“No, Evans. No, Lily...” James trailed off helplessly, his voice choked with emotion. Struggling to hold back tears, he calmed himself down enough to try and get a bearing on his surroundings.
Slowly but surely, the fog was beginning to lift, giving James a slight bit more hope. James wasn’t completely sure but he thought that he was still in Hogsmede and that he hadn’t gone anywhere after the attack.
Through the dim light of the late afternoon haze, James could vaguely make out the shapes of a few buildings.
“Okay, okay, this is good, James. Now, if you can just make out the names one those buildings, you’re set,” James said out loud in a manner of straightening out his thoughts.
Before he could focus his attention on anything other than the pain radiating throughout his body, he saw a large pensieve in front of him. Suddenly, he started to move closer and closer toward it. He felt as though some force was pulling him, no matter how hard he struggled.
With a final lurch, he landed head first into a memory that he was sure wasn’t his. Difficult though it was he remembered someone, whose name he couldn’t recall, had told him to never go into a “UM”, ‘unidentified memory’.
Terror struck through his body, but he got up, hoping that the memory might give him some clue as to what was going on.
He tried to figure out where it was that he had landed, and looked around himself in confusion. Everything around him was bathed in a weak, yellow light that just barely allowed him to make sure he didn’t bump into anything. The rom was stuffed to bursting and there was hardly any space at all to move about, causing him to be glad that there was at least the weak light for him to be able to see. There was a very small chair that he decided to sit in that was decorated with bright sequins and ribbons, which didn’t fit in with the rest of the drab, depressing looking surroundings.
Soon, the confusion and fear that was enveloping him began turning to boredom. There was nothing in sight, nor was there anyone that could explain, what exactly it was that had happened and caused the attack.
But when he tried to lurch himself out of the memory, as he had done several times before with a pensieve, he found that he couldn’t.
Suddenly, a new fear took place in James’s mind. ‘Am I... stuck?’
Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, and James thought he was turning insane. He felt as if every happy moment, every good feeling, and every good times he had were being taken away and instead, being filled with an empty, sad feeling. With every tick of his watch, he was getting more and more depressed and cared less and less about getting out of the room.
After what seemed like an eternity, his body started to pull out of the room that he had been imprisoned in for so long. His body ached from being stuck in the tiny room in the memory and his head ached from all of the mental strain. He was violently thrown from the large bowl and landed with a loud ‘crack’ on his left arm.
The last thought that he remembered before the world blanked out around him was, ‘I still haven’t found Lily.’
~~~~~~~
Because of his poor vision, the first thing that James saw when he woke up was a blurred image of someone with dark, messy hair that was pacing back and forth next to his bed.
“James!” another figure next to him said.
“Whaa--,” came the slurred reply. Wincing in pain at moving his not-long-ago-broken-arm, he fumbled around for his glasses on the table placed beside him for a few minutes, found them, and suddenly, found himself next to an excited Sirius.
“He’s awake! Moony, Wormtail: he’s awake!” Sirius shouted happily, causing an angry Madame Pomfrey to come rushing of her office.
“Quiet, Mr. Black, before you wake Potter up!” she said before seeing the confused but awake James in the bed.
“Where is Li--Evans?” James asked his friends.
“You mean you, uh, you don’t remember? You don’t recall what happened to her?” Remus said gulping down a lump in his throat.
“What happened to her, Moony?” James asked sitting up, instantly alert with a terrified expression on his face.
“What is the last thing you remember Mr. Potter?” Madame Pomfrey asked as she gently pushed him back down on to his bed, while his friends stood around him with anxiety clear on their faces.
“Lily and I were patrolling the halls yesterday and suddenly we heard--,” James was about to blurt out what happened, but decided to keep it to himself.
“And then what?” Peter prodded.
“That’s all I remember,” James lied.
“A few more days of rest should bring your memory back to normal. I’ve already fixed up your broken arm, but it might hurt you for a day or two. Just drink this,” Madame Pomfrey informed James as she indicated a large glass full of vile looking liquid, “And sleep.” She softly set down a bottle of dreamless sleeping potion next to the glass.
“My memory is fine! And my arm doesn’t hurt anymore. I just want to know what happened to Lily!” James exclaimed.
Madame Pomfrey game him a stern look and shook her head.
“You are to stay in bed and rest until I say that you are well enough to be told the events of what happened the day you were at Hogsmede,” she said with an end-of-conversation-look.
With that, she ushered his friends out of the room and into the hallway while James tried to sort out what had happened.
‘Did I get a chance to talk to Lily after what happened last night? Wait, was that even last night? How long have I been here? And where is Lily, anyway?’
