Chapter 19: Paradise is Overrated
It was a remarkably pretty island, really. The sea was a turquoise blue, unlike anything Sirius had ever seen before this latest stage of his life. The sand was a golden yellow. Large exotic birds occasionally flew out of the jungle behind. Food was aplenty. Sirius had built himself a wooden hut, which was quite impressive. Well, it would have been if he hadn’t had a wand. Which, incidentally, he had taken from Snape in the Shrieking Shack, while he had been unconscious. Good times.
A bird swooped overhead. He recognised it as the one he had sent a letter to Remus with, asking for updates on everything that had happened during his time in Azkaban. He was particularly hoping for details on their friends that had survived Voldemort’s tirade.
Sirius“
I know what you’re hinting at. And don’t think I don’t. You want to know about Tara. I could tell “ Even now, I can still tell what you really want, just like I could with James and Peter (I am speaking, of course, about the Peter we knew and loved. Still no word on the thing that he became, I’m afraid, but don’t think we have given up). In order to tell you about what happened with Tara, I must tell you what else happened once you had been arrested.
We were both, of course, distraught. I had lost my closest friends in one night, and Tara had lost her remaining friend. You have heard of the five stages of grief? First we were shocked. We sat there for a whole night, while all around us celebrated at Voldemort’s demise. We could not do anything. Then came the denial. We convinced ourselves they had survived, and began searching Godric’s Hollow, looking for some kind of clue. We then became angry, swearing to go out there, find the remaining Death Eaters “ including you, I’m afraid “ and kill them all. And then there was depression. We stopped talking to each other, we stopped living our lives. It took us weeks. Finally, there came to acceptance. And she left. I woke up one morning, and she had gone. I thought to work “ for we had taken our respective jobs back up again by that point “ but as I wandered around our flat, getting ready for my own day, I came to realise that she never woke up before me, let alone left. And then I found the note on the table. Something along the lines of “I can’t take it anymore, I’m going away to start again”. I had to go through the five stages again without her.
Since then, I’ve tried to find her, even if it was just to be friends, but she seemed to really want to stay hidden. I’ve just accepted it, hoped she’s happy, and moved on. What else could I do?
I’m sure you’re wondering about Penny and Jack as well. We kept in touch after that night, but eventually Penny met someone, and they married, and moved away. I occasionally get a letter from her. She’s always happy enough sounding, she has twins now “ a boy and a girl “ who seem to enjoy getting into mischief. Jack stayed on at the Quidditch shop, and I think he even cut his hair, once he met a nice girl, and settled down too. Eventually he sold up, and got a job somewhere else, for a whole new start. He seems to be happy now too, and still likes to have inappropriate fun every now and then, I gather. Last I heard, he too had a family on the way. Neither of them ever forgot you, even if they did think you were a murderer “ I’ve been to see them both recently, however, and explained what happened. I’m sure once your name is cleared, they would love to see you again.
Around a year ago, because of my, erm, “Furry Little Problem”, and a certain Ministry woman with striking resemblance to a toad, it began to get increasingly difficult for me to get a job anywhere. As I got poorer and poorer, I went to Dumbledore in sheer desperation, and he offered me a job straight away. But that didn’t work out, and I suppose I must forgive Severus for what he did, and just try to earn what I can. I can help Dumbledore more easily now, at least, as I don’t have classes to worry about. There’s plenty I can do, if I stay positive, so do not worry about my welfare. It is yours that should be worried about. I gather from your choice of bird that you are somewhere tropical “ and by the way, you may want to think a little more about discretion “ and hope that you are having fun somewhere with sea and sand. Just remember to stay isolated, Sirius. For Harry’s sake.
Speaking of Harry, you may be interested to know that Dumbledore has informed me that the Triwizard Tournament has been reinstated. Let us hope that he is sure what he is doing. Still, it will be good for Harry to have some entertainment, and hopefully a few less ... adventures.
I hope we will meet again when things are considerably calmer, and you, my friend, have finally been recognised as innocent.
Your friend,
Remus
The next thing that happened of note, was the receiving of a letter from Harry, a little after his fourteenth birthday. A letter from Hedwig, that was clearly trying to be casual, but also said that his scar had been hurting. Disturbing rumours had begun to reach Sirius through the various people he was in contact with, and this was one final straw. He would have to go back. Harry needed him, even if he didn’t know it. Not only that, but he himself felt a need to be on hand if anything got out of control. And he had an increasing sense of foreboding, that such a thing was likely to happen. All the signs were pointing that way. He needed to get back to Harry. He needed to get back.
