Chapter 13: Fighting To Lose
The fight was almost over. It hadn’t taken long for the Order to apparate over and help them.
Sirius looked around for Lola as he stunned a Death Eater. He just wanted to check she was all right, before continuing to battle. At first, he didn’t see her, and his heart lurched. Then he saw a flash of red hair, and remembered that she had dyed it, to fool them into thinking she was Lily for a moment. It was enough to content him, and he rounded on the Death Eater he heard sneaking up behind him.
The Order were winning, as there were far more than Voldemort had anticipated “ he thought it would be a quick, clean, ambush. Knowing he couldn’t win this one, he stopped, and hissed, “This is the second time those Potters have defied me ... But next time, it will be their last. And you two,” he pointed to Sirius and Lola, “have just been added to the list.”
With that final threat, he disappeared. With their master gone, the Death Eaters followed. Sirius looked around to see Lola. Her eyes were shocked, and afraid. He walked over to her, and looked straight into her eyes, gripping her shoulders. “We’ll be fine. I’m just offended that it took him this long add us to his list of most wanted.”
She looked at him, and her eyes looked so deep, Sirius thought for a moment that he would fall in. She nodded. “You’re right. You’ll be fine, Sirius.” She disapparated out of his grasp.
Sirius paced up and down the shop. Jack and Peter were waiting around for customers, chatting amiably. He knew that Penny was in the back, designing a new poster to put in the window, advertising the new Silver Arrow that they had recently added to their stock.
He couldn’t concentrate on anything, so took to prowling up and down.
“Dude,” Jack said, looking over at him, and flicking his hair without realising it. “Are you okay?”
Sirius ignored him. What had she meant? You’ll be fine, Sirius. But he had told her they both would. Did that mean she wouldn’t be fine?
“Seriously dude,” Jack tried again, “Any customers who come in are going to be scared off with you prowling like that.”
As if to prove a point, a woman came in. She began to ask Sirius a question, but he growled at her. She looked scared, and backed out of the shop.
“Okay. I think you have a problem here. Is this about that fight last month that you’ve been itchy from ever since?”
“No, Jack, I just can’t decide what to have for my lunch,” he said, sarcastically.
“Well, I always say that a cheese and pickle sandwich hits the spot perfectly,” Peter piped up.
“Wormtail, once again, your mouth is open, words are coming out, but I really don’t think anyone’s inside that head of yours.”
Peter looked offended. Jack took charge. “Look, man, would you like to go and chill out at home or something? Things are pretty quiet, I’m sure we can handle it.”
“I dunno,” Sirius hissed, angrily. “Would you like to shut up and leave me alone, or would you rather be fired?”
Jack shrugged, and turned around. Sirius immediately felt bad. It wasn’t their fault that he was in a foul mood, and he had no right to take it out on them.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I know you didn’t mean to ... It’s my fault that ... Are you sure you wouldn’t mind ...?”
“Just go.” Jack told him, a touch of coldness in his voice. It wouldn’t last long though, he had a very forgiving nature.
“Thanks.”
That night, Lola came home from St Mungo’s, where she was still in the final stages of her training. Sirius was sitting in the Living Room, staring at his hands. She said nothing as she came in, and he listened as she got changed out of her uniform, and into more casual clothes. She came back in and sat next to him.
“Sirius.” He looked up at her. “Can I ask you something?”
He nodded.
“What would you do, if ... if I died?”
“You’re not going to die,” he told her.
“But ... but if ...” she tried, desperately.
“It doesn’t matter, because it won’t happen.”
“I’m just saying, if You-Know-Who “”
“Who?”
“You know who I mean,” she said, helplessly.
“Oh, you mean Voldemort?”
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you say it, Lola? What are you afraid of?”
“I ... Sirius, please, can’t you just answer me? What would you do if “”
“If what, Lola? If what?”
“IF VOLDEMORT KILLED ME!?” she screamed. Tears filled her eyes. He looked into them, sadly.
“I’d die too. Maybe I’d still be breathing, my heart might still beat, but I wouldn’t be alive. Not without you. And that’s why you’re not going to die “ not ever. I won’t let you.”
She looked at him, her face white with fear. “So many people are going to die, Sirius. So many people will die. So many ... friends.”
A face appeared in the fire. It was Dumbledore’s. “Sirius, Lola. Emergency meeting at Head Quarters.”
