Chapter 16: Shifted Winds, Turned Sails: A Changed Direction
“NO!”
Lord Voldemort slammed his fist on the arm of his chair. The idiots! he thought. How could they mess up such a simple plan? It had been organized neatly, planned precisely. Nothing should have gone wrong. So what had?
He eyed the circle of his gathered followers. Every one had told him that they had acted out their part just as they had so carefully arranged. One of them must be lying. He could torture them all, living up to the phrase “One spoiled apple ruins the bunch.”
But he didn’t have the time. The Mudblood shouldn’t have lived. His plans now had to be altered, dates pushed back or forward. He had to get this girl out of the way.
Or he could try to convince her to simply give him her loyalties. But that wouldn’t work. Her boyfriend”he sneered at the thought”was in true alliance with Dumbledore, so she would be, also.
So, looked like he was back to square one. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. What to do, what to do.
An idea came to him. Maybe he could get the Mudblood to do the separating for him. Maybe he didn’t have to eliminate her, he only had to fill her head with lies. But how?
His eyes sought out one of the Death Eaters in his circle. An evil smile curled his lips.
He felt like tsk tsk-ing the Gryffindors. For they gave their trust so easily. They assumed only Slytherins are or could become Death Eaters.
They never considered there could be a snake slithering amidst the bed of lions.
Lily never told anyone about how she repaid her debt to Severus. She didn’t think it was any of their business, so they didn’t need to know.
March and April passed by in a blur of classes, essays, and preparation for the coming NEWTs, or for the fifth years, OWLs. The house teams that would be competing for the Quidditch Cup were Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, on June twenty-first.
It was the Friday before the last Hogsmeade weekend of the year. The sun was shining brightly, the temperatures were warm enough to roll up shirtsleeves, and Lily’s classes were going pretty smoothly. During her last class of the day, Lily thought fleetingly that the day almost seemed too good to be true.
James offered to carry her books back up to the Tower for her when they started to pack up after their last class. She smiled and pushed the stack across the desk to him. He put them in his book bag, and then performed a Featherweight Charm so he could carry it easier. Lily rolled her eyes.
As they climbed the many stairs with their friends, Lily asked the lot if they wanted to study in the common room. They groaned, and Lily turned stern and gave them her speech (“These are the most important tests of our lives…”)
Eventually she and Remus compromised by taking their books outside to study as they sat by the lake.
Later that night after dinner, Lily wanted to read a paperback novel that she’d started a while ago. When she was halfway up the staircase leading to the girls’ dormitory, James called after her.
“What?” She peered down the stairs at the armchair in which he sat.
“Your books are in my bag, remember?”
“Oh, right.” She changed direction and went toward the boys’ dormitories instead.
Entering the door of the seventh year boys’ dorm, she walked over to what she knew was James’s bed and rummaged through the book bag that was lying on top. After she’d pulled out all of her books, she hauled them into her arms.
But just as she was about to turn around and walk out again, she caught something out of the corner of her eye. Double taking, she squinted and took step closer, then abruptly took a step back.
There was a very red and very lacy something sticking out of the corner of James Potter’s mattress. Lily stared at it a moment before moving toward it and plucking it smartly from where it was wedged. It was a bra. A woman’s bra. A very red and very lacy woman’s bra.
And it wasn’t her bra.
Lily stood there, frozen, staring at the kinky contraption as though it was a snake with four heads and covered in pink polka dots.
Then suddenly a million questions started running around in her mind. Whose was this? Where did it come from? What was it doing in James’s mattress, or anywhere near James’s stuff?
On second thought, his bed was right next to Sirius’s.
But he was with Charlie!
Unless…they had…
Lily blinked. Of course they hadn’t. They’d barely been going out for two months!
But hormones can get demanding…and it was Sirius Black…
She blinked again and, only moving her eyes, glanced at the bra. Would Charlie wear something so…bold?
No. Lily shook her head. No. This had nothing to do with Sirius or Charlie. This bra had been stuck in James’s”her James’s”mattress. But whose was it?
Using just the hand that was holding it, Lily searched it. On the top of the right strap, tiny initials had been sown on.
J. L. Fanning
Lily’s eyes grew wide and round and the books slid out of her frozen arm to thud and scatter on the floor. But she didn’t hear it over the rushing sound that filled her head. There was one thought that stood out beyond the rest.
James had cheated on her.
It didn’t really matter who with, just that he had.
And the blade pierced her heart, twisted, turned, and left her. Left her cold, left her hard.
She heard the dormitory door open and someone walked in. “Lily, you find them? You’ve been up here a while, is there something else you need?”
Just the person she wanted to talk to.
As though the blood in her veins had started to flow again, Lily swiftly bent down to gather her books, bra still in hand. She wiped her face blank before she turned around and faced him.
