IMPORTANT AUTHOR’S NOTE: Well, it’s important enough to be able to understand some things. First off, I use the term “football” in this chapter. I am using the American term here. I also refer to Powder Puff Football, although not right out. In case you don’t know, it’s a football game where all the guys on the football team dress and act as cheerleaders, and the cheerleaders dress and act like the football team! Very fun.
MY FINAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to Brianna for helping me start this story. Thanks to Sarah, who helped me the most. Thanks to Mary who let me borrow some ideas. Also, thanks to Natalie for her “Cheesecake Ramblings,” Scotty for letting me toss him out a window while he was riding a zebra, and Tony who really does have spiky hair. And finally, thanks to all who have read this story!
DISCLAIMER: I have to say that as much as I wish and hope and beg, I will never, ever own anything in this story. The Harry Potter universe belongs to Mrs. J.K. Rowling (which we all should know by now), and the rest… well, I don’t own that either. (Like Taco Bell, a cheesecake, Lord of the Rings characters, and so on…) So don’t sue me!
(with random appearances by Tony the Hair-gel Guy, Mallory the Wonder Llama, and possibly other heroes/scum)
It was late on a Friday summer night in L.A. when Ron and Harry decided to have a “men’s night out”. The first place they went was Taco Bell (where they saw Aragorn beating up a nice yet pimply teenage boy over a burrito), and then they went to grandma’s.
It wasn’t Harry grandma (obviously), and it wasn’t Ron’s. It was… *insert a long conversation here on whose grandma should be used for the harmless point of this story. (Examples: an author’s grandma, Snape’s grandma, Dumbledore’s grandma, McGonagall’s grandma, McGonagall, Voldemort’s grandma, the nerdy boy’s grandma, and…)* Hey! We got it! (Back up! Oh yes…) It was “ MALLORY THE WONDER LLAMA”S GRANDMA! Better yet! She is the grandma! Yay! *insert circus clown doing a jig*
Yes. And at Mallory the Wonder Llama’s House, they had cheesecake. It wasn’t any random cheesecake. It was strawberry cheesecake. Not blueberry, but strawberry. Not cherry “ SHUT UP!
Alright. Now back to the story.
After they left grandma’s they passed a ballet class. This is where the story gets uncomfortable.
Ron: *at Harry* I bet I’m more manly than you.
Harry: *looks quizzically at Ron while trying to look muscular* You’d lose that bet. I am rugged, and I am manly.
Ron: Fat chance of that. Wait! What are you wearing?
Harry: *blushes* It’s for football.
Ron: Powder Puff?
Harry: No thanks.
Ron: *shakes head and walks away*
They walked and walked trying to find something to do when they viewed a sight that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. It was terrible “ horrible “ and just a bit awe-inspiring. It was “
Harry: a guy riding a zebra on top of a very tall building all the while wearing a swim floaty in the shape of a duck around his waist?
Ron: Merlin! He’s a bit of a loony!
Harry: Well, I guess anything can happen in the U.S.
Ron: You rhymed.
Harry. I know. And? *raises eyebrow*
Ron: Nothing. But you really should “ *watches as the guy riding a zebra on top of the very tall building all the while wearing a swim floaty in the shape of a duck around his waist leaps off the very tall building on said zebra all the while wearing a swim floaty in the shape of a duck around his waist*
Said Guy: I’m Scotty and I’m flying! I am! I really am! Hey look! *sees a flaming trashcan below* The flaming circle of doom! Wah-hoo!
Harry: Oh…my…
Ron: *is actually speechless*
Harry: Let’s go. I don’t want to see him land.
Ron: *nods*
They then come up to a bus stop… to wait “ for a bus. (What a concept!) Along comes a hobo. He sits next to Ron on the bench.
Hobo: *stares longingly at leftover taco in Ron’s hand* You gonna eat that? *reaches out*
Ron: *slaps hand away and an alarm goes off* Yes! Now back away from my taco! *curls into fetal position while sucking thumb and cradling taco* My precious…
Hobo: Dude… sorry man.
Harry: Well I should hope so! Don’t you know that that type of action can destroy a man? *glares*
Hobo: *backs away slowly* I “ I “ uh… Bye! *runs*
Ron: *slowly sits back up*
Bus: *pulls up*
Conductor: *comes out* Hey dudes! Welcome to The Ride. I’m Joe and “ what?
Harry and Ron: *look at each other, shrug, and get on bus*
Joe: *clears throat* Uh, you still have to pay, dudes.
Harry: *hands over money*
Ron and Harry: *sit across from each other in aisle seats*
Ron: *watches elderly lady being dragged onto bus*
Lady Being Dragged Onto Bus: No! I won’t! I swear I won’t and you can’t make me! *hits Joe with purse*
Joe: But Grandma!
Harry: *raises eyebrows*
Ron: *to himself* I love grandmas!
Lady Grandma: No! This is the Demon Ride From Down There “ Yes, There! *bawls hysterically*
Ron: *looks terrified* I must rethink that.
Harry: *looks around* This doesn’t look so bad; we do have reclining seats.
