A/N: I would only like to say that is is not a romance fic, no matter how much it may seem like one. Just a person offering help to another person in need.
That being said, enjoy the fic!
Remorse and Purfpi
It was New Year’s Eve, ten o’clock. It was a dark night; the clouds were hanging low in the black sky, threatening to open up and empty their contents at any moment. The damp streets were empty, with the exception of a few people, hurriedly looking left and right as they tried to cross the road. Some were off to parties, others going to the local pub to drink to the New Year, some on their way to family engagements. Most, however, preferred to stay at home, away from the dangers that the street had to offer.
A lone young man could be seen lingering around Rosings Avenue, looking desperately out of place. The only sound that could be heard in the darkness was the swishing of his cloak and his footsteps on the cobbled road. He was lost in his own dark thoughts and paid little attention to anything else.
Without warning, the sound of tires screeching and a horn blasting filled the air, cutting the silence like a knife. A car had skidded to a halt, missing the traveller by inches.
“Red means stop!” the beefy driver shouted, poking his head out of the car window.
Draco Malfoy, however, had barely moved. He did nothing, except nod at the angry man, who drove away, all the while murmuring under his breath about careless passengers.
Draco walked on; surprised that he would have felt grateful if the car had actually run him over. After all, his life was now filled with misery. Stuffing his hands deep inside his pockets he felt the hard wooden stick that was his wand. How he despised it. How he despised himself.
You are not a killer, Draco…
Almost seven months had passed”months that no one could ever forget, for the war raged on. Draco couldn’t forget either. His father was still in Azkaban and his mother had been killed”he was alone. He wasn’t used to being alone.
You are not a killer, Draco…
For seven months he had been on the run from the Ministry and the Order, closely watched by his Death Eaters. During these months, he had hardly dared to think about that night at the Astronomy Tower, scared that his Master might find out about his real feelings. Now Draco had slipped away from him and was allowing himself liberty from the agony of his constant domination. He knew there would be hell to pay when he was found, but by now he didn’t care anymore.
You are not a killer, Draco…
Only seven moths ago, he had been afraid”deathly afraid. He had been scared for his life and the lives of his parents, and he had been pushed to do something he didn’t want to do. He had wanted the glory and fame, but he had never thought that the price he would pay was his own soul.
It hasn’t been of any use, he thought bitterly. He still killed my mother, because I failed to kill him. He killed her in front of me just to show what he is able to do if I disobey him.
He stifled a laugh. He had changed so much since then. He had no regard for life anymore; his own or anyone else’s. He could even look forward to his death”he had nothing to live for anyway. Now he really did smile”Dumbledore had always taught them not to be afraid of death.
Dumbledore. The one man who had supported and trusted him no matter what his relations or actions were, the one man who had wanted the best for him. He couldn’t say that for anyone else. Trust was something he knew from nobody. His father, though he might have loved Draco in his own way, had never cared much about his feelings. Indeed, he had always taught him to hide his feelings and Draco had learned how to do just that.
You are not a killer, Draco…
It was impossible to still pretend, however. Sneering and blank faces weren’t going to be of any use any longer. He had also learned during his task for the Dark Lord that he was capable of humanly emotions, be that fear or desperation.
Or pain, he thought sadly, as he remembered once more just how much his Headmaster had valued him. He could still remember some of his last words. His eyes filled with tears.
You are not a killer, Draco…
“Hello,” said a sleepy voice right behind him.
Draco started and looked around, shaking his head to clear his eyes”he thought he had been alone. A girl about his own age was standing now in front of him; with a jolt of realization, he recognized her from Hogwarts.’
Linette, no, Linda. Lu-something, he thought.
“You're Draco Malfoy, right?” the girl asked, smiling slightly. Draco made no answer. “It’s Luna. Luna Lovegood,” she said after some time.
Right. Loony. Hogwart’s laughing stock.
Again he said nothing, but strode away. He didn’t need this right now.
Luna, however, had other plans. She had been bored and had told her father that she would take a walk outside so she could get some fresh air. She had recognized the form of Draco Malfoy instantly and, remembering what Harry had told them at the end of the year, had decided to try and talk to him.
“Wait!” she exclaimed, running after him. “Can I walk with you? I won’t talk if that bothers you.”
