Quills are deemed old-fashioned
They make too much mess
Parchment is judged: cruelty
To goats and sheep, no less
Oil lamps and candles
Don’t provide much light
Curses and hexes:
Are an unfair way to fight

Yes, this is Hogwarts
The Muggles have found out
Obliviate and Confundus
Will never dull their shout
They’ve printed it in newspapers
The press is going mad
“Wizards do exist, and
They’re not all that bad!”

The Ministry of Magic
Is having a bad day
Muggles just took over
And they docked their pay!
The Ministry’s in shambles
They don’t know what to do
They’ll be booted out of office
With a regulation shoe

The Muggle’s latest conquest
Lies at the root of magic
They overthrew Hogwarts!
This story’s turning tragic…
The students have been brainwashed
They’re learning Literature
The syllabus is magic-free
For their own good, I’m sure

Quills have been forgotten,
We’re using fountain pens
Paper outlived parchment
The goats are now our friends
Oil lamps and candles
Were thrown out into the night
Wands were confiscated
And they had every right!

Muggles have taken over
And isn’t it just great
We’ll never have to worry
That we’ll hex our best mate
Wizards thank Muggles,
For standing by our side
Without these new additions
Our society would have died.