Chapter 11: Loving and Missing
For the next couple of days, Remus and Hermione continued to keep their relationship to themselves as best as they could. For some reason they felt the need to keep it a secret, if only for a little while, from their closest friends. At night Hermione would lay in her bed with a huge smile on her face. Lily would always ask her why and her answer was that she was happy. Though she hated not being able to tell her friend why, Hermione didn't feel ready; neither did Remus. He could already picture the ridicule and the looks on James and Sirius' faces. Peter however was another story. At the moment they were walking by the shore of the more secluded portion of the Black Lake. It was partially frozen over with ice and with the sun's glare over it; it was a gorgeous site. Remus rubbed his thumb against Hermione's interlinked hand. Her hands were soft and he just couldn't believe he was with her.
But was he really with her?
They shared the same feelings for each other and agreed not to tell their friends, but what are they really. They never really talked about it. He just assumed they were boyfriend and girlfriend. She might not feel that way, but what else could they be? They're good friends, but he doesn't recall kissing James or Sirius the way he kisses her. Better yet he never kissed them in his life. He glanced at Hermione and noticed how different she looked from when she first arrived. She was much more alive now. He smiled knowing that he had something to do with it. Hermione noticed his smile and smirked. What's he smiling about? wondered Hermione.
"What are you smiling about?" asked Hermione as she moved to stand in front of him.
Remus grinned at her and smiled. He leant forward to kiss her forehead. "I'm smiling because I'm thinking about you."
A huge grin appeared on her face. She loved when he kissed her forehead. She thought that it was adorable and his comment made her melt.
"Now what are you smiling about?"
"You kissed my forehead. I love it when you do that," she admitted shyly.
"That's not the only place I can kiss you," he whispered as he brought his lips to hers. Hermione automatically gave in to his softness. She loved his kisses. They were soft, gentle, they had no flaw. She placed her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Remus smirked in his mind. He pulled away suddenly. Hermione looked at him awkwardly and asked, "What was that for?"
"I can't give you everything you want now can I?" he answered slyly. Hermione pouted.
"Fine be that way," she stated storming off. Remus knew she was joking so he let her go. He followed her back to the path heading up to the castle. They walked in a content silence for a few minutes until Remus spoke.
"Hermione? Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did."
"I'm being serious," he stated. Stopping in his tracked he looked at her softly.
"What's wrong?" she asked, believing something had happened to him or worse he was going to break up with her. Hermione dreaded the thought.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
HUH! Hermione thought. "What was that?" I thought we were already together. I’m confused.
"Will....you...be...my...girl...friend?" he said slowing it down just a little bit.
Hermione frowned. "I'm not stupid Remus I heard you the first time. It's just that," Hermione paused at the risk of sounding stupid with what she was about to say. "I thought we were already together."
"We are." Now Hermione was really confused. "I never formally asked you so I thought now would be a good time.”
Hermione smiled. She now officially thought he was the greatest guy alive; much more mannered than Krum and much more adorable. The only thing Hermione could do to respond was jump on him and give him a giant hug. "I'll take that as a yes, right?" Hermione looked him in the face and nodded. She would've kissed him right the, right then and there, but a group of nosey Hufflepuff first years changed her mind. Remus also saw the first years.
"Hey! Get to class before I deduct points."
"For what?" yelled one of the little first year boys.
"For arguing with a prefect," Remus said in a 'matter of fact' way.
"We didn't argue with any prefect," the first year defended.
"You're doing it now."
"Darn prefects! Think they know everything. They suck!" the boy mumbled as he and his friends walked away.
"I heard that," yelled Remus. Got to love this sensitive hearing at times.
"That was so Malfoy-ish of you," teased Hermione as she held onto him once more.
"I have my deceptive side," he snickered. Hermione took the chance to kiss him lightly. She pulled away and told him that they should head up before they are late to Arithmancy. He agreed and they walked back into the castle, no longer linked together.
Back in Gryffindor Tower, James and Lily sat by the window talking about their winter vacation. James couldn't help, but stare at Lily as she talked. In his view she was the perfect woman. She was kind, gentle, forgiving, but had a fiery temper that could get you if you let it. She had gorgeous, long, bright red hair and green eyes that had captured his heart from the moment he set eyes on her. Sometimes James thought he didn't deserve her, but then again he could truly see a future with Lily as Mrs. Potter and kids running around the house. He blushed at the thought of having kids with Lily, let alone doing what made kids with Lily.
"JAMES, snap out of it!" yelled Lily.
"Wh...what happened?" questioned James. He was too lost in his own thoughts to realize Lily had been calling him.
"You weren't listening to me that's what. You never listen. You're always off in your own world," she complained.
James felt bad. She was somewhat right. He always seemed to zone out at the wrong times. "Lil, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something important."
"What's more important than what I have to say?" asked Lily with tears beginning to line her green eyes. "It's another girl isn't it? I was a challenge and now that you have me you're bored. I'll tell you this James Potter, my heart is not a board game. You can't play with it like that and I..."
