Ron’s jaw dropped. That wasn’t possible. Ginny was never pregnant. She promised him she wasn’t. But James looked like the spitting image of Ron’s best friend. And his eyes were the unmistakable mirror image of Ron’s sister’s.
“Hungry, love?” Hermione asked as she continued to rub his back.
The little boy nodded against her neck. Then he lifted his head and looked at Ron. “Won hunwy?”
Ron was too stunned to answer. This little boy, whoever’s son he was, had already stolen Ron’s heart.
“Lets go, love. Want me to warm up pancakes from yesterday? Or cereal, or we could have…” Hermione’s voice faded as she walked into the kitchen.
Ron continued to stand there, too stunned to move.
“Cewewal,” James told Hermione when they got to the kitchen.
Hermione nodded. She set James down in his high chair and went to warm up the oatmeal. As it was warming up, she stared at the little boy in his highchair, playing with the spoon on his little tray. She would have to get him out of that high chair next weekend. She’d planned to do it this weekend, but with all of the time he’d spent at the Burrow with his grandmother, it was just easier to keep him in the highchair until she had time. He was only eighteen months old, it was time to sit in a big chair with a booster seat.
The microwave “given to her by her parents- beeped, interrupting Hermione’s thoughts. She grabbed the bowl and put it on J’s tray.
“Tant choo,” James told her.
“You’re welcome,” she replied.
“What’s for breakfast? I’m starving,” Ron announced as he bounded into the kitchen.
“Won! Cewewal,” James lifted a spoon full of oatmeal out to Ron.
Ron smiled. “Mmmm, sounds delicious!”
“Ronald, I know you want me to explain, but it isn’t my place to tell. Eighteen months ago “hell, even a year ago- it was my story to tell. But it isn’t anymore. I think you have my letter from Ginny?” she asked.
Ron gave a crooked, guilty smile.
“Yes, well, the letter from Harry is on my desk. You need to read them. You mentioned that they wrote letters to each other ‘s’well, right? They will explain everything. Go home, read the letters, and when you’re ready to ask questions based on what you know “which right now is nothing- come back. This isn’t something I can just explain, it’s something you need to understand,” Hermione explained.
Ron got up slowly from his seat next to James. He nodded in understanding and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Alright, I’ll be back later, then. Bye James,”
James waved at Ron, his oatmeal now all over his tray.
Ron smiled, waved at Hermione unsurely, and left. On his way out, he grabbed the letter from Hermione’s desk, noticing two wills and promising himself he’d talk to her about them once he knew more. He took another deep breath, stepped out onto her front porch, and Apparated home.
When he arrived in his front room, he walked back into his kitchen and sat down again. He picked up the letter he’d dropped on his way to Hermione’s, and began to read it.
Right now you are in the other room. I assume you are writing letters as well. We are all nervous these days. Nobody knows what can happen. I just needed the chance to tell you how much I love you. I have for a very long time. Took long enough for me to realize it though, didn’t it? But the point is that I did realize it. I realized it with that one look that you have that sends me over the edge. It’s a blazing look, Ginny Potter, and it made me recognize that I love you.
You probably don’t know this, but your facial expressions tell a story. One is the story of love. It’s this look that you give me sometimes. Like when we said our vows. And when we agreed on having a baby. And the first time we made love. If there is one thing I ask from you, it’s that you never give anyone else that look.
You are reading this letter because I’m dead. But, Ginny, I need you to be happy. Enjoy the life we had together, however long or short it was. Move on, if you fall in love don’t feel guilt. I know that I was the only person you will ever love with the intensity that was in our relationship. I know that there is no love that can match that of ours. Because I love you, Ginny Potter. I love you forever and always.
You have been so great to me, and I can’t wait until Baby Potter comes. I hope Ron will understand why Hermione’s pregnant. It won’t be long until he finds out that we have asked her to carry our baby. She is such a great friend. Please let her know that. And please let Ron know that I adore him for being so brave and staying by me all of these years. He was my best friend. He always will be.
I love you. Even when I’m gone, my heart belongs to you.
~Me
Ron wiped a tear from his eye distractedly. He was crying again. Why was it that these damn letters always got him started? He had to pull himself together if he wanted to read the rest of them. He took a deep breath and folded the letter up. He grabbed Ginny’s to Harry and opened it up cautiously, taking a moment before reading the letter.
My darling, I hope you never have to read this letter. Then again, everything I’ve ever hoped for has gone wrong. Except for you, but even that is wrong, because I can’t be with you the way I’d hoped for. The moment I fell for you, I only wished that all the rumors about you were just that; rumors. I didn’t want to believe that the man I was in love with had a fate of death.
