Notes passed between Lily and James in Transfiguration:
James: So, Evans, did you have a good summer? How’s our fifth year turning out so far?
Lily: Potter, tell me what you want and then go away.
James: No.
James: Evans, the silence treatment doesn’t work on me, neither does the ignore-him-and-he’ll-go-away conundrum.
James: I just keep coming and coming.
James: See? Here I am again.
Lily: Potter, why won’t you leave me alone?
James: Why would I? This is so much fun.
Lily: Go away.
James: I’ve already told you that doesn’t work.
James: Do we have to go through this again?
James: Stop burning my notes after you’ve read them, it’s so childish.
James: Question 12 is ‘a pig’, Evans, not ‘a goat’.
James: You know I’m right.
Lily: Go away! Or tell me you want, so you can stop sending me stupid notes.
James: Well, what I really want at the moment is a hot pie, but I’ll settle for you letting me borrow some ink.
Lily: Can’t you use Sirius’s, he’s sitting right next to you.
James: Nah, Sirius pees in his ink to stop people borrowing it.
At that point, Sirius denied this loudly and set James’s hair on fire. The two received detention from Professor McGonagall.
Lily: You’re so stupid.
James: I wasn’t the one who set my hair on fire!
Lily: But you did provoke Sirius into doing it for you.
James: It’s not my fault if he can’t keep his patronisingly perfect nose out of other people’s note swapping.
Lily: Just leave me alone.
James: Nah.
The bell went, and Lily gladly left James to be beaten into submission by Sirius, who was curiously using a rubber duck to clout James, rather than his normal ‘heavy book method’.
Notes passed between Lily and her best friend Alice in History of magic:
Alice: So, you and Potter looked like you were passing notes for quite a bit in Transfiguration. That’s almost chummy for you two.
Lily: Potter is an arrogant prat and did you fail to notice that I burnt most of his notes after I read them?
Alice: But you also replied to some of them.
Lily: So?
Alice: So that’s chummy.
Lily: Me and Potter will NEVER be chummy. Now you and Longbottom on the other hand...
Alice: His name’s Frank, and so what if I like him? He does talk to me, at least.
Lily: He’s in seventh year. He’s older than you.
Alice: Who cares? Loads of girls have older boyfriends.
Lily: He’s not even your boyfriend.
Alice: Not yet.
Notes passed between the Marauders, also in History of magic:
Sirius: I’m bored. James. Remus. Somebody. Merlin, even Peter, I would be willing to talk to.
Peter: Ok! Do you like badgers?
Sirius: I take it back. I’m not willing to talk to Peter. James!
James: What?
Sirius: I’m so bored!
James: Then count sheep.
Sirius: What sheep? And that’s what you do when you want to get to sleep, stupid.
James: I want you to go to sleep because you talk without knowing it and it’s funny.
Sirius: I do NOT talk in my sleep.
Remus: Yes you do, and last night you were mumbling something about, “Power to the llamas,” and the night before that it was, “French cheese is eating my otter supply,” and the night before THAT it was, “Bungee jumping is overrated, weaving is more my thing,”.
Sirius: You’re just jealous.
Peter: Of what?
Sirius: Of my “Patronisingly perfect nose”, to use James’s words.
James: Ah ha! You were reading our notes!
Sirius: Of course I was, you diseased carrot.
Remus: Shut up, you idiots.
Peter: Can we do another prank soon?
James: What a positively delightful idea old chum!
Sirius: I have a plan too.
Remus: Does it involve raccoons like last time, because I told you, Filch would notice if they were hanging around his office.
Sirius: No, since you crushed THAT well thought out plan, I decided to develop a new one.
James: What is it?
Sirius: I need to fine tune it. Although, you can start to collect as much flour from the house elves as you can.
Peter: Flour? What for?
James: He means that he’s going to use flour in his prank, in some form. Personally, I’m beginning to doubt his judgement.
Remus: You think he’s insane?
James: In a nutshell, yes.
Sirius: I just need to test it, that’s all. Tonight is as good a time as any, I would think.
Notes passed between Lily and Alice, in Potions the next day:
Alice: Lily, are you ok after last night?
Lily: I don’t want to talk about it.
Alice: It wasn’t that bad!
Lily: I don’t want to talk about it!!
Notes passed between the Marauders on the same day, also in Potions:
James: I feel terrible.
Sirius: Are you still going on about that? We had to test my prank on someone.
James: Why her?
Peter: Come on, at least we know it worked.
James: She’s going to hate me forever.
Sirius: Why do you care? Ok, she looked a little worse for wear, and she may have mentioned that you were “ well you heard what she called you “ but that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.
James: That’s exactly what it means.
Remus: You have to admit Sirius, she wasn’t your best choice of guinea pigs.
Sirius: I entirely disagree. She was a wonderful guinea pig.
Remus: But she’ll never forgive James now.
James: Thank you, Remus, for that vote of confidence.
Peter: Well, when are we going to do it to our main target?
Sirius: Soon. Be patient.
James: What do you know about patience?
Sirius: I’ll have you know, that one time I waited two whole minutes for a chocolate frog card.
Remus: Have a medal, you deserve it!
Sirius: Really?
James: Of course not. And I am assuming that Snivellus is our main target?
Sirius: Naturally. If it works as well as it did on Evans, it will be an astronomical achievement.
Notes passed between Lily and James in Divination the same day:
Lily: You’re gonna die tonight, Potter!
James: Look, I swear, the thing with the flour was not my fault.
Lily: It took me five hours to get it out of my robes and I’m still finding bits in my hair! You die tonight!
