Chapter 9: Disowned, Decisions, and Discussions
Lily looked out the window and saw that some reporters had camped out on James’s estate. He may have a modest house, but he still had expansive grounds. Biting her lip, she turned back to face him with a helpless expression. She really did not feel like dealing with them just yet.
As if reading her mind, James went up to his room, returning a few moments later with a cloak that looked like liquid silver and felt like the most expensive silk. Recognizing it for what it was, Lily cocked an eyebrow at him. Sure he and his comrades snuck out on the full moon and such, but she’d never been told about all the accessories they used to avoid being caught. She’d have to ask later.
James shrugged. “Family heirloom. Father to son.”
Hands clasped, they opened the front door and stepped out as deftly unnoticeable as possible with the invisibility cloak covering them. His house had protective wards around it, so they had to walk out a ways to get past the barrier before they could apparate.
Soon they were standing in front of Vernon Dursley’s front door. Lily lightly knocked, which earned her a ‘look’ from James as he reached forward after her and knocked louder.
“Maybe they’re out,” she suggested when no one answered.
“At a time like this? I doubt it, Lily.” He knocked again. Just as she was about to suggest they come back and try again later, they heard locks click and watched the door swing open to reveal the biggest man either had ever seen.
Lily cleared her throat. “We beg your pardon, sir, but we came by to talk to my sister, Petunia. I believe she’s staying here at the moment. I’m her sister, Lily. There are some things that must be discussed. Are you Vernon?” Confident he was, she held out a hand.
Vernon eyed her up and down to the point she wanted to squirm. She lowered her hand slowly, oddly taken aback by his rude bluntness. She felt James shift to stand at his full height and put an arm about her waist possessively. When he shifted his gaze to James, he grunted, “Who’s he?”
James thrust out his hand. “James Potter. Lily’s staying with me.”
Lily didn’t know, but maybe it was a male thing to see who can squeeze tighter when shaking hands. But Vernon eventually said, “Come in. I’ll see if she’ll take you.”
She and James stepped in the door and closed it at their backs. “I don’t know what vibes you were receiving, but that bloke took an instant dislike to me,” James told her.
“I wonder if Petunia told him about… us.” James only shrugged.
Vernon came back, confirming that Petunia did have something to say, and led them to the living room. Petunia was sitting on the couch, stiff and drawn. Her short blonde hair was uncharacteristically mussed, her blue eyes rimmed with red and puffy. She gestured to a sofa; James and Lily sat.
She’s not offering refreshments or to take our cloaks, Lily mused, shifting awkwardly. With an inward sigh, she decided it was now or never, and the sooner the better.
“I’m going to cut to the chase, Petunia, because you’re not exactly coming off as someone that wants to dance around the subject right now. We were attacked last night, and Mum and Dad were killed. Do you wish to know the entire story, or does it not matter?” Do you want to know how I’d almost been killed, too? she added silently. Do you care to know that you could have lost your entire family?
After a moment, Petunia said, “It doesn’t matter. They’re gone, as well as the house. And our things.” She unfroze enough to lift her hands palm up in an exasperated gesture before dropping them again. “How are we going to pay for new things, Lily?” At least she isn’t calling me Freak, Lily thought.
“I’ve been thinking about it, and I believe that you can have my share of the fortune. James,” she linked her fingers with his, “has gone out of his way to assure me that he’d be willing to put forth a considerable amount of his savings to help stabilize me.”
She saw Petunia’s eyebrow quirk, showing her surprise and impression. Her eyes narrowed as they did a thorough once-over of James. “Is he… one of your kind?”
James, proud of whom and what he was, said, “I’m a wizard, yes, and I happen to care about your sister very much, Ms. Evans.” He stopped himself from sighing in exasperation when Petunia flinched at the word ‘wizard’.
The blonde composed herself, and Lily blinked in surprise when Petunia leaned forward to massage her temples. “Lily, I’ll be staying here with Vernon.” She hesitated before finishing, “We’re to be wed.”
And, sure enough, Lily suddenly noticed the gleaming (and probably fake) rock on her sister’s left ring finger. She couldn’t stop her smile. Petunia and Vernon had been dating for two years, and she knew that he’d been Petunia’s first. She hadn’t meant to find out, but they hadn’t had the convenience of silencing charms. She felt her cheeks grow warm at the thought.
“And… you won’t be invited.”
There was a moment of stunned silence. Vernon, who was sitting next to his fiancée, appeared to puff out his chest slightly, as if daring them to object. Petunia was studying the carpet; James glanced at Lily, who stared at her sister with wide, hurt eyes. He squeezed her hand, hoping the water works wouldn’t come until they were back home.
Sucking in a deep breath, Lily worked herself up to choke out, “Why?”
