(A/N: Hey! This fic was started by my friend and I in the wee hours of the night. That's why it's a little random.... Well, hope you enjoy it! Oh, and please review!)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.
***UPDATE*** January 9, 2005:
This story is now being translated into Russian by Valeria. (Thank you so much for all of your hard work!) As of now, the first chapter is up. It's under her penname Voobrazulia on the site http://www.hogwartsnet.ru The direct link to the story is http://www.hogwartsnet.ru/fanf/ffshowfic.php?fid=8577 She has several other stories under the same penname as well. Enjoy!
Useful background info:
It’s early in the morning, but Harry can’t sleep. He decides to wake up and get ready for the thought process of the devious and evil plot de jour to terrorize the “extras”.
As Harry is about to change out of his pajamas, in comes Voldemort with a sudden poof.
***************************************************
Voldemort: *poof*
Harry: Hey! I’m trying to change here!
Voldemort: Well, first I must kill you!
Harry: Can I at least change out of these? I don’t want to die looking like this….
Voldemort: *looks down and sees that Harry is wearing pink, fluffy pajamas with little bunnies on the feet* Understandable.
Harry: Yeah, thanks!
Voldemort: *steps outside into the hall*
Aunt Petunia: *walks past and does a double-take* Hey! Who are you and what are you doing in my hallway?
Voldemort: I’m just here to kill Harry.
Aunt Petunia: *shrugs* Oh…alright! *keeps on walking*
Harry: I’m done!
Voldemort: Pssshhhh! Finally- *stops as he sees Harry with a sparkly pink hairbrush*
Harry: What? *looks worried*
Voldemort: You’re strange.
Harry: Oh, that hurts coming from an old, bald guy who tries to murder babies.
Voldemort: Point taken.
Harry: Thank you!
Voldemort: Hey! You called me bald! *looks astonished as he just realizes this*
Harry: Have you looked in the mirror lately? *mutters under his breath about the lack of attractiveness in the room at the moment*
Voldemort: Uhh…
Harry: * conjures mirror out of nowhere*
Voldemort: I thought you couldn’t do magic outside of school!
Harry: They gave a certain few permission just in case Voldemort or the Death Eaters attack. *realizes what he said just didn’t click, but brushes it aside anyway*
Voldemort: I see… *now knows that Harry is as dumb as he looks, but doesn’t bother to point this out*
Harry: oh, and speaking of bald- *stops mid-sentence as a magical cloud of dust fills the room*
Charlie Brown: *enters room with the magical cloud of dust*
Voldemort and Harry: But…what…huh?
Charlie Brown: *suddenly shrieks* Ahh! The Great Pumpkin!
The Great Pumpkin: Ahh! Short, little bald kid!
Charlie Brown and The Great Pumpkin: *suddenly scream once again, and start running as they are enveloped in another cloud of magical dust*
Magical Dust: *foof!*
Harry: What did we just witness?
Voldemort: I…have…no…idea…, but I think my I.Q. just dropped a few points.
Harry: *cough* negative 5 *cough*
Voldemort: What?
Harry: nothing…
Voldemort: Yes, better be nothing.
Harry: We’re going off on a tangent…
Voldemort: And speaking of- *in walks a certain geometry teacher*
A certain geometry teacher: *makes certain quote symbols and walks out of room to find a very fat boy eating chocolate, and starts lecturing him on the importance of everyday triangles*
Harry: Whoa! *hears screams*
Ron: *sticks head out from under Harry’s bed* The spiders… they’re back!
Harry: Step on them. *says casually*
Voldemort: What was that? *shakes head with rage and annoyance*
Harry: Just…don’t ask. *says as he also shakes head*
Voldemort: *lifts up sheet and looks under bed*
Harry: *looks confused as to why Voldemort looks so baffled*
Voldemort: Well, that inter- *pondering is abruptly stopped by Ron’s girly shrieks*
Ron: It…it…
Voldemort: Bloody hell! Just shut up, and go back to sleep!
Harry: Well, that’s rude! *looks taken aback for some reason*
Ron: But…they…
Harry: Yeah…
Voldemort: What the [insert naughty curse word here]! I’ll take care of this! *looks under bed once again*
Monster book from three years hence: *jumps out and swallows Voldemort in one gulp*
Harry: *raises voice* YOU JUST HAVE TO STROKE THE SPINE!
Ron: Oh, no spider! Ok! *looks relieved and slides back under bed*
Harry: *pulls out sparkly hairbrush and starts brushing hair once again*
Sparkly Hairbrush: Your hair is hopeless!
Harry: *looks astonished* My friend! It speaks! *giggles and blushes*