Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters were created by JK Rowling. I don't own any of it.
a/n: I wote this story because while reading HBP for the second time, I got this idea and it was haunting me so I had to write it. I think I had a nice time writing this.
Remus Lupin hastily entered The Burrow, trying his best to get away from many things. For one, it was raining heavily but mostly he just needed to talk to someone. He had desperately tried to avoid facing most of the Weasleys and the Order, but in vain. Somehow, he ended up seeing them almost every day. Facing them would mean starting a huge discussion about his new task and how it was going.
And then, there was Nymphadora…The more he tried to distance himself from her, the harder it seemed. She was the last person he wanted to face. Avoiding the Order included her especially. Remus always seemed to get distracted by seeing Nymphadora. He kept on gazing at her and this made it so hard for him to stay away from her. She was so beautiful and sweet. Remus figured he was falling for her. He had probably had deep affection for Nymphadora for a few years now. It was remarkable how he had ignored it all along. And now, it was uncontrollable; Remus could hardly let go of it. But he also knew that he wasn’t right for her.
He was a poor werewolf who would be a danger to her. He had to be hard on her so as to make sure he didn’t destroy her future. Remus shuddered to think of the full moon and how much harm he could cause others. He couldn’t bear to see Nymphadora being hurt, and for that he needed behave badly with her at times. But his harshness was causing her terrible pain. And Remus was torn in between. She did say that she loved him and it was clearly visible in her eyes through the way she looked at him. But Remus had avoided and ignored her all the time. Or at least he had pretended to.
The worst part was how pale Nymphadora looked these days. She didn’t have her bubble-gum pink hair anymore and wasn’t the cheerful self she used to be. The remarkable part was that she wasn’t clumsy anymore. Remus knew it had something to do with him. It was probably the way he had shouted at her when she told him about her feelings towards him. He had just pushed her away like an insensitive man.
Remus hadn't meant to be so cruel, but he just didn't know any other way to get the point across. After that, Nymphadora’s eyes were always tearful and she hardly spoke. But he was helpless and had his own reasons to behave like that with her. If only she knew his position, then it wouldn’t be as bad as it seemed. What if he attacked her someday?
Remus thought tea with Arthur and Molly would make him feel much better. After all, he couldn't avoid them forever. He looked around and found the kitchen empty. He sat down at the kitchen table and let out a sigh. He was extremely exhausted these days because he had to attend werewolf meetings and talk about biting humans, which he didn’t like at all. It made him feel sick. These past few weeks had been so…hectic. It had felt like he was carrying a huge burden. Not that it had lifted, but he still needed to talk. Remus had lost his last living Marauder friend. Sirius had gone through the veil right in front of his eyes. And now he was constantly hurting Nymphadora. These unhappy thoughts made him shudder and his eyes pricked but he held the tears back. Just like he had been holding everything else back.
The door opened with a cracking sound and Molly Weasley entered the room. She looked up and an expression of surprise crossed her face. She smiled softly and said, “Oh! Remus, it’s you. I was just about to make tea.” She heated the kettle and began to prepare tea. From the other side of the kitchen, she started speaking again. “What brings you here? The rain, I suppose.”
Remus took a deep breath. “Yeah, that and something else. I need to talk to you and Arthur.” He found his thoughts flying back to Tonks again. Her hurt and upset face kept haunting him horribly.
“Arthur is going to be home around midnight,” Molly said, exasperatedly. “What is it that you want to talk about, Remus?” she inquired. When she noticed the complete silence, she continued. “It’s Tonks, isn’t it?” Molly asked with a knowing look.
When Remus hesitated, she spoke again. “Remus, it is really childish of you to behave this way. Why are you doing this? You know you are causing her a lot of pain. She’s only a girl--” Molly broke off, looking at him exasperatedly.
“Yes, Molly! She is a girl…” Remus interrupted, punching the table with his fist. At this Molly gave him a reproachful look but Remus avoided her eyes. “And do you find it reasonable to agree with her? Isn’t she being impractical?” he questioned, finding it hard to keep the sadness out of his voice. What he was saying was true, yet it sounded so unconvincing to him.
Molly merely stared at him. She had forgotten about the teapot on the stove which was now pouring out its contents to the floor. As soon as she noticed it, she hurried rushed towards the stove.
