Black and Blue
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a day that should have been pleasant. The sun was out after all, and the sky was empty of rainclouds. The temperature of the air was mild, with a light breeze that carried the scent of sea salt upon its wispy torrents. But the land below all of this was barren, stripped of all life. The color green had faded from the memory of the world, and the laughing hues of the flowers had become only mere myth.
It was in this dismal world that I lived.
I stood on the rocky cliffs that overlooked the ocean, mesmerized by its wondrous shades of blue turquoise. I wished I could put words to its beauty as I looked at it, but I had forgotten the adjectives to give life to such color long ago.
“Hermione,” said a rich tenor voice from behind me, “you've been standing here for hours.” I felt a hand grasp my shoulder. I wished I could have smiled, but I had forgotten how to do that too.
“Have I really? I can't imagine it's been more than a few minutes.”
He drew level with me then, casting a shadow that fell off over the cliff side. I peered at him, knowing that profile better than any woman could know a man. It was angular, with rough skin that had seen too much to ever be smooth. He wore a cropped beard, black and wiry like his hair. It was rather handsome, but I knew it was to cover the many scars that marred his jawline. I had memorized each of them.
The scar we had known as children, though, was gone. But unlike colors or the lost ability to smile, it had been burned into my memory. I saw it now as I saw the others, jagged, pink, and not unlike a lightning bolt. It had been the symbol for our cause.
“It may have been. But a few minutes without you is like an eternity.”
I wished I could have smiled, oh I wish I could have smiled. But I did the only thing I knew how, and leaned into him, letting his arm wrap around me like a snake.
“Don't say such things, Harry,” I chided.
“No one can hear us now, Hermione. We're safe.”
“We'll never be safe. They'll always be out there, just waiting for the opportune time to strike.”
“And we'll be ready for them. We always win Hermione. I'm not about to start doing otherwise now.”
“Winning is such a broad term,” I said bitterly. “In order to win in the big picture, you must lose in all the smallest, but more beautiful details.”
“We didn't lose everything, Hermione,” he said, holding me even tighter. “We didn't lose each other. The other side can't even say that much.”
This is the closest we had come to speaking of the war in all the days since its climatic end. It was a taboo topic, only mentioned in passing, only mentioned when it couldn't be avoided. Had our inevitable moment come?
“I miss them. I miss that world.”
“I do too. It was the best thing to ever happen to me.”
“You can truly say that? After all the horror you were put through?”
“If I had stayed where I was, I might have gone insane long before.”
“You speak as if you are insane now.”
“Aren't I?”
There was a long silence. To tell the truth, I couldn't answer him. If I did, I would have had to say that I was insane too. For how could we be sane and still have done all we had?
“Are you cold?” he asked to break the dreadful silence. I was glad he had spoken first.
“I don't think I have enough feeling left in me to feel such petty things as cold.”
“What can you feel?”
“I don't know,” I admitted truthfully. I hadn't really thought about it. It was another one of those places I never went to.
“Would you be angry if I told you we were going to die tomorrow?”
“No, I'd merely accept it. I've seen too much death to think it's anything special.”
“What would you feel if I told you I loved you?”
“You wouldn't,” I merely said.
“Merlin, Hermione!” He shoved me away then so I had to look at him directly. I couldn't”it was as if the sun came from him, rather than behind him. Too bright. Too dazzling. I cast my eyes away; at the deep sea, at the sky, at the gray and dismal ground. He then grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “I would and I'm saying it now. I love you.”
“Harry stop!” I broke away, and began to run along the edge of the cliff. I ran, keeping my mind off of him and his words. He was fast though, and he caught up. I couldn't escape him! Why wouldn't he let me escape him?
And then the rocks started crumbling, and I slipped away. Downwards towards the crashing waves, downwards with the flying pieces of granite, downwards at a terrifying speed. But I wasn't terrified. I was numb. And when I hit a ledge halfway down the cliff side, bones within me broke, and yet I didn't cry. I was numb.
And then he was there beside me. He must have floated. Silly boy, always so powerful. Once upon a time, I would have been jealous of his ability to float.
“Hermione!” he cried, trying to get me to focus on him. I couldn't. All I could focus on was the spell he must have used to get himself down there.
“Hermione!” he cried again. The caress of my hair was what finally brought me back to my senses.
“I'm alright,” I said breathlessly. He gazed at me with concern... and with something else. I didn't want to know what it was.
“We've got to get you out of here.”
“And to where, Harry? We've nowhere to go.”
“We'll find somewhere.”
“Can we just stay here for a while? I'm so sleepy...”
I must have closed my eyes then, because I knew nothing more for a long time. When I awoke, it was dark, and a blue fire was crackling only a short distance away. Harry was there too, an eerie glow casted upon his harrowed face. He looked worried. After all that had happened, I marveled how he could worry over such a small thing as me.
“Stop thinking that, Hermione.”
I sat up, startled, and then cringed. My ribs felt bruised and battered.
“You forget I don't need Leglimency anymore to see thoughts on the wind. And your ribs... they were broken. I fixed them the best I could.”
I had forgotten.
“Thank you,” was all I could whisper. He didn't look at me.
“Why won't you open yourself up to me, Hermione?”
“I don't have to, seeing as how you can pry into my thoughts anyway.”
He looked hurt. “I can't see the things that you hide even from yourself.”
“I don't hide things from myself.” But even as I said it, we both knew it was a lie.
“I know that feeling is hard, Hermione. But you have to let yourself do it some time. You'll explode, otherwise.”
“I don't... I can't....”
“But if you open yourself to the better feelings in life, then maybe the others can come later.”
“Harry....”
“Let me love you.”
And then I cried. The tears rolled down my face as easy as if it were raining. He came over to me. And I didn't protest when he reached out to hold me. Truly held me; not the gentile embrace of a friend, but the strong, passionate caress of a lover. And I didn't turn away.
And there, in that desolate land of black and blue, I remembered how to feel.