Past, Present and Future
01.22.1997—Present Day
The snow fell gently on—at times it picked up speed and blurred the image of the moon, at times it fell unto the grounds to create small mounds which were lit up by the light of the moon. It swirled around him, its cold touch reached his face and un-gloved hands. This caused him to lose his footing more than once, but still Remus Lupin did not slow down.
After nearly an hour of walking, he stopped and looked around, his eyes narrowed. He felt a shiver ran up his spine; this had nothing to do with the bitter cold that ate his flesh away.
Bare land and un-trodden snow met his eyes. An empty space, where there should have been a house full of life and contentment—where Godric’s Hollow should have stood.
10.31.1981
Remus stepped in; away from the cold and shrugged off his cloak.
Lily, who was doing the same, smiled at him and led him into the living room. Once inside, Remus could see the familiar surroundings—small, but comfortable. James sat in the far corner. He played with baby Harry and made funny noises; Sirius looked over their heads and scratched his chin. Remus couldn’t help but smile.
“Hey, James; Sirius.” He said quietly, walking over and sitting down on a nearby couch. He was exhausted.
“Where’ve you been?” Sirius asked, as he strode away from James and Harry and sat on the couch in front of Remus.
“Oh, just looking around, trying to find a suitable job. What with my “condition” and all.”
All three marauders laughed. James picked up Harry and handed him to Lily. She took him in his arms, smiling and left them in the room.
“Any luck?” James asked as he paced around the living-room.
Remus shook his head silently. He wasn’t sure why, but there was something not entirely right about this night. The air felt heavy and the clock seemed to tick slower than usual. Minutes passed and no one spoke; the only sounds where the creaking of the loose boards as James and Lily paced about.
Finally, Lily stopped and placed Harry gently into his crib; she moved to join Remus on the couch. Her large green eyes were strangely misty and she looked at James for support.
“So, where’s Wormtail tonight?” asked Remus; this was more to break the eerie silence that engulfed them than for anything else.
“I don’t know. He didn’t say,” Sirius shrugged, as though it didn’t really matter.
After trying to start conversation more than once, Lupin saw it was no use. Everyone was distracted, but none more so than Lily, who seemed to feel something that the others didn’t.
He got up, took one last look at Harry and he and Sirius left the house. They were never to see it standing again.
01.22.1997—Present Day
Remus shook his head, as he tried to shake the memories out of it. It had been sixteen years since he’d last seen the quiet face of James’ and the pale one of Lily’s. Sixteen years since he’d walked out that door and left his friend behind. How the years flew by.
He looked around him and tried to see if anybody was coming, but the curtain of snow was too thick—he could hardly see his own feet. Worriedly he glanced at his watch. They should have been here by now. Although he would admit that Harry had never been what you’d call “punctual” or “precise”, but he was the one that had wanted to visit Godric’s Hollow. Remus was just here to ensure that the boy, Ron, and Hermione would come to no harm.
Now that Dumbledore was gone, as were Sirius, James and Lily, Harry had learned to look after himself—he had become a man in every sense of the word. However, Remus still liked to think he could do something that mattered. The war was still at large and he felt that he hadn’t been of much use; his attempts with Greyback had long since ceased and he hadn’t made any headway with any other of the werewolves.
He smiled for a moment and understood what Sirius had gone through when he was locked up in Grimmauld Place. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about how another one of his friends was gone. The pain of losing Sirius had still not abated. He was much older now and thus he could no longer forget and move on as easily.
10.14.1975—Fifth Year
James, Sirius, and Peter stood aghast at what they had just seen. Still in their third year, they didn’t know quite so much about the effect of this sort of condition to another. Remus Lupin’s life had got to be tough.
“Did … did that hurt Moony?” James asked quietly. He changed to his human form and approached Remus soundlessly.
They had just seen Remus transform from werewolf to human for the very first time. He laid on a bed inside the Shrieking Shack, his robes torn, his breathing shallow, and his eyes unfocused; he could barely nod.
Sirius came closer as well and took the seat next to him on the four-poster. The usual gaiety that surrounded him seemed to have been replaced by a look of solemnity and pain for his friend.
Only Peter kept his distance, eyeing Remus with a look of fear mingled with excitement and a bit of curiosity.
“That’s why we did this, Moony,” James said in a calm tone of voice, “to help you. You’ll see it won’t be as bad anymore, because you won’t be alone any longer.”
01.22.1997—Present Day
Waving his wand in one swift motion, Remus produced an extra scarf to wrap around himself. He couldn’t stand it anymore.
Remembering was a painful thing—Remus knew that. But he also knew that he could not go on without these memories of the past. These precious, treasured memories kept him alive—they were all he had left. How he wished he could return to those old days in Hogwarts, where they hanged Snape upside down, ate Bertie Bott’s Every Flavoured Beans and were chased by Filch. They had so much to live for then.
It was funny. They had all thought they ruled the world, they had laughed and had enjoyed life to its fullest. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. They should all be together, fighting, yes, but still standing… His friends should not have left him to fight this battle alone, simply because he couldn’t take it.
They shouldn’t have left him, alone with only the person who had betrayed them. Yet, Remus still thought that there might be a chance for Pettigrew; rather, he had hoped that there could still be a chance for Pettigrew. Of all of them, he had ended up worst—abandoned by those who had loved him, abandoned by those whom he had loved.
Yet, Remus wasn’t alone. He had Tonks, whom he loved dearly, with all of his soul. But as wonderful, loving, and supportive as she was, he couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t enough. He could never feel complete, no matter how loved he was. And somewhere deep within him he still felt that she was too good for him, that she deserved more.
Lost in his own thoughts, he did not notice three people come up behind him and immediately felt remorse. If those had been Death Eaters…
“Hi, Remus,” Harry said quietly. “I should have known you’d be here.”
Remus smiled as he looked Harry over. Except for a minor injury on his cheek, the boy looked fine and Remus couldn’t help but feel proud. Here was someone who had his whole life ahead of him.
“It’s over there isn’t it, Harry?” Hermione asked over his shoulder, pointing at the place where Godric’s Hollow should have stood.
Lupin and Harry nodded at the same time. Harry looked around and his eyes misted over. The night was completely upon them, the snow now fell quietly, and all Harry could see was empty space.
“Did we have to do this today?” Ron asked, grinding his teeth and holding his collar close.
“Right,” nodded Harry.
With one last look at Remus he walked on, Hermione and Ron on either side of him, towards the place where his parents’ bodies rested.
As Remus Lupin watched them silhouetted against the ever-falling snow, he prayed for his best friend’s son. He prayed that he be safe, he prayed for a quiet life for him, but most of all, he prayed that Harry and his friends would not meet the same end as the Marauders.