If Only I Knew by Lily Weasley
Chapter Notes: In case you have forgotten, this is the story that kicks off with Lily sending a good (totally deserved) hex at a Slytherin. James, of course, saw it. Now, it's fifth year, and James is desperately searching for a way to make her see things his way...
James, annoyed with his unruly mane, exasperatedly brushed his bangs away from his eyes. He could barely see the Quidditch field with all of his hair blocking his line of sight. Eagerly scanning the field for his first-love, the golden-winged orb, a.k.a. the Snitch that ruled his heart and soul, James’s eyes alighted upon Sirius who was belligerently attacking a bludger with his large club. “Gosh, why must my nose get all weird whenever the weather changes? This is ridiculous! Just wake me up whenever September finally ends!” Sirius ranted.
Waggling his eyebrows, James replied, “I think you have a rather nice nose, actually. Frank Longbottom did a smashing job.” At this point, Remus and Peter, who were situated in the stands watching the Gryffindor team’s star players practice, doubled over laughing and feigned a coughing fit when Sirius shot them a dirty look worthy of the most ancient and noble House of Black.
Peter always felt like prey whenever Sirius gave him that look, so he thought that he should use a diversionary tactic. “So, Sirius, any big plans for the next full moon? I’ve been practicing my transformation, just like you asked. I’m so excited that you guys could make me an Ani-”
At this point, Remus hurled himself across the distance that had separated them and forcefully clapped a hand over Peter’s mouth. Not wanting to draw attention to them by screaming at him, Remus merely hissed in Peter’s ear, “If you don’t want to find yourself lured into a mouse trap by a big block of cheese, then I would suggest that you maintain your silence.” To clarify, just for Peter, he added, “That means SHHHHHHH!” He then released Peter’s mouth, and put a solitary finger up to his own and added, “Like this.”
James and Sirius, intrigued by the change of subject, bolted to the stands and sat behind their friends, carefully and lovingly placing their broomsticks upon the bleachers behind them. Sirius, not having heard what Remus had secretively told Peter, said, “Wormtail. Seriously, what is your problem? You can’t go around yelling that. It’d be like yelling, ‘Hey, how’s the assassination plan on the Queen going?’ It’s just not done. Do you understand?” Sirius waited and received only a slight nod of the head from Peter. “Sign language is not enough; I need verbal confirmation.” Again, silence filled the void between them. “Why won’t you answer me? Cat got your tongue?” Peter gave Sirius a very, very nasty look and simply pointed at Remus. Sirius followed the finger to Remus, who started talking.
“Don’t even joke about the Queen!” Remus growled frostily.
Highly amused, James whistled and then jokingly added, “Looks like someone fancies the Queen. Is it the crown? Does that turn you on? Or wait, is the scepter? I am personally quite fond of the scepter, but to each his own.” Remus didn’t even dignify that question with an answer. It was obviously the crown. Turning back to Sirius, James said, “It’s apparent that our little Wormtail has been instructed to not speak on order of the crown…- lover.” James and Sirius burst out laughing and Peter’s shoulders shook with mirth.
“Knock it off,” Remus said in his most authoritative voice. “If you guys are going to plan some big thing this next full moon against Holly and Lily… Yes, I know all about it… Don’t let me hear anything because it would be my duty as a prefect to report you. Basically, be like Peter and keep your trap shut. Again, Peter, that means SHHHH!”
Sirius, more than a little miffed, accepted this and stated, “I guess it’s a good thing I wrote out the plans during the snooze class. Binns was about to make me fall over dead with boredom. I just couldn’t have that, so I wrote these up. However, it all relies on James completing this most-vital first task.” At this point, they heard a delicate clearing of the throat. Alarmed, James whipped around, shielding the parchment so that Sirius had the time to stow it away in his bag.
James looked across and noticed that there was nothing. What possibly could’ve made that noise? The next thing he knew, he felt a slight tug on the sleeve of his robe. Looking down, he saw none other than Estrela, his little friend from the train. When she had his attention, she began, “Don’t even, James. I am not stalking you; I do not want to have your babies; and I certainly do not want you to hook me up with Sirius.” She had, yet again, correctly read the thoughts displayed on James’s face. Slightly affronted, she looked disgusted and said, “As if.” Remus sniggered, rather loudly, and Sirius punched his shoulder in return. She continued, “I’m actually here on an errand given to me by Professor Dumbledore. He requests the presence of Messrs. Potter and Lupin at once. I suggest you hurry.” She then winked at James, gave a mocking bow to the foursome, and left just as quickly as she’d come.
After Estrela left, Remus and James remained in a stunned silence. They’d seen Dumbledore many times over the years. Remus had been congratulated on his many academic accomplishments and asked to attempt to keep his three friends out of too much trouble. James had always been sent to Dumbledore for committing some kind of mischievous act, but luckily for him, Professor Dumbledore didn’t seem to believe that he was a true menace, just a good kid with a healthy sense of humor matched with a genuine love of adventure. However, the fact that they’d both been asked, together, to go to Dumbledore seemed a bit ominous. Nothing good could come of it, they were sure. Finally, as if accepting their horrid fate, the two began walking back towards the castle. If the situation wasn’t already weird enough, it was made even odder by the perfect silence that accompanied them on their journey. Both were so wrapped up in their thoughts that they barely seemed to notice when they reached the entrance to Dumbledore’s office. “Pumpkin pasty,” Remus lazily muttered.
As James climbed the winding stairs, he couldn’t help but worry that perhaps this was a meeting to revoke Remus’s prefect badge. Over the years, they had planned a whole lot of pranks and pulled them off effectively, much to the dismay of many of their victims, students and teachers alike. Remus proved himself to be quite the mastermind and could almost always cover their tracks, but Sirius and James would always be two steps ahead of any prefect, even Remus. They knew full well that Remus would not let them be expelled if he caught them, so maybe Dumbledore also viewed him as an instigator, the weakest link in his chain of prefect perfection.
As the pair opened the door, Dumbledore exclaimed, “Ah, two of my most renowned students. As I’m sure you know, you both are two of the prime members of what the faculty has termed the ‘Fearsome Foursome.’ It really has quite a ring to it. My staff members are ever so clever, which is why, of course, they have been given posts at Hogwarts. However, I am not here to discuss the many ‘incidents’ that you have perpetrated in the month of your return in our sacred halls,” Dumbledore reassured them with a slight optical muscle spasm that resembled a wink. “What we are all here to discuss this fine afternoon is a solution to what has been a most plaguing quandary. You see, some of the prefects asked to alter the patrolling schedule. In fact, I let the Head Boy and Head Girl do it themselves. As a result, Remus, you have been assigned to patrol every full moon. Now, of course, I do realize that this would leave you between a rock and a hard place, as I believe the phrase goes. I mean, after all, you completely lose your control (not intentionally of course), have an insatiable desire for human flesh, have an ill-disposed temperament, and generally pose a threat to everyone around you during that time. Remus, to insure that I do not let anyone figure out that you’re a werewolf with too much ease, I have devised a daring plan. I have come to the brilliant conclusion, if you don’t mind my bold lack of humility, that I will allow you to patrol on the full moon …”
At this point, Remus and James could only stare slack-jawed at the presumptive psycho sitting right before their eyes. Dumbledore still did not seem to be finished with his proposition. Was there more to the madness?
“Boys, it shows a great lack of upbringing to provide a safe haven for flies in ones orifice, such as the mouth. Please correct this and let me finish my sentence, if you would be so kind. As I was explaining, I will allow you to patrol the corridors on the full moon…
James.”