5: Matters of Some Concern
“Remus?” It took a moment for Reynard to re-gather his composure, though exactly why he was squinting at his son with such shock in the first place was rather a mystery to Remus. “What are you doing here? I thought you had some kind of appointment today.”
“I’ve been.” Remus smiled at his father reassuringly, if slightly bemused by his reaction. “I was just having a drink with Tonks before heading back up to the castle.”
“Hello, Mr Lupin.” Tonks smiled politely at her friend’s father who smiled back slightly awkwardly. “Nice to see you again.”
“You too.” Reynard nodded, quick and brisk, the set of his shoulders radiating tension, his features drawn and anxious. His eyes darted briefly towards the bar and the fireplace beyond before flickering back to his son.
Bemusement faded abruptly; Remus felt an immediate prickle of alarm. He knew Reynard Lupin. And his father wasn’t just surprised to see him. He was nervous.
He turned to Tonks at once. “Tonks, do you think you could nip outside and check that the courtyard’s clear? Better safe than sorry and we can’t risk being seen.”
The young Auror’s eyes narrowed “ for an instant, Remus thought she intended to query his request but then she appeared to sense the subtle tension that shrouded the two Lupin men and with a friendly nod and a quick, curious glance at Remus, she bid Reynard farewell and slipped outside.
“So, dad.” Remus turned back to his father, who smiled wanly in reply. “You know why I’m here, but what about you? Having a quiet drink?”
Reynard stared awkwardly down at the floorboards. “I’m… meeting someone,” he admitted hesitantly. “For a drink.”
Remus raised an eyebrow, privately fighting a distinct unease at his father’s obvious discomfort. “Anyone I know?”
Something odd flickered behind his father’s eyes. “No. No one you know.”
The evasion did not go unregistered, hardening the younger Lupin’s suspicions that something was badly amiss. And clearly, quiet coaxing would get him nowhere “ his father, it seemed, was not going to share anything he didn’t have to. The time had come for direct action.
“Dad, what’s the matter?” he asked bluntly
Reynard’s eyes darted sharply to his face, clearly taken aback by this sudden change of tack. “Matter? Who said anything was the matter?”
With a shake of his head, Remus folded his arms sternly. “Who am I?”
A glint of more familiar mischief appeared in the older man’s brown eyes. “Now Remus, if you haven’t worked that out in thirty-seven years, there probably isn’t much hope for you…”
It took a great deal of will not to smile. Much as he would have liked to submit to the note of lightness that had just been injected into the conversation, he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted off the subject by his father’s banter.
“I’m your son,” he reminded Reynard firmly. “And I know you better than any other person alive. And yet somehow, you seem to think I won’t notice that you’re twitchier than a grindylow in a hot cauldron?” He frowned as severely as he could manage. “What’s wrong, dad?”
Reynard stared at him with a mild frown. “Are you channelling your mother?”
At Remus’ stern glare, he raised one hand in a placatory manner. “All right, don’t give me that look. Definitely Diana’s little boy.” He shook his head, his expression suddenly weary; Remus felt a twinge of regret as the brief spark of levity faded within his father’s eyes. “You aren’t going to be put off from this, are you?”
Remus hardened his jaw. “Not when I know something’s wrong. I love you, dad, and when you’re upset, I want to help.”
Reynard sighed deeply. “I’m not upset, exactly,” he said, his eyes heavy beneath silvery brows. “Just… uncertain. And I know you want to help, and I wish you could but…” His jaw firmed in a mirror of his son’s. “Remus, you aren’t going to like this but I’m going to say it anyway. Yes, something is the matter, or could be the matter, but I’m not able to turn around quite just yet and tell you what. I’m not trying to keep secrets…” He sighed deeply. “Merlin knows I’ve learned that lesson. But now just isn’t the time, son. I made a promise to someone and I have to test the ground before I bring you in on this. Beside, this isn’t something I want to talk through standing in a crowded pub with your friend Miss Tonks waiting outside for you to join her. I want to do it at home, at Winter Hollow. And I promise, the next time you come to dinner, I will explain.”
