Chapter Two: A Trip to Hogsmeade
Hogsmeade. Sirius breathed in cool, early October air. It had been two weeks since his and Lily’s visit to the cove, yet nothing had changed between them. He sighed. Why can’t I just be content with what I have? Why do I always have to make things hard for myself?
Miranda had had her 15th birthday two days ago, and everyone in Gryffindor tower had celebrated by getting deserts and cakes from the kitchens and holding a surprise party for her. Sirius had stayed loyally by her side the whole time, it wasn’t bad at all. In fact, he hadn’t thought of Lily once. Not that that was a bad thing. It might be for the better, actually, considering how angry James might become if he knew about how Sirius felt towards her.
About an hour after they arrived in Hogsmeade, Sirius, Lily, James, Peter, and Remus were all squeezed into a booth in the Three Broomsticks. Lily was shivering, and she was huddled up against James, who had his arm around her. Without realizing he was doing it, Sirius was gazing at Lily with a longing look on his face. Suddenly, Remus elbowed him hard in the ribs and cleared his throat.
“Sirius and I will be right back. We’re just going to take a stroll up to the Shrieking Shack for a few minutes to check if I left anything the last time I ‘stayed’ there…” Remus explained to the rest of the group as he stood up and ushered Sirius out of the booth.
Once outside, Remus declared, “We’re not actually going to the Shrieking Shack. I want you to tell me what’s up with you and why you’ve seemed so interested in everything Lily has done lately.”
Sirius decided that he could trust Remus and started to spill his guts. He began with explaining how this year everything had changed, and how he started to feel extremely attracted to Lily. “There’s no mistaking it, Remus… I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with her. Every time I’m around her, my heart beats faster, and everything seems crystal clear and detailed. I notice the smallest things about her “ what color of nail polish she’s wearing, the fact that her tag was sticking out of her robes on the way here “ everything. I can’t control it. And don’t get me wrong, Remus, I still do love Miranda. But…”
“Sirius, I’m almost positive that you would never do anything to hurt James, so I know that this has to be something that you can’t control. You have to promise me though, that you won’t try to steal Lily from James. It’s as the Muggles say, ‘Look but don’t touch’. It’s alright that you are attracted to her, as long as you don’t try to make a move on her. Promise me this, Sirius.”
“I promise,” Sirius said with his head held high, his eyes glittering, and his teeth gritted, “I promise on pain of death.”
***
Later that night, the group was again in the Common Room, all except Peter, who was currently serving a detention with Filch. All of them had their astronomy homework, and all of them were copying off each other.
“Lily, can I see your paper?” Sirius leaned over her shoulder, catching a whiff of her lily scented perfume. He instinctively reached over to brush a lock of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. She looked at him, startled, as he pulled back and gazed into her eyes.
“Sure…” she whispered, which made James, who was currently rifling through his papers, brows furrowed, look up. He looked, confused, between the two, and then shrugged and bent back over his paper.
Remus stood up and announced that he was going to go to bed now, and that if anyone would like to join him upstairs, now would be the time, all the while looking pointedly at Sirius.
Sirius eventually rose, and gathered his papers, thanking Lily for letting him borrow her chart of the western hemisphere.
Once upstairs, Sirius started to change into his striped pajama pants and climbed into bed.
“Not so fast,” said Remus, striding out of the washroom over to Sirius’ four-poster, “I saw that little exchange of yours. If James had looked up just a few moments earlier… you promised me, Sirius!”
“Remus, I’ve been trying, but you have no idea how hard it is… I don’t know what happened down there, but it certainly was not what you think it was! I didn’t make a move on her. You’ve got to believe that that was just a friendly thing to do. Friends push each other’s hair out of each other’s eyes, remember?” Sirius said, trying to turn it into a joke.
“Goodnight, Sirius. And don’t let it happen again.” Remus then climbed into his four-poster and shut the curtains, closing the subject.
***
Miranda skipped up to Sirius the next morning. “Hiiiiii, Siiiii-riiiius!” she squealed, “How are you on this fine Monday morning?”
Sirius grunted and grabbed her hand.
“Guess what happened yesterday in Hogsmeade? Lucinda told me that Kathy told her that Katie told her that…”
Half-listening to Miranda’s gossip, Sirius led the way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Once there, he met up with his friends while Miranda skipped over to tell her friends the latest happenings in everyone else’s lives.
Sirius pondered over The Daily Prophet while sipping a glass of pumpkin juice. He was lost in thought when he felt a tap on his shoulder. “Sirius, I need to speak to you.” It was Miranda, and she looked quite a bit unhappier than she was earlier this morning. He followed her into a vacant classroom on the first floor and she proceeded to tell him what exactly it was that was making her so unhappy.
“I’m really afraid that you’ve been unsatisfied with me lately… I feel as though you don’t think I’m quite up to par… My friends have been saying that you look distracted lately, and I was wondering if you were going to break up with me… if you are, you may well just do it now…”
Sirius studied her expression and realized that she had been quite distressed as of late concerning their relationship. He did love her, and he told her so. To reassure her, he reached over and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Trust me, Miranda, you’re perfect. No one could ask for better.”
As he spoke, he realized that he really was quite happy with Miranda. But even though this much was true, he also realized that he wasn’t being completely honest with Miranda, and most importantly, himself.