Chapter 2: Within Lily
The next time either group spoke to each other was a week later at lunch. Potter had been reaching across the table for the Pumpkin Juice, but accidentally spilt it all over Lily when he bumped it.
Lily gasped. “Potter!” she shrieked as she stood.
He looked like he was trying to suppress a chuckle. “Oops. Sorry, Evans.”
Lily screamed in frustration. “Potter, you are a BOIL on the BUTT of HUMANITY!" She started to stomp out of the Great Hall.
Just as she pushed open the doors, he retorted, “And I’m DARN PROUD of it!” with a hint of amusement in his voice. They could hear her screeching in anger as she went up to Gryffindor Tower to shower and change.
Days later, Lily was walking through the courtyard when she saw something that made her emerald eyes flash in annoyance.
There, out on the lawn, was Black and Potter, once again harassing Severus Snape. At the moment, it looked like the two Gryffindor males were just taunting the Slytherin, but Lily knew that if she didn’t intervene soon, it would be much more.
She marched over and caught tidbits of what was being verbally exchanged.
“ “ greasy slimeball “ “
“ “ typical, impulsive Gryffindor “ “
“ “ Dark Arts obsessed git “ “
Lily was close enough now to see Snape grin deviously, then spit, “Mudblood lover.”
Potter went as rigid as a board and had his wand out without a second’s hesitation. His eyes clouded over with so many emotions that Lily couldn’t read them all. It left her kind of confused. Shouldn’t he be laughing at such an absurd… joke? Why did he instead seem to be protecting something? His pride? His righteousness? His beliefs?
…Her?
No, that was stupid. Why would Potter, her mortal enemy, and she his, care for, or at least respect her enough to protect her?
“Say it again, Snivellous,” Potter tested in that dangerously low voice of his.
“Mud “ blood. Love “ er,” Snape pronounced slowly as if spelling a word.
“Scourgify! Clean out your mouth, Snape!” Potter yelled. Hot pink-colored bubbles started to come out of Snape’s mouth, making him look rabid.
He started to spit it all out while choking the Jelly Legs Jinx. It hit Black and not Potter because Snape couldn’t steady his hand since he was trying to keep from suffocating on suds.
Potter did the counter jinx on Black, and then said, ”Locomotor Mortis!” Snape’s legs snapped together and he fell forward. “Expelliarmus!” Snape’s wand flew twenty feet out of his reach.
Lily snapped out of her confused daze. Snape was unarmed, mostly immobile, and foaming at the mouth. Not to mention it was two against one. She strode over to the scene, infuriated at its unfairness. Pushing Potter aside, she picked up Snape’s wand, returned it to him, and applied all the necessary counter jinxes.
“I don’t need a Mudblood’s help,” asserted Snape as he took his vertical stance.
“Well, that’s just dandy and all, but it’s not going to change the fact that I’ll help you when you need it, whether you like it or not. So get over it,” Lily vowed firmly. “Five points from Slytherin for fighting.” She whipped around to face Potter and Black. “Ten points from Gryffindor for starting the fight, and then continuing it.” She waltzed up to look Potter in the eye. “I don’t care what he calls me. You can only fight back for defense. You, of all people, should know that.” She used her eyes to scan his form up and down. “Head Boy, indeed.”
She side stepped him and was about to begin walking up to the castle to complain to Charlie when she heard Potter say, “It’s okay. I’ll just award ten points back to Gryffindor.” He was speaking to Black, but he made sure he was loud enough for her to hear, too.
Lily spun around and stated, “Oh, no you won’t!”
“Yes, I think I will.”
“Well, you’re thinking wrong, as usual! You deserve to have those points taken away!”
“Your going to take points from Gryffindor, your own house?!”
“Fair is fair.”
“Oh, yeah?!”
“Yeah!” They were inches apart now; both had red tinted cheeks from anger. “Unlike you, just now with Snape! You immobilize and disarm him, and yet you were going to do something more while he was defenseless and as vulnerable as ever! Plus, it was two on one for crying out loud! How very much like a SLYTHERIN!” It came out of her mouth before she could stop it.
Silence. Potter was scrutinizing her, searching her eyes to see if she really meant what she said. She did to some extent, but now she wished she would have kept that comment in her head.
“Is that really what you think of me?” finally Potter questioned softly, almost sounding hurt.
Lily just swallowed hard and looked down, breaking his intense examination. Then, Potter just turned and walked away, Black following.
