Chapter 7: Closed Door, Open Window
The door slamming open had Lily jerking out of a thankfully dreamless sleep. As she was groggily wiping her eyes and moaning, someone threw their arms around her and squeezed.
“Oh God, my God, you’re all right. I mean, I knew you were all right, but I had to see for myself.” Charlie pulled back and took Lily’s sleepy face in her hands. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but I came as soon as I heard.”
The memory hit Lily like a punch in the gut. Death Eaters invading her home. Killing her parents. Voldemort coming. Nearly getting killed herself.
James’s hospitality.
He, along with Sirius, Remus, an older couple, and Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore, also stood just inside the room. After glancing at them, she looked back at Charlie and said on a yawn, “I’m fine, and want a few more minutes of sleep before I start the woe-is-me routine.”
Charlie stared at her for a moment. “You act as if it was just some silly quiz you failed.” She took Lily’s hands in her own. Very softly she said, “Lily, you’re parents are dead. Murdered. Your house burned to the ground with all of your possessions inside.” Lily closed her eyes and turned her head away. “It just hasn’t hit you yet.”
“And I’m telling you, I want a few more minutes of sleep before it does,” she retorted. It sounded stupid even to her, but she had just been pulled from the bliss of unconsciousness, meaning she had to face the day now. And that she wasn’t to do.
Charlie seemed to come to the same conclusion, only saying, “Breakfast is downstairs when you want it.” She quietly walked out, the others following. Except him.
Inwardly wishing him away, but really not sure whether she truly wanted him to go or not, she pulled her blanket-covered knees up to her chest and put her face in them. And wept.
She heard him slowly walk over, sit on the edge of the bed. He put a hand on her back and rubbed soothingly, then put his hand on her opposite shoulder. He knew that she knew she was welcome to refuse the comfort, or accept it. With a pitiful whimper, Lily turned to bury her face in his shoulder.
She was embarrassed when he pulled back, but was surprised when he merely picked her up and fully sat on the bed, her nestled in his lap. His shoulder once again muffling her cries, she drew strength from his warm body as he smoothed her hair, whispered comforting words, and rocked.
When her eyes didn’t have any tears left, but her heart still painfully squeezed with grief, she curled up, moving her head just under his chin. He kissed her hair and continued to sooth as she hiccupped.
“No home. No clothes. No parents,” she muttered brokenly.
“You have memories. Those are all you need.”
“To steady my mind, sure. But what about school supplies, clothes to wear. Somewhere to go home to.” She started trembling. “Petunia. Oh God, Petunia. What am I supposed to do about her? Where is she going to go home to? She doesn’t have a home, clothes, or parents anymore, either.”
“But she wasn’t there, she won’t have it playing over and over in her dreams for weeks.”
He did have a point there, but that didn’t help. Lily pressed her fingers to her eyes. “Oh, what am I going to do?”
He kissed her hair again. “We’ll figure something out.”
Her eyes shot open wide and she went as rigid as a board. We. James Potter was holding her. Close. Intimately. And she was letting him. Her heart turned over in her chest on a spurt of not grief, but… gratitude. Oh merciful Lord, she had overpowering affection for James Potter.
It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Not even four months ago she’d completely hated his guts. Now, she was snuggling up to him. It didn’t matter if it was her time of need, or if he felt he was obligated to comfort her.
She was attracted to him. She felt like giggling at the thought.
In some tiny pocket in the back of her mind, she had always somehow known she’d inevidably end up liking him. It was the whole classic love/hate relationship. Her passionate dislike for him turns into passionate love for him over time.
And she didn’t even try to fight back the word. Love.
What was meant to happen was meant to happen. There was no getting around it. One is put on earth for a purpose, on a certain assignment, and when they’ve achieved it, life goes on.
She felt the click. A secret door in her heart was creaking open, inch-by-inch. She didn’t bother to analyze it, didn’t bother to push it closed again. With James, everything seemed to come together. She’d just been through tragedy, but in his arms, she knew it would be all right. It would be okay. As long as he could hold her like this forever.
