James was angry. He was fuming. The time he had just spent with Lily was probably the best time they had ever had. They had laughed, they had talked, they had gotten along. And then, of course, her boyfriend had come to interrupt it all. And he was cheating on her! James knew he couldn't tell her, but if she only knew...
For the first time, he wished that he had picked some other girl to chase for all these years. James could have had anyone; girls threw themselves at him! And the one girl who didn't was the only one he loved. That feeling, more than ever before at that moment, really hurt.
He gripped his broom so tightly that his knuckles were white. He was walking so fast that the wind stung his eyes. He wanted to fly away from Hogwarts for the first time in his life. He figured he needed to get up in the air for a bit, forget his troubles. Flying was the one constant in his life that always put him in a good mood. As he kicked off from the firm ground, the cool air whirled around his body. He rose higher and higher, but instead of the usual light-heartedness that he always felt, his heart was heavy and dense.
He was soaring back down to earth when he spotted something moving from the glow of the lights within the castle. He figured it was Sirius coming to check up on him- he had been gone for an awful long time- but he really just wanted to be alone at that moment. He squinted hard and saw that it wasn't Sirius at all. It was a girl; it was Lily.
Her arms were crossed and she walked towards the pitch apprehensively. She was shivering from the cool wind that was blowing her hair around her face. James wondered what she was doing down there as he ambled up to her, his legs still a little shaky from his landing.
They stood ten feet away from each other, not saying anything for a moment. Lily brushed her hair behind her ear. James wished that she would stop being so beautiful.
She was just looking at him, not saying anything at all. Why had she even come down? But he knew what was in those eyes, those eyes that made his heart melt....and it was confusion, apprehension.. She just couldn’t find words.
“How did you get past Filch?” he asked her. He was surprised she had even broken the rules to go out at all.
“I don’t know, I just turned around and came back out when I saw you. I guess I wasn’t thinking,” she mumbled. “We need to talk."
James suddenly became a bit bitter. “What about?”
“James, look,” she began slowly. “I’m sorry... for everything.”
James didn't quite understand what she meant. “What do you mean, sorry?"
Lily seemed to look like she wanted him to just say, ‘Okay, see you round’; she didn’t want to have to explain herself.
“It’s just... everything, between you and I, I mean...” she blushed. "I don't know."
James just watched her, puzzled. She wasn't exactly making much sense.
“I’m with Aaron, and I’m...” she wouldn’t look in his eyes. “I’m happy with him, you know?"
“Oh,” James gulped. He understood now. She was basically telling him to stop going after her. Aaron was her boyfriend. He wanted so bad to tell her, but he just couldn't...
She continued. “It’s just... I was upset. I thought Aaron had stood me up, and--”
“He did stand you up,” James interrupted angrily.
“-- and you were there, and I was lonely, and....” she trailed off, not finishing her thought.
James couldn't take it anymore. The thought of Lily continuing a relationship with her miserable, cheating boyfriend was too much for him to bear. He couldn’t let her have her heart broken, like his was.
“Look," he sighed. "I know what you're trying to say to me, and I get it, but there's something I need to tell you, about Aaron,” James said hesitantly.
Lily’s expression completely changed. “What about Aaron?”
James took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to tell you this... I just think that you need to know, that you have a right to know...” he couldn’t look directly at her.
“Tell me.” She redirected his gaze at her.
“I saw Aaron and Rena O’Reilly together last week... they were in an empty classroom, kissing.”
Lily’s eyes turned cold. “You’re lying.”
James could hardly speak. “I’m really sorry, but I’m not.”
“I honestly never thought you would stoop that low, Potter,” she said coolly, her voice filled with anger. I’m with Aaron now, and you’re going to just have to accept that. Stop interfering in my personal life.”
"Did you even hear what I told you!?" James asked, hardly believing what she was saying. He couldn’t believe that this was the same girl that he had just shared a butterbeer and a friendly chat with. "You have to believe me, I saw him!"
“I don't believe you."
"I'm not lying!!" James told her in a near yell. "I'm trying to protect you!"
"Well you can stop it! I'm not your girlfriend!"
This silenced James for a moment. He had always felt like she was his, that she belonged to him. If he saw her upset it made his heart sink. When she was happy he felt just as elated. But it was unreciprocated affection; she obviously didn't care if he was alive or dead.
"Look," he spoke softly, "You make it blatantly obvious that I'm not your favorite person in the world, but we've been able to become friends this year and I'm telling you the truth..."
"No, James," she spat. "This is just a ploy to get me to break up with Aaron and you know it. I get it. But you can stop chasing me now.”
James laughed at this. "You don't get it!. Don't you think I would have if I could? Don't you think I would be very happy with someone else if I could just get you out of my mind? You just don’t understand what it’s like!”
Lily rolled her eyes. "I understand it perfectly. It's all a game to you. You follow me around, asking me out all the time, just for the chase. It's no different from when you're up there" she pointed to the sky "on your stupid broom chasing a Snitch. Admit it."
"You don't know what you're talking about," James muttered. He didn't want to meet her eyes anymore.
“Admit it, James,” she said piercingly. “You only want me because you can’t have me.”
James gave up trying to be nice. He just let his thoughts flow out of his mouth. "Not really, Lily. The only reason that I want you is because I love you, and I've probably loved you since before I knew what that was. But I get it now. I'm telling you the truth, but you don't want to believe me. It's fine." He hadn't meant to tell her that he loved her. But he did.
Lily didn't say anything at all.
"I'm done with it all, with being friends, with pretending that one day you might actually love me back. It's apparent that you want me to leave you alone, so just say it," he pored out.
Lily stood there, stunned, her cheeks red from the whirling wind. James couldn't read her expression. It seemed to be one of confusion, anger, and disbelief all rolled into one.
"Fine. Leave me alone." She said it slowly and softly, her bottom lip quivering. She would not look directly into his eyes.
It was hard for James to think that she was serious, but she obviously was. He suddenly felt the urge to run as far away from her as could.
He threw his arms up into the air. "Done," he said simply. He walked briskly through the darkness up to the castle, not bothering to look back.
All Right, Evans? by anglophile
Chapter Notes: Sorry for the obscenely long wait!!! Here it is, finally.