Taking a deep breath, Lily fell guilt flood through her. Knowing she looked like an idiot just standing there, she slowly made her way back up to Gryffindor Tower. Upon entering the common room, she saw the Marauders talking with hushed voices in a corner and Charlie resting on the couch, flipping through her latest Witch Weekly. Lily sauntered over and dropped at Charlie’s feet, groaning.
“What’d you do now?” Charlie inquired without even looking up.
“I think I went to far with the insults, although it was slightly true,” Lily revealed. Charlie didn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue. “I… I said he was no better than a Slytherin.”
“You WHAT?!” Charlie instantly bellowed, standing up in front of Lily with an appalled look, attracting glances from the other occupants of the room.
“I didn’t mean to! It slipped!” Lily defended.
“SLYTHERIN?! THAT’S LOW, LILLIANA BRIELLE EVANS! NO ONE EXCEPT SLYTHERINS DESERVE TO BE CALLED SLYTHERINS, YOU RIGHTEOUS PRAT! SLIP OF THE TONGUE MY ASS!” Charlie chucked her magazine at Lily and Lily ducked quickly from Quidditch reflexes. Lily didn’t know Charlie would take it so badly, to her it wasn’t that big of a deal. “APOLIGIZE! ENEMY OR NO, APOLIGIZE, LILLIANA!” Charlie pointed to Potter, who had been watching the scene with a mixture of curiosity and surprise.
“You can’t tell me what to do!” Lily argued, standing as well.
“I’m not telling you what to do, I’m telling you what you need to do!”
“I’ll decide for myself, thanks!”
“Sometimes I wonder if you can! You can build up your immune system, defenses, and walls, Lily, but I will always be able to see straight through them! I’m your best friend, and I’m supposed to help guide you down the right path, but how can I do that if you’re the most stubborn git on Earth and won’t let me?”
“I don’t know! I don’t even know how to help myself! Ever since I got my Hogwarts letter, I’ve been determined to be nothing less than the best because once I was told of how degraded Mudblood filth like me were, I knew I had to shove it in their conceited mugs! I knew I had to be different, had to show them all what Mudbloods can really do! I felt I needed to set an example, so other worthless Mudbloods like me had someone to look up to! But you know what? That’s been kind of hard, having to dodge the prejudiced Slytherins! I do the very best I can to ignore them, rationalizing with myself that they just don’t know me, but with it happening day after day, sometimes I wonder if they’re right! Maybe I should just pack up and go home, seeing as everyone thinks I’m a stressed, stuck-up, snobbish know-it-all that needs to lighten up! All I’m trying to do is the right thing, and I appear to be the only one doing so! Then there’s Potter, strutting about like he’s the king of the world, hexing those he thinks are lower than him, and always, ALWAYS, acting as if everyone should bow down and kiss the hem of his bloody robes! I think Dumbledore must have been high when he placed Potter as Head Boy, I mean, honestly, I couldn’t have thought of anyone more incompetent for the job! He’s just an added bonus to my daily struggles, AND I’M TIRED OF IT ALL! JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!”
Every single Gryffindor had come down to see what the commotion was when Charlie had started screaming, so every last Gryffindor had heard Lily’s exclamation, and they were speechless, just standing there, gaping as she slapped them in the face with her inner battle of emotions. Lily ran from the common room and out the portrait hole. Potter followed instantaneously.
Down many flights of stairs, across the Entrance Hall, and out the door, Lily gasped when the cold October air slapped her face. But it didn’t stop her. She ran to the old Beech Tree by the lake.
Once there, she kicked the tree with all of her might, making her toe throb.
Why did everything have to be so hard in her life? When she had burst and said all of those things, she’d been subconsciously surprised at the words coming out of her own mouth. Never had she thought that she should just give up. At that moment though, everything seemed to have built up to the summit of her tolerance.
But now… Now she realized her options. She could stay in the Wizarding World, where she would constantly have to prove herself and avoid the prejudice. Or she could return to the Muggle World, where she had grown up and had learned the basics that had gotten her to where she was today.
If she did go back to the Muggle World, she would be throwing away all she has been taught these six to six and a half years. And if she stayed, she had expectations to meet, and honestly, she was getting tired of trying to live up to the high standards.
“Lily?”
“As soon as possible,” Lily murmured. She didn’t register who was behind her because she wasn’t used to that deep voice addressing her by her first name.