The first thing he did was write a letter to Dumbledore, telling him of his plans, and warning him not to try and stop him returning. He explained about Harry’s letter, assuming that Dumbledore was unaware. He then left his hut to find Buckbeak outside, eating a small creature he had evidently hunted.
“Harry says hello,” Sirius told him, before giving him a quick check to make sure he was able to fly. Sirius had no possessions except his “ or rather, Snape’s “ wand, and the letters he had received. He kept all of these on his person, so he was able to mount Buckbeak, take one last look at his breathtaking surroundings, and kick off into the sky.
The journey was a long one. He had been on a tiny island half way across the world, but when he was on his way there, he had been able to stop every now and then for a break, usually for about a day or so. But now if he was in one place for more than about three hours, he became agitated, and had to get moving again. This caused him to be often tired, often hungry, and nearly always uncomfortable. His need to be near to the people he knew and loved was overwhelming. At one time, after about a week and a half of travelling, when he was resting on the side of a mountain in a country that was neither too hot, nor too cold, an owl came swooping down on him. He blinked, and took the letter it presented him. He immediately recognised the handwriting.
Dear Sirius,
Thank you for alerting me to Harry’s complaint of his scar hurting him. It is yet another worrying element in what is becoming an increasing amount of warnings and signs, all pointing to something coming, as I am sure you yourself have deciphered. I feel obliged to tell you of another.
I am unsure whether you were aware, but the Quidditch Cup final took place some days ago “ as I am sure you are wondering, Ireland won against Bulgaria “ and after most of the merriment had died down, a group of people dressed in masks (Death Eaters, we believe) took to causing mass destruction around the campsite where many spectators were staying the night after. They were victimising the Muggles who owned the campsite, in a display of unfeeling brutality. As I am sure you can imagine, there was chaos. Nobody knew what was happening, or how to handle it. And then, the Dark Mark appeared above a clearing in the forest. Harry was found at the scene, and the guilty wand happened to be his, which had been stolen some hours previously. Of course, no one thinks Harry caused the Dark Mark, no one at all. But we do not know who did, and I thought you should just be aware of what happened.
There is a cave, on the side of the mountain which overlooks Hogsmeade. There is a map of where exactly it is on the back of this letter. I would advise you to live there when you return “ it is close to Hogwarts, but not close enough so that you might be easily spotted.
Yours sincerely,
Albus Dumbledore
PS: I would tell Harry that you are flying home, Sirius. He would want to know, you cannot suddenly appear. He needs to have the chance to try and stop you, even though it will not work.
Sirius read through the letter again, to be sure he didn’t miss anything, and wrote a reply to Harry, quickly telling him what he was doing, and to go straight to Dumbledore if his scar hurt straight away. He sent it with Hedwig, who had been following him on his journey home, clearly waiting for him to do what he had just done. She flapped her wings, and set off into the horizon. Watching her go gave Sirius the urge to get going again himself. He stood, and mounted Buckbeak, storing Dumbledore’s letter “ and map to the cave “ inside his robes. He set off in the direction Hedwig had gone in.
It took another two weeks to reach Hogwarts, and when he finally arrived, Hogwarts had already began. The cave was far from luxury, but it was dry, and there were plenty of resources for a fire for when the weather got colder. He was often able to steal newspapers from Hogsmeade, and was also fed often by an old lady on the outskirts of the town, who had taken a shine to animals in her old age. If he could not do that, he ate rats. It wasn’t ideal, but he was alive.
Not long after arriving, he got another letter from Harry, saying that he shouldn’t come back, that he had imagined his scar hurting, and that everything was fine. Sirius smiled at how much he was reminded of James. He had never been much good at lying either. He wrote back, something along the lines of “Nice try, but you’re too late”.
In November, he received another letter from Harry. What he read made his blood go cold with fear for his Godson. He had to read the letter several times before he took it in.
Harry was to be a Champion in the Triwizard Tournament. He was underage, he hadn’t even wanted to enter. But someone had clearly hoodwinked the Goblet of Fire. Someone had wanted him in the competition. But why would someone go to so much trouble?
