Lily’s heart was pounding wildly as she sat numbly in the eerie darkness of the woods at night. The full moon bathed her in white light and illuminated her hand, which was still tingling from where James had touched her. She couldn’t believe what had happened, and wasn’t sure of her feelings. How could I let James kiss me like that? she thought frantically. You’re supposed to hate him, Lily, remember? she told herself. Yet how could she forget how safe she felt in his arms, how tender his hands were as they embraced? How could she ignore the fear she felt now as James risked his life to save a boy he hated? Lily knew that if she had never alerted James to Sirius‘s plan, he wouldn’t be risking his life now. I had to tell him; I couldn’t let Snape die, Lily told herself furiously. Yet, a nagging voice told her, deep down inside, If James dies trying to save Snape, it’s my fault.
A high-pitched snicker lurched Lily out of her confusing thoughts. “D’you think when Moony gets him, he’ll scream?” Lily heard the unseen, squeaky voice of Peter Pettigrew ask only a few feet away from her.
“Peter,” Lily said in a low, but surprisingly even and calm voice. She heard Peter give a girly ooh of surprise, and a familiar voice she knew all too well curse fluently. Suddenly, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black fell out from behind a tree.
“Should have used the cloak, ” Sirius grumbled to Peter. Seeing Lily staring at him lividly, he said in a deep, seductive voice, “Hello, Lily. Fancy seeing you here.”
Lily felt her face flush, and her heart pound wildly. She didn’t expect to see him, and panic fogged her brain. Fury flowed through her body like an electric shock, and she felt a strange weakness carrying all that anger with no place to put it. She wanted to scream at him, yell at him, hit him, and beat him to a bloody pulp, but at the same time run into those tanned and muscular arms and embrace him. As her hands curled into fists, and stars swam before her eyes, a sudden and vivid memory paraded into her mind, the unwanted memory of her first kiss. How could she love him, but how could she ever hate him? He was patient, handsome, loving and kind, yet at the same time he was arrogant, cruel, thoughtless and horrible. Lily hated him, but it appeared that Sirius thought this was a chance meeting in the forest. He still thinks I love him, Lily thought numbly.
What is love? Lily wondered, not for the first time in her life. She had thought she had loved Sirius, but he was so arrogant and cruel! He had done nothing to her, but he had tried to harm the innocent. She knew Snape had done nothing to Sirius, yet he had tried to kill him. Sirius was kind to her, yet she hated him so much! In one sense, I don’t have a reason to hate him, Lily thought, but how can I think I like or even love him? He isn’t James. James is arrogant, but would he ever do such a thing to another living human? Lily gasped as she said aloud, in the smallest possible voice, the thought that had been plaguing her since she and James had kissed. “I don’t love you, Sirius- I love James.”
“Lily,” asked Sirius in a small voice. “Sorry, babe, I didn’t catch that. Do you feel okay? You look kind of faint.” Sirius ran forward, and embraced Lily in his strong arms.
Lily stiffened as Sirius wrapped her arms around her. How was she tell the boy who loved her that she no longer loved him? Lily wiped away a stray tear before turning around to face Sirius. As she gazed into the dark eyes of the handsome boy, she almost felt like going along with Sirius and pretending to still like him. “Sirius,” she said a bit louder, “I am so sorry. But I can’t believe what you did to Severus! I can’t like you anymore, I can’t stand you!” Lily felt her voice raise into a shaky yell, and she desperately tried to control her temper. “Sirius, I can’t love you! I hate you!” She wretched her hand out of his, and slapped him across the face.
Sirius slowly reached up to touch his red cheek. He seemed completely shocked. “You knew about my plan?” he asked numbly.
Lily laughed in a completely fake way, and tried to stop the hysterical shudders running through her body as she tried not to break down sobbing. “I knew?” she asked. “Of course I knew! Just as a general bit of advice, don’t parade your secret murder plans in the middle of the street! How could you, Sirius? What has Severus Snape done to you?”
Sirius took a deep breath. “Lily, I’m sorry,” he said in a grave voice most unlike his usual casual one. “I didn’t mean to- er, insult or upset you. But,” he continued a little too quickly, as Peter made a nervous snuffling sound, “what have you done? How long have you known?”