“We’ll be right with you,” Lola told him, and he disappeared. She looked back at Sirius, and whispered, “Being a seer is a curse, Sirius. But I can’t ignore it. And neither can you. You can’t ... You can’t change the future.” She disapparated.
“I can always try,” Sirius breathed, before following her.
The whole Order was sat around, looking up at Dumbledore. Waiting for him to speak.
“I have some grave news, and some potentially helpful news,” he began. The word ‘grave’ stuck in Sirius’s mind like poison. “The Prewitt family have been murdered. The only survivor is Molly Weasly, formally Prewitt. She already has a large, and growing family of her own, but the loss is still great for her.
“They were an honourable family. We may have a way to avenge their deaths. A Death Eater today, came to me. He insisted that he was reformed. Once he had proved that he had seen the error of his ways, I gave him one last task. If he could provide me with suitable evidence as to the whereabouts of one of Voldemort’s hide outs, I would be convinced. He gave me two locations, saying that Voldemort and several of his closest followers would be at either, but he wasn’t sure which, exactly. If we split up, and go to both at the same time, then the ones who find him can alert the other half, and we will more or less give an element of surprise. Are there any objections?”
“How do we know it’s not a trap?” asked James, loudly. There were murmurs of agreement.
“I’m afraid, you will have to trust me,” Dumbledore said, sincerely.
“Once you’re a Death Eater, it stays that way,” Frank Longbottom stated, accusingly. He was an Auror, an idol for James, who was nearing the end of his training. “What is it that convinced you that he’s reformed?”
“I am afraid, that that is between me and him.” A lot of people seemed unhappy with this answer, and some angry buzzing began.
“Who was it?” asked Sirius, loudly. “We’re all wondering. That’s the only thing that any of us want to know. Everyone’s just too afraid of the answer.” People were looking at him, but he stared straight into his former headmaster’s eyes.
“It was Severus Snape,” Dumbledore said, in a resigned fashion. He knew the reaction this would cause, and he was right. James and Sirius stood. Remus and Peter looked shocked and angry. A lot of people looked at Dumbledore like they thought he was a madman.
“Who?”
“You heard me, Sirius.” Suddenly, everyone was talking all at once, in loud, angry voices. They were all arguing with each other, louder and louder. Some were with Dumbledore, saying that a lead is a lead, and they should at least try. Some were with Sirius and James; Snape was evil, and everything he said was a lie. Some were undecided. Lola had not said a word. Lily, who also was merely watching everybody else fight, noticed her friend.
“Lola? Are you okay?” she asked. “Do you see something?”
“Too much, Lily. Too much.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I’m going to die, Lily. I’m going to die, and Sirius will be alone. You have James. Tara has Remus. He’ll have no one.”
Lily’s eyes were filled with her own tears, but she tried to stay strong for her friend. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“There’s no way of stopping it?”
“No.”
“I love you, Lola. You’re my best friend. I ...” She gulped, placed a hand on her forehead, and shut her eyes. “I’ll miss you.”
“You won’t be alone, Lily. Right up until the end, you’ll never be alone. But Sirius, he has so much ahead of him. So much pain ...”
“Can you see it all?”
“No. Not details. I just ... I just know that he’ll have a lot of loneliness in his life. And I won’t be able to help him through it.”
“You will. Lola, have you told him? Have you told him just how much you love him?”
She shook her head.
“Then tell him. Right now.” She glanced at Sirius, who was having a heated discussion with Dumbledore. She grimaced slightly, “Or, at least, as soon as you can. I need you to tell him. He needs to know. Otherwise, all that loneliness, it will be worse for him.”
“Lily, I’m scared. I should have so much more to do in my life. Children. Grandchildren. I’ve worked to be a Healer, but I’m never going to be able to do that now, it was for nothing. I don’t want to die.”
“Lola, listen to me. Not one thing you have ever done in your life has been for nothing. Not one. Okay? Do you hear me? Maybe you have had a short life, but it’s been a good one. You have so many people who love you. Things will never be the same.”
They hugged, tears running into each others hair. Lola stood. “Listen to me,” she said, barely raising her voice. Miraculously, everyone stopped, and turned to look at her. “We’re doing it. Me and Sirius will lead one half. Lily and James will lead the other. I want all the Aurors to split equally. The same with anyone who feels they may be weaker, it’s time for some brutal honesty. If the first team doesn’t find Voldemort at their location, apparate immediately to the other. And vice-versa. Do you all understand? Yes? Then get into your groups. Dumbledore, where are the two places?”
