4. Forever’s Gonna Start Tonight
I stand in numb disbelief outside a large grand-looking building. The bronze lion that forms the beautiful knocker for the front door has no glisten to it, the metal sits, dull and ignored. I run my fingers over the crevices before taking a mental plunge and lifting it high before pushing it down to create a loud noise that reverberates around the small lane that I am stood in.
At once, I hear dainty footsteps approaching the door and I try to look cheerful as the door creaks open and I see the beautiful rosy cheeks of Hermione Granger appear. My eyes travel around her face, the beautiful chestnut colour of her eyes drawing me in, the innocence of her pale lips enticing me. I finally speak, the words squeezing their way through fences of pure awe in my mind.
“I didn’t forget…I came just like I said I would…I kept my promise,” I manage to stutter.
“That’s right,” she replies, her ivory teeth glinting in the wintry morning sunlight. “I’m so glad you did.”
With that, she releases the door, allowing me to enter the most entrancing hallway I have ever seen. The walls are a light tan colour; the different shades swirled into one with smooth ease. The walnut floor beneath my shabby shoes looks to be made for royalty, the light from above glancing off it, making it look like a shimmering pool of walnut liqueur.
I follow her into what seems to be the main room, its plain scarlet walls creating warmth without a fire. She sits down, and invites me to do so too.
“Do you like it?” she asks tentatively, casting an eye over the walls and furniture.
“Do I like it?” I say with incredulity. “Hermione, it’s exquisite.”
She blushes and looks away. “I designed it,” she remarks in a small voice.
“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. You’re an amazing person, Hermione,” I say on impulse.
She gazes at me pensively, and suddenly says “Can you still recall when you never used to call me Hermione?”
I stare at her, memories racing through my mind, replaying like a film. My eyes glaze over, and I turn away so as not to show my emotions so blatantly to her. “I don’t like to remember,” I mutter, more to myself than to her.
I watch her in the mirror opposite me as she gets up slowly and ambles over to me, her footsteps like those of an angel. She kneels down beside me and I feel an overwhelming urge to pull her into my arms, but I resist. Once again, I turns away as my eyes begins to fill with salty droplets of emotion.
“Tell me,” I hear her plead, so tenderly that I can barely make out her words.
I turn to face her, forcing my tears to recede into my cold, empty eyes. I gaze at her, so perfect and beautiful, yet so caring for filth like me. I feel as though my heart and mind are somehow magnetically drawn into her words, and I find myself replying, “Yes. I will tell you. I will tell you everything…Hermione.”
She reacts, not with joy, but with an understanding smile. She settles back down on her chair, and looks at me expectantly.
“Now I want to make this clear,” I warn her insistently. “This is not the story of a martyr. You will be left with an image of me so truthful I will be but a skeleton of what you thought I was.” She nods slowly. I recognise that she understands that I must not be interrupted, lest I lose the one chance to reveal my darkest secrets to another living soul.
“I will begin from when I left Hogwarts. I joined the Death Eaters in our sixth year, thinking that it was the one way I could truly avenge my father’s imprisonment. During this time, I was given an assignment by Voldemort, and I’m sure Potter told you all about it. After my failure, I was sure that I would be doomed. But not this time. Snape told the Dark Lord that I had done what I was supposed to. No-one else spoke of it. I thought I was safe.
“Then later on, in our seventh year, I was told by Voldemort that I must be sent on another, more dangerous mission. I, being his eager young servant at this time, was thrilled to have been chosen for what seemed to be an important mission. I was to find the rare plant Aeternitas, found only in the heart of the Himalayas. I began my long journey there and then.
“It was easy enough, even enjoyable, to begin with. I was embarking on the mission of a lifetime. Yet, as the journey continued, my perseverance began to fail. I found it increasingly difficult to keep going. I eventually reached the mountains, and began my seemingly fruitless search. The task was endless, and I had been traveling for over a year. I decided to leave. I knew that I must never return to the Dark Lord, for it would mean certain death if I did. As I left the mountains, I picked some beautifully formed, cornflower-coloured flowers. I was to later discover that this was they very plant I had been sent to retrieve.