He stared at her. Didn’t this person dressed in weird Muggle clothing understand that he wanted to be left alone and think about his poor excuse for a life? Not to mention the fact that he knew nothing about her, except that she had gone to Slug’s Christmas Party with Harry Potter. Unable to oppose her, however, he nodded yes.
Luna started walking serenely alongside him, thinking that if Harry was able to defend Draco Malfoy, then he couldn’t be as bad as everyone made him out to be.
“So, how’s Hogwarts?”
Luna turned around surprised, for she had not expected Malfoy to speak so soon.
“It’s good. Lots of people have left, even Harry, Hermione and Ron.” She spoke quietly and sadly. “It’s not the same without Dumbledore.”
Draco felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach, knocking all the breath out of him. Was this an indirect accusation from Lovegood? He looked her over, but there was nothing accusatory in her glance. She looked vague and distant.
“So, why did you leave Hogwarts?” she asked, politely refusing to return his reproachful glance.
Draco didn’t want to answer, he wanted to tell her to get lost, or find someone else to bother in the middle of the night, but he didn’t have enough strength.
“I should have thought the reason was clear enough,” he replied coldly, raising one eyebrow.
“Oh, I know about what happened that night, of course. Everyone does,” Luna nodded, walking over to lamp-lit park with only one bench and sitting down. “But I would have thought that Dumbledore might have convinced you to join the Order.”
Draco sat down next to her, not knowing what to say. He looked down at the frozen ground and fought hard to suppress a snort. He was opening up to this girl he had only seen in the halls, this girl he had laughed at many times. Why? Was it because he knew she wouldn’t laugh at him, or because he thought she wouldn’t tell anyone about what he was feeling?
“Harry told me about your hesitation,” Luna added, “about actually . . . doing it. That could only mean you didn’t want to do it. Did you, Malfoy?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said his voice cold and bitter, “it is done, even if I didn’t do it, even if I didn’t want to do it. I can’t go back.”
“No you can’t,” she smiled sadly, “but what you can do is start from the beginning. You know you can. It is enough just to want to change your past.”
“No!” Draco said angrily, getting up and pacing around. “It isn’t enough! How do you think I feel about what I’ve done? Do you think that I can tell myself ‘Oh, well, I am sorry, now I’ll just go on with my life?’ I can’t do that! It was my fault! Don’t you see? No matter what I do, I cannot…” his voice grew quieter as he hung his head and looked down at his feet, “… I cannot bring him back.”
“No, you can’t. But you can help fight for what he believed in. For what I believe in. For what you, yourself, believe in, much as you want to deny it.”
But Draco did not speak. He had turned his back on her and was listening to the chimes of a bell or a clock somewhere. It rang twelve times and just as it stopped, fireworks exploded everywhere, lighting up the black sky. Blue, red, green, and yellow dancing stars filled the sky forming different shapes and patters.
“Happy New Year,” Luna said quietly, looking at the ever-lasting fireworks in the sky.”
Again, only silence between the two.
“You know what you need?” Luna asked, getting up and standing beside him, looking at the fireworks. “You need a Purfpy.”
“A what?” Draco asked, looking at her incredulously. He knew of Luna’s spectra specs, and radish earrings; he knew of her “strangeness” as some may call it, but he had never thought that she would go as far as to make things up. Clearly, he hadn’t known her well enough.
“Purfpi. They’re small creatures, about the size of a cauldron. They’re furry and red, with a long tail that is attached to one of their ears. Their eyes are small and grey and they have no mouth and they eat using their nose. But they’re really good at making one feel better. Honestly, just holding one, you feel this sense of happiness and contentment” Luna finished speaking, looking pleased with herself, and glanced at Draco expectantly.
It was all he could do to not burst out laughing. He settled for an amused grin instead, thinking of how different this girl was from him. She truly believed in human good. One could go as far as to call her naïve. However, Draco thought that in one way she was right to believe in good and all that stood for it. She was right to believe in second chances. If he wanted to change, now was the time to do so.
A new start, a fresh beginning. He knew, by doing what he was about to do, that he would be persecuted until his death. He knew that Voldemort would hunt him down and he knew that he might be dead in less than a week, but as Luna had said, he would be fighting for what he believed in. He would be showing Dumbledore that his words had not been said in vain. He would be proving himself that he was worth something. Smiling he turned his head in Luna’s direction and their eyes met and she knew what he had decided. He smiled.
You are not a killer, Draco…