“What?”
She automatically clarified, “I’m returning as soon as possible.” She still had not analyzed the presence behind her.
With a short nod to herself, she turned around “ and ran smack dab into someone’s chest.
As she stumbled backwards, two hands gently grabbed her arms to steady her. Regaining her composure, she looked up into James Potter’s curious face.
“What are you returning to as soon as possible?” he pressed.
Blinking a couple times, not having realized she’d spoken aloud, Lily found herself wondering why he gave a damn.
“What do you care?” She pushed him aside and started walking up to the castle.
“What are you returning to as soon as possible?” he repeated, following her.
Lily wrapped her arms around herself trying to keep warm. “Not that it’s any of your business, I’ve decided to go home. For good,” she said with a tone of finality.
“To the Muggle world?”
“Yes, to the Muggle world,” she confirmed, rolling her eyes and starting to lose patience.
“Why?”
Lily glanced over her shoulder at him with a look of slight bewilderment. “What do you care?” she snapped again.
There was a pause, then he accused, “You’re giving up.” There was challenge in his statement. He meant to egg her on.
“I am not giving up,” she replied firmly.
“Then why are you going back?”
“Because that’s where I belong.”
“If that’s where you belong, then why aren’t you there now?”
He was pushing her buttons “ the correct ones. But how would Potter know what ticked her off? He surely didn’t pay that much attention to her. He was testing her, trying to get her to admit to him what he knew was the truth.
Lily was unable to find an answer to that question, so she just kept walking.
Suddenly, she felt a hand grab her arm gently and turn her around.
“I think you’re making a mistake.” Potter’s face was set with determination. Probably to make her see sense.
Lily felt annoyance lick her insides like fire. “I don’t care what you think. I didn’t ask your opinion.” She ripped her arm from his grasp, and continued her way up to the school.
“You can’t just throw in the towel when you’ve come so far already,” he tried to reason with her. But if Lily was anything, it was stubborn.
Not turning around to face him, she started to shake her head. “Once again, you’re not listening. I said I don’t care. I don’t care about what I could be throwing away. I don’t care about what I could be giving up. And I especially don’t care what you think. You’re nothing to me.”
“Come on, Lily, you’re making a rash decision based on stress.”
She lost her footing going up a staircase for a moment because he had used her first name. Slightly yawed, she replied, “What does it matter? Nobody wants me here anyway.”
“That’s not true!” he insisted immediately. When she gave him an expectant glance telling him to continue, he looked at the ground, hoping she wouldn’t catch the faint pinkish tinge on his cheeks. “I mean, Charlie needs you here. And… And the Professors definitely want to see you finish out the year. And…and… What about the Head Girl position?”
“They’d find someone to replace me to complete the year,” she supplied.
A pause. Lily could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind as he thought. “What about the team? What if we need to play for the Quidditch Cup? The team’s not whole without you, and the seeker is the most important player!”
“I’m sure you could find another.” He fell into step with her, even when she quickened her pace as they approached the Fat Lady. But before she could give the password, Potter stepped in front of her, blocking her way.
“I think you’re making a mistake,” he said once more.
Lily sighed, irritated. “We’ve already been over this. I don’t care what you think, and besides, who are you to believe you know what is and isn’t good for me? Move.” He didn’t budge, so she roughly pushed him aside for the second time that day. “Hexagon,” she told the Fat Lady.
As she was stepping through the portrait hole, she heard him persist, “Think about it, Lily. Think about it.”
Bite me, she thought.
Later that night, around 12:30, Lily climbed out of bed. As a spring groaned, she winced and glanced at her roommates. No one stirred, not even Charlie’s cat.
She couldn’t sleep. Under the covers, she would get too hot, so she would kick them off, but then she would get too cold, so she would pull them back on, and the process repeated.
Quietly as she could, she grabbed the latest romance novel off of her nightstand and left for the common room. Flinching as the warm flesh of her feet made contact with the freezing stone floor, Lily descended the girls’ dormitory staircase. Thankfully finding no one in the common room, she walked over to the fire, restarted it, and relaxed on the couch reading her book.
Not five minutes later, she heard footfalls on the stairs. Turning to look over the back of the couch to see who it was, Charlie came into view. She nervously sat on the end of the couch where Lily’s feet laid.
