“No, Severus!” she cried suddenly, catching sight of what he was doing. “It’s a counter clockwise stir!”
“What are you talking about, Evans?” he spat, halting his stirring. “The book states-”
“Yes, I realize what the book says! I’ve just experimented and-”
“This is no time to test your theories!” Severus hissed. They both knew perfectly well that if the other had tested another new method of potion brewing, it was most likely more effective than that of the textbook.
“Fine, then. Let me stir it and you can read me the instructions.”
Severus scoffed, but scooted over to take Lily’s place.
Lily sighed as she took up the stirrer. Severus was so difficult these days. It really was her fault, she reasoned. She and Severus had dated for nearly a year in their fifth through sixth years. It had all started when they had been partnered in Potions. Once they got past the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry and realized they shared a mutual hatred of James Potter, they began to fancy each other. Lily was fascinated”and still was”by the quiet, brilliant Slytherin. Severus, of course, wanted to keep their relationship underground. Although he greatly cared for and admired Lily, he didn’t want other members of their Houses to give either of them trouble. Lily protested at first, and they had a few minor rows, but she finally gave in. It wasn’t all that important, she had supposed. Then, among other life-altering things, James Potter happened.
Lily remembered one memorable afternoon in fifth year, right after their OWLs. She and Alice, still best friends at the time, had been basking in the warm summer sun on the rocks by the lake, elated that they had finished the very last of their exams. Lily had been distracted from her sunbathing, however, when James had decided to have some fun with Severus. Lily had briefly hesitated from interfering: she knew that Severus would be positively humiliated if she “rescued” him in his battle. She winced as Severus was suspended in midair by his ankle”one of his own inventions, created while they had been avoiding Transfiguration homework one night. Lily gave up not interfering when James coldly pointed his wand at an unarmed Severus. Pink bubbles were just starting to choke Severus when Lily raced over to the gathering crowd, wand in hand. She was a prefect, she had reassured herself, so she was expected to break up scuffles. However, she was not expecting to be highly insulted by her boyfriend.
“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!” Severus spat out, stunning Lily with the foul word as if he had slapped at her. She blinked, looking into his eyes to see if he had really meant his words. She could see a hint of fear in the deep pools of darkness. By defending him, Lily had nearly exposed their secret relationship. So she played along, brushing his false words aside.
“Fine, I won’t bother in the future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus,” she said coolly, taunting him by using the Marauder’s nickname that Severus hated. And with that, she strode away. She heard another spell and the glance over her shoulder confirmed that Severus had returned to hanging in midair. Later that night, when they had met in the Come-and-Go Room, their usual meeting place, they had had their biggest row ever. Second biggest, Lily corrected herself. The night they had their biggest was--
“Lily!” Severus nearly shouted at her, causing her to jump. Lily had the feeling that he had been trying to get her attention for some time.
“Oh, sorry!” Lily gasped, understanding his panic as she realized that their Veritaserum had turned nearly black and was emitting dark purple puffs of smoke. She worked quickly, Severus handing her the ingredients as she stirred and mixed.
“What else?” Lily asked, looking at him desperately. “Maybe if we add more dragon spleen?”
Severus was checking the book, looking for some of the helpful notes Lily had written in the margins. “Yes, add them, and quickly,” he confirmed.
Lily did, while alternately stirring clockwise and counter clockwise. She breathed a sigh of relief as the potion slowly lightened and turned clear as water. And just in time.
“Time is up!” Professor Slughorn called out.
Severus bottled some of his and Lily’s potion while Lily started tidying. The bell rang as he returned.
“That was close,” Lily commented as the two gathered their things.
“Hmm,” was all he said. He exited the dungeons as quickly as possible, leaving Lily behind.
Lily sighed again, watching him go. They had once been so happy together, able to laugh and talk for hours on end. That had all changed last winter.
They had just returned from Christmas holidays. Severus and Lily were meeting again in the Room of Requirement. Lily arrived first and occupied herself with wishing for random things to see if the Room would supply them. She was nervous and trying to distract herself from thinking about the task that lay ahead. She could do it, she could do it.
The door opened suddenly and Severus walked in and saw Lily. He hurried over to her, embraced her, and made to kiss her, but Lily smoothly deflected his mouth to her cheek.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately. Lily was always affectionate.