Ron: *breathes* True.
Harry: Look! *points* Tacos!
People On Bus: *are silent*
Guy Holding Taco Tray: *smiles* Hi! I’m Timmy the Taco Man! Anyone want free tacos?
Ron: *is hyperventilating* Free… tacos?
Harry: *smiles* Ah… A happy ending.
Me: *whispers frantically* Don’t go! It isn’t actually the ending! *changes tone of voice when red lights flash and the wind starts to blow* It’s only just begun! Mwah ha ha!
Timmy the Taco Man: Right. Ok. *shakes head* Tacos anyone?
Aragorn: *is seen chasing after bus* My tacos! I want one! Can I? Please?
Bus: *stops*
Aragorn: No! Mine! *fights with Ron*
Timmy the Taco Man: *slowly backs away to go chill with the Hobo*
Hobo and Timmy the Taco Man: *are sitting in an alley somewhere while eating all the tacos*
Hobo: Yum! Tacos. Finally!
Ron and Aragorn: *realize that the tacos have been evacuated from the premises. They nod at each other and go their separate ways*
Bus: *stops*
Harry: Time to go, Ron. *pulls Ron off bus*
Cameras: *flash*
Flashes: *are everywhere*
Screams: *are heard*
Harry: *is tackled*
Ron: *is dumbfounded*
Harry: *is very, very scared*
Fangirls: *have gone wild*
Wildness: *is everywhere*
Zebra: *passes by*
Harry: *stands up* What is going on?
Fangirls: *scream more* He talked! He talked! AHHHHHHH!!!!!
A Random Fangirl Named Sally: He’s so dreamy!
Ron: *snorts*
Harry: You’re not helping!
Other Fangirls: *are trying to take his glasses, shoes, shirt, ear, etc*
One of the Fangirls: *takes scissors to Harry’s hair*
Harry: Hey! *swats at scissors* That’s enough!
Fangirls: *are quiet, but a giggle is heard from the back of the mob*
Everyone: *turns to stare at giggler*
The Giggler: *is some odd guy with spiky hair* What?
Harry and Ron: *glance at each other*
Harry: Who are you?
The Giggler: Oh “ I’m Tony!
Ron: *in a daze* Your hair! It’s so spiky! Can I touch it, Tony the Hair-gel guy? *reaches out for hair*
Tony the Hair-gel Guy: Dude, no! Remove your hand from my head!
Ron: Sorry. *realizes that he was being just a bit odd a moment ago*
Harry: *was watching this interaction in amazement* Ron? You’re right. It is very spiky! It’s like if you fell on it, you’d be stabbed a million times1I bet that those spikes could cut through glass! Wow… I want hair like that!
Fangirls: *are grinning*
Rebecca, Another Random Fangirl: *is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Harry brushing his teeth* Yay! A new hair-do! This’ll do great for business!
Harry: *shakes head as if trying to wake himself up from a nightmare* Business? And what’s up with your shirt?
Rebecca: I sell things that you have touched, eaten part of, and stuff like that. *thinks* I sold one of your eyelashes once.
Ron: Right… So what about the shirt?
Rebecca: Isn’t it a great picture? Harry’s so masculine and “
Harry: Ha! *points at Ron* I told you so! I am more masculine than you! I am the most rugged and the most manly bloke EVER!!
Tony the Hair-gel Guy: *clears throat* Uh, I’m not so sure of that. I mean, look at me!
Fangirls: *look at Harry and then at Tony the Hair-gel Guy and start to whisper to each other*
Ron and Harry: *are nervous*
Fangirls: *nod as one*
Rebecca: *steps forward* We have come to a decision, Harry. This is hard to say, but we have to tell you. We’re sorry. Mr. hair-gel Guy is right.
Fangirls: *mob Tony the Not-So-Cool Hair-gel Guy*
Ron: Whoa. That was odd. You’d think they would’ve been more sincere. I mean, look at Ginny “ once a fangirl, always a fangirl.
Harry: Uh, yeah. *starts walking away* Hey Ron! You want to go back to the hotel now?
Ron: Yeah, I think I’ve had enough of the L.A. nightlife.
Harry and Ron: *go back to hotel and open door to room*
Lights: *turns on*
People: *yell* Surprise!
Ron: It’s not either one of our birthdays!
Hermione: *raises glass* No, but it is the end of this story!
Harry: *breaks down and cries* It’s *sniff* been … so *chokes on tears* great!
Ron: *slings arm over his buddy’s shoulders* I know, mate. I know.
Fred and George: *start singing* For this was a jolly good story! For this was a jolly good story!
Everyone in room: *joins in* For this was a jolly good stor”y!
Authors: *sing above everyone else* And now you should review! *wink*
Characters and Authors: *bow*
Clapping: *is heard*
Curtains: *are nonexistent but close anyway*
People: *start leaving to go review*
Scream: *is heard*
People: *stop and look around in horror*
Ron: *whispers* Sorry “ spider.
A/N: Well, that’s the end. I hope you liked it because I had so much fun writing this! Thanks to all who have stayed with the story, and please review!!