Lily Evans...Potter? by LilE
----------
JKR's people and places, not mine. A million thanks to my beta for this chapter, Marauder by Midnight.
---------
Soon I found myself on the Hogwarts Express, my friends and I enjoying our last hours together we went our separate ways. I always dreaded the no using magic rule. Sometimes it was just to tempting, but now I had something to look forward to. I would soon be turning seventeen and could use my wand when I wanted. Not that I planned on using all the time or to hex Petunia, but it did help with fixing my hair in the morning and not having to iron everything. I wondered if Mum would let me try my hand at cooking with it.
The train had arrived at King's Cross Station, and I'd just stepped through the barrier when I heard James call my name. I turned to face him with apprehension, not knowing what he'd ask me. It was rather unusual for the two of us to be alone together. Well, alone meaning none of his friends nor mine; after all we were surrounded by Muggles.
"Lily, I was wondering. Would consider writing letters during summer holidays?"
"And why should I, Potter?" I asked, still not sure about my feelings toward him before deciding that I really wasn't very close to him.
He looked rather hurt; we hadn't referred to each other by our sur-names since that night in the Common Room. He quickly regained his composure and replied, "I know it can get lonely during the summer holidays, and I hoped you wouldn't mind writing me every so often."
"'Lonely? Isn't Sirius spending the summer with you? I also believe too I heard Peter mentioning he was coming to stay with you for a little while," I responded indifferently.
"Well, yes, but maybe, if you wrote, we could get to know one another better, and you wouldn't hate me so much." He grinned down at me. It was that smile that got me - No one else could smile like that. It was something that made me love him and hate him at the same time. Love the way he looked at me, and then hate him for making me love it so much Life was too confusing.
"I'm already writing Remus, but I will consider your offer and get back to you." I said, trying not to sound as nervous as I felt. I didn’t want to make up my mind just then.
I left him standing there, he looked so dejected and forlorn. I hurried to where I saw my parents waiting for me. My sister, Petunia, was not there. I wasn't surprised. Ever since we found out I was a witch, Petunia and I hadn't really gotten along. She was probably off with that arrogant prat, Vernon. As soon as I arrived home and settled in, I pulled out my ink and parchment and started a letter to Remus.
Dear Remus,
I hope you don't mind me asking your advice on something. I'm sure you have already found out that James asked me to write to him, and I gave him no answer. Currently, I am torn as to what to do. Will he really write to me? Or does he simply consider me a prize to be won? I feel, in writing to you at least, I have found a friend and fellow writer. I hope you do not mind me confiding in you. You seem to be the only person I feel I can trust at the moment. Why not Alice or any some one else in my year? I suppose because you know James. They all know how much I have disliked him, and to suddenly turn and ask their thoughts, to me seems a little strange. I feel as though I have really gotten to know you well in a short time.
But, enough about that. How are you? I arrived home safe and well. Petunia is out with her Muggle boyfriend. Thankfully. Every time I send an owl, she gets all wigged out. She finds it very disturbing that we use owls. I can't wait to see her face when I can use magic outside of school! Thankfully, my birthday is not far off. Hopefully Mum and Dad will be okay with it. I'm sure they will.
I must finish here -- Mum needs my help. I hope to hear from you soon,
Yours,
Lily
I sealed the letter, attached it to the leg of my owl, and sent him off. As I watched him go, I hoped that it wouldn't be long before Remus responded.
I was not disappointed. A reply arrived two days later.
Dear Lily,
If you must know, James was quite upset when you told him we would be writing. He didn't seem to think it quite fair. He seems to think I’m in love with you, but I’m not. And I sincerely believe that you do not love me, or at least, not the sort of love that makes people get married. I love you as a dear friend, but not the way James loves you.
(Here, I paused, re-read that last line. Did James love me?)
Yes, James loves you. He has for as long as I can remember. And no, he is not standing over my shoulder telling me this. Though when your owl arrived here (I'm staying with him for a few days before returning home), he tried very hard to take it from me. I have since hidden it well and have only just had a free moment away from him. I feel I should tell you how James feels because I think once you get to know him, you'll like him a lot more. Do you really think I would be friends with him if he was as bad as you thought? I know your writing to him would make him very happy. I’m not asking you to love him; just like him, get to know him.
He was so depressed on the way to his home after you didn’t give him an answer, I felt like jinxing him just to make him stop moaning about it. He was quite convinced you hated him and that the next time you saw him, you would hex him within an inch of his life. I told him that if you still hated him, then why had you been talking with him so much more lately then you wouldn't have even talked to him? I also reminded him that for all the times you had threatened him, you had yet to put a spell on him. He remains unconvinced.
I shall only be at the Potter’s home for one more day. The full moon is near, and my mum and dad don't like me being away from them or from the school. They prefer me to transform some where familiar. And no matter what I say they don't believe that I'll be safe at the Potter's home. Another reason why I'll only be coming here once this summer. I do so look forward to hearing from you. James, Sirius, and Peter rarely ever remember to write. Though I do believe James would write you.
Yours,
Remus
I had known James liked me. I mean, when a guy asks you out almost every week and every Hogsmeade trip, it's pretty easy to figure it out. But to see it written on paper, "James loves you", is very different. My emotions were in quite a jumble. But after thinking about it, I decided I would write to James. Remus was right; I knew he couldn’t be the horrible person I always thought, especially the way Remus felt about him. Though I was still pretty sure he was a show off. But maybe that would change.
I also decided that I would not write to him again unless I had a letter back. I was not going to encourage him and make him think I felt more than I did. I pulled out my parchment and wrote a short acceptance note, along with a small bit of what I’d been doing since arriving home, and sent it off, knowing it would put a smile on his face, and surprised to find I was grinning happily as well.
And so began one of the happiest summers I had ever known. The letters from Remus came more often than James’s. Probably because he had a lot more free time and because he was quite the writer. Though I was surprised at how often James wrote. From what Remus said, I didn't expect letters above once a month. Instead I usually had one every two weeks or so.
I learned a lot about both boys. It seems Remus was having a hard time that summer. He was coming upon the realization that this was his last year at Hogwarts, a place where he could be with his friends and a place where he could be safe. It was no easy thing for werewolves to find jobs. He was at a loss for what to do.
So, I did my best to encourage him. Remus always said he didn't know what he'd have done if I didn't write to him. Sometimes, I wonder why we didn't fall in love. I suppose it was because we weren't looking for love but friendship from each other. Remus knew James loved me, and I had what I had thought were romantic attractions to Remus, seemed to be falling away. I'm not sure I ever thought I was in love with Remus, but knowing he had no feelings for me, helped my romantic notions of him (if any) to dissipate. I think we finally convinced James of this.
I learned all about 'The Marauders', as they called themselves as well. The icknames they had for themselves, pranks they'd pulled. And so, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs became a large part of my life, although it was mainly Moony and Prongs. I knew why Remus was called Moony, but I didn't understand where the other nicknames came from. Every time I asked, I never got a good response.
Fall began approaching, along with September, and I began to look forward to a trip to Diagon Alley. I thought about telling James when I would be there but decided against it. I still didn't know how I felt about him. Was it friendship or love?
-----------
Hmmmm. I think Lily is about to find out! Stay tuned for a wonderful afternoon in Diagon Alley.
Read and Reviw please!