Through his confusion and bewilderment, Remus felt a stab of guilt. “Dad, I don’t think I can come next weekend…”
Reynard smiled slightly. “That’s handy,” he interrupted wryly. “Because I’m not sure if I can either. But the Sunday after, Remus, after the full moon; you have my word, then I’ll tell you everything.”
A welter of emotions welled up inside Remus “ confusion, concern, curiosity, anxiety, a tumble of feeling that he wasn’t sure could be suppressed for two whole weeks. But underlying it all was the love and respect he held for his father and if that was what he wished, then he had no choice but respect it.
Two weeks. It wasn’t that long to wait…
It was no good. He would worry himself to death if he didn’t at least ask.
“You’re sure you’re not in trouble?” The words emerged almost in spite of themselves. “If you need my help, you know…”
Reynard’s smile was more genuine. “No trouble, Remus, I promise. If I were in trouble, I would tell you. I’m not. So don’t worry.”
It was Remus’ turn to grin wryly. “That’s easier said than done.”
Reynard laughed outright. “Too true. Now run along, before Miss Tonks thinks you’ve abandoned her.” At Remus’ look, he gave a dry frown. “I’m fine, really. Now go. I’ll see you in a fortnight.”
Remus gave a reluctant nod. Clearly, he was not going to get any more reassurances today. “A fortnight then. Bye dad.”
His father patted his gently on the arm. “Bye son.”
With a final smile, Remus forced himself to swallow his emotions as he walked out of the Three Broomsticks. It was phenomenally difficult.
He glanced back, just once, from the open doorway. Reynard Lupin, settling awkwardly at a table, flashed him a smile both reassuring and grateful.
Biting his lip, Remus made himself step outside before the urge to run back and demand answers overwhelmed him.
He tried not to think about it as he moved quickly down the street towards the alley that lead to the yard behind the pub, but it proved an impossible task. Who could his father possibly be meeting that he felt he could not tell his son about? What could be so secret and so delicate that it could not be shared with his only family? He and Reynard had become closer than they had ever been in the few months since Kane’s return had once more disrupted their lives. There was little they did not discuss, little about the other’s lives that they did not reveal, or at least so Remus had thought. So what could be so secret that his father felt he had to wait another fortnight before telling him?
He was not in trouble, Reynard had claimed. Somehow that seemed scant consolation.
The yard behind the pub was fortunately deserted but for Tonks, who was leaning nonchalantly against the well when Remus appeared from the street. She scrambled upright, almost tripping over her own robes as he approached.
“Everything okay with your dad?” she asked with soft concern. “He seemed a bit…”
She trailed off pointedly as Remus shook his head. “He said he was fine,” the professor said wearily. “But something was wrong. He was tense. Something was bothering him and he wouldn’t tell me what even when I asked him. He said not to worry.” He snorted wryly. “And that worries me even more”
Tonks chuckled slightly. “Typical Remus. He didn’t give you any idea at all?”
Remus shook his head. “Not one. All I know is he’s meeting someone and he can’t reveal who or why. He said he’d tell me when I see him in a fortnight. But if he can tell me then, why can’t he tell me now?”
Tonks frowned. “Do you think he’s in trouble?”
He sighed again. “He said he wasn’t. I don’t think he’d lie to me. Not after all we’ve been through this year.”
There was an odd nervousness underlying Tonks’ expression as she regarded him. “Remus,” she said uncertainly. “Maybe he has a date.”
Remus blinked. “Pardon?”
“A date,” the Auror repeated with a too-casual shrug. “You know, maybe he’s meeting a woman?”
Dad? With any woman but mum? The very notion was absurd and Remus shook his head at once at the suggestion. “I very much doubt it.”
“Why?” Tonks waved a hand, apparently aware that she was venturing onto rocky ground. “I mean, no disrespect to your mum, but he’s been a widower for quite a few years now. He must get lonely…”
“He’s fine.” Remus’ brow knitted. “He has me and plenty of other friends. And anyway, why would that be such a secret?”
