I didn’t move. My body no longer had enough strength to move the chair I sat in. Even sliding backwards a few inches seemed to require the force of ten men. So I sat, waiting, moving only to breath.
Dumbledore’s office was calm when it was empty. The portraits of old men and women on the walls (none of whom I recognized) gazed at me, moving occasionally and making me want to fidget. But I didn’t fidget because I didn’t have the energy.
I’m not sure what it was that made me feel that way. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t speaking to Ginny. Maybe it was that Hermione was in the hospital wing. Or maybe it was because Dumbledore had left me alone in his office after telling me that I would have to be moved again.
I hated making changes, especially ones that changed every variable of my life as this one would. I could tell. Dumbledore told me I’d come back, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be for a long time, perhaps years. I’d be far up north with some older witch who I’d never met. He hadn’t said Mum could visit, only keep in touch. Was my safety so important that I had to be isolated from the rest of the world?
I could not conceive any reason why I could be so valuable. Sure, strange things often happened to me and went without explanation. I was an attentive learner, but why was I more valuable than anyone else at Hogwarts? I was small and shy. It was still a mystery to me why I hadn’t been placed in Hufflepuff like Mum. It seemed like Hufflepuff would be the right place for me, where people are kind and good and take care of each other. But there I was, being taken care of without knowing how or why.
The office seemed to be very large without Dumbledore in it. Its ceiling stretched high above me, but I did not move my head to look at it. That required effort and movement, neither of which I could provide at that time. The walls and shelves full of books and instruments seemed miles away from my position. I breathed deeply, trying to calculate their distance from me.
Dumbledore left me nearly half an hour ago. I hadn’t moved since then. There was no need to. I’d been told, “Wait here. I have a few errands to attend to. I will return shortly.” I did just what he said. I waited. I didn’t do anything but wait for him.
An empty golden bird perch caught my eye for the first time in half an hour. It drew my gaze to it by its bright color, though I had to strain my eyes to see it from the angle I was sitting without turning my head. It swung back and forth slowly as if an invisible animal sat on its width, watching me.
If Misty were there, she’d have eaten the imaginary bird. If Mum were there, she’d have told me there was nothing to worry about. I’d have nodded in agreement. Mum was most always right about those things.
But something told me that I wasn’t entirely wrong. There may not have been a bird there then, but I could tell that at one point, there had been.
Though I was completely relaxed and very tired, I did not fall asleep. I was existing, waiting for Dumbledore to come back. Waiting. Tick tock. I didn’t see a clock anywhere; it must have been my mind ticking. The steady rush of breath in and out of my lungs kept me awake as I waited. Waiting.
I heard him before I saw him. My ears heard the steps like thunder in the hills. They’d been used to silence for so long that I could almost hear him breathe. Because of this, I could tell he was not unaccompanied. Two other sets of feet and rushes of breath followed his heavy, distinct sounds.
The door opened easily. Dumbledore entered, followed by a somewhat less glassy-eyed Ginny and an uneasy Paige. They had clearly been informed of the attack on Hermione.
“I see you did as I asked,” Dumbledore observed. I watched him sit behind his desk. Ginny and Paige stood on either side of him. Paige glanced at me. I did not attempt to catch her eye.
“Headmaster? What are we here for?” Paige asked tentatively.
Dumbledore patted her arm. “You’re here to say good-bye to your friend Susan.”
Ginny awoke from her stupor. “She’s leaving?” she sputtered. Life seemed to have flown back into her veins as quickly as it had left mine. My head throbbed dully.
“Yes. I have decided that she needs to be kept safe from the matters here at Hogwarts that I cannot control,” Dumbledore said simply. “She’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
This news shook my consciousness. Tomorrow. The finality of the word shattered my feelingless mind. I sat bolt upright.
“Tomorrow?” I choked.
Dumbledore eyed me. His eyes were soft. “You’ll be staying with your mother for a few days while I arrange the final touches with Taryn.”
“Who is she?” Paige asked.