“I made my way towards Bulgaria, hoping to find refuge in the Durmstrang Institute. One night, I was lying down to rest when I noticed the shriveled flowers poking out of my bag. I picked them up, and decided to look up what they were. I checked my copy of Plants Moste Exotic and realised that I had just the plant Voldemort had wanted. I wanted to leap for joy! I began my return trip to England early the next day.
“I finally arrived back in England and made my way to the Dark Lord’s secret headquarters. I knelt before him and presented him with the strange plant. He carelessly tossed it onto the table near him, and then began talking about the night Dumbledore died. It turned out that one of the Death Eaters present had told him what actually happened, and he was understandably livid.
”I was terrified. I was certain that he would do away with me. I…I…” I trail off, my voice becoming hoarse for the first time. Hermione looks at me in concern, before encouraging me softly, “Draco, I’m not here to judge. You can confide in me.”
Hearing her sweet voice, an enchanting melody in my ears, I am strengthened. “I…was a coward. I was more cowardly than anyone who walks this earth. I feared for my own life, so I said Take Bellatrix. Take her instead. It was her who prevented me from killing him. And so Voldemort, upon hearing my lie, tried to perform Legilimency on me, but I blocked his advances. He took my words for truth and went to hunt down Bellatrix. I fled, terrified of the stone-hearted monster I had become.
“From then on, I lived in fear, moving from place to place, desperate that he would not discover me. Then I heard her screams one night, in my head. I knew he had killed her.
“It tormented my dreams every night from then on. Yet, one day I felt an agonizing pain on my forearm, where the Dark Mark was burnt into my flesh. The snake was writhing, and it suddenly disappeared. The next day I found out that Potter had finally defeated Voldemort. I thought my life would be whole again.
“But the pain just got worse…I returned here, to my very first hideout…I tried to run away from the world…but every time I remember…I can’t take it…”
Tears flow freely from my eyes, letting my feeling of guilt flow through every fibre of my mind. Hermione leans over and touches me on the hand, offering her comfort to my wounded soul.
“Everyone makes mistakes Draco. No-one is ever truly untarnished, but it is recognition of our faults, repentance and above all, others’ forgiveness that leads us back to light.”
“But who will forgive me?” I ask, my voice fragile.
“I forgive you, Draco, and I will help you repair your soul. I will do whatever it takes,” promises Hermione. I see now that she is crying too. I wipe away her teardrops, feeling her smooth skin beneath my cold touch.
“That means more to me than you will ever know…” I whisper, my voice stronger.
I wipe my streaming eyes, emotion taking hold of me, then I rise to leave. Hermione follows, her face glistening with tears. She opens the door, and we both walk outside.
“I have to go and introduce those fireworks,” she laughs.
Suddenly, our eyes meet and I see the blaze of electricity I saw before in them. She touches my cheek, bringing it closer to hers, and then her soft pink lips descend on mine as she pulls me into a tender kiss.
After what seems like only seconds, I pull away, staring determinedly into Hermione’s eyes. I can see the confusion and hurt before me, but I stand my ground. I know that it’s what we both want, but sometimes human desire must be set aside. I already knew, from the moment our lips touched, what I must do.
“Hermione…I can’t…you “ you saved me…and I’ll always remember you for it…but I can’t…we can’t…I’m so sorry,” I force myself to insist.
She considers my words for a fraction of a second, then gazes at me in a solemn, finite way. “I understand, Draco,” is all she murmurs.
She stumbles away, and I can see tears forming in her eyes. Reaching the end of the street, she faces me once more and calls, “Never forget me…”
Then she turns away, the girl of my dreams…the angel of my heart…the saviour of my soul. She walks slowly away, out of my life forever.
Forever…
And I need you now tonight,
And I need you more than ever.
And if you'll only hold me tight,
We'll be holding on forever.
And we'll only be making it right,
Cause we'll never be wrong together,
We can take it to the end of the line,
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark,
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.
I really need you tonight,
Forever's gonna start tonight,
Forever's gonna start tonight.
Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart