James, personally, was feeling very pleased with the way Lily had taken his confession and their relationship. But he felt as if he had to tread carefully around her, had to slowly ease his way in, otherwise Lily would push him away firmly and with finality. Still, James was making progress in disintegrating the many emotional walls and shields Lily had erected in order to keep everyone out. Slowly, steadily, he was breaking through.
Lily felt this penetration as well, but her reaction was opposite James’, She was beginning to dread every other night alone with him, playing Truth, but at the same time, was looking forward to them immensely. She was learning so many things about James that she had never known before, most of which greatly surprised her. Like his greatest fear (losing everyone he loves), his favorite place (his “tree house””he wouldn’t elaborate on this), and his most embarrassing memory (the first time Lily publicly humiliated him, in first year, in Professor Slughorn’s classroom.) Despite all of her cautiousness, Lily could feel herself being drawn in by him, opening up to his free and energetic personality. She felt exposed, and did not want either of them to become too attached, for reasons she already knew.
So, as Lily and James left the Gryffindor common room for rounds, Lily told herself that she would reveal as little as possible that night without lying to James.
“I heard one of the girls saying that some of the boys are meeting on the seventh floor tonight,” Lily told James. “Did you hear anything?”
“Yeah, something like that,” James replied. “I guess we’d better be on the lookout for unusual activity tonight.”
That was another thing that impressed and surprised Lily: James was taking his Head duties very responsibly. She had yet to see him abusing his position. When had this change in maturity taken place? Lily mused. She supposed that the death of one’s sister would do a good job of sobering one up.
“Yeah,” Lily said, retuning to the present. “Maybe we had better take a trip to the seventh floor.”
“Good idea,” James said eagerly. “Hey, whose turn is it to go?”
“Um, I think it’s yours,” Lily replied as they began to ascend the stairs to the seventh floor.
“Oh good!” said James. He fell silent for a moment, thinking up a good question for her. Lily watched him with apprehension. They had touched so closely to the subject that Lily feared discussing above all else, and she hoped that it would remain at distance. She had no desire to discuss it, but she also would not allow herself to lose in any way to James Potter.
“Why don’t you ever mention your sister when you talk about your family?” James asked, turning his head to look at her.
“Oh,” Lily said, a bit relieved. The dangerous outskirts of the forbidden topic. Well, my sister and I don’t have a very good relationship. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. I think she hates me.”
“You’re exaggerating,” James scoffed. “I’m sure she doesn’t really hate you, does she?”
“Yes, James, I believe she truly hates me and everything to do with magic.”
“But what-“
“My turn,” Lily cut in cheerfully before James could ask the question that would lead to more uncomfortable ones. “Why have you suddenly stopped cursing Severus?”
James glanced quickly at her before resuming the watching of his feet as they carried him slowly down the corridor.
Lily, catching his glance, said, “Remember the name of the game, James.”
He looked up again and said, “Would I lie to you?”
Lily thought not, but she didn’t reply. James spoke again.
“You’ve noticed that I stopped jinxing Sni”Snape, then?”
“Yes,” Lily said. “The change is very noticeable, James.”
James hesitated. “And-and how do you feel about that?”
Lily, surprised, said, “Erm…I guess I’m glad that you’ve finally stopped cursing him, and I’m a bit surprised that you’ve grown up. But why don’t you curse him anymore?”
“Because…you implied that you wouldn’t go out with me if I didn’t stop. So…I guess I’ve done it for you.”
He would never cease to amaze her.
“Wow…Erm, that’s incredibly sweet of you, James.” Lily didn’t know what else to say to this.
“It’s the truth. Are you cool with that?” James asked her.
He had changed so much, and not for the worse. Was that okay with her?
“Yes, I’m ‘cool with that’.” She said, smiling.
“You should smile more often, Lily,” James said, grinning himself. “It changes your whole face. Makes it softer.”
Lily looked up into his eyes once more. She held his gaze, and became aware of the intensity in his pools of hazel. Something in her told her that that passion was meant for her.
They were suddenly very close”inches apart. Lily’s warm breath tickled James’ face and neck, and he could see her slender neck slowly flushing from pink to red. His heart sped up. He was obviously affecting her, which meant that he was making headway. Maybe, just maybe, this meant…
Lily stepped away from him abruptly. What had she been thinking, letting herself get taken in like that? She knew the consequences of affection…
“We should go around the floor one more time before we go back to Gryffindor Tower,” Lily said, briskly setting off down the corridor.
James followed, puzzled by her behavior. One minute, she was being perfectly amiable and nearly kissing him, the next she was cold and running. James again fell in step with Lily’s quick pace, watching her all the while. He face was still noticeably flushed, but her features were determinedly expressionless.
They walked along in silence, down flights of stairs, past paintings and suits of armor, around corners, and past windows glaring with the light reflecting off the snow.
James was struggling with an internal battle of his own. Professor Slughorn announced at the Slug Club meeting yesterday that he would be hosting a Christmas party the night before the Christmas holidays were to begin. James knew immediately whom he’d ask, but now he was having second thoughts. It was strange; never before had he actually thought about the question before he asked it. Now he was agonizing over his wording, Lily’s reaction. He decided to just go with it. He had certainly proven his aptitude for winging it, James assured himself, and he could do it now. He took a deep breath and said to Lily, “I have my question to ask.”
Lily was partly through the portrait hole and James was behind her on the outside of the Tower. She stopped, one leg in the room, and looked back at him when he began speaking. James faltered when he saw Lily standing there. It still struck him powerfully like this, her beauty did. He didn’t know what it was about her, but he had been struck dumb in her presence on numerous occasions. Now was one of those times.
“James?” Lily questioned softly, acutely aware of his stare.
Her voice brought James back to reality. He had forgotten that he was in the middle of asking her out.
“Erm, Lily,” James began, clearing his throat. “My question is…do you want to go to Slughorn’s Christmas party with me?” He waited on bated breath, watching Lily. She appeared to like him, but at other times…Her face went through a series of emotions and his heart leapt. James could see it in her eyes. She liked him.
Lily so wanted to say yes to James. He was such a fun and energetic person, and she knew that she would have a great time at the party with him. But she just couldn’t. She’d be giving in. Nothing but misery was sure to come to them if they became involved with each other. She didn’t want either of them to suffer because of her. So Lily broke the only rule they had agreed upon while playing Truth.
“No, James, I don’t want to go with you,” Lily lied. She hated to do it, but she turned her back and ran up the stairs, once again leaving a stunned James behind her, a hurt and disappointed look upon his face, his wand hanging limply at his side.
A/N: Sorry about the long wait to anyone that wanted a fast update. And this chapter is so incredibly fluffy. But I didn’t want to take it out. So I apologize for the fluffiness.