But before he could get a chance to think about it much more, Madame Pomfrey came back into his room and ordered him to sleep.
With a feeling of confusion, James slumped down in the unfamiliar bed and tried to fall asleep.
‘I guess I will just have to talk to Lily later. After all, she shouldn’t be too hard too track down...’
~~~~~~~
“Nicole! NICOLE?!?!” Arielle screamed at the top of her lungs.
“What? What is? What happened? Are you alright?” Nicole asked running out of the bathroom, half of her hair combed, the other half messy.
“I was just scared that you were gone too,” Arielle said with tears running down her face. After the two girls had learned about what had happened to Lily at Hogsmede, they had been extra cautious and much more emotional. She was, after all, their best friend, and no one seemed to know, or apparently care, where she was.
“Don’t worry, Arielle. I promise you we’ll find her. She couldn’t have gotten too far. I mean this is Lily we are talking about. She is smart and more than able to take care of herself,” Nicole consoled.
“You don’t understand Nicole! Dumbledore told us that there were death eaters. Death eaters Nicole! She could be lying dead in the street for all we know! So don’t just stand there looking as if you don’t care what happens to her and tell me that she is alright!” Arielle shouted.
Nicole flinched at Arielle’s harsh words, but then realized how she must feeling much worse than Nicole herself as she had only known her for two years. Knowing that if she talked, she might make Arielle feel worse, Nicole only walked over to her bed and sat down next to her. For a few minutes, they sat together on Arielle’s bed, crying, picturing in fright the terrible things that could have happened to their best friend.
Arielle’s voice came out hoarse from crying, “We should really be getting to class now. We’re already ten minutes late.”
Nicole nodded as she wiped away her tears and they both left the room with frightening thoughts still in their minds.
~~~~~~~
“Honestly, I feel fine!” James argued with Madame Pomfrey as she tried to force him back into his bed.
“You are not leaving! At least not on my watch!” she protested.
“Then look away,” Sirius muttered, rolling his frustrated blue-gray eyes.
“What was that, Mr. Black?” she questioned angrily.
“Nothing,” he said, afraid by the look in her eyes.
“Shouldn’t I at least see if I am okay? Then if I’m not, I’ll come back,” James said with no intention at all of coming back. After all, James knew that the sooner he was let out from the hospital wing, the sooner he would figure out what was happening.
“Fine,” she said reluctantly.
‘Finally!’ James cried in his mind, ‘Twenty minutes of convincing is definitely worth the freedom!’
Once the four Marauders were out of the hospital, James’s friends began explaining what had happened to him, although Madame Pomfrey had told them not to.
Sirius and Remus started explaining what they had done and how they had met up with Arielle and Nicole after Peter told him what had happened while everyone was at Hogsmede. Remus also filled him in about how they (James and Lily) had stayed in Hogsmede after everyone else had left.
“...so then Sirius and Remus came running toward Dumbledore’s office, just when I was making my way down to the kitchens. I decided to join them and, on our way, they told me what happened. As soon as we got into Dumbledore’s office, they explained to him what they had just explained to me. With a serious look on his face, he got up and told us to inform all of the teachers what had happened. Since you and Lily were both at Hogsmede, he told us that it was our job to tell the students that had stayed behind to remain in their dorms. The next thing I know, I see you being levitated in by Flitwick who was bringing you to the hospital wing. None of the teachers were talking about what happened which caused everyone to be even more terrified,” Peter finished.
James’s mind was reeling. After he had heard what happened to Lily, he had only taken in a few bits of information. All he could think about was what could have happened to her, where she was, and whether the whole thing was his fault or not.
‘Why didn’t they taken me instead? Where is she now? How come no one is doing anything about it? Why does everything have to be so confusing? I need to talk to Dumbledore!’
“Prongs? Mate, where are you going?” Sirius called after James as he saw that he was walking down the hallway.
‘You don’t have time for this!’ James’s mind shouted at him when he was about to turn around and answer Sirius, ‘Lily could be anywhere!’
James broke into a sprint as he turned all of the corners to where he knew he would find the quickest route to his dorm.
Once he reached the Fat Lady’s Portrait, he muttered the password as quickly as he could ( ‘Flibbertigibbet’), and ran up the stairs to his room.
He hurriedly threw open the door and roughly opened the trunk at the end of his bed. Finding what he needed, he pulled out his invisibility cloak and the Marauder’s Map. James knew that at various times, Dumbledore was not in his office when he needed him. Therefore, he wanted to check before he wasted his time in going to his office.
“I solemnly swear I am up to no good,” James murmured as he rolled open the seemingly blank piece of parchment.