Tonks smiled awkwardly. “Well, sometimes grown up kids can have trouble seeing their parents with anyone but each other…”
“That wouldn’t bother me if he was happy.” Remus clamped down firmly on the odd kind of inexplicable cold that had whispered in his chest at the very thought of his dad being with anyone, anyone who wasn’t his mother. “But that’s beside the point. He wouldn’t have a date. Dad’s always said he still considers himself married and always will. He says mum is always with him and he wouldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t, Tonks.”
For a moment it seemed that Tonks intended to argue the point, but something flickered in her eyes as she stared at him and with abrupt diplomacy, she dropped the sensitive subject.
“Never mind. It was just a thought,” she said diffidently, tapping the well stones with her fingers. “Come on then, let’s get this over with. I want to go home and put my feet up at least briefly before going back on duty first thing tomorrow.”
Fighting back the now even stronger worry that was gnawing at his chest, Remus stepped forward and climbed over the side of well.
They made quick progress down the iron rungs that lay concealed against the slimy brick of the old well, before ducking into the passageway that appeared abruptly in its wall about halfway down. The passage was windy and uneven and dripping with dampness but it got them back onto the school premises unseen and that was what mattered most. Using his fresh copy of the Marauder’s Map, Remus established that the coast was clear “ luckily, most of the staff and students were in the Great Hall, enjoying their dinner - before tucking the parchment safely back into his robes and leading Tonks out of the broom cupboard next to the staff room and out in the direction of Dumbledore’s office.
Desperate to take his mind off his father’s evasiveness and possible socialising, Remus wondered out loud just what they had from their trip to report.
“You know, you’re right. We really haven’t got that much to tell the Headmaster.” Tonks mused as they made their way quickly down the corridor. “Aside from the fact that Rebekah Goldstein doesn’t like you “ oh, and your ex-girlfriend’s on the staff.”
Remus battled not to blush at this reminder of another reason this day was turning out so poorly. “We never dated, as you well know. Sirius’ bathroom stunt nicely put pay to that.”
Tonks chuckled. “If you say so. But we really don’t know much more than we did. You-Know-Who might be up to something at the Feral Institute. There may or may not be a Death Eater there who may or may not be making maniacal plans involving werewolves. Really, we might as well just…”
“Ow! Ron!”
A few yards ahead, something scuffled awkwardly against the stone floor. Tonks’ wand whipped out in an instant but Remus clamped a firm hand around her wrist, staying any possible spells. His eyes fixed upon the empty air just ahead.
“Harry. Ron. Hermione,” he intoned firmly. “Are you going to take that cloak off or are you going to make me do it?”
There was a pregnant pause. But then with a triple sigh, a hand appeared in mid air, clasped a handful of invisible cloth and pulled James’ old cloak from three rueful heads.
Harry looked vaguely resigned. Ron, however, was staring daggers at an indignant looking Hermione.
“What did you have to go and make that noise for?” he snapped irritably.
Hermione glared back with equal venom. “You trod right on my foot! It hurt, Ron!”
Remus cut in before full-scale war could be declared. “What are you three doing here? Why aren’t you at dinner?”
Harry brushed his fingers pensively against his fringe. “We had a DA meeting and things needed tidying up,” he said diffidently. “We were just on our way to dinner now.”
Remus raised an eyebrow. “Under the cloak?”
Ron broke off his silent bicker with Hermione in order to chip in. “We thought Filch was about. He’d give us detention for anything.”
But Remus’ eyes had already fixed upon the familiar ratty piece of parchment clasped in Harry’s hand; reaching into his robes, he drew out the crisp, fresh copy he had made at Grimmauld Place just before the start of the school year.
“Mr Filch is currently in the dungeons, well away from here,” he stated softly. “As you well know.”
Ron blushed beneath his freckles. Hermione stared at her shoes. Only Harry met his eyes, green gaze unrepentant and vaguely challenging.
Remus did not flinch, in spite of a strong desire to. “The truth please,” he simply said.