The fight was in full swing. Lola and Sirius had been the ones to find Voldemort and his followers, but it hadn’t taken long for the other half to join them.
Sirius had never battled so hard in his life. Spells were flying everywhere, there was so much confusion. No thoughts were going through his mind. Once he had won one duel, he moved onto another with no hesitation. He couldn’t even keep an eye on Lola. So much was happening all at once, and all he could do was keep going. On and on and on and “
“Avada Kedavra!” he heard someone screech. He ducked, and heard someone behind him fall. He didn’t want to know what side the person had been on, but something made him turn anyway.
It was Jack. He almost fell over in shock. So young ... so innocent. Such a good person, gone. He almost had a heart attack, when one eye opened. “She missed,” he mouthed. Sirius smiled, and turned around, pretending to be grief stricken.
“Oh, did you know him? I’m so sorry, baby cousin,” sneered the Death Eater. Bellatrix.
“Come on, you can do better than that ...” he began, and behind him, he felt Jack leap up. “Since you missed,” Sirius finished. Jack began to fight with another Death Eater, and went out of sight.
Bellatrix shrugged. “No matter. And yes, I do believe I can do better,” she said, coolly. She grabbed someone by the arm, and pulled them roughly over to her. “Your girlfriend, perhaps?”
“Lola,” he breathed.
“I love you, Sirius! I love you! I love you, I love you, I “”
“Avada Kedavra,” Bellatrix hissed. She dropped Lola’s body, and smiled. “That emotional babbling was getting rather annoying, really.”
Sirius lunged. He forgot about his wand and used his fists instead. Eventually, someone grabbed him, and disapparated, taking him with them. They arrived at the Potter’s. Sirius whirled around to see who had taken him away from the battle. It was Lily.
“You’re not a murderer, Sirius. Keep it that way.”
“She’s gone?” he rasped, hoarsely.
“She’s gone.”
“I loved her.”
“And she loved you.”
“She’s really gone?”
Instead of answering, Lily pulled him into a hug. They sank to the floor, sobbing onto each others shoulders.
Sirius was staying with Lily and James. It was a month after Lola’s death, and Sirius still hadn’t accepted it. He was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, but not taking anything in, when he heard someone enter.
“Sirius? I need to talk to you.” It was James. “Me and Lily, we just ... made a discovery.”
“Oh yeah?” There was no enthusiasm in his voice whatsoever.
“Yes. We ... Look, I know this will hurt you, but we want you to be the first to know.”
Sirius sat up. He looked into his friend’s eyes. “Tell me.”
“Lily’s pregnant.”
Time, time on your mind
A conscience ticking
Images passing by like picture slides arranged
Love will survive
It twists and turns you
A circuit inside your head reminds you that it's fine
I miss you more than words can say
A part of me has torn away
A china heart will always break
A fracture to a twisted face
But things are gonna heal again
Eyes once blind will see again
I miss you more than words can say
I miss you more than words ...
Quick fade
Try, learning to fly
Reach new sky
Find a new place to be and watch life pass you by
Try to get high
Jumped so you could feel it
You're living inside a dream
As waterfalls surround
I miss you more than words can say
A part of me has torn away
A china heart will always break
A fracture to a twisted face
But things are gonna heal again
Eyes once blind will see again
I miss you more than words can say
I miss you more than words ...
Quick fade
- Feeder, “Quick Fade”
AN: That song is beautiful, anyone who has heard it will agree. I was listening to it on my iPod, and it just made me think of this chapter, so I decided to put it on the end. It almost makes me cry when I hear it now! I recommend Feeder (especially that song) to anybody. But anyway ...
In case you were confused, Lily’s pregnancy would be hard for Sirius because it would make him think about all the kids (and other things besides), that he would now never have with Lola. Just to clear that up. And I’m sorry, so sorry, but I had to do it. It was horrible, but necessary. Please don’t hate me too much. And I’m sorry for all the angst stuff. I don’t mean to be so depressing, really. Oh, and I know it seems so unlikely that Lily and Lola would talk about her dying like that, but Lola had known for about a month, and Lily was trying to be strong for her friend. And when she and Sirius hugged it was to platonically share their grief. There is no S/L in this fic.
Woo, that was a long AN ... Please review.