And when it came time for me to realize that in fact my hopes were denied, I was ready to stand next to you and fight for you with all of my heart. You have no idea how angry it made me when you announced you didn’t want me to help you or stand by you because of the danger it would be putting me in. Harry, you must realize that I fight for those I love and you are and have almost always been first on my list.
You’re it for me, Harry Potter.
And I just want you to know that if you die and I live, I won’t move on the way I know you want me to. Yes, I will continue with life and raise our baby and get through each day to the best of my ability, but I will not ever be with anyone else. You are the only person that my heart will ever be able to hold. My love for you is so strong that it would be impossible to fit any love for any other person in there.
I guess it doesn’t help that “along with my love for you- there is also the love for our unborn child, living inside of Hermione. She is our gift, Harry. She is our break. We have gone through so much and she is finally God’s gift to us. She is carrying our child.
Harry, you must understand that I wanted to have our baby, but you have to come to realize that I am the type of girl to never back down and to always stand and fight next to the person that holds my heart. See, if you die, my heart dies with you.
Thank you so much for letting Hermione carry our baby. We need this part of us to carry on after one or both of us dies. I couldn’t carry the baby and let you continue fighting without me. I love you too much.
And I always will.
Of course, it took long enough for you to realize that you loved me as well! But, I knew. In the back of my head and in the core of my heart, I knew that you loved me. That’s what kept my hopes high. I always thought you were smart, but I didn’t think you would take as long as you did! It took me two guys before you caught on, didn’t it, Harry Potter? But you figured it out. And you’ll figure out what to do without me. You always figure it out.
Love always,
Ginny
Ron let out a loud sob that he’d been keeping back. Out of the whole letter, he could only stare at one sentence.
‘We need this part of us to carry on after one or both of us dies.’
She didn’t say, ‘if one of us,’ she’d specifically said ‘after,’. That killed Ron. His sister had known. Just as she’d known Harry was in love with her. He remembered a while back during the summer before sixth year.
Flashback
“Out here all alone?” Ron asked Ginny as he walked closer to her out in the forest behind the Burrow.
“Just thinking,” she replied as she turned to look at him, not at all surprised by his presence.
“What about?” Ron asked curiously.
“When is Harry coming?” she asked.
“Actually, to be quite honest I haven’t talked to him all summer. Why d’ you ask?” he wondered aloud.
She picked up a rock from the ground and threw it into the lake. “He loves me, you know,” she said softly, almost without emotion.
Ron screwed up his face. “Ginny, I know you had your little crush on him when we were younger, but I thought you were over that. I mean, isn’t that why you went out with Michael Corner? And what about Dean Thomas? I thought you were with him right now,”
Ginny turned and locked her eyes with Ron’s. She had a blazing look on her face that made Ron want to look away but want to never look away all at the same time.
“It was a crush, you’re right. But it isn’t anymore; it’s love. Michael was to get Harry to notice me. Dean is a nice boy, I really like him. But he’s really to get Harry to notice me, s’well. He loves me, Ron. I can’t explain to you how I know, but I do. I don’t even think he knows yet,” she explained with such passion, that it really made Ron believe her.
He let out a forced chuckle. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Ginny. Lunch is ready. That’s why I came to find you,” he told her as he turned to head back inside.
She grabbed his arm and pulled him back into a tight hug. She rested her cheek against his chest and wrapped her arms around his middle. “Don’t think I didn’t hear your comment on the train coming home a few weeks back. ‘Next time pick someone better’ or whatever it was that you said. I saw you give Harry that look when you said it. I know you approve,” she whispered, still hugging him tight.
He kissed the top of her head, squeezing her closer to him. It was his way of agreeing with her. They never really needed to use words with each other.
End Flashback
Ron poured himself a glass of water and drank it all in one gulp. He refilled the cup and walked into his front room, sitting down on his sofa and taking a deep breath. He grabbed the next letter. It was to Hermione from Ginny. He closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself before opening the letter slowly. He began to read.
Hermione-
You’re my best friend. I hope you know that. I could have never picked a better woman to be my bridesmaid; or a better woman to be my best friend; nor a better woman to carry my baby; nor a better woman to tell my deepest secrets to.
I am so grateful for you. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve given up on Harry long ago. I wouldn’t be married to him right now. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have this baby to live on in memory of us. You’re our angel, Hermione.