When Petunia faltered, Vernon answered for her. She’d told him about her perfect sister, and what she was. He instantly shared her disgust for things of that nature. He didn’t want anything to do with people like that, and he’d convinced Petunia she didn’t, either. “We won’t be wanting people of your kind ruining our special day.”
James was on his feet in an instant. How dare, how dare they? Just because they were lacking the powers he and Lily possessed doesn’t mean they had the right to insult her”and him”that way. Lily’s their family; aren’t family supposed to accept one another’s flaws?
Lily saw the indignation burning in his eyes, and grabbed his hand to tug him down. He slowly sat again, glaring unbrokenly at Vernon, who whole-heartedly glared back.
Lily was relieved to find that under the hurt there was anger. Her thoughts weren’t very different than James’s on the matter. They had no right. Sitting erectly, she replied coldly, “Fine, I won’t be there. But you can still take my share of Mum and Dad’s money, because I won’t need it. And you don’t have to worry about my needs or well being, because James will see to it that I’m satisfied with both. I have a few months of school left, and then I’ll be on my own, as you know. You won’t have to ever bother with me again.” With that, she stood, making sure James’s hand was clasping hers tightly for support, and started to march out with her chin up.
But Petunia’d be damned if she let her little freak of a sister get the last word. She stood and called after them, “Good, because I wouldn’t stand for a murderer to demand my hospitality.”
Her sister froze in her tracks. With James tugging urgently on her hand, she whipped around, her emerald eyes sparking. “What did you say?”
A small smirk playing on her thin lips, Petunia repeated, “I wouldn’t stand for a murderer to demand my hospitality.”
“And in what sense am I a murderer?”
Now Petunia’s eye’s emptied of satisfaction and filled with anger and grief. “If you hadn’t gone to that freak school of yours, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Yes, Petunia, it would have. This Dark Lord will kill anyone he wants anytime he wants. He’s prejudiced against Mug”non-magic folk, and he could have targeted us had I become a witch or not.”
“But you did. You accepted that bloody letter. If this situation would have come upon us no matter what, you only hurried it along by going off to some castle to wave sticks around.
“Mum and Dad had been so proud of you. I watched, sickened, as they worshiped the ground you walked on. They’d encouraged you, supported you. And what did they get for it? To be stuffed in a box and buried six feet under!” She shouted the last sentence, outraged and disgusted by the memories she had of standing on the sidelines as Lily was pampered.
Before Lily could snap out of her shocked daze, Petunia continued, “You came home every summer spouting about how well you were doing and about how much your professors just loved bright little Miss Evans. If you’d actually, truly learned something, though, why hadn’t you protected Mum and Dad? You were there; you’ve told me yourself that you’re of age so you can finally do magic at home. So why didn’t you save them?” Her lips curled back in snarl. “You were too busy protecting yourself, you selfish little wanton brat.”
Lily’s eyes filled with tears. She’d never been so insulted and utterly hurt in her life, not even when Severus Snape had called her a Mudblood. This was coming from her sister.
James didn’t trust himself to be civil if he opened his mouth, so he just burned holes in Petunia with his eyes. Lily didn’t need to hear this; it’d go to her head. Firmly pulling on her hand, he virtually dragged her to the door.
Petunia screamed after them, “I hate you! I hate you, Lily! I won’t have anything to do with you ever again!” And they heard her collapse into sobs as James shut the door.
He took out the invisibility cloak and threw it over them. Holding Lily tightly to his chest, he apparated both of them to the outskirts of his estate. Dodging the press camps, he quickly entered his home.
She hadn’t moved or spoke at all. He tore off the invisibility cloak, followed by their winter cloaks, seeing as it’s the end of December, and pulled her into the living room. Charlie, who would remain at the Potters until terms started again, was flipping through Witch Weekly; Sirius and Remus were playing Wizards’ Chess; Tina was humming as she knit; Seth was looking down his nose through his reading glasses, concentrating on his novel; and Zeeny, the Potter house-elf, was dusting the mantel of the fireplace.
Knowing that any moment the volcano of emotions building within Lily was going to explode, James led her to an armchair, settled her on his lap, and whispered, “You can let it go now, love.”
As if that’s the cue she’d been waiting for, Lily curled up in a ball and buried her face in his chest. She shook uncontrollably as the sobs of family betrayal and hurt racked her delicate body. James gently rubbed her back and kissed her head, her anguish painfully squeezing his heart.
Charlie and Tina hastily dropped what they had been doing and sat on the arms of the chair, offering their comfort. They cast sympathy glances at each other and the three other concerned men in the room, as well as questioning ones at James. He just shook his head slightly, meaning for them to wait until Lily was calm.
When she’d cried that morning, it had only been a whisper of what was tearing at her now. Her throat swelled painfully, her head ached unmercifully from the strain. Her strength was draining, and soon she could no longer hold herself, and slumped limply on James. But the tears still came, and her heart still bled.