“Something happened over the holidays, Severus,” Lily began, getting straight to the point. She told him all that had transpired with Petunia. He just stared at her, his face nearly impassive, except for his slightly widened eyes. “And we cannot be together,” Lily finished. She was surprised at her lack of emotion. She had thought that she would have been bawling when she let Severus go. What he said next surprised her even more.
“Fine. If that’s what you want,” he said, his mask crumpling as he turned away.
“Severus,” she said helplessly, placing a hand on his arm. “Severus, I still care deeply for you, and I probably always will. You’re a wonderful person, you truly are. But don’t you understand how this break-up is better for the both of us?”
“Of course,” he said with a twisted smile, pulling his arm out of Lily’s grasp. “I suppose this prophecy is rather convenient for you, isn’t it?”
“What d’you-”
“Potter!” he spat disdainfully, as if just the name had left a pleasant taste in his mouth. “I imagine he also had something to do with this!”
Lily just stared at him.
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, always asking you to go out with him…And sometimes I get the impression that you feel the very same way!”
“Severus,” she said, finding her voice at last.
“Did you just accept my offer out of pity? Was it all a prank? You and Potter-you set me up, didn’t you?!” he was positively screaming now, his sallow face reddened, his eyes bulging. Lily had never seen him lose control like that. He was mad! She took a step backward, flinching at his words.
“Severus,” she said slowly and calmly.
He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. “I care about you, Lily. You were so convincing, I thought you cared for me as well.” His voice was dangerous and low now, controlled.
Severus turned to leave, and Lily’s anger unexpectedly flared. She made her trademark impatiently exasperated noise”that of a dying cat”and lost her temper. She whipped out her wand and hit Severus in the back with a Full-Body Bind. He tipped over backwards, Lily catching him with a charm before he hit the floor.
“Maybe now you might listen to me,” she said angrily, sitting down next to his body, still stuck in his stoop-shouldered walk. His eyes looked furiously up at her.
“I’m sorry, Severus,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I figured that this would be the best way to go before we both get too deeply involved. Don’t you understand?”
His eyes flickered.
“And about James-” Here she paused, unsure how to proceed. Her emotions were in such turmoil, she didn’t see how she could give Severus a straight, honest answer.
Severus interpreted her hesitance as a confirmation of his beliefs about Lily and James. His eyes shot daggers at her.
“Severus, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t say anything for certain,” Lily protested. “I’m not sure what I feel right now. I don’t exactly know your feelings, nor do I James’. I just don’t know! But I am sorry,” she added sorrowfully. “I’ll take the curse off you now.” She muttered the counter-curse.
Severus sat up quickly and simply glared. He rose and looked down his crooked nose at her.
“Well,” he said in his deadly voice as Lily rose as well. His eyes never left her face. “This is it, then. Enjoy the rest of your life.” He paused, waging an internal battle. “I will always love you,” he said suddenly, a rare opening of his heart to Lily. His voice was so quiet that had not Lily been closely watching his face she would have missed these words torn from the depths of his soul. Severus turned to leave, and Lily helplessly watched him go, unable to find any suitable words to say to him.
“Goodbye, Severus,” Lily said finally, long after he had departed from the Room.
Lily entered the Great Hall, still absorbed in the memory. Severus had avoided her like the plague since that day, though Lily sometimes found him staring intensely at her in Potions class. He looked away quickly every time, an expression of disgust replacing the strange look on his face. Lily tried to make the best of the occasions when they were forced to be together, such as Professor Slughorn’s class. Thank goodness James sat on the other side of the classroom; he would make things ten times worse than they already were.
Speaking of James, where was he anyway? Lily wondered, her eyes roaming over the Gryffindor table. He hadn’t been in Potions or any other of his morning classes…At that very moment, James, Sirius, and Peter entered the Great Hall. Each of them looked slightly worse for wear, but they smiled at the other Gryffindors as they sat down next to Lily at the table. Lily just looked at them inquisitively for a moment, then shook her head and diverted her eyes to her plate. As the boys began to talk loudly, helping themselves to large spoonfuls of shepherd’s pie, Lily’s eyes again rose unbidden to James’ face. No, it’s probably best if I don’t ask what happened, she thought wryly.