I know that things with Ron are a bit shaky. I know that he might have a hard time understanding why you are carrying mine and Harry’s baby. But it isn’t because he has a small heart. Trust me- that is the last reason why he wouldn’t understand the situation. It’s only because of his impatience. He will only hear a part of why you are pregnant. He will probably only hear the part that you are carrying Harry’s baby. I love my brother so so much, but I know him well, and you must tell him, Hermione. Once he figures out why you are pregnant, he will be there for you, I promise.
My brother loves you more than you realize. He’s loved you for so long and I know that it may be hard to see, but he has. He wears his heart on his shoulders and I think that he is just waiting for you to break it. I know you love him just as much as he loves you. You just need to show him that you do.
Please help Harry raise our baby. And please be with Harry and help him through everything.
We’ve talked about it, and we’ve decided that in the case of both our deaths, you and Ron are to raise our unborn child. We didn’t just pick you to carry our baby for no reason, Hermione. And if we never get to see him or her, I only have a few requests of you.
Firstly, if it’s a boy, we’d like you to name him James Ronald Potter. It would have been James Harry, but I don’t like that, and I’d really like a piece of my brother with him. If it’s a girl, we’d like her to be called Lily Ginerva Potter.
Second, we’ve decided that we don’t want the baby’s existence to be known. If Voldemort is still alive, we want him to be oblivious of our baby. And even if Voldemort dies, there will still be Death Eaters. So please “ at least until the baby is two years of age “ keep him or her a secret.
And last, we just ask you to take care of our baby like he or she were your own. Please raise this baby in a house of love. I never want our child to go through what Harry went through. This is why we chose you and Ron to be the guardians. We trust you two the most out of anyone in this world.
I love you, Hermione. You are the sister I never had. Thank you so much for everything. I can’t say it enough times.
Your best friend,
Ginny
Ginnerva Molly Weasley
Ron finished his second glass of water, put the cup on the coffee table, and wiped his cheeks again with the palms of his hands. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and hid his face in his hands. This was harder than he’d thought it was going to be.
He stood up and started to pace. He wanted to continue pacing while he read the last letter, but he knew he couldn’t. The passion and love in each letter was so powerful, that there was no way he could remain standing as he read the last of the them.
He shook his head clear, took yet another deep breath, grabbed the last letter from the coffee table, and went out to his front porch. He took a seat on the front step and started to unfold the letter. Curiously, he began to read.
Dear Hermione,
With all of my heart I wish that you never have to read this. A couple years from now, I want to stand next to Ron at your wedding. I want to go with you, Ginny, and Ron to the Quidditch World Cup again. I want to hold my baby in my hands and raise it and watch it grow. I hope it looks like Ginny. She’s the pretty one. And when you and Ron finally decide to have children, I hope they all look like you.
Throughout school, you were the prettiest one of our Trio. It makes me smile to remember how you drove Ron mad. You still do, but then, when we were younger, it was the worst. And the funniest. You were so beautiful at the Yule ball that I thought Ron was going to have a heart attack. It was hard for him to want so badly not to like you, when everything told him that he did. And forget about our sixth year. That year was his hardest year what with everything pointing to a fact that you didn’t feel the same about him. Well, that’s his reason. I could tell your feelings for him as if you’d told me yourself. And him “ he’d been obvious for years.
You are perfect for each other. And I wanted so much to thank you for what you are doing for Ginny and I. She keeps saying you are our Angel. I can’t help but agree to my fullest ability. We are respecting your wishes and we will let you tell Ron about the whole thing yourself.
Ginny has probably told you by now that you and Ron are to be our child’s guardians. She might even have told you that the moment we even talked about having children, we’d decided that. You and Ron are the two people we trust most in this world. We love you both so much.
Please help Ginny through this. Please watch over her. I never thought I could feel like this about another person until I met her. I know that you know exactly how I feel. You just feel it for a different person.
Hermione, I know I must’ve been the worst friend anyone could ever ask for. I always put you in danger and laughed at your smartness. You have to understand that I never questioned your knowledge. I always depended on it, though. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for you. I would probably be dead. You stuck by me through everything and you helped me get through everything.
I never had siblings. Of course, now I have the entire Weasley clan as my family-in-laws, but that’s different because that’s through marriage. You have been my sister since our first year. You’ve always been there for me to confide in and trust. You’re one of my closest friends and I am so grateful for that.
I love you, Hermione. I love you so much. Thanks for being such a great sister. Thanks for everything you’ve done for Ginny and me.
