died. Would you be OK if YOUR dad died?”
“Lily, if his dad died, that is not your problem to take care of. I’m sure he is dealing with it in his own way,” Andy said.
“Did you see how weird he was acting? He barely talked to me at all, let ALONE ask me out. For Potter that is VERY weird. And I don’t think he even told his friends!” Lily cried.
“Of course he told his friends! Why wouldn’t he tell them?” Cassie questioned.
“You know guys. They never want to show their emotions.” This time it was Andy who spoke. “I should know. Sirius’ parents would always pick on him, always favoring Regulus. And he never, ever cried. I've been around Sirius since I was born and I have never seen him cry. Not once.”
“What am I going to DO?” Lily wailed.
“Maybe you should just talk to him. I mean, not in front of his friends or anything. In private, because we think he's keeping it a secret,” Andy said. She ran her hand through her short blonde hair, making it stand on end.
“I guess I’ll have to talk to him tomorrow. What will I say?” Lily said softly to herself.
She curled up in bed, shivering even though it was quite warm in the room. She shut her eyes tightly, wishing that everything and everyone would just go away. The Death Eaters had never come so close to home before. They had not been real; they had just been nameless, faceless monsters mentioned in the Daily Prophet, harming nameless, faceless people she did not know. Lily wondered how much danger she was in; if her friends were, if her family was.
Lily’s friends had the sense to go to bed too, leaving her all alone. She lay awake in a dark, quiet room with only her friends’ deep, even breathing and her own thoughts for company.
~~~~~~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Time to do my Charms homework!” Lily said brightly. She took out a quill and ink and her parchment and started writing an essay on the pros and cons of Tickling Charms.
Andy and Cassie walked in when Lily was putting the finishing touches on her essay. (‘All in all, the use of Tickling Charms is cruel because…’) She looked up and smiled.
“Hi guys!”
They were a bit muddy, because they had just been at a Quidditch practice. Andromeda was one of the Beaters on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Cassie was a Chaser, James Potter was the Captain and Seeker, and Sirius Black was the other Beater.
“Hi, Lily!” they chorused. Andy switched her soiled robes for a pair of old sweatpants and a t-shirt and sat on her bed Indian-style. She started brushing her hair.
“Oh, it’s only the first week and already I’m behind on homework!” Andy exclaimed.
Lily just smiled and bragged, “I’m all done for the week!”
Cassie and Andy stared at her. They were very smart, like Lily, but didn’t have the same amount of discipline. Well, Cass had more than Andy, who had scraped by OWLs by cramming the night before.
They looked at her with puppy-dog eyes until she gave in. “All right, I’ll help you! Are you happy now?” she said with false anger.
By the time Lily’s friends were all caught up with their work, it was very very late. They climbed into bed sluggishly.
“Hey Lily?” Cassie asked.
“What?” Lily replied.
“How was the talk you had with Potter yesterday?”
“Fine,” Lily said. In truth, it was all she had thought about since that time. How good it had felt to just be with him, not yelling at him to go away. How she felt trusted because he had shared how he felt with her, in whatever small way. Nice job, Lils, she thought. Fall for the guy least likely to ever want to date you. Even if he did, it would never work out. He’s arrogant, she told herself.
“I am NOT falling for Potter!” she said out loud. Realizing what she had just done, Lily slapped a hand over her mouth. But a hand would never be able to catch the words she had said and make them disappear. Now her friends would know the thoughts that had been haunting her since the day before.
“Oh my God, Lils,” Andromeda groaned. “The almighty Lily Evans has finally fallen for the guy who has had a crush on her since fourth year!”
“I said, I am NOT falling for Potter. NOT falling. As in, never. Ever!”
Her friends laughed at her, annoying her as usual.
“He is an arrogant, big- headed creep. I would NEVER like him. He finds joy in cursing people who are- GOD FORBID- less cool than himself! OH I hate him I HATE him!” Lily had a strange look on her face. She was thinking about the way James had acted with her when they were alone. “NO.”
“OK, Lily. We get it. You don’t like Potter, and you never, ever will. Wow, I’ve never heard that one before,” Andy said sarcastically.
Cassie said, “You can like him. It’s OK, he likes you too.”
“No he doesn’t! He only ever asked me out to tease me! He never ceases to infuriate me!”
“Then why did you follow Remus and Sirius down the hall when they were bringing him to the Infirmary during DADA?” Andromeda asked smugly.
Lily muttered something about “being Head Girl” and rolled over, stuffing the pillow on top of her head forcefully.
Andy said, to Cassie, "I think she really is falling for him this time."
"I really am," Lily whispered to herself. As soon as she said it out loud, even though no one heard, Lily felt lighter than she had in weeks. She turned over onto her side and smiled a little before drifting off to sleep.