Chapter 6 - She should get another detention for plagiarism!
Friday 5th December, 10:30, History of Magic
I have had the worst headache ever, all week. It’s the sort of headache that, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get rid of it. It’s as if I have landed on my head after a 60 foot drop, whilst being rammed in the noggin by a ten ton canon ball and having an opera singer from the Russian ballet scream a G flat in my ear. I don’t even like the Russian ballet!
The worrying thing is that this headache has had me blacking out every now and again; I wake up to find myself somewhere having not remembered how I got there. Soon I’ll find myself in the middle of the Sahara desert, standing on one leg in an attempt to give in my Transfiguration essay.
I might have to go to Madam Pomfrey if my head is continually going to pound like a mace-wielding knight.
So, anyway, I’m sitting here in History of Magic. The ancient ghost at the front of the class is droning on about some giant named Hengist of Upper Barnton, who was slain by some old giant slayer called Gifford Ollerton. Yeah - I have no clue either!
It’s quite interesting to watch James with his new girlfriend: Holly. Who, I might add, is quite disgusting to look at, only because she is annoyingly beautiful and you just get depressed.
She has long flowing red hair, cute little freckles and hazel coloured eyes. She isn’t all perfect red roses and strawberries, though. Oh no! She is constantly laughing “ and her laugh; my God, her laugh! Every time she breaks into a fit of hysterical cackling the windows threaten to crack. She laughs at a pitch that is bound to give everyone within a 13 mile radius a migraine.
I think everyone apart from James is covering their ears to block out the evil curse of the mindless titter. God, if only I could murder the girl from here “ how much fun would that be? Too bad it’s illegal.
Oh, finally - the bell! I need to take some tranquillisers for my pounding headache, which was only enhanced by that stupid girls’ laughing, surprisingly.
Monday 8th December, 1:30, Lunch
Ha ha! Holly just got detention! Oh me, oh my, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. The silly girl made such a fool out of herself in Defence Against The Dark Arts.
We were having a lesson with Professor Court on how to conjure a decent patronus, which I was failing miserably at. The only people who had managed to conjure anything were James Potter, the Child Prodigy, and Jennifer Eynan, who looked like she had done it before. From beside me, Sirius was almost getting there. So every now and again a stag, spider, monkey or half-formed dog would amble across the room “ shrouded in silvery steam.
About three quarters of the way through the lesson, Holly stumbled her way to the front of the class. I looked up from my pitiful hovering cloud to watch her stand tall in front of the class. Court had his back to her, he was helping Katerina with her patronus, and the rest of the classes’ eyes were screwed up in concentration. She soon had the classes’ attention, though, when she announced:
“This is for my lovely boyfriend, James. I love you baby!”
She then began to sing. That’s right: she sang!
“Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a King”
As she sang this, in a dreadfully off key voice, she began to unbutton her cloak. After removing it and swinging it above her head, she began to untie her shoelaces. As perverted as it sounds, I couldn’t keep my eyes off the charade; neither could the male members of the class, unsurprisingly.
“Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
Where they play the right music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...”
The class sat in stunned silence as the girl began to unbutton her skirt and blouse. She was making more of an arse out of herself than I do on an average Monday morning.
“You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen”
With these lines of the song she tore the hat off her head and began twiddling it elaborately between her hands before replacing it back on her head. The talent she possessed in extravagant hat twirling astounded me “ she should join a baton twirling squad. Suddenly she reached into her hat and whipped out a tambourine. She started banging it against her hip.
”You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave them burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...”
Her monotonous singing was almost hypnotising. I am a teaser! I do turn them on! And, oh, how I was in the mood for a dance! I should join that sexy young dancing queen with that lacy pink bra …
“You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen”
She pulled out the wooden chair from behind Professor Court’s desk and hopped it. She then began to dance as she sang, wiggling her hips as if there was no tomorrow “ underwear akimbo. Every pair of eyes were glued to Holly as her body swayed. She looked like she was having spasms; or summoning some kind of spirit, either one. I was about to mention this to Sirius, but by the way he was staring I figured his mind was most likely focused on other things.
She began the final chorus of the song, belting it out as if she were the next big thing.
“Dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen”
She had definitely outdone my shirt-exploding skit from last month.
“Dancing queen, Dancing queen,”
As she began to unhook her bra, Professor Courts finally decided to put his eyes back in his sockets and leapt to the front of the class.
“Miss Davidson, please put on your clothes immediately! I don’t know what on Earth you were thinking!”
Holly suddenly looked up from her bra-unhooking as if she was seeing the class for the first time, her eyes wide. She looked down again at her state of undress. Upon seeing her practically naked self, she squealed and fell off her chair and flat on her face.
As the class burst into laughter, James leapt out of his chair to Holly’s side and covered her in his cloak as she peeled herself from the floor.
“Miss Davidson, that’s two detentions: one for interrupting the class, and the other for indecent exposure!” Court said sternly as the laughter died down.
“Indecent exposure? Yeah, that seems to be becoming a regular occurrence in this class. Who’s next then? Evans, how about a rendition of Sexual Healing?” Sirius yelled as the class pealed off into hysterical laughter again.
Wednesday 11th December, 8:00pm, Common room
Court has set my detention with Eynan, James and Holly for next Tuesday “ great!
But who cares about that now? The school is in utter chaos; it’s brilliant! For the latest Marauder prank the boys really have outdone themselves. It’s really fantastic, if not a little disturbing.
The Marauders managed to get their hands on a special breed of rabbit called a Penetrabbit. This is a kind of rabbit that breeds within seconds. I mean, practically lightning quick: sex, conception, birth. I really do feel sorry for the females that are in labour every two minutes.
Apparently, Peter was able to get hold of ten of these Penetrabbits. They dumped them in the broom cupboard, in the Entrance Hall, at breakfast, and shut the door. When they unlocked it again thousand upon thousands of these rabbits came toppling out of the cupboard and ran rampage around the school.
I was eating dinner and felt a nudging at my feet. I looked under the table to find my school bag rustling and moving about. I unzipped the top and about six rabbits toppled out. I tell you, they didn’t half leave a mess over my Charms homework.
At the time I had no idea why the school, and my homework, and been infested with rabbits. Although, I could have probably guessed who was behind it all. I therefore decided to approach the Marauders (may they live forever).
“Sirius?” I enquired, as him and his friends were doubled over in laughter;s a second year boy turned back to his plate to find three rabbits where his shepherd’s pie had sat only moments before.
Sirius breathed hard, trying to control his laughter. “Can I help you, Bland?” He smirked up at me.
“Well, yes, actually. I just opened my school bag to find my Charms essay had been turned into a lavatory for about six rabbits.” I explained.
“They had to go somewhere, didn’t they?” He grinned, melting me like butter; damn those pearly whites.
“What the hell are these things?” I asked.
“Remus?” Sirius turned to the most mature and sensible of the four.
“The species that is currently running riot around the school is known as the Penetrabbit, or Hump-A-Lot-Bunny. The word “Penetrabbit” comes from the words “Penetration” and “Rabbit”. It is so called because the rabbits are pregnant for a mere matter of minutes before they go into labour with their offspring. They are therefore able to bear their young several times an hour. The Penetrabbit is also one of the few magical and non-magical species that engage in sexual intercourse for pleasure rather than just producing young. This therefore increases the amount of sex they have, and therefore the amount of offspring they produce.” He recited this as if from a textbook, without even looking up from his dinner.
“How on earth did you get hold of some rampant, sex obsessed bunnies?” I asked, even more confused than before.
“Easy, you can buy them in most wizarding sex shops! We can’t believe we didn’t think of it before!” Sirius mused.
“I’m sorry, what? You can buy them from most wizarding sex shops? Do I want to know why you know that?” His answer really freaked me out; what sort of kinky fetishes do wizards have?
“I saw them once whilst my mother was buying some orgasmagic. Her and my dad had run out,” Peter squeaked from behind his treacle tart.
I backed away slowly. I had no desire to know what “orgasmagic” is.
Friday 13th December, 9:30pm, Common room
Friday 13th is supposed to hold bad luck, right? OK, I’m not one to usually believe in Muggle superstitions but this was freaky!
Holly came and talked to me, which is strange in itself, but I really couldn’t control the things I said. It was like someone was speaking for me because I was just leaking sentences.