Lily felt a new stream of tears. Even now, she wasn’t sure if she had done the right thing. “I-I told James,” she stuttered, “an-and he w-went in after S-snape!”
Sirius cursed vehemently, as Peter whimpered. “No, he did not!” Sirius said when he finally stopped using words that shocked Lily.
“Yes, he did. He said he would pull him back, “ Lily said hoarsely. As soon as she said so, a horrible, terrorized scream filled the air.
Lily felt icy terror fill her insides with fear, and she sprinted to the moving, deadly tree. James was in trouble, she knew it! She could stay outside the Whomping Willow and be safe, but let her only love die, or go in and risk her life to save James. She knew he wouldn’t be in there if it wasn’t for her, and she had to help. Numbly, Lily picked up a thick branch, before realizing she didn’t know how to . “Freeze the tree!” she bellowed at the two shocked boys who stood before her. She seemed to wither on the spot as the branch swung around wildly.
Sirius’s instincts quickly set in, and in an instant, he had used the stick to hit the knot that deprived the dangerous willow of its’ power. “You‘re not going in, are you? Are you crazy?” he screamed at her.
“I‘ve got to go in! I have to save James!” Lily shouted.
“No, let me!” Sirius said, grabbing Lily’s arm. “I’m stronger, and I know how to control werewolves!”
“I can’t let both of you get hurt tonight! Stay here, Sirius!” Lily screamed. She twisted her arm out of Sirius’s vise-like grasp, and hastily slid down the opening in the roots of the Whomping Willow. She found herself in a musty, earthly passageway in a low tunnel. A scream ran out through the tunnel again. “I’m coming, James!” Lily belted out, and ran forward in the tunnel, her sneakers slipping on the dirt path. Lily began to slow down when she saw a dim light shining in ahead from a small opening. Suddenly, the little light was blocked by a mass of human-shaped forms.
Lily ran forward, and tried to take in the bizarre scene that flashed before her eyes. James Potter was hobbling down the passageway on his left foot with terror apparent in his hazel eyes. On his shoulders, he had the lean, oily, limp body of Severus Snape draped over his shoulders. Lily felt more fear pulse through her as she heard the snarl of a werewolf not far behind the odd procession. “James!” Lily bellowed. “What happened?”
“My god,” James said, in a panicky voice, “Lily, what are you doing here?”
Lily hugged the earthen wall of the tunnel as James ran past. “Saving you,” she replied in a low voice. “What happened to Severus?”
James cursed, and grabbed her hand. He squeezed it painfully as he pulled her along. “Lily, Snape fainted when he saw Moony. I went to grab him, and I twisted my ankle. Get him out of here, okay? I’ll take care of the werewolf!”
“No,” Lily cried out, grabbing Snape’s leg to lessen the weight on James. She pulled out her wand, and pointed it at James’s right ankle. She muttered, “Ferula," and a splint formed on James’s ankle.
“Thanks!” James said. The werewolf made a louder snarl, and James began to run faster. “Please, take care of Snape! Get him out of her! I’ll stop Remus!” Lily aimed her wand at Snape’s pale, life-less body and muttered, “Mobilicorpus.” Instantly, Snape hovered by himself in thin air, his head scraping the top of the tunnel.
“Lily, thank god you are way too smart for your own good,” James said, and he quickly brushed his lips against hers. Lily felt all her fear leave her, and for a second, everything was all right. She and James weren’t in life threatening danger; they were teenagers, enjoying life with no worries. It was beyond magical for Lily to be relieved of the constant fear she had bore for the entire afternoon, even for just a second. Suddenly, Lily heard the loudest werewolf growl yet, and she glanced behind her back at the corner they had just turned. What she saw made her blood run cold.