It’d been obvious ever since that fateful morning six and a half years ago when Lily had found a strange letter tucked in a heavy, yellowish envelope, that Petunia had withdrawn from her.
They used to play dress-up with their late grandmother’s dresses and jewelry they’d found in the attic. They’d danced around, tripping over the hems of the too-big dresses, pretending they were at a royal ball and were waltzing with their handsome princes. Mark had laughed while Maggie’d snapped pictures. Pictures that had been placed in a photo album Lily had flipped through occasionally to reminisce. A photo album that would be a pile of ashes now, leaving her nothing but the fuzzy memories in her mind.
Lily had helped Petunia pick out her outfit, hairstyle, and jewelry for her first date. The whole time she’d daydreamed about her first date and what it would be like. Back then she’d hoped Michael Plander would be the one to take her out to the local cinema to watch a movie, then buy her a pepperoni pizza after that.
But her life had been forever altered. She’d been given the choice of uncovering the mystery of what she truly was, or staying behind in the comfort of what she already knew. She had never regretted her decision of going to Hogwarts. Never. Until now.
Had it been worth this, this pain? Was Petunia right, would this not have happened if she’d declined the invitation in the letter? How much would her life have been as it is now? How much would she have never known?
Would she have found James one way or another?
This is what she’d wanted to avoid by graduating early this spring. She’d wanted to avoid the tension and awkwardness between her and her sister. Would she have been able to get around those obstacles, if only she’d given up what she’d come to be a part of? Would Petunia have given her another chance to rejoin what she’d been born into?
But if she went back to the Muggle world, she wouldn’t be able to just pick up where she’d left off. She’d have serious trouble finding a job where a degree from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would be accepted.
When she graduates, she’d be alone. Especially if Petunia stuck to her oath of never wanting to have anything to do with her ever again.
So what was the point, then? There wasn’t one. Her childhood as a regular redheaded girl had burned to the ground with her house. Petunia had disowned her. What did she have left there?
Nothing.
But she did have a place in the Wizarding world, where people like her were around every corner. Sure, there’d be some prejudice to bear, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. She’s not normally one to have her opinions of self waver because of a few harsh words. She’s strong; she can take care of herself.
Ironically, isn’t she weeping right now because of a few choice words on her sister’s part?
And James was here. That was reason in itself for her to stay. To stay with him.
Forever.
If he would have her.
Whoa, Lily thought. Getting a little ahead of yourself here.
But she did love him, and he loved her. She didn’t doubt that. He’d stick by her no matter what she chose. They’d battle the odds together. Or so she made herself believe.
Besides, wouldn’t it be fun to chase around little black-haired Mini Marauders as they tried out the new toy brooms they’d gotten for their birthdays?
Something to dwell on.
By now she’d stopped crying and was just hiccupping on James’s shoulder. Their friends and his parents were circled around them, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to hide it.
She kissed his jaw so he would look at her. “I love you.” Her voice was surprisingly clear and steady compared to her still trembling body.
His eyes roamed over her pale face, her tear stained cheeks, her red and puffy eyes.
He’d never seen anything so beautiful.
He softly kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you, too.”
Tina had tears gathering in her eyes as she proudly watched the tender scene. She reached for Seth’s hand and he gave hers a squeeze to let her know that he was feeling the same sentiments.
Charlie was smiling lightly and unconsciously leaning back against Sirius, who stood behind where she sat on the arm of the chair.
Remus looked at the Potters, a couple which had been together over twenty-five years and were still going strong. He looked at Lily and James, the latter with his arms wrapped around her, cradling possessively yet delicately. He’d been getting ideas that James had taken to Lily over the past few weeks, but it didn’t cushion his surprise at seeing the former rivals contenting themselves simply with the others’ presence. Then his gaze shifted to Charlie and Sirius.
Charlie was still with Kalvin. But he wasn’t perceptive for nothing. Remus’s radar was picking up some unhappiness on her end.
And what about Sirius? Remus had noticed the stony look in his gray eyes whenever Kalvin was around. Sirius was a known player, but” Remus chuckled to himself. It seems the commitment-phobe was in a tight spot.
Later that night, Lily was thinking over the rest of the day as she sat on her bed and brushed her hair. She’d contacted her neighborhood priest, but he’d said Petunia had already ordered cremation and was taking the liberty of spreading the ashes. Lily hadn’t even argued; it would have been a fruitless attempt.
She talked with James about her final decision to stay in the Wizarding world. He’d looked so relieved. After that they’d just snuggled in front of the fire and chatted about families and childhoods, memories and dreams. Before she had admittedly felt like she didn’t really know anything about him, but now that she did, she only loved him more.
Tina was already growing on her. Lily didn’t feel little tinges of grief when Tina fussed about with Zeeny like any mother would; she just felt fondness.
