Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. In other words, nothing in here is mine!
Distant Memories
Holding Back
(((***)))
Soft voices flew by like wisps of steam over a cold lake in winter. A bundle of warm clouds surrounded him. Dreams came and went like distant memories of the past, and Harry Potter was finally waking from his week-long slumber.
With much struggle, he slowly opened his eyes to the starch white walls of the Hogwarts infirmary. Only able to stand the brightness for a grand total of two seconds, he snapped them shut with as much force as humanly possible for someone so tired. Feeling daring, he tried again. And then he blinked. A gray blob of something was hovering above him. Harry tried to reach out but felt he couldn’t raise his arm.
The gray something “ whatever it was “ seemed to notice Harry’s effort. It moved to the right of Harry’s bed and then back toward him. With it came a shiny black substance. Within seconds, he felt something slide onto his face and the world was clear. Yes, blind as a bat he was, but with his glasses, Harry finally recognized the “blob” as none other than Remus Lupin.
Remus and Harry had always gotten along. From the time Harry met him as his new Defense Again the Dark Arts teacher to the time he discovered his father’s old school friends, the two had always felt a connection. Unlike most adults in his life, Harry could just talk to Remus. There was, well, an understanding.
Since he was eight, Remus had been a werewolf. With the fear of being shunned by society, he was forced to keep his secret to himself. It was a miracle, according to Remus, that he was ever allowed to go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the first place.
But when he got there, the truth of his burden hit him yet again. He knew he couldn’t let anyone know that he went through a painful transformation every month. He was a monster! He tried to pull away, but made three great friends nonetheless.
Yes, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew all refused to abandon their best friend when they discovered the true reason he went away every month. They told him it didn’t matter; he was still the same Remus. He didn’t want to believe them, but somehow he knew that they wouldn’t leave him behind.
The night was like one Remus would never forget. He was walking back from his Prefect rounds and heard a commotion in an abandoned classroom. “Duty calls,” he sighed. He quietly crept along the corridor and stood next to the door. Remus whispered a spell under his breath. Alohomora… He knocked once and then opened the door. The sight inside made his gasp.
Standing right in the middle of the room was three animals: a little rat, a playful dog, and a majestic stag. What are these creatures doing in the school? he thought.
Seemingly hesitant, the stag slowly morphed into one of his best friends, James Potter. Remus’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor along with the rest of his body as he slowly sank to his knees. “How?” Why? Without…me?
James took a step forward and pulled his friend back to his feet. “Remus, this is for you, buddy. We know you can’t have us around at full moon as humans, but werewolves can tolerate animals.” He smiled. “We’re Animagi now.”
Remus stared as the shaggy black dog became Sirius and the rat turned into Peter. He tried to speak but couldn’t find the words.
Sirius, uncharacteristically solemn, nodded. “We know.”
Peter and James exchanged a look. “Group hug!” they chorused.
Remus was then tackled by his friends “ no, brothers “ and realized that his eyes were becoming wet. Great…
A few minutes “ and many stubborn tears “ later, Remus finally spoke. “Thank you, but you shouldn’t have to go through this. It’s way too dangerous! I could bite you, and then you’d turn int”” Unfortunately for him, he was unable to continue due to the hand that was now firmly clamped over his mouth.
“Remus, shut up.” Sirius grinned. “You’re stuck with us, always.” James smiled and nodded. Remus sighed but felt a tug on his lips. Looking more hopeful, he said, “Group hug?”
“Yup!” James reassured. And for once in Remus’s life, everything was all right in the world.
Now as Remus sat there with his late best friend’s son, he felt as if he were drawn to the days where he was lonely. He knew how horrible it was to live a life full of rejection and ridicule. He knew how Harry felt. And, in turn, Harry felt the same.
It was now the evening of Harry’s waking. The setting sun lit up the walls of the infirmary.
“Hey Harry.”
The sleepy patient gazed up into the eyes of the man who had become almost a fatherly figure to him. He tried to smile but still couldn’t find the energy. Remus could sense how much Harry needed to talk, but knowing the young man, he’d put up a great fight before speaking about his problems.
Remus smiled. “Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.” And he watched as the Man Who Defeated, once the Boy Who Lived, fell into a gentle, peaceful sleep yet again.
The battle surrounded him. No matter where he was looking, people “ or monsters “ were fighting. The remaining students of Hogwarts fought their hardest to bring down the common enemy. The Death Eaters hung to the left of the man, the Dementors to the right. They were closing in.
The fight had already lasted over two hours. The man was getting desperate; he saw no way out. He knew that it was going to come down to one thing, and he was going to end it here.
