(A/N: This chapter isn't anything like the last chapter with all those inside jokes, so I don't have to explain much. I just want to say thanks to all my reviewers, and please leave another one at the end. Enjoy!)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this chapter (like Star Wars characters, eBay, a commercial guy,etc, etc, etc). Or this story. And the sad part is, I still don't own a radish.
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Useful Background Info:
Harry is back in his room at number 4 Privet Drive. He is the only one home, as the Dursleys are out at a convention – for porta-potties. (Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge!) Since he has no one to tell him how stupid he is (pity), he is on the computer.
Daringly, he tries out the – gasp! – internet. (Please gasp one more time for added sound effects.) For some odd unexplainable reason, he ends up on eBay, where he gets quite a shocker…
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Harry: Yeah! eBay!
Commercial Guy: *singing* Do you know the way to use eBay?
Harry: Uhh…I think so.
Commercial Guy: Oh, ok. *leaves*
Harry: *to himself* Whoa! This is amazing! Who knew you could buy a popcorn machine for so cheap? (A/N: We were going to use the word “dollars” in the previous sentence, but we decided to change it, as it would cause confusion to not only us, but everyone reading this.) *scrolls down page*
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As Harry continues his extensive search for useless items, he finally discovers the surprise that only people reading this knew he would eventually face.
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Harry: *still to himself* Someone’s selling their armpit hair? What an idiot! Who would do such a pointless thing? *Looks at seller* PtnsMstrSnape? Uhh…that looks familiar. I knew Snape was an idiot! Hey Ron owes me fourteen and a half galleons.
Door:*bursts open*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *runs in through now open door and pumps up fist* Huzzah!
Harry: …
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *stands up straight* I’d like-ith to place a bid-ith.
Harry: …
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Can I place-ith a bid-ith?! *looks radish-like*
Harry: *now getting over the fact that there is knight in his bedroom from 1472, he decides to make some small talk* Cheese has holes.
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Really?
Harry: But only on Tuesdays!
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Oh.
Harry: So how’s the weather?
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Now in today’s forecast, we predict that there will be a slight chance of rain for southern England and high chances of sun for everywhere else. This is good for the radish farmers. It’s a perfect radish farming season, I remember when I was just a wee little knight, I had just gotten… *gets tuned out -- FINALLY*
A Certain Geometry Teacher: circles?
Sarah: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Get out! Get out! *sobs uncontrollably*
A Certain Geometry Teacher and Sarah: *leave while talking about the 861 different types of chocolate*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: And then, the radishes grow big, and then those pesky carrots, they try to take over the world, I mean just because we love the radishes because they are so cute and tiny and red-ish (A/N: Ha! Ha! Pun!), doesn’t mean that those carrots get to do that. You see, the carrots suffer from –
Brianna and Kris: itchus footus leftus?
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: no.
Brianna and Kris: too bad…
Harry: nougat monkeys?
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: No, I was going to say: they suffer from the tomatoes because tomatoes are like the mobsters and they *sniff* just always have to take advantage of those darn carrots *sniffs again*
Harry: Uh, can you guys leave? I want to place a bid.
Brianna and Kris: *become huffy* Fine! *mumbles* How rude! *finally leave*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Can I stay and place-ith a bid-ith? Please-ith?
Harry: Yes-ith.
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Are you mocking me-ith?
Harry: No!... ith
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Right…
Harry: Ok, lets get this show on the road.
The Show: *gets on the road*
The Road: *has a show atop of it*
Harry: *ignores any literal meaning of what he just said*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Ok-ith, I will put down-ith two canaries and a toilet brush.
Harry: Sorry, it isn’t 1472 anymore. You must place bids with money.
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Fine-ith I shall-ith put down-ith some of your “money”
Yelper: *yelps*
Harry: Why is a yelper yelping?
Yelper: *yelps again*
Harry: …
Yelper: *continues yelping*
Shrieker: *shrieks*
Harry: *becomes sarcastic* Yay. Now there’s two.
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Intermission
*show tune starts playing*
Five minutes later
*still playing*
Harry: OK! OK! We get the point!
Authors: Don’t get your panties in a knot.
Harry: Well, it’s hard not to in this costume.
Authors: Ok then. Back to the story.
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A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: So, did I win-ith? Did I?
Harry: Uhh…
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Did I win-ith? Did I? Did I?
Harry: Uhh…
Show Tune: *starts playing again*
Harry: Oh, shut up!
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Oh, sorry-ith. I was having fun-ith playing with your records. (A/N: *smiles innocently at mentioning of Harry’s music choice*)
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: Well, did I-ith? Did I? Win-ith? *gets squeaky and is jumping up and down*
Harry:*looks at computer screen* nope.
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *become enraged* Who won?
Harry: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! *doing victory dance*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: I’m going to kill-ith you-ith.
Harry: How? *looks interested*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *puffs out chest* in a dance-off-ith.
Music: Dun! Dun! Dun!
Harry: *starts disco-ing*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *starts square-ith dancing with-ith himself*
A Radish: *is the judge*
Harry: *wins*
Music: *stops*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *looks challenging* You may have gotten the armpit hair. And the dance championship, but I still have your *looks around and sprints over to an inanimate object* record player. Muah! Ha! Ha!
Music: Dun! Dun! Dun!
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Radish: Harry, I am your father.
Darth Vadar: Hey! That’s my line.
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James: No you’re not! I am!
Radish: You’re supposed to be dead.
Harry: *mouth drops to floor*
Sirius: pun!
James: Shut up, Padfoot. Nobody said “serious.”
Sirius: Oh well. PUN!
Harry: *mouth drops even further. If possible.*
James: There’s still no pun!
Sirius: Well, the authors just thought that puns are very punny, and they just love me soooooooo much. So, they had to make me say it. As in: PUN!
James: *looks over to Lily, who just entered the room* Now who’s the arrogant toerag?
Lily: You.
James: *swears*
Harry: *jaw drops all the way to the other side of the Earth, eyes bulge, ears are covered with earmuffs to avoid hearing naughty words*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *runs out*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *with the radish*
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have a Name: *and the record player*
James, Lily, and Sirius: *looks at Harry*
Harry: *looks at James, Lily, and Sirius*
James, Lily, and Sirius: *looks at Harry*
Harry: *looks at James, Lily, and Sirius*
James, Lily, and Sirius: *looks at Harry*
Show Tune: *starts playing*
Harry: *snaps out of daze* But where’s my record player?
A Random Knight That Doesn’t Have A Name: ith.