Suddenly, long lines of ink and little black dots appeared on the parchment in James’s hand. His eyes instinctively wandered up to Dumbledore’s office, and he was greatly annoyed to see that he wasn’t there.
“Well, what now? There has to be something more I can do to help Lily!” James said aloud to himself, as he had been doing increasingly more lately.
James stood there a while thinking and staring at the map, when he realized who he could ask even though Dumbledore wasn’t there.
“Mischief managed,” he said, jumping up quickly, and stuffing the now blank parchment into his pocket.
~~~~~~~
James ran down the stairs, out of the common room, through the portrait hole, down several flights of stairs, across many classrooms, through many hallways, past numerous amounts of doors, and finally ended up in front of McGonagall’s office.
He began knocking on the door, trying not to be too noisy, and then advanced to banging on the door when no one arrived.
“Mr. Potter!” McGonagall said as she opened the door to a panting, flushed James.
“Professor, I need to talk to you about something important,” James explained, still slightly out of breath.
“Apparently,” she said, seeing the state he was in, “Come in, then.”
James entered the room that he had been in so many times before, for various different reasons, most commonly because he was in some type of trouble. The fireplace was crackling loudly as James took a seat on soft red and gold chair, much like the kind in Dumbledore’s office.
“Alright then, Potter, what is it that you came to talk to me about?” McGonagall inquired as she looked at James through the glasses that she were on the bridge of her nose.
“I need to talk to you about what happened at Hogsmede today,” James said, afraid that McGonagall would not want to discuss this. When he saw that she was not stopping him, he kept talking, “I want to know where Lily went. Everyone told me about what else happened but it seems as if no one knows where she is. Is she okay? Did something bad happen to her? Is anyone looking for her?” James said all of this very quickly, but McGonagall somehow managed to catch every word.
“Mr. Potter, I need you to calm down right now so that I can explain to you what happened,” McGonagall told him, although she didn’t sound as stern as she usually did.
As McGonagall started to explain, James realized that she knew no more than he himself did. He felt anger bubbling inside of him and he let his mind wander.
James shrank down into his seat in despair. As soon as McGonagall had finished explaining, he realized that he was never going to find Lily. None of the teachers or Dumbledore appeared to be looking for her and that was something he knew he could never achieve on his own. He was never going to be able to tell her that he never really stopped loving her...
~~~~~~~
“AHH!” James yelled in frustration as he crumpled what seemed like the hundredth piece of parchment and tossed it into the overflowing garbage bin. What he was trying to accomplish, he hadn’t told anyone and he wasn’t planning to. Although he realized there wasn’t much hope, he was trying as hard as possible to come up with possible locations of Lily’s whereabouts. He knew it was a bad idea and he knew that It seemed that as soon as he wrote down a location, though, that he would find it a ridiculous idea and would throw it away.
“Prongs, calm down. You don’t have to try and do everything by yourself. Dumbledore will find Lily,” Remus soothed.
“Dumbledore is not looking for Lily! He is not even trying to! And I don’t seem to see anyone else trying to help the situation,” James shouted.
“Prongs, mate. If you scream one more time, I think my ears might burst from the strain,” Sirius joked trying to lighten the mood.
James rolled his eyes and glared at Sirius, and then turned around and stormed out of the common room.
“I think you crossed the line there, Padfoot,” Remus said, sighing.
“Everything seems to make him mad lately. It’s as if I don’t even know my own best mate,” Sirius grumbled as he too got up angrily. With a quick wave of his wand and a few mutterings, he managed to get all of his books back in to his backpack and stomp up the stairs to his room at the same time.
~~~~~~~
‘One last time and then I’ll go to sleep,’ James told himself as he sleepily looked at the watch on his wrist.
So far, he had occupied the Room of Requirement for a total of five hours and had accomplished nothing to find out where Lily could have gone.
He took what he promised himself would be the final plunge into the penseive in front of him where he stored the memory of the eventful trip to Hogsmede, and hoped for the best.
..... “Evans, we heard Snape say something about the ‘Dark Lord’. If that isn’t bad, what exactly do you think it is?”
“They could have been talking about anyone, Potter!”
James looked at her as if she was insane and then let her continue walking, “Oh yeah, there are tons of people going around and calling themselves the “Dark Lord’. You are making perfect sense, Evans. How could I even think that what they are doing is wrong?”
“Okay, so what do you propose that we do?”
“Well, I was thinking that--”
Seemingly from out of nowhere, a loud shriek erupted. Without thinking about what she was doing, Lily grasped James’s hand.
“Potter,” she said her voice faint, “What was that?”
“I- I think the answer is right behind us, Evans,” James said as they both turned and faced the direction that they had just come from.
James saw his face turn fearful and noticed his grip on Lily’s hand tightened and saw himself pushing her behind him, hoping that would help keep Lily safe.
Sorrow filled his heart as he saw Lily acting brave and taking her wand out.
‘And now comes the part where Lily and I are going to send all of the students out of the area and a thick fog is going to prevent me from seeing where Lily goes. I wish there was something else that I could see that could help me see what is going on! There must be something that I’m missing!’ James thought to himself as he watched his memory repeat the part where Lily starts yelling out orders.
‘Wait a minute! What is that?’ James questioned to himself as he snapped out of his weariness to focus on what he had previously been missing. On his right he saw a tiny glimpse of someone wearing long black robes and had a long, hooked nose, right before the fog started rolling in. He pushed his way through the fog as best he could and tried to follow the figure instead of watching the rest of the scene.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t go too much farther due to the fact that the person in the robe wasn’t his main focus in the memory. What he did realize, however, was that instead of trying to track down one of the teachers to help him, he should interrogate Snape.
‘Now all I have to do is start questioning Snape and I’ll be one step closer to finding Lily!’ James thought excitedly, leaping out of his comfortable spot on the sofa to go to the Slytherin dorms.
James quietly started creeping down the hallways toward where he knew Snape’s common room would be. He knew that all of the teachers would be asleep by now and Flich’s rounds had ended twenty minutes ago, but he still felt as though he should be careful to not make noise.
After many twists and turns, he finally got to his destination. With a slight groan, he realized that he wouldn’t be able to open the door without the password .
‘Wait a minute; I’m the head of this school. I can change the password if I want to. But if I don’t have a good reason, McGonagall will make sure that I’ll get in trouble. Oh well, I’m sure I can think of something to tell her before she finds out tomorrow,’ James told himself as he thought of a suitable password. He couldn’t help but think that Snape had to know the answer to what happened. Seeing that the man in the portrait was asleep, he pulled his invisibility cloak off, knowing that he would get in trouble if he had seen him with it.
Not knowing how exactly to wake the man up, he cleared his throat loudly, hoping to get his attention. When he noticed that the man had woken up, he stepped forward.
“Er, I decided that I’m going to change the password,” James said awkwardly to the portrait in front of him.
“Only Slughorn and Dumbledore can change the password,” the portrait said, spitting the words out as if they would soil his tongue, “And just who exactly are you, anyway?”
“Well, for your information, I am the head boy,” he said standing up as tall as he could to try and make himself look more intimidating.
“What is your reason for changing the password?” the portrait asked not changing the tone of his voice at all.
“Too many people from other houses know the password,” James quickly lied.
The portrait gave him a questioning look but allowed him to change the password once he saw the head’s badge glistening on his robes.
James invented a new password and entered the large room. Through the dim lighting, he managed to make out parts of his surroundings. Just as the Gryffindor common room had a red and gold theme, the Slytherin common room had a silver and green theme. The common room, however, didn’t look nearly as comfortable as Gryffindor one and there were a lot less couches. His thoughts were soon interrupted by an unexpected voice.
“What took you so long Potter? I would have expected you to come a long time ago,” Snape said casually as he turned to face James, who was still standing in the doorway.
“How did you know I was coming?” he asked, astounded.
“I have my reasons,” he said changing the subject back and sneering at him, “But I expect the reason you came here was to find out where the mudblood is, didn’t you?”
“Don’t you dare call her a--- ,” James said angrily as he drew out his wand, but was cut off by Snape.
“Don’t bother Potter,” Snape said, as he too drew out his wand and pointed it toward him, “Believe it or not, I am trying to help you.”
“Help me?! You took Lily away and you nearly killed a lot of innocent people at Hogsmede! And, now, you’re threatening me with you wand. Oh yeah, you can’t get much more helpful than that can you, now?” James yelled, forgetting that he was trying to stay quiet. There was a long pause before either of them spoke again.
“Why did you take her?” James asked after a moment, “Why her and not me?”
“Oh you’ll find out very soon,” Snape said turning to him with an evil look on his face.
Then suddenly, without a moment’s notice, the world blacked out around James.
Always and Forever by jamesnlilyforever
Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: I haven't written this in a few chapters so I'll just say it again. It all belongs to J.K.!
I am incredibly sorry this took so long! I really didn't intend for that to happen! I just hope that you don't completely hate me for it! And because it took so long, I'm not going to waste your time with all the things/excuses that I could give you, and instead just let you read the chapter. I will try as hard as possible to not make the next chapter take too long. Hope you like it! Please R&R! =)
Oh, and there is more cliffhangerishness to this chapter so be prepared for that! *Evil grin*