Because someone wants him dead, Sirius realised. It all made sense. Everything that had happened, and everything that was beginning to happen, it all pointed clearly to one thing. Someone wanted to kill Harry. Someone with brains, to have gone to such extents. He needed to speak to Harry. In person “ or as near as possible in person. He stared into the fire that he was cooking a rat on. It drew him in the way naked flames do if you stare at them for too long. He began to see faces in the fire. Harry. James. Lily. Remus. Lola.
And then it came to him. Faces in the fire! All he had to do was break into a house, at night, and he could speak to him, in the Gryffindor common room fireplace.
He wrote to Harry, telling him to wait by the fire on the 22nd at one in the morning. The reply told him that he would. It would be easy.
*“... And now Hagrid’s just shown me what’s coming up in the first task, and it’s dragon’s, Sirius, and I’m a gonner,”* Harry finished, his voice and face full of desperation. Dragons they could deal with, relatively easily, Sirius knew. But first he had to warn Harry about what he thought was happening “ and who he had begun to suspect. Namely, the Durmstrang headmaster, Igor Karkaroff. They discussed this, until it came back to dragons again.
“Right,” Sirius began. He began to tell Harry his plan, but before he got to the important bit, Harry suddenly looked panicked.
*“Go!” he hissed. “Go! There’s someone coming!”*
As Harry stood, evidently blocking the fireplace from view, Sirius brought his head from out of the fire. He began to hear footsteps upstairs above the ceiling of the house he had broken into. The family must have woken up. He turned back into a dog, and ran from the house, out of the door he had silently forced open, and back up towards the mountain he had taken shelter in. He’d have to keep a low profile for a while.
Months went by. Harry completed the first task successfully, and the second too, he managed to survive. It was sometime after this that he met him, Ron and Hermione in Hogsmeade, and was able to take them to the cave. They brought food “ real, wonderful food, straight from the kitchens at Hogwarts. It had been a long time since he had eaten civilised, proper food. Years, he didn’t doubt.
They discussed matters again, and Sirius told them of Barty Crouch, and how he had been so close to being the Minister of Magic, but had fallen at the last moment. They were shocked, especially when they learnt of how he himself had been put in Azkaban without a trial.
It was worth it though, he thought. To be here now, talking to my godson and his friends. It was almost worth all that suffering, if it meant I could be here now.
He did not reveal his sudden rush of emotion to Harry. His voice cracked a little, but then he carried on. Neither of the boys noticed, but he caught Hermione watching him a little closer. She was intuitive.
Eventually they had to leave, but as he watched them go, he didn’t feel as lonely any more. But the fact that his feelings for James’s son were growing only meant his worry worsened when he thought of what was still to come.
Whoever was plotting against Harry, the third task was their last chance, and the most obvious one to strike. He turned back to make his way up the mountain, and began writing to Remus “ he seemed to be the only one left who he could speak to about Harry completely freely.
Sirius“
I’m glad to hear that you, Harry and his friends are getting along so well “ they are good kids, I learnt that only too well when I taught them. I hope one day I will be able to form a friendship more than teacher-pupil. But as you said, there are obstacles to overcome, still. The third task; whatever this person is planning; it is all looming ahead in the near future. We “ particularly you, being in a much more at hand position than I “ need to concentrate on preparing him as much as possible for whatever lies ahead “ be it dragons or murderers (real ones, that is, not innocent ones like you, he has proved that he can deal with them just fine).
Since you asked, I am still in and out of jobs all the while, but I am getting by just fine. There is something about being poor that teaches one the important things in life.
I have no word on anything new happening that is too suspicious “ just the things you already knew. Bertha Jorkins is still missing, but that isn’t surprising any more, and of course, there was that Muggle murder that Dumbledore was so worried about. But nothing recent seems to have come about just yet “ we can take this as a blessing, an omen, or both. Neither have I any news on Peter, I’m afraid. No one has seen him or heard of him, so I suppose he is lying low in the sewers or something. Or maybe he got eaten by a cat, but something tells me that we shouldn’t rely on that being the truth.
Let your new found love of Harry mean only one thing “ that you become even more determined to help him. He needs a father figure, not a friend, Sirius, do try not to forget that. No matter how much he resembles James “ and I admit, I had trouble with that fact too last year “ he is Harry. They are not the same person. Just try to remember that.