James: Now, please, violence is never the answer.
Lily: Who mentioned violence?
James: Oh Merlin, you are one scary girl.
Lily: No, just smarter than you.
James: What does that mean?
James: Evans??
James: Evans, are you as much of a psycho as Sirius says??
James: Evans, I am truly sorry for what happened yesterday!!!
James: EVANS???
Notes passed between James and Alice thirty seconds later:
James: Alice, I know that I hardly ever talk to you, because frankly, you’re weird. But I think Evans has gone insane, and I need you to stop her from killing me.
Alice: Too bad.
James: Alice please, what’s she planning to do?
Alice: If I told you that, I’d have to kill you. And I don’t want to do that, because then tonight would be far less interesting.
James: Oh, sweet Merlin.
Notes passed between James and Remus, yet another thirty seconds later:
James: Remus, you have to help me. Evans is a crazy person and she’s going to kill me.
Remus: How do you know?
James: How do I know?? She told me, that’s how!
Remus: That’s not like her, she’s smarter than that.
James: No, it was very smart, because she knows that I would go mad not knowing what she’s going to do!!
Remus: You certainly have gone mad, yes.
James: You see? She’s a conniving evil genius mastermind!
Remus: Well, you did cover her in flour. That had been dyed green. And then sprayed her with water so it went all lumpy and disgusting.
James: That was Sirius!!
Remus: Yes, but you were with him, and Sirius bolted and you didn’t. So when she turned round, you were the first person she saw.
James: Sirius bolted? I thought he was right behind me! I’ll kill him!
Remus: Don’t bother.
James: What am I gonna do?
Remus: Hide?
James: Marauders never hide!
Remus: Then you’re pretty much doomed.
James: Merlin, help me.
Notes passed between Remus and Lily in Arithmancy:
Remus: Lily, what are you going to do to James?
Lily: I can’t tell you.
Remus: He’s worried sick.
Lily: Yes, I know, that’s the point.
Remus: You know, it really wasn’t his fault yesterday. Sirius was the one who threw that stuff over you.
Lily: In that case, I’ll have to get him too.
Remus: Oops.
Lily: Yes, quite.
Notes passed between Lily and Alice in History of Magic the next day:
Alice: Lily, you’re my new hero. Heroine, even.
Lily: Thank you.
Alice: I mean, the look on their faces was priceless!
Lily: It was.
Alice: I mean, first they were like, “You stole our idea! This is the same as our prank, except you already put water on it!”
Lily: Yes, I was there, I remember.
Alice: And then you go, “But you never thought to mix bubotuber pus in it too!” And they started screaming and running around for ages, until they even thought to use Scourgify.
Lily: You know the funniest part?
Alice: What?
Lily: I didn’t use bubotuber pus. I just put a small irritant in it so that it felt like something was happening. They went to Madam Pomfrey saying they’d had bubotuber pus all over them, and there was nothing there, the irritant had gone after a couple of minutes. And because of Scourgify they had no proof that anything had been put on in the first place! They got detention for wasting her time!
Alice: Lily! You’re a genius!
Lily: Thanks. I won’t be hearing much from Potter, for a week at least.
Alice: Good for you!
Notes passed between the Marauders, also in History of Magic:
James: That girl is evil.
Remus: Smart though.
Sirius: Shut up, traitor. How did she get that bubotuber pus to just disappear, without leaving any trace?
Peter: She must be some kind of she-devil.
James: Really? Oh Merlin, do you think Dumbledore knows that there’s a she-devil running around Hogwarts?
Sirius: We’re no longer safe! Women and children first! Wait, scrap that, boys of age fifteen first!
Peter: Now is the time to run! Hide!
At this point, Sirius, James and Peter got up and simultaneously jumped out of the window in fear. Professor Binns stopped talking, and everyone turned around to watch their figures running across the grounds. Remus sat there laughing at his friends’ stupidity. For the next week and a half, the three scared boys walked around with garlic round their necks and warded Lily off with crosses when they saw her. Eventually, Remus took pity on them and explained that that was for vampires, and Lily wasn’t a she-devil anyway.
Notes passed between Lily and Alice during Transfiguration the week after the Marauders went back to normal:
Lily: I don’t believe them! Those pigs!
Alice: I know. Using your idea of mixing bubotuber pus with the flour as well as water, just wasn’t fair.
Lily: So much for teaching them a lesson! Those warthogs!
Alice: It was pretty low, even for their standards.
Lily: And poor Snape must have been so humiliated! There is a reason why I didn’t actually USE bubotuber pus.
Alice: Because it would be funnier if you didn’t, and so they’d get detention?
Lily: Aside from that.
Alice: Um ...
Lily: Because it’s dangerous! And what was with that stuff last week where they were treating me like a vampire? That garlic stank the classrooms out!
Alice: I know. At least they’re over it now.
Lily: Of course they are, they have the attention span of a bored goldfish.
Notes passed between Lily and James in Charms:
James: Hi there. Did you like our prank on Snivellus?
Lily: You stole it you pig!
James: That’s crazy.
Lily: Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, you could never think up a decent prank yourselves.
James: Our next is going to be even better.
Lily: Do you know how much I really DON’T care?
James: It involves raccoons. Sirius’s idea, actually.
Lily: Merlin, help us all.
THE END
*~*~*
AN: Thank you for taking the time to read my fic. It was the first one I ever got accepted! I have plenty more now though, but this will always have a special place in my heart ... *Pats* Please review, I’d love to know whether it’s any good!