“Yeah,” she answered steadily. Her eyes and throat were dry. Her heart was cold and hard as stone. “Yeah, I got them. And there is something I need. An explanation.”
She saw his brows furrow.
“What is this?” She thrust out the arm that held the bra. Suave, Evans, she sneered at herself. But she didn’t care if she approached this with tact and subtlety. She wanted answers, and then she wanted to get the hell out of this room.
James stared at the bra for several long, tense moments. He slowly raised his eyes back to hers. “A bra,” he answered the obvious.
Rage filled her so suddenly it nearly made her gasp. She hurled the bra at the floor. “Don’t play games with me, James Potter! Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Er…it depends,” he said stupidly, surprised by her sudden rage.
“Exactly. I guess it depends on the face you decide to put on in the morning. James Potter”the loving boyfriend. James Potter”the loyal friend. James Potter”the witty scholar. Wait, I think I’m forgetting one… Oh, yeah!” Lily smacked her head as if she’d had a sudden recollection. “James Potter”THE LYING, CHEATING BASTARD!”
As quickly as it had come, it left. Lily calmed. She became so fluent and casual it was almost absurd. “But you know what, that’s your decision. I’m making mine.”
With him rooted to the spot, she briskly picked up the bra and slipped past him out the door. She didn’t stop until she’d reached her own dormitory, which was blessedly empty. She’d thought she couldn’t feel anymore”but her lip was trembling, and there was a painful pressure in her head and in her throat.
When she’d locked the door behind her with all the most difficult charms she could think of on the spot, she dropped all her books on her bed. Walking to the nearest rubbish bin, she flung the bra inside. “Incendio!”
The first sob choked her when she was left staring at the charred remains.
How could his happen? She felt so, so utterly stupid. How could she have ever thought the world of him? How could she have ever thought she loved him, that he loved her? Her new opinion was that love was overrated; love blinded you, blinded you so that you couldn’t see what was right in front of you. Blinded you so that you looked like the foolish one.
That’s what her sister would say if she knew what had just happened. “You fool, Lily. You actually thought he loved you? How stupid can you get? Who in their right minds would ever love you?”
As agonizing sobs wracked her body, Lily’s legs turned to jelly and gave out from under her. She slid weakly to the floor where she sat, just sat, and cried. Heartbroken.
Not more than thirty seconds had passed before there was urgent pounding on the door. “Lily! Lily, let me in! I don’t understand! Talk to me!”
She didn’t even waste thoughts on wondering how he’d maneuvered the girls’ dormitory stairs. He was a Marauder after all, and a determined one at that.
“Lily! Lily, open up! Talk to me, tell me what’s going on, please!”
“G-go awah-away!” she shouted back as clearly and loudly as she could, for her throat was raw and her voice was thick with tears. “I don’t want to spee-speak with you ever ageh-again!” She buried her face in her hands as new sobs shook her. “Not ever again,” she murmured to herself.
On the other side of the door, James was getting very desperate. He didn’t know what was going on, but it appeared that the bra Lily had been holding (and that he’d never laid eyes on before in his life) was the stem of the problem. If only he knew what the problem was.
He hammered on the door again. “Lily, please! What did I do?”
“Hey.” Charlie appeared beside him, looking mostly curious and somewhat worried. She, like Lily, didn’t bother fathoming how he’d gotten up here. “I heard shouting and wondered what was going on.” She glanced down at the base of the stairs, where Sirius, Remus, and Peter stood.
James sighed and turned to her with a pained expression. “She’s upset, and I have a bad feeling that it’s because of something I have no idea I’ve done, but she won’t let me in to sort it out.”
A sob sounded from inside the room. Each one James heard was like a punch in the gut. The fact that he might be the cause only made it worse.
He beat on the door again. “Lily! Tell me what I did, Lily, tell me anything!”
“I hate you!”
James froze, face blank.
Charlie exchanged shocked, gaping glances with the other three Marauders. She looked back at James, hearing and seeing him audibly swallow. He started to blink furiously. Still staring at the door, he whispered, “But what did I do?”
At the moment there was only one word Charlie would use to describe him. Lost.
After several long, awkward moments, she softly knocked on the door. “Lily? Lily, it’s Charlie. Can I come in, darling?”
“Don’t let him in. I don’t want anything to do with him.”
Charlie watched James physically jerk as if he’d taken a blow.
When they heard many complicated clicks, James barreled in even before Charlie could move.
Of course, what had she expected him to do? Just turn and walk away? It did nothing but bring to the forefront how stupid she could be where he was concerned. Lily sprang to her feet and held up a hand before he could touch her. Her eyes were rimmed with red and her face was pale, her cheeks stained with trails of tears. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you touch me with those filthy hands. You’ve no right. No right.”
