Tonks sat at Molly Weasley’s kitchen table sipping a cup of tea. After her encounter with Remus, she had not felt like going back to her flat. The only other place where she felt at home was the Weasleys’, so that’s where she went.
When she got there, Molly was cleaning up for the night. As Tonks glumly knocked on the door, Molly had jumped and rushed over. She slowly pushed aside the window curtain to peek out and see who it was and, once she had realized that it was Tonks, she quickly threw the door open and welcomed her in.
“Tonks, dear, you should have called! I would have made a pot of tea.”
“Oh, thanks very much, Molly, but I hadn’t really planned on stopping by,” Tonks replied, as she shuffled over to the table and threw herself heavily into one of the worn-in wooden chairs. Molly walked over to the stove and Summoned a pot full of water to herself. She placed two bags of tea in the water. She muttered a spell, steam billowed out of the end, and a shrill whistle sounded throughout the kitchen. The pot poured the boiling tea into two cups and they floated over to the table as Molly rustled around in the pantry for milk and sugar.
Molly muttered, “Aha!” when she found the items and moved quickly over to the table. She handed some to Tonks and she scooped out a bit of sugar and dipped it into the water before letting it slide off the spoon. She slowly stirred the mixture around so that that sugar would dissolve. Tonks watched as Molly wiped her hands on the dishtowel she had thrown over her shoulder and knew that she was going to have to start conversation.
“How are Arthur and the kids doing?”
Molly gave her a knowing look and answered politely, “Oh just fine. Arthur’s been working long hours since he’s just been promoted, the twins’ shop has really expanded-- Oh! And Harry should be arriving sometime within the next few hours. Dumbledore took him to convince Slughorn to come back to Hogwarts, you know.”
Tonks toyed around with her spoon as she thought about what had happened previously that day.
It had begun to rain and Tonks’ clothes were soaked through by the time she arrived at Remus’ front step. He lived in a small house right outside of Hogsmeade. She knocked quietly on his door and he opened it a few moments later. He had a drawn look on his face, and she noticed that when he saw her, his eyes opened a bit wider and a sparkle appeared in them.
She stood on the threshold looking straight at him. He let his hand fall limply from the doorknob to his side. They stood staring at each other for minutes before Remus rushed forward and hugged her fiercely. She reacted by wrapping her small arms around his middle. They pulled apart and looked at each other sheepishly.
“I’m sorry.”
Tonks paused as she searched Remus’ face for some kind of emotion. He shook his head and lead her inside his home.
“I was really out of line and I just-- Oh, I’m so sorry, Remus, it’s just that work has been really rough this past two weeks and I think I just exploded back there,” Tonks offered as Remus took a seat at his kitchen table, she followed suit.
Remus looked straight into her eyes and said, “Honestly, Tonks, there had to be some basis for what just happened.”
Tonks felt belittled in his fierce gaze and began to fiddle with a lock of hair as she looked away, “Well you see, I just-- erm, well...”
Remus sat looking at her expectantly and before he knew it Tonks burst out, “Remus, I think I love you.”
Molly looked at Tonks’ small figure and could instantly tell there was something wrong. Her usually bright colored hair had begun to fade to a mousy brown and her face was drawn and pale.
“Tonks, is there anything I can do? You seem a bit worn out, would you like a nap or a hot meal?” Molly asked.
Tonks looked up at the kind woman and knew that Molly didn’t think Tonks needed rest and a good meal. “Oh bugger, Molly, I told Remus I loved him.”
Molly smiled. “Oh dear. How did he take it?”
Tonks let out a breath of air before she said, “Well he didn’t actually say anything for a few moments, until I just got up and left.”
“You left him?” Molly asked worriedly.
“Erm-- yeah, I did,” Tonks nodded sheepishly as she stirred her tea round and round. “He didn’t say anything! I wasn’t going to just sit around waiting for an answer because he obviously didn’t want to give me one!”
“Oh, Tonks, you know how strong-headed Remus can be about how his condition affects other people.”
“That’s no excuse for leaving me without an answer,” Tonks announced indignantly, showing the first true signs of emotion towards her predicament.
“You ought to give him another chance, dear. From what you have told me it seems as though he never had a full opportunity to reply.”
“I will not go back to him, he’s going to be the one--” She stopped short as she heard three knocks on the back door.
“Oh, that can’t be Dumbledore already! We weren’t expecting him so soon!” Molly said as she jumped up from her chair and hurried over to the thick, wooden back door. She peered cautiously through the eye-level window and instantly opened the door. True to her word, Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter walked in seconds later. As Dumbledore entered, he was talking to Harry about Horace Slughorn, presumably now the new teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Mid-sentence Dumbledore spotted her and said, “Ah, hello, Nymphadora!”