Lily and James had forgotten about the werewolf as they shared that simple, yet unforgettable moment, and in werewolf form, Remus did not like to be ignored. A lean yet muscular creature with brown hair the exact color of Remus Lupin’s rounded the corner in the tunnel, sprinting on four long legs after its prey. Lily screamed and broke out into a sprint, nudging Snape along with her wand with James at her side. The werewolf opened its long, strong jaws and howled; Lily felt her legs nearly give out under her as she saw inch-long teeth sharpened to a deadly, knife-like point. The werewolf was catching up on them. “James,” she shrieked, desperately, “do something!”
“Get Snape!” James screamed in reply, pulling her along. “Let me handle Remus! Grab Snape, and get as far away as you can! As soon as you get in the forest, get Madam Pomfrey, and stay away from the tree! GO!”
“I’m not leaving you!” Lily screamed. She turned to look at James, to make a mental image of his handsome face in case she never saw him again, but saw nothing but empty space. “JAMES?” she yelled. Just when Lily thought she had seen enough that night, she saw yet another shocking sight. Where James had disappeared, a dark shape was galloping forward to meet the menacing werewolf. Lily paused, and glanced back. Was James an Animagus? A student at Hogwarts couldn’t be an Animagus, it was impossible, Lily thought frantically. But, if James hadn’t transformed into the animal, where had he gone, and where had the stag came from?
Despite the terror she felt, Lily was awed by the beauty of the stag. His bristly, uneven fur was the same black color that James’s hair was, and his huge antlers were a sight to behold. Though his body was almost shaggy, when he moved, Lily could see the strong, impressive muscles of the stag bend and flex. He was an animal version of perfection, except for the white bandage splint, looking exactly like the one Lily had conjured for James, on his back right leg. Suddenly, the stag sprung into action, his leg muscles rippling with the effort of his powerful leap. Using his impressive antlers, James had pinned the werewolf to the ground in a second. But the wolf was fighting back.
“NO!” Lily gasped out loud. The stag looked up from his struggle and gave Lily a reprimanding look out of its familiar hazel eyes. “I’ve got it under control,” the stag seemed to say. “He can’t hurt me, but he can hurt you. Go, now, listen to me!” Lily didn’t need any more silent reminding from the struggling animal. She glanced back at the fighting pair of beasts, and prodded Snape with her wand. With the floating body in tow, she hurried down the passageway. She only could bear one glance back at the fighting stag; her throat tightened and her body shook with silent sobs.
Lily heard her footsteps echo as she ran through the tunnel, and somehow, finally made it up the passageway out. As soon as she awkwardly climbed out of the tunnel, and pulled Snape from the roots of the trees, a triumphant shout filled the air, one that was not her own. Lily took a cleansing, deep breath of fresh air, then looked around wildly through her streaming eyes, searching for the source of the yell. She gasped as Sirius ran to her from deep inside the woods, his face pale in the glowing moonlight. Desperate to avoid eye-contact with the potential murderer, Lily glanced towards the castle, where she saw an odd procession being led down the castle lawn by a short figure she recognized as Peter Pettigrew. The tall, proud silhouette of Professor Albus Dumbledore was running down the grounds, followed shortly by the square-jawed shadow of Professor Minerva McGonagall. Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, followed the dignified teachers, dragging a large bag with a red cross on it- it was presumably a first-aid kit. The massive form of Hagrid, the slow yet sweet gamekeeper, brought up the rear.
In a flash, Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid had sprinted to where Snape lay under the tree; Lily had been so overcome with emotion she had been unable to sustain the charm that kept him floating in midair. It seemed if people were surrounding her, giving her water, wrapping her too tightly in blankets, asking unanswerable questions. “How was Snape hurt?” “How did you fight off the wolf?” And the worst question of all, from Sirius: “Where’s James?”
Lily stood silently as the many faces of the people who intended to be helpers, but instead were her captors, swam before her. She was so tired, but so awake and full of fear. She wanted to calmly answer their questions, yet at the same time she felt a strong desire to bawl like a baby. All she wanted was James, yet she wasn’t sure if he even was alive. What would she do if the werewolf killed him? As if he had heard the silent longing of her heart, Lily heard a gentle, familiar voice behind her. “Lily!” came the urgent cry of James Potter as he climbed out of the tree roots expertly, his hair ruffled, his robes tousled, and a gash crusted with dark red blood adorning his face and neck.