Harry sighed. “All right. We were checking the map to see if the coast was clear and we saw you and Tonks coming in down one of the secret passages. We thought something might be wrong…”
“And so you waited for us under an invisibility cloak.” Tonks looked surprisingly severe as she sheathed her wand. “Why didn’t you just say hello? Honestly Harry, I could have cursed all of you.”
“Okay, it was stupid.” Harry admitted with a shrug. “But if something was wrong, I just wanted to know what it was…”
Remus felt a powerful twinge of guilt beneath the gaze of those intense emerald eyes; he knew all too well what the price of concealing too much information from Harry could be. But unlike the secret of the Department of Mysteries that had cost Sirius so dearly, there really was nothing about his current Order mission that Harry needed to know. There was barely anything to know.
He took a deep breath. “It’s nothing you need to worry about. We’re just debriefing Dumbledore after a mission.”
Harry frowned sharply. “You mentioned Voldemort and Death Eaters. I heard you. What’s he doing now? And what’s the Feral Institute?”
“Nothing that concerns you.” The words came out far more calmly than Remus had expected, given the onslaught of emerald before him. “Honestly Harry, you have enough to think about without needing to know every detail of a fairly mundane Order mission. Now you should hurry up and get to dinner, there won’t be much left otherwise.”
Harry frowned more deeply, his expression of hurt and resentment cutting a painful strip into his teacher. “But…”
“Harry, really, it’s just an investigation,” Tonks cut in neatly with a reassuring smile. “Remus and I are looking in to the truth of some information we received, that’s all. There may not even be anything to find.”
“You mentioned Rebekah Goldstein.” Hermione’s voice broke suddenly into the conversation. “She’s the leading authority on feral werewolves “ I know, I read her book.” She took a deep breath as she squared up to Remus’ eyes. “Does this have something to do with Kane?”
Remus forced himself to relax his shoulders. “That isn’t something I want to discuss. Now please go to dinner.”
Ron’s eyes had widened at the mention of Kane. “Is he out again? Kane? Is he coming here?”
“Kane is locked away. You’re in no danger from him.” Remus was rather proud that he managed to hold his outward composure with barely a flicker of expression. “Now dinner. Please.” He fixed them with his most teacherly look. “I’m not going to ask again.”
Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged a flurry of glances. But the look on their professor’s face appeared to have convinced them that this was a battle that they were not going to win.
Their spat forgotten, Ron and Hermione shared a look of concern as they both glanced at their friend. For his part, Harry was apparently preoccupied with folding the invisibility cloak and stuffing it inside his robes. “Yes, Professor Lupin,” he said dully, his expression cloudy with hints of thunder. “See you in class then.”
More secrets. More half heard whispers and things that could not be revealed. Remus felt an unpleasant flicker as it occurred to him that he was behaving exactly as his father had not long before.
His hand caught Harry’s shoulder as the teenager moved to brush past him. Emerald eyes rose to meet his.
“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “But there’s really nothing to tell.”
Harry’s expression cleared slightly. He nodded. But there was no mistaking the look in his eyes as he turned with his two friends and walked away down the corridor.
Tonks stared over her shoulder until they were out of sight, shaking her head slightly. “How much do you think they heard?”
“Everything.” Remus gazed blankly down the corridor, wishing very strongly for a warm bed and hot chocolate. “Every word we said.”
Tonks grimaced. “I didn’t like that look on Harry’s face. Do you think he’s going to poke about? Try and find out about the Institute?”
Remus sighed, another face, identical but for hazel eyes in place of green, playing before his mind’s eye. He knew that look far too well.
“I’m certain of it,” he said, his mind tumbling resignedly through the catalogue of the day’s events. What with Kane, Rebekah, Felisha, his father and now Harry, it made for quite a list. “Which gives me one more thing to worry about.”
A/N: The early chapters of this fic “ up to chapter 8 in fact - were written before HBP came out. So mention of the now canon discontinued DA and any other discontinuities or similarities are entirely coincidental. :)