~Harry
Ron got up and walked back inside, down the hall to his bathroom. He splashed water onto his face and forced himself to stop crying.
Once he’d pulled himself together, he went back to his kitchen and had another glass of water.
It was so much more complicated than he’d thought. So Hermione had carried James for Harry and Ginny - that much he’d understood. But what did that mean, exactly. Now he had questions to ask based on what he knew. Now was the time to go back to Hermione’s and get some answers.
When he got there, the door opened and a frazzled Hermione stood, hands full of a little boy with messy black hair.
“Won!” James exclaimed loudly and reached his arms out to Ron.
Ron took James from Hermione and smiled as he wrapped his little legs around Ron’s waist and tangled his arms around Ron’s neck in a full out hug. “Hey,” Ron responded with a chuckle.
“Weth pway,” James told him, wiggling out of Ron’s arms and walking into the house and to the front room.
Ron stepped inside, past Hermione and glanced at the front room. It was so different from an hour ago when he’d left. It was now full of toys here and there and a small sippy cup was on the desk where he’d grabbed the letter from.
Hermione let out a soft laugh. “Come on, lets go sit on the sofa and have a talk,” she directed him to the sofa and he sat down carefully.
They sat for a moment in silence, watching the little boy in front of them as he played with all of his toys. Ron couldn’t help but grin proudly at his little Chudley Cannon’s shirt and small blue jeans.
“Listen, Hermione, I couldn’t help but notice when I was grabbing the letter that there were two wills on the desk,” Ron explained.
“That’s what I wanted to explain to you next, before you ask your questions. One is Harry’s and one is Ginny’s. They were inside of their letters,” she explained. After a short pause, she continued, “You didn’t know this, but your mother is one of the only people in the Wizarding World who know about him. They wanted me to take care of the entire thing the Muggle way. They just didn’t want anyone to know anything about there being a baby in the Weasley household that could trace back to Harry. My parents helped out a lot in everything. They took me to a Muggle hospital and I went there for all of my pregnancy issues. But in the end, Luna ended up delivering him,”
“Luna Lovegood?” Ron asked quietly.
Hermione nodded. “I went into labor while she and I were out one night, and she delivered James and then took us both to my Muggle hospital. Your mother visited me there,”
Ron screwed up his face. “My mum has known about this from the beginning?”
Hermione nodded again. “She had to perform the spell for me to carry J. You will understand more of that later, anyways,”
Ron nodded his okay. “Has she been involved in his life since he was born?”
“Yes, she has. She takes care of him a lot during the daytime when I’m at work. Sometimes, if you or anyone is going to be there, he goes with me to work. But mostly, your mum or mine takes care of him. Ever wonder why “in the past week when we’ve gotten together- you say you are going to the Burrow and I say I need to leave at least fifteen minutes before you? Your dad doesn’t even know about him, Ronald. We just didn’t know how to tell anyone after we hadn’t for so long. But we “your mother and I- have been planning J’s second birthday and we were going to announce it then,”
“Why didn’t you at least tell me sooner?” Ron asked softly.
Hermione wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “I couldn’t ruin your life, Ron. You have no idea how sensitive you are. You were already so torn up about Harry and Ginny, that it killed me to even think about telling you I had their baby inside of me. I didn’t have the strength to fight with you to understand what had happened and I most certainly didn’t have the strength to lose my last reason to live if you decided you couldn’t be with me anymore. My only answer was to leave you instead of letting you leave me. If I left, I would always have the idea of you waiting for me whenever I was ready. But if I stayed and you left me, I would only have the idea of hate,”
Ron shook his head. “Why would I have left you?”
Hermione gazed into Ron’s soft eyes. “Did you see how angry you were earlier when you found out? I know you as well as Ginny did, Ron, I knew that you would only see one part of the situation. I didn’t have the energy or heart to try and explain what was really going on. I regret not telling you earlier. I regret it every day of my life. But I can’t take it back now, because all is said and done,”
Ron blinked and looked around the room. He nodded slowly. “You’re right, we can’t change the past, but we can make the future, Hermione, and I want to be apart of it. This is my sister’s and my best friend’s baby. I want to be apart of his life,”
“Right, well, that’s why I’ve been tracking you down lately. See, Harry’s and Ginny’s wills don’t say much. I mean, they lived at the Burrow, they didn’t have many possessions, and they were both defeating Voldemort. But they’ve given James to me,”
Ron closed his eyes to hold back the tears. They’d given him to Hermione. That was a slap in the face.