Lily was cut of by James pressing his lips to her's. He pressed hard at first, but relaxed as she relaxed. He broke the kiss and held her face in his hands. He stared deep into her eyes. "Now you listen to me Lily Evans. I care about you more than you'll ever know. I know sometimes I'm immature and that I can seem like a jerk, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I would never cheat on you and to think that you would even suggest it disgusts me." Lily frowned. She opened her mouth to speak, but he placed a finger on her lips. "I'm not finished yet!” he said forcefully. He had to get this out before he lost his nerve.
"If you really want to know what I was thinking about then I'll tell you. I was thinking about how beautiful you are, how gorgeous you are inside and out. I was thinking about how I don't deserve what you, especially after all the shit that I have put you through. I was and still am thinking about the future that we could have together from the day I ask you to marry me to the day we have kids to the day we die and beyond. That's what I was thinking about. The only other girl that I can think of in that vision is a little girl that looks like you and is calling me daddy," James ended with light tears falling. He didn't bother wiping them away. He had never unloaded so much to Lily. He had never let her know how much she truly meant to him and now she knew. Now she knew.
Lily was in shock. She too had tears flowing, but couldn't regain herself to wipe them of her cheeks. She now felt guilt and happiness at the same time. She felt guilty for accusing him of something that she had no right accusing him off and for thinking that he didn't care. At the same time, she felt happy that he thought of her in that way. She had a hard time admitting to herself that she at times wanted to become Mrs. Potter and now she knew that the feeling was mutual. Lily could think of no better way of to tell him how she felt about him that giving him her most passionate kiss. It probably would've felt weird for James to be kissing a crying girl, but with Lily it felt natural. Everything felt natural with Lily, like how her figure molded with his and how their tongues were dancing at this very moment. James remembered that they were in the common room and was the one to let go. He finally wiped his cheeks from the mixture of his tears and Lily's tears. He had never cried over a girl before her and at that moment he knew why.
"I love you Lily Evans," he whispered in her ear.
"I love you too James Potter," she whispered back. The two left the common room to talk and have a little more privacy.
Remus, Sirius, Peter and Hermione sat in the Great Hall enjoying their dinner when the question finally popped up.
"Where are James and Lily?" asked Peter.
"That's a good question," said Sirius. "I haven't seen them since our last class and even then they were really quiet."
"Perhaps their having some alone time," interjected Hermione, understanding that couples need time alone.
"Alone time to do what?" asked Sirius with a grin.
"I don't know. It's none of my business!"
"I hope James knows a contraceptive charm," joked Sirius casually.
"SIRIUS!" yelled Remus, Hermione, and Peter. The entire Great Hall turned to face the group.
"What did I do?!"
December '97
It was time for all the students going home to go to Hogsmade and hop on the Hogwarts Express back to Kings Cross station. Most students in the castle really wanted to stay, but their parents had other thoughts in mind. Harry, Ron, and Ginny had decided to stay at Hogwarts. They felt that going to the Burrow would make Hermione's absence more apparent. As the castle emptied and Professors got ready for a break away from the young wizards and witches they taught, Remus was going through an old trunk. He searched and searched and at the bottom, he found a small leather bound book. Some of the pages were empty, but as he flipped through they filled with moving images.
"Harry will love it!"
Remus left his room. He was glancing at the old book in wonder. He hadn't looked at it in year because he didn't have to, but now the circumstances have changed. He touched the pictures with his hands and missed the smiling face of his friends. He missed the old days when things were simple and he had the only girl he had ever been with and the only girl he had ever loved. He hated to part with the old album, but felt that Harry needed it more than he did. He was old and ragged. The terror through out the years had cost him to look many years past his age, but Harry, Harry still had that spark in him. He needed to keep his hope if he was going to save the wizarding world. Remus however felt he was just a minor asset.
He closed the book as he turned the corner causing him to barely see someone about to crash into him. He tried to avoid it, but he bumped into someone and they both fell to the ground. He stood up quickly and began to apologize and help the person up, until he saw who it was. Remus sneered at the man on the ground. His better half told him to help the man up despite his feelings. He held out his hand just to have it slapped away.
"I don't need help from you Lupin," the man grumbled.
"Have it your way Severus," he hissed as he walked of to the outside grounds.
"You're missing her aren't you? You're sweet little girlfriend," said Snape.
"What we are is none of your business,” Remus growled dangerously.
"'What we are'? You don't think you two could still be together if she gets back do you? Just look at you!"
"When she gets back," he corrected. "You need not worry about us Snape."
"Your twenty years her senior Lupin, do you truly believe she will still have feelings for you? Do you think she will be even remotely attracted to you? You two wouldn’t be accepted anyway. That's if she comes back."
Remus grabbed Severus by his robes and pressed him hard up against the walls. Their noses touch tip to tip and Remus' breath was hot against Severus' skin. "She is coming back and you better shut your mouth about things you know nothing about." Remus' hand moved from the robes to a tight grip around his neck. "I want to make sure you know that I don't trust you. You were the last person to see her before she disappeared and I know you have something to do with it."