“The woman Susan will be going to live with,” Dumbledore replied casually.
“For how long?” Ginny asked. She seemed as awake as I was.
“That is uncertain, Ginevra. But it will be for quite some time. That’s why I’ve brought you and Paige here.”
I stood up. Paige walked to my side. Her jaw was clenched shut. Ginny cast a long look. I returned it, trying to look as forgiving as possible. If I was leaving, I wanted to have her remember me as a good friend, even if we hadn’t been on speaking terms towards the end. Then I realized that all of our little spats hadn’t mattered as much as I thought they had. I’d held a grudge. Paige was right. Ginny needed me and I’d failed to support her.
Ginny walked around the table to join me. I took her hand and squeezed it slightly.
“So, what now?” I asked Dumbledore, resigned to take my fate as best I could.
“There is a spell I will be performing on you, Susan,” Dumbledore explained. “It will put an illusion so great on you that people will think you have not left, but will not notice your presence either. Of course, you will not be here; you’ll be up North. But I thought it best, due to the circumstances, that very few people knew of your true whereabouts. Ginevra and Paige are here so that they will remember you.”
“And Mum?” I wondered aloud.
“She already knows. She’s getting the house ready for you to stay in for a few days.”
I took a deep breath. Dumbledore smiled. “I know this is difficult, but you will understand in time. Now, it is best you said your good-byes now, before the spell is cast.”
I nodded, turning to Paige. Her eyes shone as she tried to smile at me. I’d been her only friend when her own cousin had turned her back. She’d helped me when Ginny needed support. It occurred to me then that we had a great friendship between us. It was one I hadn’t really thought about or questioned. She broke off my chain of thoughts by pulling me into a hug. “Write,” she whispered. I smiled. My eyes felt wet as I turned to Ginny, who immediately pulled me into a hug before I could doubt her once again.
“I forgive you, Ginny,” I said quietly into her ear. “I forgive you.”
I stood in the middle of Dumbledore’s office. The desk had been magically cleared out of the way, along with anything else that was too close to me. A thread of magical light formed a circle around me. I was at least four feet away from any part of it.
“This is the barrier of space that will help the illusion to work,” Dumbledore commented. “The greater its area, the harder it will be for people to look through and see you properly. Then again, it won’t be you; it’ll be an illusion form of you. Ginny and Paige, of course, will know that it isn’t you. However, everyone else will assume that nothing has changed about you.”
“So they won’t really see my illusion?” I questioned.
“They’ll see it, but they won’t question it or look at it twice. It will be there whenever you would be there, as the illusion continues to operate the way you would. It is in action all the time, preventing anyone from realizing its true nature. You will be free to live however you will; the only thing about you that will affect it is your appearance. For example, if you should grow five inches in the next year, your illusion would do so as well. It’s quite a remarkable spell, actually,” Dumbledore said cheerily. “Well, now that the circle is ready, I will perform the magic and create the illusion.”
I closed my eyes. A strange humming filled my ears. I could hear Dumbledore chanting, but his words did not reach me. I felt as if hot air were tickling my skin, running over my whole body and in through my nose and open mouth. It grew hotter, but not so much that I could not bear it. It filled my existence.
Just when I needed to gasp for air, it rushed out of me. I opened my eyes and inhaled.
Nothing had changed. I walked over to Ginny and Paige. Dumbledore stood on the other side of the room. I turned to face him and gasped.
Halfway between us was a blurry image of myself. It stood, not moving at all, as if waiting for my command to go about its business. Ginny and Paige were wide-eyed; Dumbledore looked pleased.
“Excellent. It is ready,” he exclaimed. “Will you tell it to go, Susan?”
“Sure,” I said shakily. In my head, I thought, Go. Be like me.
The illusion swept past me. I barely felt it move, though the edge of my mind seemed to be connected to it as long as I was near by. My illusion.
Ginny and Paige gripped my hands.
Dumbledore crossed the room, replacing furniture with his wand as he went.
As his desk landed with a thump before him, he turned his gaze to me.
“It’s time.”