She looked up from her tea. “Hello, Professor,” she said. “Wotcher, Harry.”
“Hi, Tonks.”
She looked around uncomfortably for a moment before she stood up and grabbed her cloak from the back of the chair. “I’d better be off. Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly.”
Tonks made to start moving for the back door before her actions were interrupted by Dumbledore, who said, “Please don’t leave on my account; I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour.”
Tonks was beginning to look a bit flustered as she insisted, “No, no, I need to get going. ‘Night--”
“Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming--?”
“No, really, Molly, thanks anyway, good night, everyone.” She hurriedly left the house and shut the door quietly behind her before striding out beyond the Apparition barriers and vanishing instantly.
Instead of Apparating back to her flat, she was once again standing on Remus’ front porch, this time determined to get an answer. She knocked on the door and before her fist could strike the solid wood for the fourth time, Remus was standing in front of her.
“Er-- hello,” she said after a few rather awkward moments. Remus let out a breath that he had apparently been holding and nodded. They stood face to face for a few minutes. Tonks looked nowhere but her feet and Remus seemed a bit wary of the situation.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake come in,” he said suddenly. Tonks was so frightened by his sudden outburst that she jumped backward, tripped over a shrub, and fell down. She flushed red as Remus ran over to help her up.
“Sorry about that, didn’t mean to frighten you,” Remus apologized as he headed back into his house. Tonks, however, remained on his doorstep.
“Well, are you going to come in?” he asked when he realized she hadn’t followed him. She remained for a second weighing her options. She had absolutely no idea what she was going to say. She had come over here without so much as a second thought, and hadn’t even planned what to say in her defense.
Remus sat down at his table and looked up at Tonks. Before she could even reach her seat, he said, “Tonks, I’ve been thinking about the situation and I must give you an answer.”
Well, that was easier than I thought it was going to be, she thought. I didn’t even have to try to make him.
He looked up at her uneasily and began his explanation.
“You know of my condition, and it inhibits me in many ways. Ever since I was young there has always been prejudice against me, and I have always had to stand firm. It’s difficult, but I’ve done it. I can never find a steady job, so my annual income is hardly enough to support myself.” He looked at her as he said that and saw that she was returning his gaze, taking in every word he was saying. She sat there in rapt attention as he continued.
“I can’t love you and be happy with myself for the situation I would be drawing you into. I could never give you a stable family, Tonks, which is something you need. You deserve so much better than anything I could ever give you--”
At this point Tonks couldn’t hold herself together for much longer. Everything he was saying was against himself, he didn’t have any faith in the idea that every woman didn’t want millions of galleons and a mansion on an island. The love Tonks had for Remus was enough to support them.
“Look here, Remus, that’s just not true! I know that you have always doubted yourself because of your lycanthropy, but I went into this knowing about it, and I came out with the same feelings. I might not be the most rational person, but I’m not going to sit back and pretend that I don’t love someone just because they don’t have a steady job!”
Remus sighed and stood up. He walked slowly into to his kitchen and sat on the counter facing her. “Tonks, you seem so sure about this, but you don’t understand what it’s like to know that you’re putting someone in danger willingly.”
“Don’t you sit there and tell me I don’t understand something because I sure as hell understand a lot more than I let on.”
Remus looked at Tonks for a long time before he spoke again, “I’m sorry I said that, I shouldn’t assume you don’t understand when you might.”
“Damn right you’re sorry!” Tonks said indignantly, as she got up and started to pace the room. “Do you not understand that after all we’ve been through, that I’m ready to take the risks that come along with your condition? I want to be the one that is there for you the morning after, the one who brews your Wolfsbane Potion, because I don’t trust Snape one bit, no matter what Dumbledore says. Can you not see that I am willing to give up petty things such as wealth and a nice house for you?” She sat back down with a huff.
“Tonks, I’m not ready for this. I would not feel secure everyday while knowing that I was potentially a burden on--”
“Remus Lupin, you will never be a burden to me,” Tonks said as she met Lupin’s eyes with a fierce gaze. “Never.”
The look on Remus’ face suggested that he had given in to Tonks. He looked at the ground before he looked up again, “Not to mention the age difference, you need someone younger, more agile--”
“Stop trying to make up excuses, Remus, I’ve had about enough of it.”
Tonks got up and walked carefully over to where Remus was sitting. When she reached him, he looked up at her, “I can’t, Tonks, I’m so sorry.”
She sighed and let up. She knew that no matter what she said, he was going to feel like this until she showed him that she wasn’t going to give in.