31: The Organised Mind
I have to get out of here.
Remus Lupin stared blankly up at the row of iron bars that had clanked down over the opening of the laundry chute moments after his tumble, biting his lip as he fought against the almost overwhelming urge to pace the room like the caged animal he had become. He felt confined, restricted, more so than even in his cell, despite the greater size of this prison, the walls seeming to press inwards as he slowly suffocated…
I can’t stay here. I can’t stay here. I can’t stay.
It’s coming.
“I still can’t believe it. Dolph.” Felisha’s voice was a welcome distraction “ Remus turned his attention almost desperately to where she was sitting, cradling the still unconscious Avin’s head within her lap. Beside her, Rebekah Goldstein had just finished rolling the limp form of Croll onto his back as she reached down and lightly slapped each of his cheeks in rapid succession in search of some kind of reaction. Remus only just managed to fight down the urge to rush over and emphatically join in with the violence.
“I’m afraid so.” There was a weary, almost resigned note to Rebekah’s tone that was deeply unfamiliar. “And I was worse than useless when it came to stopping him.”
Calm down. You have to calm down. Rational. Be rational.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Remus was really quite impressed at the level quality he managed to instil into his tone. “The Imperius curse is a powerful thing. It takes a witch or wizard of exceptional natural ability to shake it off.”
Rebekah stared miserably at the floor. “I tried,” she whispered softly, almost to herself. “I tried so hard. Once or twice I even managed it but it never lasted. It’s like I’ve spent the last few months swimming in quicksand “ even if I managed to surface, just for a moment, his spell always sucked me down again and there I was, doing whatever he told me.”
Now that was a feeling that Remus could certainly relate to. The helplessness of watching as your body performed the actions of another mind was his monthly nightmare.
Don’t think about that now. Calm. Controlled.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he repeated again, his voice rife with sincerity. “There was nothing more you could have done.”
Echoing the sympathetic sentiment, Felisha reached out and placed one hand softly against Rebekah’s arm. “The main thing is that you did try,” she said, her voice quiet but reassuring. “And you sent a note to the Aurors. That must have taken more than a moment of clarity.”
“And what good did that do in the end?” There was bitterness laced through Rebekah’s voice. “I couldn’t even tell them what was happening. All I managed was an incomplete warning about a meeting I heard Dolph telling my little shadow Chuckles to attend with someone called Gibbon. And then the spell kicked back in and I nearly maimed that poor owl to death trying to keep it from taking off. I even threw a potion at it, for Merlin’s sake! And then when I tried to write what was happening to me, I barely managed to scrawl down two words before Dolph caught me. He made sure I wasn’t alone much after that. I’m sure Chuckles was sick of the sight of me.”
Questions seemed a good distraction from his growing anxiety. “Chuckles?”
Rebekah’s smile was humourless. “That’s what I called her “ or him, I guess it could be, I’ve never seen a face. The one who replaced Cymone a few months back and started this whole nightmare.” Her eyes flicked sadly to the sorrowful form of her true assistant, still curled in a ball in her corner; a drowsy looking pale blonde woman in the uniform of a caretaker was muttering soothing words to her. “The name seemed apt somehow. Chuckles does most of Dolph’s donkeywork and doesn’t she let you know it “ I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a steady stream of complaints in my life. She’s the one he used to keep an eye on me, to spy, to make sure I wasn’t showing any more signs of breaking free.” She paused painfully, her eyes drifting far away. “He needed me too much to let that happen.”
Remus fought down a chill. “Experiments.”
Rebekah nodded. “Experiments. Even as ombudsman, he’d never have been allowed on Level Six to run his Imperius experiments on Kane himself. And he couldn’t have me replaced “ he needed my brain, my knowledge of werewolves and the Institute, or there was no point. And when I wouldn’t work for him willingly…”
She shuddered deeply. Felisha’s reassuring hand squeezed her arm gently once more as she spoke. “One thing I don’t understand,” she ventured. “You say Cymone was replaced not long after Christmas?”
Rebekah nodded slowly. “That’s right.”
Felisha sighed. “But Dolph’s been here for nearly a year. Why would he be waiting around here so long doing nothing? He wasn’t even made ombudsman until a few months ago.”
Don’t pace. Don’t snap. Breathe and calm.
You know what’s coming. You know what you have to ask.
Remus clasped his hands almost viciously behind his back. “It’s true, isn’t it?” he intervened with slightly more force than he had intended. “That story he told about being bitten in the Black Forest and coming here for help. But he wasn’t coming for Wolfsbane, was he? He was coming to Voldemort.”
Rebekah shivered noticeably at the name. “I think so. I know his arrest in London was genuine enough “ he was a recently bitten werewolf that had a feral incident in front of half a dozen witnesses. From what I’ve overheard, I don’t think You-Know-Who even knew he was here until he sent Chuckles in as Cymone to find out what sort of state his ally Kane had been left in. It was pure luck for them that they crossed paths. And once they had, and Dolph had got a wand back…” She closed her eyes. “These last few months have been horrendous. He made me stay away from my family as much as possible, in case they noticed any change or I managed to let something slip to them. And it was his orders that meant I had to be so nasty to you, Profess…” She broke off, opening her eyes once more to meet her cousin’s gaze. “Remus,” she expelled forcefully. “He needed to keep your eyes on me so that no suspicions would fall elsewhere. But I admit - when the first thing he had me do was send you the invitation to come to the Institute, I wasn’t happy at all. Much of the sentiment I expressed to you was genuine “ I do think you endangered my son and I don’t think it’s fair that you lived while my mother and brother died.” She hardened her jaw. “But if I had been free to act as I chose “ I like to think I would have at least given you a chance.” Her lip quirked slightly. “If it helps at all “ you’re not as bad as I thought you’d be.”
Remus managed a wan smile but it wasn’t easy as a tumult of frantic emotion surged within his chest. But at the mention of their family link, a thought had battled its way to the forefront of his mind.
“It was you that killed Kane, wasn’t it?” he stated softly. “Not Dolph. You.”
Rebekah’s eyes flared with a strange cocktail of pain, remorse and satisfaction. “Yes,” she admitted shakily. “He was their test subject “ the whole basis for Dolph’s Imperius experiments. You know the only reason he invited you here was to make sure that Kane was really gone? He was worried trying the curse through me without being sure might rebound on him somehow or make him lose his grip on me.”
Remus nodded with difficulty “ Dammit! Concentrate! - as Rebekah sighed.
“But it didn’t and on went the experiments.” Almost absently, she gave Croll’s face another slap. “And then one day, it occurred to me that maybe if Kane was dead, the work would be over “ they wouldn’t be able carry on anymore. And one way or another, I’d be free.”
Remus couldn’t help but observe the chilling note of desperation in her voice. “So you poisoned him.”
“I tried.” Rebekah’s eyes lifted towards the blank ceiling. “I managed to hold off the curse long enough to take a vial of toxin from Zelia’s stores and mix it into his food one evening. But the spell held me back and it wasn’t enough “ he started to recover the next day. So somehow, I found the strength to dose him again. And that was enough. He died later that afternoon.”
“I remember you getting the message.” Remus nodded once more as he clenched his hands together behind his back almost into fists. Stop procrastinating, Lupin. You know what’s going to happen. You know what you’ll have to ask them…
“I can’t say I’m sorry he’s dead.” Rebekah’s gaze dropped once more. “He killed my mother and brother. But I wouldn’t have killed him. Not if I’d had any other choice.” Her voice was shaking distinctly now. “But in the end, all I did was make things worse. I speeded their programme along. I didn’t know that Dolph had access to Dementors and now he has the residents caged for the moon, he can make as many test subjects as he likes…”
Felisha’s face was pale. “My God. We have to get out of here.”
No bloody kidding. Remus clamped down upon his lips with his teeth in order to prevent an inappropriate retort. It wasn’t their fault; it wasn’t the fault of anyone in this room that he was going to have to...
But you’ll still have to ask them. You know you will.
It’s you or them.
Now. Do it now. You’re not going to have much longer vulnerable…
He stared for a moment at Felisha’s washed out face, at Rebekah’s weary eyes. An old friend newly found with the man she loved cradled in her lap, a cousin tired and worn by suppression, the haunting of one death writ large within her eyes. How could he ask either of them to…?
“Leish?”
For an instant, Remus wondered if he’d spoken without realising. But then Felisha gave a low cry as she bent over Avin, his eyelids fluttering as he took several deep breaths. Beside him, Croll also gave a sudden groan.
“They’re coming round!” All at once, Rebekah scrambled, suddenly energised, to her feet. “Pro…Remus, help me!”
And as groans and confused muttering began to rise from all directions, Remus realised the moment had passed.
But it would come again. It had to.
He didn’t have much choice. And he certainly didn’t have much longer.
* * *
All in all, it took about half an hour for the staff of the Feral Institute to fully regain consciousness. And as words were exchanged and stories told, a clearer picture of what had befallen them began to emerge.
“The candles?” Croll’s sneer echoed across the chamber, interrupting a variety of conversations as all attention turned to him. “Don’t be ridiculous, Lupin. How on earth could somebody drug a candle?”