Shyly looking at her hands that rested in her lap, Charlie said, “I heard you come down… I “ I wanted to apologize for overreacting earlier.” Lily just stared at her, not exactly knowing what to say.
Charlie sighed and glanced up at her. “I guess… We’re in seventh year; I really want to leave on a good note with everyone. I’m sick and tired of bickering with the Marauders. I want to just give it up, but if you don’t agree and would stop being my friend, then it isn’t worth it. I’d much rather yell at the Marauders with you by my side any day. This fighting is childish.”
Lily stiffened. “Are you calling me immature?”
Charlie looked at her alarmed. “No! I’m just saying that I’ve noticed both groups are being naïve. It’s a waste of time. So, what do you say we play the grown ups and wave the white flag?” She finished with a small smile.
Lily couldn’t help but show her own. “You’re right, it’s all so stupid. You’re forgiven for overreacting before, but you’re lucky I dodged that magazine, or else you’d be in a world of trouble,” she joked. Charlie squealed in relief and the two friends of six and a half years embraced.
When they detached, Lily had a mischievous smirk on her lips. “So, breakfast, Operation: ‘Show Up The Marauders’ is in action?”
Charlie laughed. “It isn’t so much a mission, but a goal.” She frowned. “Are those the same things?”
Lily answered, “No, the mission is what you have to do to achieve the goal. That’s the hard part.” Charlie yawned as she nodded. “Let’s go up to bed.”
As they walked to the stairs, Charlie stopped abruptly. “Wait, I have the perfect prank we could pull on them.” She turned to Lily with a raised eyebrow. “Before we make amends, do you want to give them a taste of their own medicine?” Lily nodded eagerly, a smile on her face that made her look like Christmas came early.
“’Kay, let’s go get the necessities.”
The next morning Lily and Charlie went down to breakfast extra early, looking like they had won the lottery. Sitting close to the Great Hall doors so they had good view of the entertainment, the girls started eating the waffles and eggs they had put on their plates.
Many more students and nearly all of the teachers had come down to breakfast on this Sunday morning by the time Lily and Charlie were on their second waffle. Fifteen minutes after they had started eating, the girls turned their heads as the doors to the Great Hall opened and in came the four livid-looking boys they had been waiting for.
But they weren’t boys. Lupin’s light brown hair had grown shoulder length, light blue eye shadow accented his aqua eyes, mascara had been applied to his eyelashes, and to top it off, his lips were a pale pink.
Pettigrew had waves of blonde hair flowing down his back and a pink bow had been placed on top. His chestnut eyes were encircled in pastel pink eye shadow, and lips were pink like Lupin’s.
Potter’s now long, sleek coal-colored hair had been swept back in a French braid. Long, black eyelashes fluttered amidst red eye shadow and his lips were bright red like ripe strawberries.
Black was by far the most exquisite. His jet-black hair had been dyed hot, shiny pink and was in ringlets around his face. His lips had been enlarged and colored black. Massive amounts of black eyeliner and mascara made it so his pale grey eyes stood out dramatically.
Ignoring the hysterical laughter and jeers, the boys sat down across from Lily and Charlie and glared at them without blinking.
Lily smiled at them pleasently and said, “I didn’t know the circus came to Hogwarts. Will you four be performing?” She turned to Charlie. “We’ll have to go see them sometime.”
“Ha ha,” Black said sarcastically. “What did you two do to us?”
“Just a few good spells. You don’t think I’m the best at charms for nothing, do you? Besides, I think you guys make very pretty girls,” Lily replied.
“Take it off, now,” Black commanded through gritted teeth.
“Sounds like someone’s PMSing, Lils,” said Charlie. “Maybe we should take her to Pomfrey to get a potion for cramps.”
“Take it off, dammit!” This time Pettigrew shouted. He was tugging at his bow trying to get it off.
“What goes around comes around, boys,” Lily told them. “We have a proposition to make. We’re growing weary of quarreling with you, and we want to put the past behind us. Truce?” The two girls stuck out their hands.
Charlie added, “It’s the only way we’ll take off charms.” Sirius instantly shook their outstretched hands after she said that, followed by Peter. Remus was a little more calm, and James eyed their hands suspiciously before shaking them.
“Okay, the make up,” Sirius prompted.
Lily exchanged a glance with Charlie, mischievous smirks forming on their lips. All of a sudden they jumped out of their seats and sprinted out of the hall while calling over their shoulders, “You’ll have to catch us first!”