"You should follow your own advice...and keep shut about...things...you don't...know about," choked Severus. He was losing oxygen fast.
Don't do it Remus. He's not worth it. Hermione's voice echoed in his head. He let go, as much as he didn't want to, he let go. He didn't have the heart to do it anyway. He knew he would've let go eventually; probably when he was within an inch of his death. I am not a violent man. I need to go think. Remus backed up slowly, watching Severus' every move before he finally turned to walk away.
Damned werewolf, thought Severus as he walked to his supply closet.
December '77
On the following day, James and Lily were found and seemed to be a lot happier than usual. Sirius was convinced that Lily had seduced his best friend and that they shagged, but according to what Lily told Hermione, they just had a long talk about their relationship and were happy that they were on the same page. This, of course, didn't stop Sirius from antagonizing James about the matter. As annoying as Sirius was, everything was going great for the gang. Nothing could've ruined this and news from someone's mother made everything even more enjoyable.
"Hermione, before I forget to tell you. My mother said it was alright and we don't have to go to Aunt Mildred. We can have our females’ only vacation!” Lily squealed.
Hermione jumped on Lily. "That’s great, this is going to be so much fun, we can go shopping, and we can do facials and we can..." Hermione stopped mid sentence and paled. That's when it really hit her. She wasn't going to be home for Christmas. She wasn't going to wake up to Harry and Ron's yelling over the gifts they got. She wouldn't enjoy Molly Weasley's cooking or laugh at Arthur Weasley's fascination with Muggle items or be a victim of Fred and George's pranks. She'd miss it all. Most of all she wouldn't be sharing a room with Ginny Weasley. She'd be sharing a room with Lily Evans, spending a great Christmas with her that Harry was deprived off, while he was probably saddened by her disappearance. All of a sudden Hermione felt sick to her stomach. She felt like a horrible friend. She noticed the whole group staring at her. Hermione gulped and answered Lily. "I'll be there Lily, but if you'll please excuse me."
Hermione sped out of the Great Hall as quickly as her legs could take her. Remus watched Hermione awkwardly as she left the Great Hall. He didn't know why she had such a sudden change in stature. He started to go after her, but James stopped him.
"Do you know what's wrong with her?"
"No, that's why I'm going to find out," he responded.
"I think you should just leave her alone to think for a while," said Sirius.
"Really?" asked Remus, unsure of what to do.
"Really," Sirius persisted.
December '97
Harry and Ron were sitting on their respective beds with only one thing was on their mind and that was Hermione. They missed her dearly. They missed her yelling at them to do homework, they missed her telling Ron to stop stuffing his face without swallowing, they missed the way she was always right. They just missed her all together and they were spending Christmas without her. Ginny wasn't fairing to well either. Hermione was her closest friend. She told Hermione all of her secrets and knew she would understand. She would ask her for advice and knew she would have the answer. Who was there now?
There was a knock at the boys' dormitory door. They new it was Ginny and just said come in. She walked in slowly and sat down next to Harry on his bed. He put his arm around her and she leaned into his chest. There, she began to cry.
"Ginny it's okay. Please don't cry," he stated as he rubbed her shoulder. Ron was shooting daggers at Harry with his eyes, but knew that Harry was one of her only comforts. Harry shrugged at Ron and continued to comfort her.
"This is pathetic. I know it is, but what if she doesn't come back? What if we have lost her forever?" Ginny cried.
"You don't know that she's gone forever Gin," said Harry.
"You don't know she's coming back," she retorted. Harry knew she was right. He didn't know. He didn't know if she was coming back and he needed her. They all needed her. How was he supposed to defeat Voldemort without Hermione to safe his neck every time he mad a stupid mistake or rash decision? How were they going to go through their entire year without her? Let alone the rest of their life? At the thought of Hermione not being there to grow old with, Harry began to cry. Of course Ron tried to hold it in as best as he could, but he missed her so much. He missed their arguments so much that he tried to argue with himself and pretend to be her, but it just wasn't the same.
"Maybe we should go back to the Burrow," suggested Ron. "I know that it be more apparent that she's gone, but at least we'll have everyone there. It's too depressing here."
"I agree with you," sniffed Ginny. "I rather be home with mum and dad."
Harry held his head up. "Then we've reached a decision.We're going to the Burrow."
Thank you so much to all my reviewers and another apology is in order. I'm really sorry this got rejected a few times, but I think I finally got it. I knew it had to be done so I hope you enjoyed chapter 11 and chapter 12 will be out ASAP and didn't you just love that James and Lily moment. I really thought they needed their own little piece in the story. Just letting you know that I do have a summer job and nursing classes so I'm quite busy, but I'm trying my best. I'll never abandon this story.
Much Love... R. Y. LeBeau
To Lunagirl824: Most of the time I don't plan the suspense, it just comes up and I'm not sure how long this story will be. I originally had this whole plan, but I decided to change the direction, but I really hope you keep around to find out.