James held them up, palms out, and took a step back. “Was it something I did?”
“Yeah,” Lily snapped. “Yeah, it was.” She pointed a finger at him. “You’re a liar, a cheat, and we’re through.” With that she pushed past him and out the door. James and Charlie shared a glance, then followed hot on her heels down into the common room.
Lily didn’t care how she looked. She just needed out.
Unfortunately, the common room was a popular social gathering at the moment. It wasn’t suffocating, but a good portion of”more like all of”Gryffindor Tower was there.
Lily hadn’t made it halfway across the room before James caught her by the arm and spun her around. She struggled a bit, but knew it was fruitless when he only tightened his hold.
He looked at her imploringly. “Lily, for the sake of all that is holy, what did I do?”
“What did you do?” she hissed, glaring at him as she tore her arm out of his grasp. “You just couldn’t keep your pants up, that’s what.”
A few barely audible gasps shot around the common room. For a moment James thought she was saying he’d tried to force onto her, but dismissed it. Raising his eyebrows in all seriousness, he said, “Let me be the first to assure you, Lily, I’m still a virgin, however contrary the rumors may be.”
No one laughed. When the students had returned to school from the Christmas holidays, people, after the initial surprise, had started to doubt Lily and James would last long. But as the weeks went by, the doubts started to diminish. Now months had passed and they were still going strong. Or had been. Lily and James had become a role model couple for those who needed to see what could be found in life. Even the Slytherins had grudgingly been able to tell that Lily and James were in an entirely serious relationship.
They hadn’t had an argument yet, or at least not a large one. Little ones that could be resolved in five minutes, sure, but not a full-out quarrel.
This was not a laughing matter.
Lily tossed her head and planted her fists on her hips. “Then why, pray tell, did I find Jessica Lynn Fanning’s bra tucked under your mattress?” Lily challenged. More gasps.
James stared at her. The words seemed to have bounced off his ears.
As a single tear rolled down her cheek, Lily whispered, “Why?”
When all he seemed to be able to do was open and close his mouth silently, she shook her head slowly, almost pityingly. “No more, James. We…are no more.”
With that she turned and fled out the portrait hole, leaving James staring after her, still in shock. The rest of the common room seemed to have frozen also. When the other three Marauders and Charlie came to stand in front of James, he sputtered, “But…I…I didn’t…I wouldn’t…”
Charlie gave him a sad smile of understanding and lightly touched his arm. “We know you wouldn’t, James. She’s just upset; she’ll come to her senses soon.”
But what everyone was thinking, though, was: would she?
Sitting in the back of the room, Jessica Fanning sat, smirking. Doubting it.
Late that night, around two A.M., Lily crept stealthily back into the common room. It was dark; there was no fire, there was no moonlight. She pulled out her wand and lit the end. “Lumos.”
Silently she climbed the stairs and entered her dormitory. Dimming her light so as not to wake the others, she opened her trunk and summoned all of her things, organizing them to fit inside. She pulled her snowy owl Hannah’s cage out from under her bed. Levitating her trunk in front of her, she left the room and Gryffindor Tower, without a backward glance.
The Fat Lady had left her post as she often did at night to go visit with her friends. When the portrait shut behind her, Lily looked at it, muttering, “No going back now.”
Setting down her trunk in the middle of the corridor, Lily quickly walked up to the Owlery to fetch Hannah, then back to reclaim her trunk. She set out down the many flights of stairs to come to the Entrance Hall, and from there she walked out of the castle.
She forced her mind to stay blank. She wouldn’t think of anything. Not of the parents she’d hadn’t protected, not of the sister that hated her, not of the home she no longer had, not of the love that hadn’t loved her back. Not the devastated people who would wake in the morning and find she had gone.
Around an hour later she reached Hogsmeade. She kept the hood of her cloak up as she ambled down High Street, passing shops, pubs, and inns alike that were closed and dark and lifeless. Not that she had expected a welcoming crew or anything.
She found a bench and sat down. Perhaps I’ll sleep here tonight, she thought absently. I’ll find a fireplace to Floo from in the morning.
She caught something move in the corner of her eye. As she whipped her head around to see what or who it was, she heard someone say, “Stupify!”
Great, I’m going to be kidnapped, Lily thought in her last moments of consciousness. What a perfect way to end the perfect day.
Later that morning James Potter awoke to the sound of the dormitory door slamming open and hurried footfalls coming to stand between his bed and Sirius’s. He opened one eye to see that Remus, Sirius, and Peter had also awakened and were sitting up in their beds. He rolled his eye to see what had caused the disturbance.
What he saw was a very distraught Charlie Simmons, still clad in her dressing gown, chest heaving, staring down at him with tears sparkling in her eyes.
Without preamble, she said flatly, “Lily’s gone.”
His heart stopped.