Remus was finding it increasingly difficult not to reach out one hand and casually swipe Croll’s nose off. “I’ve seen it done before,” he managed through gritted teeth. “I had some friends who once succeeded in sending an entire class at Hogwarts to sleep by treating a candlewick and brewing special wax that was laced with a powerful sedative. When the candles burned, the sedative filled the air and sent everyone in the room to sleep almost simultaneously.”
Felisha, who had not released Avin’s hand since his return to consciousness, widened her eyes almost comically. “Fifth year,” she said with a hint of a smile. “A class of Slytherins in Divination. And I have a sneaking suspicion about who those friends might be “ and that a certain somebody not a million miles from here might not have been completely innocent either.”
For a moment, the memory almost allowed Remus to relax slightly. “It was Sirius’ idea,” he returned with mock defensiveness and a slight smile of his own. “He and James brewed the drug and I mixed it into the wax and poured it into the candle moulds. And then Peter kept watch while we snuck up the tower the night before the class and planted them. Everyone knew the Professor always lit the candles at the start of every lesson and the drug was carefully brewed so that no one would even notice that they were dropping off until they had. James and Sirius were very proud of that brew. They found the recipe in a textbook in the Restricted Section.”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure we’re all very impressed by your juvenile schoolboy antics.” Croll’s sneer efficiently destroyed the last lingering hint of Remus’ moment of calm. “But that hardly seems relevant unless you and your friends decided to sneak into the Institute and pull the same trick on us.”
Remus’ expression hardened. Don’t hit him, don’t hit him… I know it’s tempting, but just don’t… “The point,” he stated acidly, “…is that if four schoolboys were able to find such a spell, I’m sure a Death Eater with sufficient dark connections certainly wouldn’t have a problem. And considering what Zelia told us…”
Croll snorted. “Coincidence.”
“It was not!” Wild haired and more frazzled looking than usual, Zelia Phelan pushed her way through the score of bewildered faces, until she was at the fore of them all. “I’m telling you, Dolph Greymoor was there when I brewed that batch of candles! And I left him alone in the room for five minutes “ I even asked him watch the brew for me! And just this morning, I found some of my sedative was missing but I didn’t have time to investigate before…”
This time it was old Unwin Dempster who huffed in disdain. “Yes, because you’re so damned organised, lassie. You’re as likely to dumped that sedative in yourself by mistake…”
Zelia gave a cry of protest. For a few moments, the gabble of conflicting voices was nearly enough to drive Remus insane.
“Quiet!” The word had lashed out almost before Remus had realised he had spoken. As bewildered faces turned on him once more, he took a desperate breath to calm himself.
“I believe this was deliberate,” he stated softly. “But however the sedative got into the candles is frankly academic. All that matters now is that it did.”
“And for what purpose?” Croll rolled his eyes. “How did they know we’d call a meeting? How did they know we’d all be there?”
“They knew you, Arcadius.” Rebekah’s stern tone quelled Croll’s protests quite effectively as all eyes turned to the head of the Institute. “They knew that the moment I disappeared, you’d want to assert your control and you’d want everyone to know it. Dolph knew you’d call everyone to a meeting to prove that you were in charge. He played you just like he played the rest of us.”
Mutters of assent ran rampant through the watching staff, nodding heads and pointed looks abounding. Croll’s mouth closed sharply with a clunk in the face of such overwhelming agreement.
He swallowed hard. “Rubbish,” he managed, but without much conviction. “Utter rubbish.”
“Oh shut up, Croll.” It was clear from Avin’s tone that this was something he’d longed to say for quite some time. “I saw Cymone “ well, sort of Cymone “ rushing out of the room just as I entered “ right before she stunned me, in fact. Why do you think she was so keen to leave so soon after the candles were lit?”
“Exactly.” Remus forced himself to take deep breaths. Not quite yet. They’ll just panic. But soon. And maybe…“And what good is arguing about it going to do us anyway? What we need is to get out of here. Now.”
Avin paused thoughtfully. “Maybe it would help if we knew how we got in?” he suggested with a shrug.
“Down there.” Rebekah gestured to the chute. “They levitated you down one by one from Level Five. I had to keep moving you all to avoid an awful pile up.”
“I don’t think we’ll be levitating back up there in a hurry.” Avin sighed as he exchanged a glance with Felisha. “Not without wands. And even if we could reach the bars, I’d bet they’re spelled somehow.” He glanced around. “I guess that leaves breaking through a wall.”
“We wouldn’t need to get far.” Rebekah’s voice was thoughtful as she deliberately ignored Croll’s disdainful snort at the suggestion. “The nearest portkey on this level is only a few corridors away. If we could just get through this wall and…”
Futile. No portkeys. We need a better way than…
“We have no portkeys.” Before Remus could even open his mouth to quash this hopeful plan, Alexander Aylward’s intervention beat him to it. The tall, stern man’s expression was solemn, even haunted. “I smashed them all last night.”