Weird, right?
I was sitting on the sofa in front of the fire, doing my Transfiguration essay, when suddenly a tiny voice from behind me squeaked. “Erm … Rosy?”
I turned around,saw the owner of the voice and instantly became rather worried. Why was she talking to me?
“Yes?”
“I was wondering if I could talk to you for a bit.” she said, moving around to the front of the sofa and placing herself down next to me. Had she actually wondered if she could talk to me or did she just decide she would, end of? I reckon it was the latter.
“Go ahead,” I replied, trying to sound uninterested as I turned back to my essay.
“Well, I was just wondering if you could help me with something, please.” I gave her a look to indicate she should continue, and that she did actually have permission to talk to me. “OK, well, I wondered if you knew anything about … about…”
“About what, Holly?” I demanded, getting impatient. It can’t be that hard to say, can it?
“Sorry, it’s just a little hard to say.” Oh, ok. “I wondered if you knew anything about … about…”
“Spit it out, woman.”
“…Lily and James” she cried.
“What?” I asked, shocked. Why on Earth?
“Well, it’s just everybody knows that James has been obsessed with that carrot ever since second year. And all of a sudden he has completely gotten over her, after four years of drooling at her feet. Why? Why?” Her voice had started to rise to a frequency that was ultrasound. Ouch. “I mean, why is he going out with me? Surely he can’t just get over her like that, can he?”
“Well, of course not. Anyone with half a brain could work out that he is only going out with you to make Lily jealous. You’re just a backup plan to make James look good. I seriously doubt he even likes you!”
“W-what?” Oops. “R-really?” Damn - me and my big mouth! Why did I say that?
“Yes, Holly, isn’t it obvious? James usually wouldn’t look at you twice. He just needed the first girl he could find, go out with her, and make Lily jealous.”
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
After that she ran off crying. I did feel bad, I do admit. But someone with half a brain cell knew what I said was true.
I didn’t have to be so harsh, though, did I?
Well, in my defence, I didn’t mean to say those things.
Tuesday 17th December, Dormitory, 11:30 pm
Blooming tulips, detention was so boring! I actually have never been so bored in my life. I’m surprised that I didn’t age about 50 years in there because it went so slow. It wouldn’t have surprised me if I had walked out of it with white hair that’s balding in places, sagging breasts and a dead husband.
We wrote lines, for God’s sake! Lines! Last time it was extracting a magical sodding monkey, now it’s lines? Who thinks up these detentions?
Probably some boring old man that has absolutely nothing better to do with his time other than think up detentions for “young miscreants”.
The only mildly interesting part was James trying to convince Holly that he wasn’t going out with her just to make Lily jealous.
“Holly, listen to me. It isn’t true. Why would you even think that?” James grovelled to the back of Holly’s head.
“Oh, it’s isn’t true, is it?” She said gruffly, turning to face him and crossing her arms. “So you’re saying that you were able to forget Lily Evans, after being in love with her for four years, is that it?”
“Y-yes.” James said timidly. He probably hadn’t realised that someone as stupid as Holly Davidson could see through his “fool-proof” plan.
“Don’t you lie to me, James Potter,” she screamed, slapping him on the side of the face. “Anyone with half a brain could work out that you’re only going out with me to make Lily jealous. I’m just a backup plan to make you look good,” she recited, exactly as I had done the previous Friday “ she forgot the part about how he didn’t even like her in the first place!
“I seriously doubt you even liked me in the first place.” Oh, ok. A pause for dramatic effect. It worked; after this finish, he looked like he had been slapped. Oh, wait, he had been!
She should get another detention for plagiarism!
Well, that was the only interesting bit. The whole time this argument occurred Jennifer Eynan stared on. She might get some kind of perverse pleasure out of watching people argue.
I wouldn’t put it past her; she is a Slytherin.
Wednesday 18th December, 8:30am, breakfast
Holy Crap! Holly’s been murdered!
Dedicated Watcher by angel_charlie
Chapter Notes: So sorry it has beed ages.Rozabela is BACCKKK!!!
Credits for Holly's song go to the amazing Abba.
Enjoy ... ... ... ...