And so he fought. He fought for revenge. He fought for every damn loved one who had been brought down by this monster. He fought for all that was good in the world. He was determined like never before….
Twenty minutes later, and the man was still raging on. He was in the middle of pushing away a pair of Dementors that had unwisely decided to chase his friends. Oh, this was war…
Suddenly, a loud boom was heard as a purple cloud of smoke appeared. Jets of light either continued on until they hit a target or simply fizzled away. Nobody moved and an evil cackle was heard.
“Where is he?”
Everyone was still stationary. All eyes were on the evil being in front of them. A pale, bony face. Slits for nostrils. Those demonic red eyes. Voldemort had come to the Battle of Hogwarts.
Unbeknownst to all, a tall figure loomed behind the crowd. Without even realizing it, the dark and light were mingled, mixed in with each other and for once “ for what was important at the time “ they didn’t mind. This figure knew this, and fought hard to keep from laughing at the irony. Oh yes, this would be interesting.
“I am here, Tom.”
Eyes shifted from the monster to the confident voice behind. The dark underestimated him; the light knew him as their hero. Yes, here was Harry Potter, and he was going to end this for good.
As he walked, he kept his head up and stared death in the eye. The crowd, unbelieving and amazed, parted without hesitating. Voldemort, for his part, just stood there with a smirk on his face.
“Ah… You wish to try again? And I would’ve thought your precious Muggle-loving fool would have shown you by now when to give up. He seems so good at that. Oh, but wait! He’s dead.”
Harry knew this tactic. Yup, agitate the enemy until they just focus on destroying the other. Then they’d become reckless and begin to slip in defense. He knew from experience, and he’d never let it happen again. It just caused more death in the end.
“You see, Tom, I know when it’s time to ‘give up’ as you so eloquently put it. But, you know, this really isn’t the time.” He gazed around and then looked straight into Voldemort’s eyes. “Nor is it the place.”
Voldemort’s sneer faltered. Harry continued. “I’m going to fight you. You knew I would. And guess what?” He suddenly got a dangerous glint in his eyes. “I’m waiting.”
With that said, it seemed like the two wizards were locked in their fight. They circled each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. They taunted each other, ridiculed, but still no one else moved. Those who hadn’t already fled watched, awestruck and more than a little bit frightened. This was the battle of centuries. This was the battle to end them all.
And it did. Over an hour after he arrived, Voldemort lay there on the ashen ground, breathing his last breathes. “Potter… You shall be cursed….” And with that, the monster died. Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle, that bastard, was dead.
Harry Potter, too injured and tired to care, fell hard to the ground beside his foe as the world around him disappeared in an intense cloud of black.
The sun was no longer up when Harry finally woke. Instead, the pale light of the moon was glimmering off the bedpost, where it shone in his eyes. He looked around for Remus and noticed him standing by the window. He was just staring out onto the grounds, seemingly searching. For what, Harry had no idea.
“Moony,” Harry croaked. The older man jumped.
“Harry!” He rushed over to his side. “How are you feeling? Does it hurt to talk? How’re your ribs? Do you need some water?” He was talking faster than an excited teenage girl. Harry opened his mouth, but Remus was still going. “Should I wake Madame Pomfrey? Do you want “” He stopped after seeing Harry trying to hold in a laugh.
“I’m feeling better, thanks,” Harry started. “My throat doesn’t really feel sore; it’s just parched. Water does sound nice though. Ribs… check. No, you shouldn’t. Wow it’s nice to be able to talk again!”
Remus didn’t buy this. Too cheery for Harry, especially after this nightmare that he just lived through. Normally he would have sat in a corner for hours, brooding. Remus made it his mission to find out why he wasn’t.
“So, Harry,” he started out casually, “since we’ve established that you’re doing okay physically, how are you really doing?”
The younger man just glared. After Remus simply stared back, Harry broke eye contact. “No… not now.”
“Then when? Tomorrow? Next month? Next year? You can’t hold it in forever!”
Harry turned around with his eyes narrowed. “What if I want to?”
“Well, then I guess “”
“No! Don’t ‘guess’. It’s none of your business that I hate this! It’s none of your business that I didn’t want to be in this war in the first place! It’s just none of your business, Remus! Just… just go.”
Remus nodded sadly. He felt bad now. Really bad, but he left nonetheless. Great, Remus. Bloody great. Now look what you did.
A/N: Thank you all for reading the first chapter of my story! I worked very hard on this, and I really hoped you enjoyed it. I have up to the fourth chapter written already. I have ideas for Chapter 5 too. *PLEASE REVIEW!* I really want to know what you think. ^_^