It didn’t happen years ago because maybe they”or she”hadn’t been ready. It would have been too much too fast, all at once. But it still seemed like everything was in fast forward. One minute she’s being blasted back ten feet by James, the next befriending James, and now she’s letting her heart become vulnerable to him.
She’d been the typical nerd that just so happened to have a social life. She’d been studious, extremely so, organized, serious, responsible, helpful. On the outside. Just like James had been easy-going, joking, fun loving, agreeable.
They balanced each other out. When Lily’s scales got weighed down, he’d bring them back up, and vise versa. Opposites attract.
“Oh my God, James, I think I love you,” she whispered.
A small grin slowly curled his lips. “I’ve been waiting for you to catch on.”
She brought her face back to look at his full on. “What?”
He stared into her eyes a moment, brushed a strand of red hair behind her ear. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
“I’m starting to believe a lot of things are possible that I never thought could be.”
He paused again, then took a breath. He settled back against the head of the bed, letting her curl up to him and lay her head on his shoulder. “Back in first year, on the platform, do you remember the first time we met?”
“You goggled at me the moment I came through the barrier.”
He chuckled a bit at her tone, still annoyed by long-ago antics. “I was just being introduced to Peter, and I catch a flash of red in the corner of my eye. I turn and... Pow! You’re standing there, bright red hair, eyes green as emeralds, porcelain skin, and freckles dowsing your nose. It felt like someone had reached in, grabbed my heart and squeezed. I didn’t tell anyone about it, because I knew they’d laugh. Here I am, eleven years old, and already in love with a girl I just glanced at for the first time in my life.”
“You… You fell in love with a glimpse of me? That long ago?” she asked him in quiet disbelief.
“All it took was a glimpse. Like I said, I kept it to myself. When Hogsmeade trips came around, I really wanted to ask you to go with me. But by then you’d already stamped a label on my forehead. So I waited, hoping you’d take a better perspective of me. When you didn’t, you seemed to just start to dislike me more, I thought, The hell with it. Asked you out on a whim. I don’t really remember what I expected, but I wasn’t totally surprised by, nor was I expectant of, your no. In my gut I had an instinctive feeling that I shouldn’t give up. I tried again, and still you wouldn’t give me a chance. I got frustrated. I got angry. I thought I’d started to hate you. And I believed it, up until a couple of months ago.
“When I saw you there, on the couch in the common room, sobbing in your sleep like you were scared to death, it all hit me again. I needed to protect you, be with you. But this time I held myself back, eased you into it. We became friends, and I gained your trust.
“Last night…” He shuddered. “When Hannah delivered your message, I froze. You couldn’t die; you couldn’t slip through my fingertips when I was so close to having you. I was in a daze when we got to your house. All I could think was, Please don’t be gone. Please don’t leave me like this.
He tightened his hold on her. “When Voldemort had you… I felt so useless. So helpless. He had you and there was nothing I could do.” He sighed. “You don’t know what relief is until you’ve seen the love of your life come an inch close to death, then in the blink of your eye, they’re all right and you’re holding them again.” With his conclusion, he kissed her temple.
Lily tried to take this all in, then gave up and concentrated on the basics, the unbelievable basics.
He loved her. She loved him.
She sat up, looked him straight in the eye. She saw patience, miraculous patience. And understood.
He didn’t expect her to take this in stride and keep moving as if she was told this everyday. He’d give her time to sort out her thoughts. He’d give her time to sort out her feelings. He’d wait for her, just as he had been for over six years.
But she didn’t want to wait. She’d just had her heart punctured by the quick murder of her parents, the destruction of the house she’d been able to call home since before she could remember. And he’d already filled them up again, so suddenly she didn’t think she was thinking sanely.
Who ever said love was comprehendible?
Looking at him now, she didn’t see the cocky jerk, didn’t see the brilliant student, didn’t see the loyal friend. She saw James Potter, the man she’d come to love overnight.