Lily ran to him, unaware of Sirius, Peter, Hagrid, Professor Dumbledore and all the others watching her curiously. James seemed to catch her as she fell into him, her head pounding furiously. For a long time, he just held her, silently. Lily had never ever felt so secure; as long as she was in his arms, no one could hurt her. The full extent of what had happened that night bore down on her. She wasn’t quite sure what it had all meant. In the terms of the world, did one night, one fight with a werewolf, one burst of bravery to save another student, mean anything? Yet to Lily Evans, the night had been so draining yet so uplifting, and so wonderful yet so terrible. All the feelings she had stored up inside her since the night before, when she had asked Sirius out, bubbled up inside her and poured forth like a volcano eruption of tears all over James’s new robes. She was safe.
Lily didn’t feel like the brave red-head girl everyone told her she was as she embraced James. She had bore the weight of a horrible secret, a horrible heart-ache, and a terrible need for action the entire day. All she wanted now was to cry like a baby and be held by James Potter, who she knew she had to love. What other feeling could that wonderful magic be? Yet, as she held on to James, unaware of Madam Pomfrey shooting a spell at his leg to heal it, or Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall reviving Snape, she wanted nothing but comfort. Yet the horrible experiences she had endured that night taught Lily a valuable lesson- never think love can shelter you. She knew, now, that there were evil things in the world like plotting lovers and werewolves, and that simply a hug could not make them go away. She would have to bounce back, and keep on fighting. They lived in a cruel world; what was there left to do?
Finally, Professor Dumbledore broke up the embrace. Only then did Lily realize Snape, Madam Pomfrey, and Hagrid were gone, presumably up to the castle. “Miss Evans, Mr. Potter,” he said in a kind, yet low voice. “Madam Pomfrey has kindly offered to allow you two to sleep in the Hospital Wing tonight should you feel it is necessary. You have been through quite an ordeal, and she highly suggests it. However, whether you want to or not is your choice.”
“No, sir,” replied James quickly as Sirius, who was standing next to Professor McGonagall, shot him a meaningful glance.
“Very well,” Dumbledore answered. “Miss Evans?”
Lily’s tongue was dry. She felt too dizzy to move, yet she didn’t think she could bear a night in the Hospital Wing. She glanced furtively at James, who shook his head. “N-no, sir,” she said quietly. “I’ll be all right.”
“Excellent,” Professor Dumbledore said cheerfully, and for a second Lily thought she saw the characteristic twinkle in his clear blue eyes. “I am happy to inform you Mr. Snape will suffer no lasting harm from his ordeal tonight. No one was hurt. However, I must talk with all of you, and Mr. Lupin, tomorrow morning. It is to utmost importance we discuss this incident, preferably before Mr. Snape gets out of the infirmity. I advise you all go back to Gryffindor Tower now, and get a good night of sleep. I expect you in my office at promptly ten o’clock tomorrow morning. I trust you know how to get there. Remember, I like Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum.”
Lily had never been in Dumbledore’s office, but was too tired to be curious about where it was. She would just have to ask James tomorrow. As they walked away from the tree, James casually put his arm around Lily’s shoulder. Sirius made a face, but Peter gave a high-pitched cheer. “You finally got her?” he asked excitedly.
James nodded. Lily felt odd, and opened her mouth to say she wasn’t his property. Before she could get the words out, she saw James coming down for the kill. He stifled her words with a gentle kiss, and Lily felt the fireworks like before. How could she ever dislike him? He was perfect! There was nothing so magical as the wonderful, passionate kiss they shared as they stood in the woods. It didn’t matter that two not-so-smart boys were watching and gaping as they kissed. It didn’t matter that their strict and important teachers were watching as well. Lily felt loved, and that was all that mattered. As she and James walked out of the forest, she could swear she heard Professor Dumbledore say, “It seems as if the sixth year’s most famous couple has finally gotten together. Minerva, I believe you owe me one lemon drop.”
A/n- As always, thanks to my amazing beta MalfoysMistress! And I started the fifth chapter, but my computer got a virus and I'm not sure if I can get it back. If I can get it, it should be up in a few days.