Lily
“I cannot believe you!”
My own voice was yelling, echoing in horrible notes off the walls of the Gryffindor common room.
James just stood there, his short black hair sticking up all over the place, hazel eyes gazing at me imploringly through his glasses. I, Lily Evans, was not about to fall for this a second time.
“Listen, Lily-“He began, desperately reaching for my hand.
With all the strength I could sum up, I slapped it out of the way. His expression became pained.
“You told me you’d stop acting like such an idiot! I thought I could trust you!” I burst out, nearly in tears.
Why had he, for the hundredth time, started beating up Snape again? How many times had I told him to just lay off? I could no longer bear the sight of Severus lying spread-eagled on the ground, blood possible oozing from his greasy black hair where James and Sirius often hit him.
James gazes up at the ceiling exasperatedly.
“For God’s sake Lily, we were just messing around! Why do you always have to be such a goody-goody?”
“I’d rather be a goody-goody with a heart than cool without one.” I snap.
Instead of appearing hurt, James continues looking at me, and not in the rapturous way he used to. His eyes glitter menacingly behind his round glasses.
“It’s not like I need YOU anyway,” He says coolly.
“There are plenty of girls who like me for who I AM.”
Furiously I try to ignore how much that one hurt me.
“Well in case the fact hasn’t penetrated your thick skull, there are plenty of guys I’d rather go out with.” I reply, feigning indifference.
Suddenly he’s back to being sweet, innocent James.
“Lily I didn’t mean that!” He says desperately.
“Unfortunately for YOU, I did. I don’t need you James Potter, in fact, I probably only liked you because you liked me, and since you can get any girl you want, I guess you won’t mind.”
Before he can say anything, I sprint out of the room, not bothering to apologize to a group of 6th year girls I bump into. As soon as I’m safely in the dormitory, I throw myself on the red velvet covers and cry my heart out into my pillow.
~~~
The memory of that fateful night in 2nd year was running through my head as I watched crowds of witches and wizards walk by through the window of my compartment. Why I was thinking about James Potter, I didn’t know. The thought of him still made me sick to my stomach, as if snakes were crawling around inside me. Part of me thought it was stupid that I still hated him for acting like such a child. He WAS a child. Only 12 years old! What on Earth had I even been thinking?
Another part of me however, carries the memory of him declaring he didn’t need me. Against my will it scarred me and frequently made my heart ache at random moments even after 4 years.
At the age of 16, I wanted to forget about him, I didn’t even want to hate him. I wanted to forget about him and hurt him as much as he wounded me by not realizing his existence.
I was thrown from my thoughts by the compartment door sliding open and revealing a tall black-haired boy.
His messy hair fell into his eyes causing him to look mysterious.
Mysteriously hot.
Through the hair he wore round glasses and behind those were a pair of beautiful hazel eyes that shone like marbles.
Catching myself, I took a second look and realized the boy I was drooling over was the one I had sworn would no longer be a part of my life.
“Hey Lily,” He greeted me, his every word flowing musically together as if played by a violin. As he said this he smiled. It was enchanting, his soft lips spreading into an angelic grin across his handsome face.
Wait, why was I thinking this? Why was I thinking ABOUT this? It was as if I had some magnetic attachment to him, something that made it impossible to remove him from my thoughts. Like an addiction.
Addiction? James Potter? Those two should not be in the same thought.
Whatever thing was hopelessly drawing me to him like that, I decided it was hatred.
“What is it?” I snapped, crossing my arms and flicking my long red hair over my shoulder in a desperate attempt to look as if he could die and I’d still care more about the fact that my robes looked awful on me.
“Aw, don’t be like that Evans; I was just wondering if I could sit with you.” He bats his long eyelashes at me.
“Please?”
I roll my eyes at the compartment ceiling and force my eyes off him. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
“As long as Sae will still have room, I guess.” I reply.
Sae is my closest friend but she’s 2 years younger than me so I don’t have her in any of my classes. A lot of people find it strange that I’m so close to her with a 2 year age gap, at least the girls do. Any guy who has always wanted a little angel for a girlfriend should date Sae. Her long strawberry blond hair curls into ringlets at the ends, her eyes are deep and shiny. At first glance they’re grey, but if you get a good look at her, you can detect silver. In case you couldn’t tell, I envy her. She could have her pick of the sweetest guys that inhabit Hogwarts.
I could have James.
I just don’t want him.
The boy in question breaks into a grin at being able to accompany me on the train. It was like watching a little kid open a Christmas present they’d been dying to get, his eyes lit up with joy and he slid beside me, close enough for me to feel the warmth of heat from his body.
“Just because I’m letting you sit with me doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want.” I remark, looking up at him with annoyance.
“If I did whatever I wanted princess, I’d be kicked out of school, let alone this compartment.”
How does he do that? How does he just let my insults and annoyed comments brush off him as easily as water over glass? Oh and why oh why do I find everything he says so amusing?
“Don’t call me princess.” Is all I say, which barely echoes my actual thoughts.
Smiling softly at me for an instant, he looks up to see Sirius, Remus, Peter and Sae walk in.
“Hey Prongs!” Sirius says cheerfully, sliding into the seat beside James.
“Hey.” James says, grinning and apparently thinking I wasn’t paying attention, darts his eyes over at me so Sirius can’t miss the fact that I’m being forced to sit beside this stupid, arrogant git.
Remus drops into a seat across from me and brushes his light brown hair from his eyes in exhaustion.
“Peter and I almost missed the train. Sirius thought it would be funny to bewitch our trunks to zoom into a 7th year girl’s compartment.”
“That was kind of him.” I say, much more comfortable to be talking to Remus than watching James stare at me every 6 seconds.
He laughs and moves over so Peter can sit by him.
Peter seems extremely distracted; his eyes flicker over to James and Sirius as often as James’ do to me.
Finally Sae walks in, her long hair sweeping over her tiny shoulders. She smiles at me and steps up to Sirius.
“Would you mind moving over? I wanted to talk to Lily.” She asks without the trace of embarrassment or shyness most girls show around Sirius.
“Fine with me.” Sirius answers, moving closer to the edge of the seat.
James slides over as well, then without thinking so do I.
If only I’d realized letting Sae sit next to James would be the perfect escape! Being so close to him made me uncomfortable. It was too late now though, if I moved back James might feel hurt.
As Sae sits down next to me I begin to wonder:
Why do I care?