“No, Remus. Tonks is very reasonable and practical, unlike you,” Molly said, cleaning up the mess with her wand. Not wanting to go through the tea making process again, she refilled the teapot with a flick of her wand. “You’re trying to run away from the truth. You don’t want to face the consequences, as I can see. You really shouldn’t wonder about what might happen to her or what dangers you might cause her. Think of your feelings! ” She poured the contents of the teapot into three different blue cups and placed them on the counter.
Remus shut his eyes, trying to block the piercing light and everything else out of view. He heaved a sigh and tried to get rid of the lump in his throat. He wished this subject hadn’t come up, even though he was the one who came to Molly, saying he needed to talk. A moment later, he felt Molly standing in front of him. Remus opened his eyes and took the cup of tea that Molly handed to him. Molly sat on the chair, which was at the opposite side of the table
“Thanks. It’s not that…I---well…have my reasons too,” he stammered, failing to keep the depression out of voice.
Molly sighed as she set the cup down on the table. “What reasons? Is it because she’s too young or the fact that you’re a werewolf and not well off?” she questioned. Remus remained silent. “If these are your reasons, Remus, then I must say she already knows about them. And she doesn’t even care! You’re being ridiculous, Remus! ”
“Well, have you seen Kingsley, recently?” He tried to change the subject.
“Don’t change the subject, Remus Lupin! You heard me, right? She doesn’t really care about those things,” said Molly. She seemed determined to get an answer.
“Now she doesn’t, but she’ll soon be regretting,” Remus whispered solemnly. “She doesn’t know how it is. On full moon, I’m a vicious monster and not the person she knows,” he said in a cracked voice. He felt sick with each word that came out of his mouth . They were causing him immense discomfort instead of making him feel better. How he wished he hadn’t been bitten by a werewolf! “I’m a werewolf, Molly! Isn’t that a good enough reason? ”
For a moment, there was silence. Molly’s eyes were glassy and she looked like she was about to shed tears. All she could say was “Remus!” in a voice full of pity. Remus could instantly see that he was being obvious about his feelings. He half wished he hadn’t come over to talk about it. For the past few years he had done a good job of hiding his feelings from everyone but now, especially in this case, it had become so hard.
“Remus, are you going to answer one last question?” asked Molly, in an upset voice. She looked serious and was still holding back the tears.
Remus just stared at her, dreading what was coming his way. He stiffened and regained his composure. He nodded slightly, meaning to say ‘yes’, because he couldn’t speak from the overwhelming intensity of the situation.
“Tonks…she’s so upset about it that she can’t change her appearance anymore. Did you notice the change in her appearance? She looks exactly like you, Remus,” Molly said, smiling sadly. Molly glanced over Remus’s shoulder and suddenly beamed. Remus assumed that she had checked her clock and Arthur must be on his way home. “Remus, she loves you. And she has this ridiculous feeling you don’t really care much about her. That isn’t true, right?”
Remus was mildly surprised by her words. He had expected something of the sort but the way Molly put it was just so touching. “I can’t just answer that; not now,” he said, earnestly. And then, when he received a disappointed look from Molly, he sighed. “I care about her, Molly. That is the reason I’m being so…harsh.” That was all he could say. He felt a little impatient because Molly had forced so many things out of him. He hadn’t wanted to say that much.
Molly beamed even brighter and let out a small gasp. “I always knew that, Remus,” smiled Molly. “But someone else should have known it, too.” She gestured to the far end of the room where a witch was standing. Nymphadora. Her eyes were tearful and she was as pale as ever.
Remus’s throat had gone dry and he was speechless. He took a quick glance at Tonks. Even though she seemed pale and miserable, Remus found her as beautiful as she always looked. Molly stood up and made her way towards the door. Remus wished she wouldn’t, as he would be left alone with Nymphadora, but before he could speak, the door had closed behind Molly.
For moments there was silence in which they both stared at each other. Nymphadora still stood at the doorway, tears falling down her pink cheeks. Not wanting to lose his control, Remus made his way towards the door. When he was nearly in front of her, Remus carefully avoided her eyes. He stood there for quite a few minutes before realizing what he was doing. He'd come dangerously close to doing something he knew he'd regret. And then, he suddenly pushed open the door and made his way out of the kitchen hurriedly.
When Remus was outside, still near the door, he was sure he heard an outburst of sobs. He felt a pang of guilt inside and said with resignation to himself, “I’ve done it again.”
a/n: I would like to thank my amazing beta, wishiwereaweasley for helping me with everything. Don't forget to review.