After dinner James had had a ‘meeting’ with Seth. Afterwards he’d confessed to her that Seth had told James that he would personally use the Killing Curse on him if he’d so much as hurt one strand of her ‘cute, curly red locks’. After the threat though, they’d spent some father/son quality time telling each other how much they loved their fiery redheads. Lily chuckled.
There was a soft knock on her door. “Come in.” She looked up to see Sirius poke his head in. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He gazed around a bit. “Mind if I join you?” He came and sat next to her on the bed when she shook her head.
They were quiet for a moment, and then abruptly Sirius said, “You know, we’re not all that different.”
Her eyebrows furrowing, she asked, “How so?”
“We’re both the black sheep in our families.”
“But you’re a pureblood. I don’t understand.”
Sirius sighed and lay back on the bed, linking his fingers behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. “My family’s pureblood yes, but they also believe in the very ancient ways. Ways that don’t include Muggles. Thousands and thousands of years ago, the entire Wizarding World was made up of purebloods.” He squinted in concentration. “I think my mother told me once the story of how blood started to mix. Something about lots of alcohol and a baby conceived out of wedlock.
“Anyway, today the Blacks and many other pureblood families, including the Malfoys, are still against Muggles, Muggleborns, basically anyone that’s not pureblood.
“When I was little, I remember my mother telling me stories about how awful it was to be a Muggle, and that we should finally get rid of all of them, instead of bedtime fairy tales. And I remember thinking, What’s the difference? They’re human like us. Why should I hate them? As I grew older, I started professing my beliefs. My parents were not happy. Whenever we’d have guests over they’d lock me in my room so I wouldn’t ‘embarrass’ them. They were worried, bitterly, and hoped that when I went to Hogwarts, I’d get sorted into Slytherin and grow out of the phase, as they called it.
“But that didn’t happen. I found James; his family is of purebloods as old as mine, but they’re more open-minded, and don’t belittle Muggles. I relaxed. I wasn’t the only one with the opinion. I think it was because of those opinions, I got put in Gryffindor. The Hat had been about to put me in Slytherin, where every single Black had been placed for ages, but I’d begged it not to. It had been surprised, and for some reason very proud. Now I know it’s because I choose not become a narrow-minded Slytherin.
“My parents had been outraged, truly outraged. They had yelled and yelled at me about how I was a disgrace and that I tarnished the family name. And I hadn’t even felt ashamed; I’d been proud that I’d taken a stand.”
Sirius sat up on his elbows and studied her for a moment. “Can I trust you to keep a confidence, Lily? One that not even James knows?”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise at first, but then her chest swelled with pride. “Of course you can, Sirius.”
“I’ve kept this to myself over the years, but the reason why I was happy to make my parents so angry was because I’d looked up to James. I’d idolized him, and still do, as a matter of fact. I saw how good his family was to him; he’d been a surprise late in life for them. Everyone loved the Potters. I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to be told I love you by my mother everyday. I wanted a dad to teach me Quidditch. James had that. I wasn’t ever jealous, or even envious, just… I dunno; it was wishful thinking.
“I could never thank Tina and Seth enough for taking me in the summer before last. I’d had the worst fight with my family, and they’d hit me around a bit. I’d had enough, gathered some things and took the Knight Bus to James’s house. Tina had started fussing over me right away. Never in my life had I felt more loved than I had when she’d cleaned me up. I owe them a lot.”
He sat up straight and faced Lily. Taking her hands in his own, he concluded, “I’ve been disowned from my family because I’m different. So have you.” He abruptly smiled. “But it’s not so bad, being black sheep. At least we’re not normal.” He pretended to shudder. Lily couldn’t help it, she snorted. Leave to Sirius to lighten the mood.
She’d never known Sirius as the kind of guy that would get so heartfelt and, well, serious. He’s always poked around, joking about something. On impulse, she threw her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. For some reason, it eased the pain of family deceit, knowing that she wasn’t alone.
Pulling back, she framed his face with her hands and pecked his lips with a kiss. It didn’t spark tension because it wasn’t given romantically. Both she and Sirius felt a bond, like one would have with a close sibling. “Thank you for sharing this with me, Sirius. It helped. But, I have something to ask you.” She paused before asking cautiously, “Are you okay with Charlie and Kalvin going out?”
In his eyes she saw that he was brainstorming a lie. “Sirius, you can tell me. You’ve already earned my confidence, remember.”
He waited beat before sighing. Pulling out of her grasp, he stood to pace, running his hands threw his hair the way James would. “I don’t know. I’m uncomfortable with it, yes, but I can’t figure out why.”
Lily rose to walk to him. “Sirius, do you have feelings for Charlie?”
Looking greatly disturbed, he replied, “I… I don’t think so. It could be just an older brother-like thing. You two girls have really gotten under our skin. I just don’t know.”