Who said love took time to develop?
And her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t believe it. I simply can’t believe it.” She didn’t sob in despair, but simply because it was all so stupid. As he brushed at the salty drops gliding down her cheeks, she said, “My life was just torn apart last night. I’ve got no home, no clothes, no possessions, no parents, no anything. And all I really need, all I truly need, is you.” She shook her head. “It’s all so… God, ‘unbelievable’ would be an understatement.” She gave him a sad smile. “My life was torn apart, and all it’ll take to be sewn back up is three words from you.”
“Pig. Toe. Booger.”
Lily stared at James in fascination for a moment. Abruptly, she threw her head back and laughed. This is what she meant when she’d thought they balanced each other out. She’d get serious and down, so he would perk up. “You know which three words I’m talking about.”
Linking her hands around his neck, she leaned in closer. “I.” A little closer. “Love.” A breath away. “You,” she finished in a whisper. With her eyes on his, she brushed her lips over his. A tingling sensation ran from the tips of her toes to the ends of her hair. Goosebumps formed along her skin and her pulse skidded, then began to race. Her heart took a low, burning turn in her chest.
Closing her eyes, she met his lips entirely. She gave, he took. He gave, she took. He had a woodsy scent, something completely male yet reflected his nature of a stag in the forest. He didn’t hurry; he savored. Cherished. Drank himself drunk on the taste of her. Their lips curved, teased; their hearts beat as one.
Time seemed to stand still. Lily could almost hear the hallelujah chorus. Everything clicked together, found what it was looking for and stuck.
When she pulled away, she slammed her eyes shut tight and took a deep breath to steady herself. She was floating on clouds.
And unexpectedly crashed back to earth.
She reached for James and clung, tight, afraid to let go.
“Whoa, hey, it’s okay. You’re all right.” He cradled her like something that was delicate and could break easily any moment. Which was close enough to the truth.
“No, I’m not, but I will be.” She sighed. “I have to go see what’s left. I have to talk to Petunia, see what we’re going to do now. After I clean up and have something to eat.” She relaxed enough to look at him. “Will you be joining me?”
He gauged her. “If you want me to.”
“I do.”
“Then I will.”
She studied his face a moment, committed it to memory. “Good.” She kissed him again. Took a deep breath. “I love you.” Let it out in a whoosh. “I’ll get used to it.”
A huge grin took over his face. “I definitely could.”
Rolling her eyes, Lily climbed off the bed and looked around, for once noticing the unfamiliar setting. The walls were marbled an off white and pale green. The carpet and bedclothes matched. There was a desk along one wall, a window in another, and a door on the opposite wall. It was spacious, no doubt about that, but also vibrated warmth and comfort.
James stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’ve always pictured you in this room. Matched your eyes. I call it the Sea Foam Room. That’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.” He turned her around to face him. “This room, as you can obviously see, needs filling. And seeing as you no longer have a room of your own, you’re welcome to this one.” When he saw the uncertainty come into her eyes, he took her face in his hands. “Lily, not to brag, but my family’s got more money than we know what to do with. We’ll buy you new school supplies, new clothes, new things. I talked to my parents about it last night. You can stay here if you want.”
She gave him a smile. “To be quite honest, I didn’t doubt I could. But I can’t make promises, James. I have to talk to my sister, work this all out. My parents will have left us equal shares of the money in their wills, and, taking advantage of your offer, I could give my half to Petunia and just take your wealth for granted. But no matter what, before I do anything, I have to talk to my sister.” Her stomach grumbled. “And get some breakfast,” she added on a laugh.
He kissed her forehead. “Take a shower. I’ll go get some of my clothes that you can resize to fit you.” He pointed to the door opposite the desk. “That’ll lead to the bath. Breakfast is waiting.” He kissed her again, and just as he was about to exit, he remembered, “Oh, happy Christmas.”
Lily thought of all the things she’d lost. Then looked into his eyes. Lose a little, gain a little. “Right. Happy Christmas.”