There was a moment of terrible silence, broken by a rising crescendo of shocked murmuring. A field eyes of wheeled accusingly onto the chief of security.
“You what?” gasped Croll. “You did what? You great hulking imbecile, why on earth did you…”
“It wasn’t my fault.” Aylward’s snapped retort effectively slapped away the rest of Croll’s tirade. “A week ago, while I was patrolling on Level Five, I ran into Dolph Greymoor ordering Cymone to let him out of the building. When I challenged him, he drew a wand from his wrist support and cursed me.” The tall man swallowed. “It was the Imperius curse.”
But something in Aylward’s voice had already told Remus more than enough about the security chief’s fate. For he recognised the tone all too well.
You think yourself so high and mighty. And yet you can’t even call yourself human…
This is not the time to think about that. You’ll have to ask soon.
But not yet.
“He made you lead the ambush against me last Sunday.” Aylward’s gaze snapped up to meet Remus’ impressively steady gaze. “He and a couple of colleagues Imperiused you and a dozen villagers to try and kidnap me. That way, if anything went wrong, he wouldn’t lose anyone valuable in an attack so close to Dumbledore.”
Aylward nodded wearily. “I’m so sorry, Professor. He was running my head that night “ speaking through me. And then last night, he had me destroy the portkeys. I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” It was Rebekah’s turn to speak with knowledgeable sincerity. “Don’t worry, Alexander. There’s nothing more you could have done.”
Avin took a deep breath. “Well, that complicates things but it doesn’t make them impossible. If we could free those bars somehow and maybe shimmy up the chute…”
“Will you listen to yourself?” Croll’s lashed interruption drove the muttering of the staff into instant silence once more. “Why should we leave? Why bother escaping and risking their wrath? There are Death Eaters up there, Dementors and werewolves “ here at least we are safe! I say we wait here and see what happens. It’s the safest way.”
“I agree,” the barking voice of Unwin cut off several half spoken protests. “We go up there, they’ll kill us for sure. We lie low and maybe we’ll get out of this alive.”
The slight murmur of agreement was more alarming than any angry roar. Oh you fools, don’t you understand? “Safe for how long, Croll?” Remus’ retort was icy cold. “Do you really think that they intend to let you survive the night?”
Croll gave a disdainful smirk. “If they were going to kill us, Lupin, don’t you think they’d have killed us already? They had every chance in the boardroom to do away with us all. That fake Cymone had every chance to do away with you. No, it’s obvious. They want us alive. And since they went to so much trouble to have me arrest you and bring you here, they want you alive too.”
How foolish can you be? You work with werewolves, you idiot, you must know what’s coming, what’s coming tonight…
“They want you alive for a reason for now.” Remus met his eyes with chillingly certainty. “And they want me for a reason too. And maybe I don’t know the whole of it, but I’m sure now about one part.”
The blood vanished almost instantly from Felisha’s face as Remus met her eyes.
“Sport,” she whispered.
“Sport.” Remus gazed out at the now silent huddle of faces, the ashen Felisha, the irate Croll, the weary Rebekah, the solemn Aylward, the flustered Zelia , the sour Unwin and all those around them, young faces and silver haired, pale and flushed, frightened and angry, perhaps twenty people all in all staring back at him with a mixture of confusion and slow, horrified realisation.
All here. All watching.
All doomed.
Now is the time. Now you must ask. Ask them before it’s too late.
Remus had never been so scared in all his life. But he knew he had no choice.
“Sport,” he repeated softly, his eyes raking over their faces, one by one. “Entertainment. You all know what I am. I’m a werewolf. And tonight, in just an hour or so, the full moon will rise.” He turned his gaze on Croll, intense, burrowing, pointed, as final realisation dawned across the medic’s features. “And I haven’t had my Wolfsbane today.”
The silence was deathly. Croll’s face slowly took on a distinctly greenish hue.
Remus raised his chin slowly. “They want to watch me fall,” he said, his voice low and almost bland. “They want to see my face in the morning when I wake up, surrounded by all of your remains. They want to make my mind weak and ripe for domination. And they don’t care who they kill to do it.” He opened his hands slowly. “So, the choice we have is simply this. Either we find a way out of here in the very near future or…” He closed his eyes for a moment, just a moment, as he catalogued well-loved faces once more within his mind, his father, his mother, his students, Tonks. All lost to him now. All gone.
It’s too late for me. It’s just too late…
I can’t let this happen. It’s the only way.
“Or…” he added softly, wearily, desperately, his eyes filled with pain. “Before the full moon rises, one of you is going to have to kill me.”