“And you. Just as they say in their letters, we are both his guardians,”
Ron’s heart skipped a beat and he let a couple tears cross his barrier.
Hermione reached out and wiped them from his face. “So, you see, you sort of have to be apart of his life. Whether you like it or not, he is yours,”
Ron chuckled. He sighed and shook his head. “How did you do this alone?”
Hermione smiled. “Basically, I had nobody to go to, really. I did have my parents, but they were traveling when I first had him. And your mum was really busy at the time. So Luna took care of him for his first two weeks of his life,”
Ron’s stomach twisted as he watched Hermione let loose and begin to really cry. She was sobbing openly. He stood her up from the sofa and walked her into the kitchen. He sat her down at the table and went to get her a glass of water as she continued.
“I couldn’t look at him for two weeks! He reminded me so much of everything I wanted to forget. He was just a baby and I couldn’t be there for him because just looking at him brought back the memory of my best friends! That’s the reason for his nickname. I call him J because it used to hurt so badly to call him James. James reminded me of Harry. After a while, I got so used to calling him J that I just didn’t stop. You know, he never even had the chance to know his parents? I mean, I carried him; I gave birth to him; I was going to raise him. It was like…he was my baby. He was my son and I didn’t even want him!” she cried.
Ron gave her the water and kneeled beside her chair. He rubbed her back softly and tried to calm her down. After a little while, she stopped crying and used the tissues to dry her face and blow her nose.
When she was sane again, she looked at Ron, now sitting across from her. “But I want him now. In fact, I was thinking about it and I can’t picture my life without him anymore. He is my life,”
Ron smiled. Then his face turned sad and he looked down at his hands that were resting on the table. “Does he know about them? Harry and Ginny, I mean.”
Hermione shook her head. “He’s too young to understand just yet. To him, I am his mum. He just doesn’t understand why he has no dad,”
Ron cleared his throat and continued to survey his hands. “With your permission, I’d like…you know…err…I’d like to take that role,”
Hermione smiled at him through her blotchy face.
Ron suddenly felt the need to lighten the moment. He needed to get their minds off of the past for just a little bit. So he smiled and said, “But, you know, there is one thing I’d like more than that,”
Hermione screwed up her face. “What?”
“Eat. I’m starving!” he exclaimed.
As if on queue, his stomach growled, making them both laugh. He got up from his seat, went into the front room and came back in with James on his hip.
He set James on the counter and stood in front of him. “Does your mum make a good breakfast?”
Hermione stared at Ron in shock. She couldn’t believe it. She never thought she would be seeing what she was right then. Ron was going to be a great dad.
Ron caught her eye and smiled. “What?”
She shook her head. “I can’t believe I let you go,” she said in the most serious voice he’d ever heard from her.
Almost not believing she’d actually said that aloud, she turned and began to make breakfast for herself and for Ron. She was sure that J would want something, too, because they were eating, but she knew he wouldn’t actually eat anything.
**********
“You still have a bottomless pit for a stomach, you know,” Hermione said as she watched Ron devour everything on his plate.
Ron chuckled. “Your mum is a great cook, James! You’ll really start to appreciate it when you start eating like me!”
James giggled. “Wike Won!”
“Yep, buddy, just like me!” Ron said with a wink.
Hermione huffed a fake sigh. “Let’s hope not,”
They all finished eating and Hermione went over to the sink to clean the dishes.
“So, now I know the situation, and I have questions based on what I know. Can I ask them now?” Ron asked.
Hermione smiled at him and then walked out of the kitchen.
When she returned, she was holding a pensive. Ron recognized it instantly as Harry’s, who’d been given it by Dumbledore.
She took her wand and swirled the inside, watching her own memories swim around. “Harry left it behind. The only way to explain everything is for you to live it. So go live it.”
Ron nodded. He got up, walked to where she was standing, and kissed her softly and quickly. Then he turned to look at James and kissed him on the forehead. “I’ll be right back, buddy.”
Hermione and the little boy watched as Ron disappeared into the pensive.
James began to sputter and he looked up at his mother. “Where Daddy go?”
Hermione felt something tug at her heart when she heard James say that. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to regain herself. She picked him up and headed off to her room to lay him down for his nap. “Daddy will be right back,”
AN: Alright, there is chapter 6. It was pretty long, for me. A lot of letters and even more explanations. When he goes to relive her memories in the next chapter, you will understand everything, for the most part. Thanks to my betas Manda and Katrina! Sorry for the long wait, it was just long to plan and write. Thanks so much and please REVIEW!
Manda*