Disclaimer: The title of this story is part of a song, by Imogen Heap. I, in no way claim the rights to it. Also, all characters belong to the masterful J.K. Rowling.
Chapter 2
Hermione’s heart stopped. Everyone in the room fell quiet and a shocked look came over Mrs. Weasley, which told Hermione that they all hadn’t known about Ron’s girlfriend either. Ron’s ears went a shade of pink, and his upper lip disappeared. Melody looked disappointed that everyone’s reaction was so negative.
A million thoughts raced rapidly through Hermione’s head. She couldn’t think of what exactly to do, but she knew that she had to be alone.
“That’s…just…wonderful. I…am really happy for you, Ron. Now, if you could all excuse me for a moment, I need to use the toilet,” Hermione stuttered, as she pushed past Mrs. Weasley, and a concerned Ron, before running upstairs to the nearest bathroom.
Hermione quickly locked the door and let herself sink to the floor as she started to cry. She couldn’t let the sound out, but Hermione wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. Her chest tightened and she felt her knees weaken. She couldn’t understand why things had come to this. She felt so alone and she wanted to disappear. She could even hear her heart shattering, slowly, like cracking ice. A dark shadow had fallen over her, and even when she heard Ginny knocking on the door, she couldn’t answer. She hated being alone, but at the same time she needed to swallow this pain by herself. She cried for hours, until she couldn’t anymore. Afterwards, she was so tired that she laid down on the cold white tiles of the bathroom floor and fell into a deep sleep.
Downstairs, Ron sat in the dark, eating a melted cheese sandwich and thinking about what he had done. He never meant to hurt Hermione. For some reason or other cheese sandwiches had always made Ron feel better. He had eaten cheese sandwiches whenever he had fallen sick, he ate a cheese sandwich when Harry had died, and he even ate one when Hermione had left. But now, Ron's problem was his doing, and the cheese sandwich just didn't have the same affect on him. He put down the sandwich and recalled the exact moment that he had met Hermione, his very first day at Hogwarts. On the train, he had thought Hermione to be very judgmental and a real know-it-all. He had no idea then that Hermione was so sweet, warm and caring. A pain stabbed at Ron’s heart. He groaned and ran his fingers through his red hair. Knowing that he had hurt that girl was ripping his insides.
Ron suddenly heard a loud, hoarse cough and Bill stepped out of the shadows and into the kitchen’s light. Ron smiled at him, and told him to sit down.
“Ron, I just wanted to tell you something,” Bill said, as he slowly settled down into the chair at the opposite end of the table. Ron knew that Bill wanted to talk about Hermione, but he was surprised by what Bill said next.
“When Fleur left me, I was devastated. I couldn’t eat, I worked myself to the bone and I didn’t talk to anyone. So, I know exactly how Hermione feels right now. When someone you love that much leaves you, your insides shrivel, your face grows weathered, and you feel like you want to die to ease your pain. Your emotion isn’t even sad it’s…well it’s nothing. You don’t feel anything, Ron; your world turns dark.
“The thing that I find hard to understand is that you two were in love, but you were best friends before that. And you through that away, for someone you’ll probably never have the same kind of relationship with? I hate to say that because, I don’t know Melody, and she seems nice, but she’s not Hermione.”
As Bill said this, Ron’s skin shivered and thousands of little goose bumps emerged over his arms and legs. His brother never talked about Fleur, and he didn’t even feel the least bit offended when Bill had said that Melody didn’t have the same relationship with Ron as Hermione had. Every bit of that was true. He simply felt angry with himself that he had done this to Hermione, after he had witnessed what the same experience did to his older brother. Ron finally whispered that he wished this situation hadn’t happened.
“Then why did you do it, Ron? Honestly tell me. We all need to know.” Bill asked.
Ron sighed and dug into his pocket.
“I got this letter from her about a year after she left. She seemed so happy. She didn’t even say anything about missing me, although I suppose she did. Then, I remembered how smart she was. I was never good enough for her, and no matter what I do, I never will be. After that, I thought of the fact that, if we had ended up getting married, Hermione would never be able to do all of the things she had dreamt of. She could never reach her full potential if she had someone like me weighing her down. If I let her go, she
could be the brilliant woman she was destined to be.
“So, when I met Melody and saw how down to earth she was, I had to at least give a relationship a try. I never feel out of place with Melody. She’s smart, but she’s not overly brilliant like Hermione,”
Ron explained, as he fidgeted with his hands. Bill sighed and asked Ron if he thought that Hermione was overbearing. He told Ron to just admit it, plain and simple.
“Hermione isn’t overbearing, Bill. It’s her world that’s overbearing.” Ron choked.
Bill nodded. “Still, you should have told Hermione all of this, before you and Melody became really serious.”
“I tried. I probably wrote a thousand letters that all started with, ‘Hermione I love you, but I can’t do this anymore’. I just couldn’t send them. I wanted to let her go and so she could be free, but I was so afraid of hurting her.” Ron explained, as finished his sandwich and sent his plate over to the kitchen sink with a flick of his wand.
With a deep breath, Bill slid his chair back and got to his feet. He turned to leave and before sauntering up to his bedroom, he softly said, “Sounds to me like you were afraid of completely losing her.”
Ron unfolded the letter that he had carried around with him for several months. He read it, silently, but mouthed the words. As hard the subject was to face, Ron knew that the person he had to talk to was Hermione. There wasn't any getting around it this time. The conversation was destined to be heated, and he would be surprised if he didn't leave it with his eyes watering.
Ron left the kitchen and headed upstairs. The whole house was silent. Everyone had been asleep for a long while. He stopped by the bathroom and slowly turned the knob to see if it was still locked. It was. Hermione was still inside, breaking. He could almost see the pain that she was going through, from the other side of the door. Ron knew that talking to Hermione would have to wait until the late morning, when she was feeling a little more stable. He took a deep breath, and carried on to his bedroom.
Ron’s room hadn’t changed at all over the years. It was still dedicated to his all time favourite Quidditch team.
Ron leaned back onto his bed, and groaned as his back settled into the mattress. He closed his eyes, and tried to clear his mind, until he was sound asleep.
thanks to my most awesome beta, Leanne for help on this one!