I must go now.
Yours,
Remus
Sirius was prowling Dumbledore’s office. His ancestor Phineas Nigellus had tried enquiring exactly which spirit he was possessed by, but had been thoroughly ignored. The other portraits respectfully pretended to sleep.
All manner of things were racing through his mind. It was his fault. If only he had been there to protect him. If only he had put his foot down and stopped him taking part. If only he had made him better prepared. If only he had been there ...
Harry entered the room, along with Dumbledore. They both looked weary, Harry especially, and he was also limping.
But he’s alive!
Sirius strode across the room to Harry, and asked him if he was all right. He got no reply, as he carefully guided him into a chair. A million questions were racing around his head, but all he could do was stare at Harry. Eventually he said more urgently, “What happened?”
Dumbledore explained about Barty Crouch Junior disguising himself as Mad Eye Moody. Sirius could barely take it in, but he listened intently, occasionally glancing at Harry to make sure he was still there, still alive. Once Dumbledore finished, he sat at his desk and looked at Harry, who now had Fawkes on his lap. He looked so tired.
*“I need to know what happened after you touched the Portkey in the maze, Harry,”* Dumbledore said. Sirius saw the look of pain and dread on Harry’s face.
As anxious to know as he was, Sirius didn’t want to put him through any more that night.
*“We can leave that ‘til morning, can’t we, Dumbledore?”* he asked, a little harshly, he was forced to admit. Somehow he had ended up with his hand resting on Harry’s shoulder, without even thinking about it. *“Let him have a sleep. Let him rest.”*
But Dumbledore ignored him, and insisted that Harry tell them what had happened. And he did. Sirius kept wanting to but in, to ask something, but was silenced every time.
“... And then Wormtail got some blood from my arm with a knife, and “”
Sirius could no longer contain himself, but Dumbledore didn’t try and stop him. He himself had gotten up sharply to inspect the wound.
Harry continued to describe the horrors he had seen. Eventually he came to describing how his and Voldemort’s wands had somehow connected, and how a shadow of Lily and James had come from it. Sirius could see them in his own mind, as he was sure Harry could too. He saw the boy wince at the tight grasp he now had on his shoulder, and loosened it a little.
When Harry finished his story not long after, they proceeded down to the Hospital Wing, Sirius in his dog form. He sat beside his bed while he slept, refusing to leave. Madam Pomfrey wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t until Dumbledore returned and began giving out orders, that he was forced to change into his human self. He was made to shake hands with Snape, and it made his skin crawl to do so, and got the sense that the feeling was mutual.
But Voldemort was back. It was as if no time at all had passed since Lily and James had given up their lives, and Voldemort had gone on the same night. It was a surreal feeling, but he was used to these little pep talks, so it was almost comforting to have something real.
Voldemort was back. There was nothing they could do now except reform the Order, and fight him, just as they once had, years before. It would bring back terrible, haunting memories of all the people he had lost to such a war, but he would do it.
There was no alternative.
He was speaking to Dumbledore a little later, discussing their plans “ or at least, the beginnings of their plans.
“What we need,” Dumbledore said, thinking, “is somewhere that could be used as a base for the Order members and meetings. Somewhere that is less obvious than Hogwarts, and easier to keep secret.” He rubbed his temples. “Before I turn to my Pensieve, you wouldn’t happen to know of anywhere, would you?”
Sirius was about to say no, when suddenly, he realised that he did. He knew the perfect place. A slow smile formed on his face.
“What about Grimmauld Place?” he suggested, casually, his eyes beginning to sparkle.
Dumbledore looked up in surprise. His own eyes began to twinkle also.
Way to piss off an angry portrait of my mother ...
Quote Notes:
* - Taken from chapter “The Hungarian Horntail”, page 291 (UK hardback)
* - Taken from chapter “The Hungarian Horntail”, page 293 (UK hardback)
* - Next three taken from chapter “The Parting of the Ways”, page 603 (UK hardback)
AN: Heh heh. Thought I’d just end on something a little less over-dramatic than “There was no alternative.” So, what did you think? How are you finding these less original chapters? Only one left now, and then a final chapter (yes, we will return to Heaven). I can’t believe it’s almost over! I think I’ve been writing this for almost a year ... it certainly feels like it! Don’t forget to review!